Let's Stay In Our Own Lane

In the last few years, it's been troubling to me how comfortable everyone seems to have become with telling other people how to run their lives. We hear everyone else's opinion whether we've asked or not - and it often comes with an expectation that we are going to do what we are told to do by others. 

Recently, I posted a request for Kino on our neighborhood email list for tennis balls and a 5 gallon paint bucket. The two seemingly unrelated items are the key to keeping Kino exercising, given that he is only interested in chasing tennis balls if I am trying to do something else in the yard. haha Consequently, I drag the bucket around the yard with me as I plant flowers or pull weeds. After a few decades, the paint bucket that he inherited from Lucky cracked so it was time for a replacement. 

Given that I prefer to reuse/recycle things, I put the request out to see if anyone had some of what we needed. Much to my delight, we quickly got offers for both . . . in fact, Kino now has so many tennis balls, we've got an extra stash in the garage for when the current batch gets broken and we lucked out getting two buckets instead of one because the person who donated the bucket couldn't get the two unstuck.  :-)  

While most of the responses were very positive - with either offers to share what they had with Kino or compliments on his good looks - we also received unsolicited advice. I was told how dangerous it is to allow dogs to play with tennis balls and received videos showing the dangers of what happens when a tennis ball gets lodged in a dog's throat. I received a strong recommendation on where I could go to buy a paint bucket and how dangerous it was to use a bucket with dried paint in it. I'm not knocking them, I know their hearts are in a good place, but all this "advice" came without knowing any of the facts (i.e. what I do for a living, how many years I have had dogs, how responsible or irresponsible I am as a guardian or if the paint buckets even had dried paint on the inside . . . that was an assumption on their part since they never even saw the buckets)

It troubles me that we've gotten so comfortable with overreaching when it comes to telling people what we think they should do. Especially when people have no idea what the full circumstances are. Just as we, as a society, seem to have decided it's ok to tell others how to manage their health. I see people crossing the line every single day - thinking THEY have the answer to what someone else should do - that the approach they are taking is the RIGHT one and everyone else is not only wrong but they are "selfish" and "uncaring" if they don't make the same choice. 

So this blog is basically a plea . . . asking people to respectfully stay in their own lane. If I want to throw tennis balls for my dog while I am doing yard work, that is my business. If I want to use a recycled item rather than buying that item new from a store, that is my business as well. 

It is also my business how I manage my own health. I will continue to do whatever is best for me, based on the knowledge I have of my body, how I look after my health and based on my history. If I want to get seven booster shots or zero shots, that's up to me to decide because it is my body, it is my health. I would never consider telling someone what they should do . . . I look forward to the day that that respect goes both ways.  

Maybe before we fling our advice around, we can pause and ask ourselves "Did this person ASK for my advice? or am I throwing my advice at them without their request for input? Before we decide we know what is best for others, maybe we can pause and ask ourselves "Do I know everything there is to know about this person's circumstances? their history? or am I making a bunch of assumptions? Before we begin name calling and belittling and harshly criticizing others for the choices they make, maybe we can ask ourselves "Is it my job to decide what others should do?" and "Is it really OK to judge people so harshly and bully them just because they are making a choice that is different from mine?"

I personally believe that our job is to manage ourselves and our own lives . . . unless we are expressly asked for our opinion, I think that it is best if we stay in our own lane and worry about ourselves. I know that if someone WANTS my opinion they will ask for it. I also know that the only person I can control is myself. 

I respect the fact that we are each on our own journey here - I honor the path that each person is on and the choices they make for themselves. So once again, I ask "Can we please all stay in our own lane?"

P.S.  I am not pretending that I've never done this . . . as any of my ex-boyfriends can attest to, I was the queen of over-stepping and telling them what I thought they should do.  :-)  Learning that about myself and being able to apologize to almost all of them for the myriad of times I over-stepped was a part of my journey. It's definitely a learning process and I am grateful that I was able to find my way to a place where I can respect and honor what others are doing / not doing. 

Anyone Can Be The Light

 

This post touched me so much I had to share it. I have been trying to write a post with a similar message in recent weeks yet the words just haven't come together cohesively. When I saw this, I knew it was exactly what was in my heart - the message I couldn't find the words for.

It was written by Elizabeth Gilbert. Truth be told, I don't know who she is, it was forwarded so many times I was unable to track it back to her and ask her permission to share it here. (The only Elizabeth Gilbert I am aware of is the woman who wrote Eat, Pray, Love but I am not sure if this was written by THAT Elizabeth Gilbert or a different one). At any rate, something tells me the author of this won't mind if her beautiful story reaches more people. 

I hope it touches you and inspires you the way it has touched and inspired me:

“Some years ago, I was stuck on a crosstown bus in New York City during rush hour. Traffic was barely moving. The bus was filled with cold, tired people who were deeply irritated with one another, with the world itself. Two men barked at each other about a shove that might or might not have been intentional. A pregnant woman got on, and nobody offered her a seat. Rage was in the air; no mercy would be found here.

But as the bus approached Seventh Avenue, the driver got on the intercom. *'Folks,'* he said, *'I know you have had a rough day and you are frustrated. I can’t do anything about the weather or traffic, but here is what I can do. As each one of you gets off the bus, I will reach out my hand to you. As you walk by, drop your troubles into the palm of my hand, okay? Don’t take your problems home to your families tonight, just leave them with me. My route goes right by the Hudson River, and when I drive by there later, I will open the window and throw your troubles in the water.'*

It was as if a spell had lifted. Everyone burst out laughing. Faces gleamed with surprised delight. People who had been pretending for the past hour not to notice each other’s existence were suddenly grinning at each other like, is this guy serious?

Oh, he was serious.

At the next stop, just as promised, the driver reached out his hand, palm up, and waited. One by one, all the exiting commuters placed their hand just above his and mimed the gesture of dropping something into his palm. Some people laughed as they did this, some teared up but everyone did it. The driver repeated the same lovely ritual at the next stop, too. And the next. All the way to the river.

We live in a hard world, my friends. Sometimes it is extra difficult to be a human being. Sometimes you have a bad day. Sometimes you have a bad day that lasts for several years. You struggle and fail. You lose jobs, money, friends, faith, and love. You witness horrible events unfolding in the news, and you become fearful and withdrawn. There are times when everything seems cloaked in darkness. You long for the light but don’t know where to find it.

But what if you are the light? What if you are the very agent of illumination that a dark situation begs for? That’s what this bus driver taught me, that anyone can be the light, at any moment. This guy wasn’t some big power player. He wasn’t a spiritual leader. He wasn’t some media-savvy influencer. He was a bus driver, one of society’s most invisible workers. But he possessed real power, and he used it beautifully for our benefit.

When life feels especially grim, or when I feel particularly powerless in the face of the world’s troubles, I think of this man and ask myself, What can I do, right now, to be the light? Of course, I can’t personally end all wars, or solve global warming, or transform vexing people into entirely different creatures. I definitely can’t control traffic. But I do have some influence on everyone I brush up against, even if we never speak or learn each other’s name.

*No matter who you are, or where you are, or how mundane or tough your situation may seem, I believe you can illuminate your world. In fact, I believe this is the only way the world will ever be illuminated, one bright act of grace at a time, all the way to the river.*”

~ Elizabeth Gilbert