Brotherly Love

Yesterday, I went to a client's house to give Reiki treatments to their two dogs.  They went out of town for the holidays and they thought the "boys" would appreciate a Reiki treatment to help them through the long week.

After our initial greeting, I asked Tyde and Yuki if they would like to set an intention for their healing treatment.  I heard them say they would like to feel peaceful and loved.  As I was repeating the intention, I heard "And special."  I couldn't stop smiling as I included that in our intention.

I started working on Tyde, the older of the two dogs.  His brother, Yuki was laying on his bed, staring at us and whimpering.  I explained to him that they were both going to get treatments, but Yuki continued to whine.  I asked him if he would prefer that I switch back and forth every fifteen minutes and I got a "yes."   At the agreed upon time, I scooted over to Yuki's bed and began giving him Reiki.  He was very happy.

Fifteen minutes later, I scooted back over to Tyde's bed to resume his Reiki treatment and Yuki began to whimper and whine again.  I reminded him that I was going to keep alternating but that didn't seem to make him happy.  Just then, Tyde struggled to his feet and moved over to the other side of his bed, which was closer to Yuki's bed.  I realized he was moving over there so I could work on both of them at the same time.  I thanked Tyde for coming up for a solution and he let me know he was happy to help.

As I sat there, with a hand on each one of them, they both fell asleep - they were so relaxed and at peace.  Tyde started to snore and several times, Yuki let out a sigh of contentment.  It was so precious, I felt compelled to take my hands off them for a moment to take a picture.

As the treatment continued, they snuggled closer and closer to each other - ultimately ending up right up against each other.

It was so sweet to spend that time with them and I loved getting to witness how "siblings" often look out for each other and do whatever they can to make sure everyone is happy.

May you all feel as content as Tyde and Yuki as you celebrate the holidays.   My wish is that you all feel as peaceful, loved and special as these sweet boys did yesterday.

Helping our Pets through the Holidays

When I saw this, it made me laugh out loud.  It reminded me that this time every year, I feel compelled to write a plea to animal guardians, to do a little extra to help their animals during the holiday season. This is a crazy time of year, not just for us but for our animals as well. For animals who live in our homes, it can be very confusing. WE know what's going on, but they don't always understand and it can make the holidays even more stressful for them. This is especially true for animals that are new to our home, but it still applies to animals who have been with us a while and have been through a few holidays seasons.

You may experience all sorts of frustrating experiences, such as your dog deciding to "water" the christmas tree, or your cat removing half the ornaments from the tree while you are away at work. They may unwrap gifts that have been placed under the tree, or chew through a string of lights. This behavior is typically telling you that the holidays are stressful for them too and chances are, they don't understand what all the hoopla is about.

From their perspective, this is what they see:

- People coming and going, not always their the regular schedules and routines

- Packages being brought into the house, that they aren't supposed to get into

- Trees being brought into the house, that get a lot of our attention, especially during the decorating process

- Lots of food being prepared in the kitchen, that they don't necessarily get samples of

- People coming over, sometimes spending the night, often displacing them from their usual hang out spots

It's all very confusing to them and they often don't end up enjoying the holiday season very much. I think we can increase the enjoyment of the holidays for everyone if we talk to our animals and explain what was going on. If we can manage their expectations, they can be a part of the celebrations, instead of adding another element of stress to it.

Many people talk about how their animals behave strangely during the holidays and most of the time, I believe it is because they don't understand what is going on. Their regular routine is changed up and they often feel ill at ease because of it.

Imagine if your spouse brought home bags of "goodies" but told you that you couldn't touch them. Wouldn't that make you extra curious about what was in those bags? What if a bunch of people showed up and decided to spend the night without telling you ahead of time? Wouldn't that potentially put your nose out of joint? Especially if those people set up camp in your bedroom and you didn't know where you were supposed to sleep?

Here are some tips:

If you are bringing a christmas tree into the house, explain to them that it is for decoration. Let them know you are making sure it has plenty of water so they don't feel the need to water it themselves. :-) Explain to them that the things hanging on the tree are not for them to play with or eat. Then make sure they know where the things are that they CAN play with and eat.

If you are going to have a house full of people, let your animals know. Tell them . . . this many people are coming and this is how long they are staying.

If you want your animal to do anything different, please let them know. If your animal is going to have to sleep somewhere where they aren't used to sleeping, tell them that and explain why. Let them know how long this new arrangement will last.

If your animal is used to having quiet time to rest in the house and you know that isn't going to be easy when you have a house full of people, tell them where they can go to be "alone" if that's what they need. Give them a specific room in the house they can go to if they need to "get away from it all."

Include them in the celebration in whatever way you can. Whether that is feeding them at the same time the rest of you all are sitting down to eat so they feel they are having a special meal too, or giving them something to unwrap when the rest of you are unwrapping your gifts, let them know they are part of what is going on too.

I believe the holidays can be happier for all of us - 2-legged and 4-legged alike, if we can set everyone's expectations for how things are going to be different for a few days or weeks.  Your animals will thank you - in their own special way! 

Gratitude

Since it is the eve of Thanksgiving, I thought I'd focus this blog on what I am grateful for.  Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday - in part because it is free from religion and only requires a little grocery shopping to prepare - but mostly because it is a holiday when most people stop and take a moment to express gratitude for what they have.  From the time I was a little girl, I loved the part where we went around the table and said what we was grateful for.

I am grateful that the sewer line replacement project that has been going on outside by house for the last 5 weeks has finally moved far enough down the street that my windows are no longer rattling and Kino is no longer throwing up every day.

I am grateful that my friend Karin was kind and patient enough to take approximately 100 pictures of Kino and I before we finally got one that I could use for my Christmas card this year.  (This one didn't make the cut but Kino's "smile" makes me laugh every time I look at it).

I am grateful that Kino can now be trusted to sleep with his crate door open at night, which means he can now wake me up in the morning with a face full of kisses.  It is a very nice way to start to day.

I am also grateful that Kino had adopted the role of "back up alarm" - which means that when my alarm goes off, if I haven't stirred in 2-3 minutes, he throws the top half of his body on my bed and kisses me to make sure I know I am supposed to be getting up.

I am grateful that when I say, "I have to go to the bathroom" Kino no longer stands in front of the door, blocking my access to the very place I am trying to go.  I have no idea why it took him almost a year to realize that moving out of the way was a much better option, I am just grateful that he finally figured it out.  :-)

I am grateful to my many wonderful clients, who open their hearts and trust me to work with them and their animals.  It is truly an honor to do the work that I do.

I am grateful for my animal clients, who continually demonstrate what it means to love unconditionally.   They are such beautiful role models for us if we are willing to take a cue from them.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!  and I hope you know I am grateful that you read my blog.  :-)

Dealing with Grief

Grieving the loss of a pet is one of the toughest things many of us go through.   It is difficult for many reasons . . . because our hearts ache . . . because our houses seem so empty . . . because many people don't understand how devastating the loss can be and they wonder why we aren't "over it" yet, etc.

I thought I'd share a few tips on this topic . . .  in the hopes that it can make the journey a little easier.

If you have lost a pet:

- First and foremost, I believe it is essential that we honor our own feelings.  Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling.  If you feel like crying, let yourself cry.  Stuffing the emotions you are feeling doesn't make them go away - they'll come up again and again until we've processed them all.  If you want to stay in bed all day and be sad, give yourself permission to do that.

- Don't let yourself feel guilty if you find yourself smiling about something. Many of my clients have confessed that they feel bad if they have a moment of happiness because they feel it somehow dishonors their pet.  I know our animals want us to be happy, so if life gives you something to smile about, let yourself smile.

- Know that it is a "process" . . . and it is your OWN process, which means, there are no rules about how it should go.  Give yourself permission to just go with the flow.  Know that you are going to have some OK days and some really bad days.  Know that things will trigger major sadness in moments when you aren't expecting it.  Let that be OK.  I always think of the grieving process like the tide . . . it comes in and goes out, comes in again and goes out again.

- Take your time.  If you don't want to put your animals things away, you don't have to.  No harm can come from leaving the dog or cat bed where it is, or leaving the water bowl out.  We don't have to put away all the reminders of our pet if we don't want to.  If you feel better putting it all away, then do that. Just know that it is YOUR process so you can do whatever feels most comfortable to you.

- Focus on what you need.  If you need to be alone, let yourself be alone.  If you need to stay busy to help you cope, make a list of things you would like to do and then start doing them. If you need to be around people who really understand what you are going through, seek out other pet lovers and give yourself permission to take a break from people who don't understand what you are going through.

- Trust yourself to decide when it's the right time to get another animal.  Many of my clients feel pressure from well meaning friends to go out and get another pet right away.  If that doesn't feel right to you, don't do it.  Honor your own feelings.  If you miss having an animal around, but aren't ready to adopt, there are other options.  You can foster an animal, you can go to an adoption event and just look at or play with the animals that are available for adoption.  There are plenty of options if you want to just get a "fix" . . . I have one client who asked her neighbor if she could come over and visit with his cat after she lost her own cat.  He was more than happy to allow her to do that.   . . . another client of mine offered to have a family member's dog come over and spend some time with her.

- Use your creativity.  Many of my clients have found comfort in writing about their pet, including things like favorite memories from their lives together.  Other clients have created collages of their favorite pictures.  Another client wrote a poem about her pet and shared it with friends.  Our creativity can be a wonderful outlet for what we are feeling.

and finally . . . be kind to yourself.  For many people, the loss of an animal is more painful that any other loss because in many cases, it is the first time that we were loved unconditionally so the loss feels even more devastating.  In time, it will get easier, but if we can be kind and gentle with ourselves as we navigate through the grieving process, the journey can be a little less bumpy.  The small silver lining in the grieving process is that it only hurts as much as it does because we loved our pet as intensely as we did . . . and we will be able to love that much again . . . when the time is right.

The Bonds of Love

You have probably heard of people who had been married for 50+ years and when one of them passes away, the other spouse passes very soon after . . . because they don't want to be without each other.   I witnessed something similar this past week with two of my animal clients - two precious Rottweilers named Buster and Mia - and while it is heartbreaking to lose them both in a six day period, I can't help but be deeply touched that Mia wanted to be with her brother so much that she left so soon after him.

I first met their mom Tina about seven years ago when she asked me to come see her Rottweiler Jewel.  At the time, Tina had four Rottweilers, Jewel and her mate Guy, and two of their puppies, Buster and Mia.  Over the last seven years, they have become like family to me.  I adored each one of them and enjoyed their sweet and varied personalities.  Over the years, I have probably become more attached to them than any client I have ever had.

In March of 2010, Jewel made her transition and a little less than two years later, Guy made his transition.  For the last couple years, it's just been Tina and "the Monsters" (Tina's nickname for Buster and Mia).  The two of them have always been the closest of any siblings I have ever seen.  They always wanted to be next to each other.  I called them "the book ends" because they would often lay right up next to each other with their backs touching.  They didn't seem happy unless they were right next to each other.  Even in recent months when their mobility was compromised, they could still manage to scoot around so they could be next to one another.

In typical sibling fashion, Mia did occasionally get grumpy if she thought Buster was getting too much attention.  Consequently, if I was coming over to do a Reiki treatment on Buster, we made sure Mia got some Reiki too so that she wouldn't feel left out.   They couldn't have been more different, personality wise.  Mia was the more serious one. She thought it was her job to take care of her mom (Tina) and protect her.  Buster was the goofy one.  He thought it was his job to make his mom laugh and he always made an effort to be a goof so that he could see her smile.


They celebrated their 14th birthdays this August and while we knew they were getting up there in age, I don't think either of us was ready for them to go.  Last Thursday, Buster passed away in Tina's arms. We knew it was coming but it didn't make it any easier.  Mia was really sad about losing her brother so on Sunday I went over to give her a Reiki treatment. The second I put my hands on her, I felt her grief well up inside me, her sadness was so intense.  I asked the energy to help her release some of that grief but in the following days, Tina told me she could still tell how sad Mia was.  One of the pieces of guidance I got for them before I left on Sunday was for Tina to do something special with Mia, whether it was watching a movie, or reading something to her, I just got a strong sense that they needed to do something together that was different and special.

And interestingly enough, just last night, Tina texted me to tell me that she and Mia had watched videos of Buster and Mia together and that Mia had been smiling the whole time . . . for the first time in days.  We were so happy that Mia finally seemed less sad.  When I got up this morning, there was another text from Tina telling me that Mia had passed away during the night.  The only explanation that makes sense is that she wanted to be with Buster - that regardless of how much she loved Tina, she needed to be with her brother.

My heart is very heavy for Tina right now.  She hadn't even had time to process her grief over losing Buster and now Mia is gone too.  She knows they are still around her, as are Jewel and Guy, and she is a very strong lady, so I know she will be OK, but it doesn't stop my heart from aching for her.  If you feel inclined, I would be grateful if you would take a moment to send some love Tina's way.

Final Words of Wisdom

In my work with animals, I often am given the opportunity to be present in their final hours - to offer energy to soothe them and to help assist them in sharing their important messages with their family members. While it makes my heart heavy to experience the grief with their guardians, I also find it an honor to be a part of this sacred part of an animal's journey.

I continue to be in awe of the messages that I am asked to share . . . messages that touch their guardian's hearts and leave them with comfort, insights and inspiration.

There was one dog in particular who stands out in my mind because I had only met his parents a couple other times before that day.  When I got there to give Max a final reiki treatment, they all assembled on the floor of the master bedroom . . . mom and dad and their three children were all there.  Max had messages for everyone - and they were things I couldn't possibly have known.

He asked the kids to help out more around the house and help take the burden off of mom.  He asked that they talk to each other more kindly, starting sentences with "Can you please  . . . " (take out the garbage, empty the dishwasher, etc).  Max's mom tearfully told me afterwards that every one of Max's requests made perfect sense to her.  There was no doubt in her mind that what she was hearing was coming directly from Max.

Just the other week, a precious cat named Poppy was ready to make her transition.  One of the messages she had for her parents was that she knew they had different ways of processing their grief and she asked if they would be supportive of each other and honor each other's needs in the weeks that followed.  Her parents seemed to know exactly what she was talking about, admitting that they did have different ways of processing emotion and they promised their sweet Poppy that they would do as she requested.

I have had the honor of delivering hundreds of these types of messages for animals before they made their transitions and I feel so blessed to be able to assist them in this way.  They are so much more than "pets" . . . they are our guardians . . . they come into our lives to help us and the commitment they have to their guardians is ever-present, right up until the very end.

The Joys of the "Leave it" command

When I first started fostering Kino, our walks in the neighborhood were pretty miserable, for me anyway.  Kino was hyper-reactive to everything we saw when we were out on a walk . . . other dogs, squirrels, cats, etc.  When he saw one of these animals, he would make this horrendous sound, a combination of a high pitched squeal and a scary bark, all while lunging in the direction of the animal. He was so strong that even though I out-weigh him, he could yank me almost off my feet each time we had one of these encounters.

While Kino and I were attending training classes and we learned about the importance of the command "leave it."  The idea is that if you can break the dog's focus off what they are looking at, they won't become fixated and escalate.  When you say "leave it" the dog is supposed to look at you instead of the animal, and when they look at you, you give them a treat.  (and I try to always follow up with a "thank you for listening.")   :-)

Since last fall, we have made good progress when he just SEES an animal but if the other animal (normally a dog) barked at him, then no amount of "leave it" made a difference.  If a dog barked at him, he was determined to bark back AND yank me in the direction of the dog.  In those moments he seemed to become completely deaf to the "leave it" command.  All right, lets be honest, in those moments, he also seemed oblivious to the fact that I was even there.  :-)

I noticed that he reacted less if the dog was inside the house, rather than on the other side of a fence or out on the street, so I began giving him a treat every time a dog barked at him and he didn't bark back, whether we could see the dog or not.

I am happy to say that over time he has made great progress.  Our walks now are much better.  Gone are the days of me being dragged up someones driveway, or having my shoulder nearly come out of it's socket when a squirrel runs up a tree.  We can now pass dogs on the opposite side of the street and Kino can remain calm, as long as I have a pocket full of treats.

I have however noticed recently that Kino will stare at me while we are walking.  He won't be looking at the road ahead, instead he will have his head turned towards me as we walk down the street.  Each time he does it, I find myself asking him, "Did you do something treat worthy?" and laughing. This past week, I focused in even more and what I heard made me giggle . . . I realized that when a dog inside a house barks, he thinks he should get a treat.  I swear, I can hear his goofy little voice saying, "Umm, mom, that dog just barked at me" and he will continue to stare at me until he gets a treat.

This command has become helpful around the house as well.  One day, there was a ball on the floor in front of me and Kino was staring at the ball and then looking up at me, so I thought I'd kick the ball down the hall for him to chase.  Unfortunately, he decided to pick the ball back up at the exact moment I went to kick it . . . which resulted in a puncture wound on the top of my foot.  Fortunately, I learned rather quickly that if I am going to kick a ball in the house, I need to first say "leave it" and then I can safely kick it without getting a tooth in my foot.

When I drop food on the floor, if I say "leave it" he won't touch it and I can pick it up and eat it, if I feel like honoring the three-second rule.  :-) "Leave it" seems to be the command that has resonated with Kino most, because he always listens when I say it.  I must say, I am quite grateful for the command, as it has made life much easier for Kino and I.

And it also saves lives  . . . because one morning, I opened the back door to let Kino out to go potty and within seconds, I heard barking and high pitched squealing emanating from his vocal chords.  When I ran outside to see what was going on, Kino had a squirrel in his mouth.  I was so freaked out that I am sure plenty of other words came out of my mouth first . . . but eventually I managed to scream "leave it" and he promptly dropped the squirrel.  (and much to my relief, the squirrel ran to safety).

I never thought two little words would have such a big impact on Kino's development but clearly, they are two of the best words I ever learned to say.  If you have a reactive dog, that command is a great addition to your tool kit.

Silver Lining

This past week has come with more challenges than I was prepared to deal with.  It started on Monday when I discovered that my home phone was dead.  I thought it was odd that I hadn't received any messages in several days, but I assumed the Universe was telling me to just enjoy the weekend.

I set up an appointment for the following day with AT&T and my first concern was Kino.  He is finally getting comfortable with people I know coming into the house, but letting a stranger into the house wasn't something I was looking forward to, as he still barks and lunges at strangers.

I explained to Kino why we needed someone to help us with the phone and asked him to please allow the phone guy to do his work.  When the technician arrived, much to my surprise, after a minute or two of excited barking, Kino calmed down . . .  and once Kino determined there were no treats or toys in the guy's bag, he pretty much left him alone.  Unfortunately, after over 4 hours, I still didn't have a working phone. The guy was sure I had a short in my wiring and suggested I might have to have all the phone wires replaced. He said there was nothing else he could do and he left.  Needless to say, I didn't go to bed in a very good mood that night.

The next morning when I went out to get the morning paper, I encountered another AT&T guy.  I'm not a morning person and have minimal brain function until I get some coffee in me, so I wasn't able to process most of what he was telling me.  All I remember was that he was sure he'd have it fixed in 20 minutes and I wished I wasn't in my pajamas.

About 25 minutes later, there was a knock on the door. I assumed it was the AT&T guy and since he had already seen me in my pajamas, I didn't bother to put on a robe, I just opened the door.  Much to my surprise, it was someone else . . . a San Jose Water employee.  (In retrospect, I should have known it wasn't the AT&T guy because Kino's bark was not an excited bark, it was definitely a warning bark).  I had requested they come out a week or so before, when my water bill suddenly tripled.  I was hoping it was a mis-read of the meter, but unfortunately, after a few minutes he determined it was a leak - in the pipes underground between the meter and my house.  (After my chat with him, I went inside and put clothes on, so no one else would see me in my pajamas).

Well, for the next 3.5 hours, the AT&T guy was in and out of the house, trying to figure out why my phone was dead and whether or not there really was a short in the wiring.  And much to my amazement, Kino did OK with him too.  The first time the guy came into the house, he asked me to put Kino outside but I sensed that Kino was going to be OK with him, since he hadn't been barking at him while he was working outside. I asked him to trust me that Kino would be calm after the initial greeting . . . and sure enough, that's how it went.  Kino did check in with him from time to time to see if he wanted to play :-) but aside from that, he seemed comfortable with the guy in the house.  Fortunately, this guy was able to figure out where the short in the wire was and fixed it.   I was relieved to have one problem solved, but dreaded dealing with the new issue - the water leak.

The next day, the landscaper came out to assess the problem.  Kino never stopped barking the whole time I was outside with the landscaper, although I wasn't totally surprised, since Kino barks at anyone who walks in front of our house and if anyone stands there for more than a minute, his barking escalates even more.  While we were out there, the landscaper dug up the area where the ground was wet and determined the leak wasn't in the sprinkler lines, therefore, it was my problem not his.  :-(  He suggested I call a plumber.

Several hours later, the plumber I called arrived and after a couple of barks to alert the guy to his presence, Kino calmed down and just sat in the front window and watched us as we talked and assessed the situation.  I knew Kino was telling me this guy was OK.

For the next two days, the plumber was back several times . . . to bring me a shovel, to hook me up to my neighbor's water so I could take a shower, to discuss options for addressing the water leak, etc.  Each time, Kino would bark once or twice to let his presence be known and then he would just sit in the window and watch us.

In many ways, this was one of my "worst weeks ever " . . . and yet, if I shift my focus to the positives, I can find quite a few.   Kino has gone from barking and lunging at my friends and family members, to actually allowing strangers in the house.  That is quite a shift!  I know I will feel more comfortable having "new" people in the house now than I have for the last year.

I also know I can trust Kino's evaluation of people.  When my dad strongly suggested that I get several plumbers to come out and bid on the job, I told him I felt very comfortable with the guy I had found and was confident he would be the right person for me to work with.  I knew that Kino's reaction to him was a sign that I could trust the plumber and I feel good about trusting Kino.

Kino and I had a pretty rough start . . . and when I think back to last summer and fall when I was actually afraid of him, it's really a joy to see where we are now . . . developing a partnership and learning that we can trust one another.  In spite of what a challenging week it was, it felt great to be able to find the silver lining to focus on.  Hopefully, nothing else will break around here for a while, but it's nice to know that if something does break, it won't be as stressful for me to have someone come and fix it.

Honing Kino's Skills

Kino is only two years old so the fact that he has a lot of energy comes with his age but I have been sensing lately that he needs more than just physical exercise every day.  I know animals also need mental stimulation so I started searching around looking for ideas on what else I could do for him.

Since he chases me around the house when I put perfume on, I thought maybe I ought to help him use his nose in more constructive ways.  :-)   I searched online for information about "Nose work" and found several games you can play with your dog to help them hone their smelling skills.

The first day, I asked him if he wanted to play a new game . . . I told him it was called The Nose Game.  He seemed eager to learn more :-)  so I put him in my bedroom and closed the door so that I could hide treats around the house.  When I opened the door, I said, "There are ten treats hidden around the house, go find them."  Amazingly, he found them all rather quickly.

The next time we played, I made it more challenging, putting the treats under rugs, up on shelves, etc.  Each time, he amazes me with his ability to sniff out exactly where I have hidden the treats, whether they are downstairs, upstairs or out in the backyard.  No matter how challenging I make it, he eventually finds them all.

He loves the game so much that now, every day, he comes and stands in front of me and just stares at me.  I know exactly what he is wanting . . . so if the timing is right, I will say, "Do you want to play the Nose Game?" and he will excitedly run into my bedroom so that I can hide the treats.

I am planning to explore more of the games I found on the internet, so we can help him develop his skills even further.  I am not sure yet how Kino will use these skills down the road, but when we had a 6.0 earthquake here in Northern California this weekend the thought did cross my mind that maybe someday he would be able to do some search and rescue work.  We're a long ways away from that, but given how quickly he has picked up on what I have given him so far, I have no doubt he would be able to pick up on more.

I know how important it is for animals to have a "job" - regardless of what that job is (protecting the house, take care of other animals in the house, providing emotional support to the children in the house, etc).  Just like us, animals feel better when they have a purpose and know they are doing something to help others.  Lucky's job was to teach children about dogs and help them feel comfortable around them.  That is definitely not in Kino's wheel-house so maybe some day his job will be to help find people who are lost.

Only time will tell . . . .

If Only People Were More Like Animals

A few weeks ago, I was out having dinner at a local restaurant.  Towards the end of our meal, my dinner companion and I struck up a conversation with the folks at the table next to us.  They were really nice and we had some hearty laughs together before we left the restaurant.

On the way to the car, I mentioned to my companion how lovely I thought our table neighbors were and how much I had enjoyed talking and laughing with them.  He agreed that they were very nice and then he said, "but they all could use to lose a little weight."  I was stunned.  Not only was I surprised that my dinner companion would offer up such a huge slice of judgement but I was also very saddened by the fact that if he was judging others that much, I knew he probably judged himself even more.

It has been said that if we judge others, we more than likely judge ourselves tenfold . . . I think about that a lot when I hear people dishing out judgement.  Oh how I wish we could all get to the place where we love and accept ourselves . . . just think about how much happier we all would be.

On my neighborhood email list, the new trend is to judge people who still have a green lawn. Given that we are in a drought right now people seem to think that having a dead lawn is a sign that you are making sacrifices with your water usage.  The messages have been so harsh, it seems some of these folks are on the verge of grabbing their pitchforks and putting people who have green lawns up on a stake.  They don't appear to take into consideration that maybe people are cutting their indoor water usage more dramatically so that they can have a green lawn.  They don't appear to consider that people with brown lawns may be wasting water inside their homes.

Every time I read these messages, I can't help wishing that people could be more like animals.  Animals don't judge.  It's not a part of their make up.  I have never had an animal tell me "My guardian doesn't keep a very clean house" or "My guardian has really bad breath" or "My guardian should go on a diet." Nor have I heard an animal offer up judgement about themselves.

Since they don't judge themselves and they don't judge their guardians, they are happy.  Sure, they tell me what they would like, i.e. "I would like it if my guardian rinsed the slime out my water bowl more often" or "I wouldn't mind if the cat box were cleaned out more frequently" but never is it offered up as judgement against their guardian . . . just things that could make them happier than they already are.

I'd love to see us all take a page from the animal handbook and try living without judgement - of ourselves or others - and see how it feels.  I suspect there would be a lot more happy people roaming around this planet, with bigger smiles and more peacefulness inside.

One final thought to ponder . . .  a quote by the Dalai Lama:  "What is love?  Love is the absence of judgement."

Manifesting With Our Thoughts

I have long held the belief that we create our reality based on what we believe, that our thoughts and feelings are the things that manifest what shows up in our lives.   Yet, even though I hold this belief, I guess in some ways I didn't think that it applied to everything. :-)

Case in point, one of my clients and I confessed to each other sometime in the last year that the time we feel most "un-zen" is when we are in our cars.  We admitted that no matter how calm and at peace we feel at every other moment of the day, when we are out driving we become irritated with other drivers to the point where we don't like who we become . . . which is very angry.  I never thought about the fact that I could be manifesting this experience through my own thoughts and feelings.

Last weekend I was at her house giving Reiki treatments to her dogs and she asked me if I had seen Louise Hay's newsletter on Driving With Joy.  She said when she read it, she thought of me right away and all the conversations we have had about how irritated we get when we're in the car.  She promised to forward the newsletter to me, which she did a couple of days later.

Here is an excerpt from Louise's newsletter:

It is amazing how many people choose to be angry and upset when they drive. Then they wonder why there are so many poor drivers around them. I learned a long time ago not to get upset because someone else does not know how to drive. That is their problem, not mine.

The rules of the road are the same as the rules of life. What we give out in words or thoughts are exactly what will return to us. If we believe that the world is full of lousy drivers, then that is exactly what we will experience.

If we want to have a pleasant driving experience, then it is up to us to create it. The moment I enter my car, I bless the car with love and affirm that I will have a safe, happy trip, surrounded by good drivers.

I giggled to myself when I read the above portion of the newsletter, realizing that I must hold the belief that the world is full of lousy drivers since that seems to be what I experience on a regular basis.  :-)  I decided it couldn't hurt to try changing my belief so the next day when I got in the car, in my head I said, "I am surrounded by wonderful drivers" and I said it several times throughout my drive.  Much to my amazement, I didn't encounter a single bad driver on my way to the appointment.  

It was such a nice change from what I normally experience!  I tried it again on the drive home and sure enough, another easy drive home.  I tried it again the next day and much to my delight, same result!  I didn't encounter anyone on the road that made me angry or irritated - not one person made me feel like they were jeopardizing my safety.  

On the third day, I had an easy drive on the way to an appointment - I was clearly "surrounded by wonderful drivers."  It wasn't until I was on my way home from the appointment that my new belief was challenged.  As I was exiting the freeway, the gal in the car in front of me was looking at her cellphone and therefore didn't realize she was straddling both the exit lanes.  I started to feel the irritation building and I was on the verge of screaming, "Put your *$^%# phone down and focus on the road" but instead I said, "I am surrounded by wonderful drivers (deep exhale) . . . I am surrounded by wonderful drivers (deep exhale) . . . and just then, she put her phone down and moved into the right lane.  I was able to move into the left lane and miraculously even got through the intersection while the light was still green.  

It has inspired me to look more closely at the less pleasant experiences I have and see what beliefs I hold that could be creating them.  Thinking back to my recent challenging experiences with the phone company, I must hold the belief that no two people at the phone company will give you the same answer, since that was what I kept experiencing. :-)  Next time I need to call them, I am going to try shifting my perspective and see what happens.

So, if you happen to be plagued with irritation at other drivers as well, or irritation with anything else, you might try shifting your belief and see what happens.  The results may pleasantly surprise you! 

Kino's Birthday

Today, the 13th of July is Kino's birthday.  I don't know if it's his actual birthday, but when he was surrendered to the shelter, his family said he was 11 months old and he was surrendered on June 13th, therefore I picked July 13th as his birthday.

Last night, I told him his birthday was today.  I explained what a birthday was and why we were going to be celebrating.  I wasn't sure he understood me but this morning, I was pretty sure he must have understood because for the first time since he started sleeping outside the crate at night, he woke me up in the morning . . . and he woke me with an exuberance he doesn't usually display in the morning . . . by throwing his upper body up on the bed and proceeded to lick my face until I agreed to get up.

I wasn't sure how to celebrate his birthday.  The things I did with Lucky on her birthday (taking her out to breakfast and then to the beach) aren't things I can do with Kino, given that he is still leash reactive, uncomfortable with strangers and doesn't like the heat.  I wracked my brain trying to figure out how to mark the occasion and finally decided that since he loves food and his toys more than anything else in the world that I would buy him some new toys and cook him something special for dinner.

All day long, he seemed to know it was his special day.  He had an extra pep in his step from the moment we got up and put on his birthday scarf.  He even gave me attitude throughout the day, as if to say, "Well, it IS my birthday!"  Even as I type this, he is still gleefully playing with the new toys he got . . . and he was very very happy with my decision to cook him a steak for dinner.

I think we may have established a new birthday tradition.  :-)

Happy Birthday to Kino Kealohalani!

Preparing for New Family Members

I was recently asked to assist in an important communication.  A family had decided to bring another dog (a puppy) into their family and they wanted to not only make sure their two dogs were OK with it but they also wanted to know what issues/concerns the dogs had, so they could be addressed ahead of time.

I was very touched that the guardians were so focused on setting everyone up for success and I happily agreed to communicate with their two dogs.  They live out of the area, so I communicated with them remotely . . . which meant I didn't always know which dog was saying what, but when I shared everything they told me with their mom and dad, they were easily able to tell "who said what"  ;-)

The dogs had questions about where the new puppy was going to sleep, if they were going to have to share their toys with him, would he have his own own bowls and would they still have one-on-one time with mom and dad etc.

When I reminded them how much energy puppies have, they wanted to know if there was a place they could go that would be off-limits to the puppy when they needed a break.

I explained that part of their new role would be to help the puppy "learn the ropes" of their household, and teach him things like where to go potty, how to play and how to get extra treats from mom and dad.  :-)   This was the only time that I knew for sure which dog was talking to me, when one of them asked, "Am I still going to be daddy's little girl?"

When I spoke to their mom afterwards, she was very pleased with the feedback they gave her. She said she would definitely work it all out (sleeping arrangement, extra bowls, scheduling 1 on 1 time, etc.)   She was able to tell who said what, just based on their personalities and she confirmed that her husband has always called their female dog "Daddy's little girl" so I think she was extra comforted by the confirmation that I really was talking to her dogs.

Weeks later, she contacted me to let me know that the new puppy had arrived and that things were going really well. The two dogs were adjusting well to the puppy and they were all getting into the groove.  She was sure that it was such a smooth transition because they were able to understand the dogs concerns and address them ahead of time.  

She sent me a picture of their new family member and he is such a cutie, I just had to include it.  He is a little bundle of love and energy, with razor sharp puppy teeth!  But everyone in the family seems to be pleased that he is now a part of their pack.

I know how much animals appreciate it when their feelings are taken into consideration.  I am grateful that this family understood that and took the time to make sure everyone was set up for success when their new family member arrived.

Kealohalani

Back when Lucky was still with me, I learned something very important . . . that middle names are very important to children.  Lucky was a kid-magnet . . . no matter where we went, children would flock to her . . . and they would soon begin to pepper me with all sorts of questions.  They would ask if Lucky ever got "time-outs", if she had sleep-overs at her house, what her favorite snack was and most importantly, what her middle name was.  For many years, Lucky didn't have a middle name and the kids were always so disappointed when I didn't have an answer for that particular question.  Eventually we (the kids at the park and I) picked a middle name for Lucky . . . Rose.   It seemed to make everyone, including Lucky, happy that her name was finally complete.

Since I am coming up on the one year anniversary of bringing Kino home from the shelter, I have been thinking it's about time to find a middle name for him.  I don't know what the origins of Kino are but to me it has always sounded Hawaiian . . . maybe it was the crush I had at eighteen on a Hawaiian guy named Kimo.  :-)

One of my best friends from college, Natalie, is Hawaiian, so I consulted her to get some help. She said that Hawaiians believe that your name represents your "mana" - your spirit, essence, power . . . so she suggested I keep that in mind when picking a name for Kino.

I searched through pages and pageds of Hawaiian names and one in particular kept grabbing my attention - Kealoha, which means "Loved one." That felt very appropriate to me - as he truly is a "loved one" who helped me open my heart again.  Natalie explained that when you add "Lani" to a name, it means "from heaven" and that resonated with me as well.

Even though I thought I was just fostering Kino in the beginning, clearly someone else knew that he was meant to be with me . . . there were so many things that made it feel as if our coming together was divinely orchestrated.  I sensed "loved one from heaven" was the perfect name to describe Kino's "mana" . . . and so he is now officially Kino Kealohalani Burkley.

Apparently, he likes his new middle name because when I say it to him, he cocks his head slightly, his face softens and then he starts to wag his tail.  Part of me wonders if he and I ought to move to Hawaii. I've been feeling a pull lately to make a change and Hawaii is one of the only other places besides California that I could see myself living.  We'll have to wait and see what unfolds . . . . you just never know where your journey will take you next . . . but if we did move there, at least Kino would have an appropriate middle name for our new home.

Help From a Crow

Kino and I were out for a walk the other day and we received some guidance from a crow. The whole experience opened my eyes to the importance of trusting the guidance we receive, even when we don't understand why we're being guided to do something.

On this particular day, I was really tired and my brain wasn't in high gear.  I didn't want to go on the walk because I was so wiped out but I remember thinking that if I took Kino on a good long walk, maybe I could take a nap when we got back.

We were about 1/2 hour into our walk when a crow disturbed the daze my brain had fallen into.  It was a single crow and his "Caw-Caw, Caw-Caw" was almost deafening.  As I walked under the tree branch where the crow was making all that noise, I was trying to remember what Ted Andrews book (Animal Speak) says regarding what crows represent when they "show up" but his "caw-caw" was so loud, my mind went blank.

As we continued to walk, the crow flew down from the branch he had been perched on and buzzed my head - and he buzzed it so close that some of my hair actually flew up in the air.  He landed on a branch a couple feet ahead of me and continued his "Caw-Caw, Caw-Caw."  I was stunned and when I looked down at Kino, he was looking at me and seemed as stunned as I was.  I knew the crow was trying to get my attention - but why?  I said to him, "What are you trying to tell me" as I stared up at the tree branch but I didn't "hear" anything.  Just as I began to take a step forward, the phrase "Turn around and go home" popped into my head.  I thought it was odd.  I didn't know if the phrase came from the crow or if I had just thought of the phrase myself, since clearly, I would have much rather been home that day.

I looked ahead and noticed that two houses down there was a dog loose in a front yard.  At a quick glance, the dog looked like a labradoodle and from the way he was bouncing around the front yard, I assumed he was young.  I observed that the fence surrounding their yard was barely two feet high and wondered if walking past their house would be too much for me and my leash reactive dog to handle.  It would be easy for either of them to jump over the fence and if the dog got too close to us, who knows what Kino would do.

I got lost in those thoughts, as I was assessing the situation and trying to determine if Kino and I would be able to safely cross the street.  Apparently I started to walk forward again because the next thing I knew the crow buzzed my head again.  This time he landed on a power line right above my head and his "Caw-Caws" were even louder and more incessant.  Then he started to smack his beak against the power line and I could feel his frustration . . . if I had to put words to what I was feeling from him it was, "You're not LISTENING to me!!!"

So once again I stopped and this time I took a couple deep breaths, closed my eyes and in my head said, "What are you trying to tell me?"  I stood there with my eyes closed for a minute or so and the phrase "Turn around and go home" popped into my head again, only this time it included the word NOW!

I looked down at Kino and said, "I guess we're going home" and we promptly turned around and began walking back home.  The analytical side of me was itching to know why . . . why did we need to turn around and go home?  but I also sensed that it was more important to just do what the crow had told me to do.  As we walked home, I noticed the crow was no where to be seen.  I couldn't hear his "Caw-Caw" anymore so I figured he no longer needed to speak to us, since I had finally listened to him.

Still, my brain couldn't stop wondering . . . Why did we need to go home?  Was there some danger up ahead that he was trying to keep us from?  Or was there something going on at my house that I needed to be back for?  As we continued to walk, the phrase "Crisis Averted" popped into my head a couple of times.  That time I was sure the words didn't come from me and I could only assume that there must have been some danger ahead that Kino and I would have encountered if we had kept walking the path we were on.

The experience was certainly interesting . . . and it confirmed for me the important of "listening"and trusting the guidance we receive.  That crow was determined to get his message across, even if he had to buzz my head and smack his beak against the power line to get me to listen.  I am grateful that he was looking out for us and much to my delight, once I heard the phrase "Crisis averted" the analytical side of my brain relaxed.  I could sense that the most important thing was that we had turned around and gone home . . . I didn't spin my wheels trying to figure out why.  The crow knew why and I was glad I listened.

Animals are our guardians here on earth . . . not just our own animals, but ALL animals and this experience was a sweet reminder that we are being looked after and guided all the time.  I am extremely grateful that Kino and I were protected from whatever "crisis" was up ahead that day.  I'm also grateful that the crow was so determined to protect us that he went above and beyond to get through to me. :-)

The Benefits of a Power Outage

This weekend my power went out for over fifteen hours.  It was an adjustment as I started the day, as I realized how many things I couldn't do without power . . . I couldn't cook anything, I couldn't get on the internet, I couldn't watch TV, I couldn't use the house phone, and with only a small amount of battery left on my cell phone, I had to use my phone sparingly.

Kino, on the other hand, was very happy that we didn't have power.  Since he is normally competing with the phone, the computer and the TV for my attention - he got the benefit of having all my attention all day long.  He was in heaven.

We played ball, we played tug of war with his rope toys, we went for a long walk, we played ball some more.  He thought it was the greatest day ever. It seemed like every activity we did on Saturday centered around him, since I couldn't really do anything else.  At one point, I thought about the fact that I could dust and clean the toilets without power, but much to Kino's delight, I decided it would be more fun to play with him than do those chores and went back outside and resumed the game of toss with the tennis balls.

It got me thinking about how much our animals must enjoy power outages . . . when we don't have anything "electronic" to pull our attention away from them.  They undoubtedly relish in the benefits of our lack of electricity as they get to soak up so much more of our time and attention.  It made me wonder if we shouldn't act as if we're having a power outage for a few hours every day, regardless of whether we really have power or not.  Since animals don't need electricity, they probably wish we didn't rely on it as much as we do.

Yesterday, I was with a client, giving her dogs Reiki treatments.  She mentioned that she was bothered by the fact that her dogs will not settle down and go to sleep at night until she turns off the TV.  Before she could even finish asking me why that was, the dogs told me that it's not good for people (or animals) to sleep with the TV on and they wanted her to get better sleep.  I thought it was interesting that there was yet another related piece of evidence that our dependency on electricity isn't always a good thing.

This morning, I had to call the phone company to clear up a billing problem.  It was an arduous task that kept me on the phone for close to an hour.  During that time, Kino let me know how he felt about the fact that I could once again use the phone . . . he got into my purse and decided to destroy my favorite hair claw that he found in there, by biting off each one of the "teeth" that used to hold my hair into place. Clearly, he was happier during the power outage when he had all of my attention and didn't have to compete with the phone.  :-)

So, aside from not putting my purse on the floor anymore, my other take away from this is that it's probably a good idea to "unplug" a little more often and give him more of my undivided attention.

How often do you "unplug"?  I bet your animals would appreciate having more of your undivided attention.  Give it a try and see if there are any benefits to you as well!

Unconditional Love

On my wall calendar, in addition to a picture of a German shepherd each month, there is a quote.  The quote for May was from Gilda Radner and it said:  "I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  For me they are the role model for being alive."

I have been thinking about how true that is - not just regarding dogs, but all animals.  And I have thought about the message that many of my animal clients delivered to their guardians before they made their transition:  "Please be as kind and loving to yourself as you have been to me all these years."

Animals understand how important it is for us to love ourselves unconditionally, to be kind and gentle with ourselves.  Unfortunately, it's something that has been hard on the majority of us to actually do - I think in part because it is so ingrained in us to NOT love ourselves unconditionally, that we don't even recognize when we're not doing it.

I have spoken with many of my clients about how important it is to love themselves and I am often met with blank stares and confused expressions.  Maybe it's because we aren't quite sure what it really means.  If you treated yourself to a massage, yes that is being kind and loving to yourself, but it's beyond that.  If you've learned to take care of yourself by eating better or getting more sleep when you need it, that's wonderful, but it is beyond that as well.

Being kind and loving to ourselves has more to do with how we speak to ourselves, how we react to problems/issues that we encounter or mistakes that we have made.  When we accidentally eat the whole party size bag of potato chips while watching TV, do we berate ourselves? or call ourselves names? or do we say, "I must have needed to do that tonight, I'll do better tomorrow."  When we realize we made a mistake, do we feel shame? or criticize ourselves? or do we say, "I've had a lot going on this week that has kept me from concentrating . . . I am going to slow down and breathe more, so I can be more focused next time."  When we accidentally put a red shirt in with a load of whites, do we say "How could I be so stupid?" or do we cut ourselves some slack and say "It's OK, it could happen to anyone."

It seems more important than ever, right now in our evolution, to learn how to truly be kind and gentle and loving with ourselves.  Animals keep trying to give us the message, they keep modeling the behavior of unconditional love . . . showing us that no matter how late we were, how grumpy we were, how distracted we were, etc . . . that they still love us just as much as they did an hour earlier.  They keep hoping that we will see how they do it and that it will inspire us to start doing it ourselves.  They keep hoping we will realize they love us without conditions . . . and that it is more than OK for us to love ourselves without conditions as well.

So how about giving it a try?  See if you can talk to yourself more kindly, cut yourself some slack, trust that you are always doing the best that you can do in any given moment, love yourself even if you aren't at your ideal weight, or you lost your temper, or you are scared to face an issue that needs to be resolved . . . just love yourself anyway, just as our animals do . . . and then allow yourself to feel the peacefulness that comes with it.   I think if we keep practicing being that loving with ourselves, in time, it will become easier and eventually, we won't need to practice anymore.  It is a day that I look forward to very much.

Kino Update

A lot of folks have been asking for an update on Kino so I thought I'd focus today's blog on some of the highlights.

I think with each week that passes, I fall in love with him a little bit more.  :-)   He is smart and goofy and consequently, he either has me in awe or he's got me laughing.

His understanding of language has increased so dramatically in the last few months that I can converse with him like he is a person and he shows me he got what I said.  When a friend was coming over who had a bad experience with a German shepherd when she was young (and is still nervous around them) I told Kino about it and asked him to be extra gentle around her.  He stunned me that night when my friend arrived and all evening he was so mellow around her, he almost seemed like a different dog.

I told him that when I am sending Reiki to someone I need him to be extra quiet, and he does just that.  He will lay down and not move a muscle until I am done.  I told him the same thing about when I meditate and he will lay down next to me and close his eyes too.  Occasionally, he will rest his head in the palm of my hand and not move until I am done.

He has some hilarious little quirks that keep me laughing, such as . . . when I get out of the shower each day, he has decided that it's fun to pretend he is a bull and the towel I am trying to wrap on my head is the red cape.  The first time he ran under the towel, it scared the heck out of me but now that I know it's "his thing" it just makes me laugh.

When I put perfume on, he chases me around the house trying to lick it off.  I don't know if he just loves the smell, or if he doesn't want me to smell that good when I leave the house :-) but either way, it's the ritual we go through if I attempt to put on perfume.

He loves wet towels and dirty laundry so whenever I put together a pile of linens or clothes to start a load of wash, he insists on laying in them, rolling around in them, "talking" to them and sometimes biting them.  Even if I was in a hurry to get the wash started, I find myself sitting down and just enjoying the show for a little while.

It's hard to believe sometimes that he is the same dog who was with me last summer, when I was wondering what in the heck I had gotten myself into by agreeing to foster him.  I become more convinced with each passing week that Kino was exactly what I needed.

From Kino and I, we wish you all a happy Easter and/or a happy spring!

Why Are Boundaries So Hard To Set?

My last blog about setting boundaries stirred up a lot of conversation with many of my clients, as folks delved into this subject of why boundaries are so difficult to set.  Some themes rose to the surface . . . boundaries are harder to set when you are setting them with someone you love . . . and the fear of consequences keep us from setting boundaries.

Most people agreed that setting boundaries with strangers, acquaintances and co-workers was easier, and that the closer they felt to someone, the harder it was for them to set boundaries.

Underneath that was a feeling that if we set a boundary, we aren't being loving . . . why shouldn't I jump up and meet my dogs needs?  If I ignore her, I'm not being loving.  I should be understanding and patient and flexible with my spouse, shouldn't I?  If I can't be understanding and flexible, is that a sign I am not a kind person?  That fear of being unkind can lock us in a place of not setting boundaries.

Some of us also have a fear of consequences . . . if I set this boundary with my mom, will she stop watching my cat for me when I go out of town?  If I set this boundary with my neighbor, will she stop letting my dog come to her house for play dates when I am stuck at work longer than usual?  If I set this boundary with my dog, will he think I don't love him anymore?

We often fear that if we set a boundary, then something will be taken away from us, but the truth is, we don't know HOW people or animals will respond.  Sometimes we can be pleasantly surprised and find that they have no problem at all with our boundary.  With animals, I find that they even show us more respect when we set a boundary with them, because they WANT us to take care of ourselves and it never makes them question our love for them.

Something else to consider . . . the energy we put out when we DON'T set boundaries basically tells the Universe, "I'm OK with people stepping on me" "My needs really aren't that important."

When we DO set boundaries, we put a different energy out to the Universe.  We put energy out that says, "I am important"  "My needs are important" "I know I deserve to be treated well" and the Universe responds in kind.

Occasionally, people are not OK with the boundaries we set, so short term, we may have to find someone else to watch our cat while we're out of town, or find another alternative for our dog when we're stuck at work, but in the big picture, the benefits far outweigh whatever short term hassle we may experience.

If we love ourselves and care for ourselves, we can experience new levels of joy.  I also believe we set a good example for others who may be struggling to set boundaries and just maybe, our actions will give them the courage they need to start taking care of themselves as well.

Behavior Issues are Sometimes Meant to Help

When your animal is doing something that you find mildly irritating, the last thing you are probably thinking is "Oh, they are doing that to help me" but I can tell you that in many cases that is exactly what is going on.

Animals often display behaviors to help us develop the skills we need to navigate more easily through our own journey.  They figure if you can learn to deal with their behavior, then you can use that skill with other people in your life.  And it's often a skill that, if perfected, can make life a lot easier.

In recent months, I have worked with 4-5 animals who are trying to teach their guardians the same thing . . . how to set boundaries.  The guardians each contacted me because their animals were doing slightly irritating things, like barking incessantly when it was "dinner time" and continuing to bark until their dinner was served, or whining and pawing at their guardian when they wanted their guardian to get off the computer or hang up the phone, and continuing that behavior until they got their way.

The guardians were all hoping I could talk to their animal and ask them to stop the behavior but in each case, the animal let me know that their guardian had trouble setting boundaries and they wanted their guardian to get better at it.  They hoped that if they could learn to set boundaries with them (the animal), it would be easier for their mom or dad to set boundaries with the other people in their lives.

It's not an easy thing to share with guardians, as I never want to offend anyone, but I also know the animals are counting on me to open that line of communication, so I do my best to tread lightly and try to gently open that door.  I often start with questions such as, "How are you at setting boundaries with people?" and "How comfortable are you at pushing back when people are coming on strong?"

Fortunately, in every case, the guardians readily admitted they could improve their boundary setting skills and are open to exploring how they can do it more easily.  And fortunately, they have also been receptive (and appreciative) of the fact that that's what their animal was trying to help them with.

It's not something I am unfamiliar with myself.  This is the face that I see, two inches from me, every time I get on the computer.  Kino will sit there, staring at me expectantly, often panting whenever I get on the computer.  I can feel him thinking,"Are you done yet?  Is it time to play yet?  Shouldn't you be throwing the ball for me?" I remind him that I have work to do and he will usually lay down and leave me be for a while but he makes sure I get practice every day setting that boundary.  :-)

I encourage you to pay attention to your animals behavior and see what skill they might be trying to help you develop.  Chances are, there is something they are trying to assist you with something that will make your interactions in life easier.

Confirmation from Animals

One of the things that I really enjoy during an animal communication session is when an animal helps out by confirming with their guardian that what I am saying is true.  It shows me how important it is to the animal that their guardian understand them and how much animals want to be heard.

I've noticed that when a guardian has a twinge of uncertainty over whether what I said is REALLY what their animal thinks or feels, their animal senses it at the same time I do, sometimes even before I do  :-)  and they will jump in with some sort of confirmation - whether it is a kiss on their mom or dad's face, an intense stare, a tap of the paw on their mom or dad's arm or leg, an excited bark etc.

A couple weeks ago, I had a session with a dog and his mom and after about the third time he "confirmed" that what I was saying was true, his mom started to laugh and said, "Ok, I am listening, I heard what she said and I believe you both," at which point, the dog ran back over to me and excitedly wagged his tail, saying "Did you hear that?  She believes you are really communicating with me, I've got some more stuff to say!"

I love being able to partner with animals this way during a session.  They are so excited that someone is helping to put a "voice" to what they are thinking and feeling and they want to make sure their guardians really heard it, so they will do whatever they can to ensure the message has been received.

I've also had people tell me that their animal helped them decide whether they should contact me in the first place.  One person told me that she was looking at my website trying to decide if she should set up an appointment with me.   Each time she clicked back on my website, her dog would sit up and put his nose on the keyboard, which told her that her dog wanted her to call me.  Another person told me that when she pulled up my website, her cat jumped into her lap, something she hadn't done in a while because of arthritis, and she pawed at the screen.  She said it almost looked like her cat was trying to comb my hair.  We had a good giggle over that and she admitted it was what convinced her to contact me.

Animals do everything in their power to communicate with us, so one of the wonderful ways we can honor them is by being as observant as possible and paying attention to all the little things they do. Even if it isn't immediately obvious, the things they do always have meaning and purpose.

Help From The Other Side

Last week we finally got a big dose of much needed rain and with it, Kino and I got to experience another "first" . . . the ritual of wiping off muddy/wet paws after being outside.  We had been out in the rain playing ball in the backyard for a while and when I decided we were soggy enough and he was tired enough, I headed to the back door.  As I opened the door, I asked Kino to lay down on the towel that was covering the carpet right inside the door.

He laid down long enough for me to start trying to dry him off (approx. 3 seconds) and then he freaked out.  He started running around the dining room, barking at me, spinning in circles.  I tried explaining to him that this was just something we had to do on rainy days, I assured him that wiping water and mud off his feet was not going to hurt but it didn't make any difference.  He kept barking at me, so in a firm voice I said "Kino, come back here and lay down" while pointing at the towel on the ground and he actually did lay down (which shocked me a bit) but this time when I touched his muddy paw with the towel, he growled at me in a very menacing way and then jumped up and resumed the barking and running wildly around the room again.

As I sat there on the floor, taking deep breaths and trying to figure out what to do next, two thoughts came into my mind . . . 1) I can't believe he just growled at me, I thought we were over that and 2) What in the heck is my carpet going to look like by the end of spring if I can't wipe off his feet?  I thought about Lucky and how this was never an issue with her.  In fact, she loved to be "toweled-off" so much, I think she got wet just so she could experience the drying her off part.  In that moment, I was really missing her.

While I was processing all of that and trying to determine what I could possibly do to deal with the water and mud all over him, I noticed that Kino had come back over near me and was sitting down . . . . very calmly staring at the wall.  It struck me as odd because his glance "at the wall" was very respectful, his posture was very respectful so I knew someone from the other side must be talking to him.  I sat there, watching in awe of what I was sure was some assistance from the other side.  When Kino finally looked over at me, I assumed the conversation was done, so I said "OK, are you ready to have your feet dried off now?" and much to my amazement, he laid on the towel and allowed me to dry off all four of his feet and his tail without so much as a peep.

I couldn't believe how cooperative he was, after how he had been acting just a few minutes earlier and I smiled to myself as I thought about how fabulous it was to have this kind of help from the other side.  My first thought was that it must have been Lucky, but then my mom flashed into my mind and I wondered if it was her, and then the little girl spirit that had been in my house all these years popped into my mind.  I didn't know which one of them it was, I was just grateful to have some help.

A couple days later, when I was telling one of my friends this story, her first thought was that it had to be Lucky but then a minute later, she said "oh, or maybe it was the little girl." The fact that she came up with 2 of the 3 names I came up with makes me wonder if it wasn't both Lucky AND the little girl helping me out.  :-)

We were expecting tons more rain over the weekend, but it didn't end up happening, so we didn't have to do anymore "toweling-of-the-feet" - and consequently, I don't know if that one conversation from my supporters on the other side was enough to convince Kino to always be well behaved when he is getting his feet wiped off.  I guess only time will tell, but it certainly is comforting to know that when I am feeling ill equipped to be Kino's guardian, that I have some assistance from the spirit world.

A Change in Status

The month started out with more people interested in adopting Kino.  I kept wondering if Kino would do better with another dog to play with so I was encouraged when someone came along who was looking for a playmate for their male dog.  The guardian met Kino and really liked him so our next step was to get the dogs together to see how they got along.

Given the complexity of Kino's interactions with other dogs, we decided to enlist the help of our favorite animal behavioralist at the shelter, Kevin, to ensure things went smoothly.  After a lot of schedule juggling, we were able to set a time to meet up on January 12th.

Before we left that day, I explained to Kino what was going on and asked him to be as clear with me as possible if he wanted to live with the dog he was meeting.  As we drove away from my house, I realized that it was January 12th, the day I adopted Lucky and I thought how odd it would be if I ended up letting Kino go on that same day.

When we got to the shelter, Kevin suggested we walk the dogs back and forth on leash in the parking lot to let them get a little more comfortable with each other.   As the potential adopter and I walked back and forth with the dogs, I was surprised to see that Kino refused to look at her dog.  I even made a joke that if I didn't know any better, I'd think Kino was trained as a drug or bomb sniffing dog, because he was only interested in sniffing the trunk of every single car in the parking lot . . . something he has never done before.

Since Kino wasn't "reacting" in a negative way, they decided to bring them into the yard and see if they were ready for an off-leash interaction.  I handed the leash to Kevin (in part to make sure Kino wasn't picking up on my energy) and as Kevin walked Kino into the yard, Kino tried to pull him back to the gate where I was.  I felt Kino's "answer" so intensely that it made me well up with tears . . . here I was expecting him to either say "yes or no" to this particular dog but instead what he was telling me was that he didn't want to be adopted by anyone else, he wanted to stay with me.

I didn't say anything, deciding to just let the "meet and greet continue" . . . Kino continued to show that he didn't want to have anything to do with the other dog.  He wouldn't even walk near him, and just kept trying to pull Kevin back to the gate to get out of the yard.

I wasn't quite prepared to make this decision.  I don't know why not - but I had some resistance.  People often say "you get the dog you need, not the dog you want" and in many ways, Kino wasn't the dog I wanted.  I thought my next dog was going to be "easy." I imagined us going everywhere together, with him or her being comfortable in every situation with every person or dog we met . . . and instead Kino was a dog who reacted randomly to people and reacted not as randomly to other dogs.  He was a dog who showed me just how much I still needed to learn about dog behavior and that wasn't what I had planned on.

He had made his intention very clear though, so I decided we ought to go the beach the next day so I could ponder this decision.  The beach is always where I do my best thinking, where I feel the most peaceful and the most connected to my guides, so it seemed like the right next step.

Our trip to the beach that next day was one of the most stressful and I'll even say miserable trips to the beach I have ever had (thus, the motivation for the post I wrote last time - my plea to dog guardians). Never in my life have I seen so many people at the beach on a weekday in January.  I was totally unprepared for the sheer volume of people and dogs we encountered.  I tried walking several miles down to the quietest stretch of beach but all along the way, off-leash dogs were charging at us and running in circles around us . . . and Kino was understandably freaking out.  I think I pulled almost every muscle in my arms, my abs and my legs trying to hold Kino back each time one of these dogs came running at us.

So clearly no deep thinking occurred that day, there was no peacefulness and if I was getting guidance from the other side, I didn't hear any of it.  I tried to make the best of it and when we had a few minutes to ourselves, I attempted to memorialize our day at the beach with a few selfies.  As you can see, Kino wasn't that into it.  In the first picture, I at least managed to get both our heads in there before he squirmed away and in the second one, his head HAD been right there over my shoulder two seconds earlier but by the time I pressed the button, something else had caught his attention.  He was just too stressed out to sit still long enough for us to take a picture.

I dreaded the walk back down the beach because I knew we were going to encounter more of what we had already experienced, since there were still hundreds of people on the beach.  I contemplated sitting there until the sun went down and everyone went home, but I managed to muster up the gumption to make our way back.  When we finally got to the massive staircase that stood between us and our car, I saw one of my favorite people coming down the stairs.  It was Steve and his German shepherd Lyka.  I met them shortly after Lucky passed away and over the years, Lyka has been happy to give me my German shepherd fix each time I've seen them at the beach.

When Steve saw me standing there with a German shepherd, he got the biggest smile on his face and started to excitedly walk towards us.  I quickly explained that Kino wasn't too hip on strangers and that he was leash reactive, especially after the day we had been having.  He and Lyka both stopped immediately and we spoke to each other from a distance.  He asked if Kino was mine and I explained that I had been fostering him and that I had come to the beach to contemplate and decide if I should adopt him.  I admitted that after the day we had, I was more unsure than ever if I was up to the task and Steve just looked at me with a quizzical look on his face and said, "But who better to help him than you?"

On the drive home, I kept thinking about what Steve said.  It struck me in part because Steve doesn't know much about me at all, aside from the fact that I love German shepherds and that I missed Lucky. Our conversations have mostly centered on how Lyka was doing and if they were still doing their daily jog on the beach, so I thought it was interesting that he was so sure that I was capable of helping Kino . . . but that phrase kept ringing in my head . . . "but who better to help him that you" and I realized he was right.  Kino had come into my life for a reason and if anyone was going to be able to help him, it WAS me.

When we got home, I called the gal from the rescue group and told her that I wanted to adopt Kino.  She was thrilled and I think Kino was too because he spent most of that night as well as most of the next morning with his head in my lap.

So, I have transitioned from foster mom to just "mom" . . . We don't have to work as hard now to help Kino be "adoptable" which I think has made us both happier - we've just been enjoying our new "status. "  I am trusting that Kino is meant to be in my life, and I am trusting that I will continue to find ways to help him feel safer and more comfortable around strangers and other dogs.  I am also thinking that I might have to go alone the next time I take a trip to the beach.  :-)