This topic has come up so frequently lately, I decided to dust off a blog I wrote in April of 2021 and publish it again. I've refreshed the content a bit but the underlying message is the same . . . We may hold beliefs about ourselves that don't serve us or that keep us stuck in old patterns, which can effect our physical health, our emotional health and our mental health. And if we identify what those limiting beliefs are, we have the option to choose new beliefs any time we want.
I personally believe that most of us have things to heal - to varying degrees. An easy way to identify them is when we get triggered by something, i.e. have a bigger reaction to something than may seem appropriate at the time. We can get triggered by something because we have a belief that we are holding onto (consciously or unconsciously) that limits us or makes us feel "less than" who we truly are. (i.e. not smart enough or not educated enough, etc.)
It can be a belief based on experiences we had, that we keep seeing "proof" of (i.e. people not listening to us or not believing us, or constantly being interrupted when we are trying to speak, etc). These "wounds" can show up in so many ways . . . . those are just a few examples to give you an idea of what I am referring to.
In our world right now, I also see an incredible amount of judgement and blame flying around. (These folks are often triggered more than the average person). When I see someone judging the heck out of other people, it makes me sad because I know that it often indicates they are someone who was judged a lot when they were young and they likely judge themselves as harshly if not more harshly than they judge others.
The "beliefs" we hold about ourselves (again, it can be consciously or unconsciously) carry energy so we can inadvertently "pull in" experiences that match those beliefs, like a magnet pulls metal towards it. If we believe we are unlovable, we may attract partners who don't treat us very well or not attract a partner at all. If we believe we will never catch a break in life, we may find that we keep having that particular experience over and over again.
These "opportunities to heal" can show up in so many ways. Typically we have been living with them for so many years that we don't even think of them as "wounds" . . . they are just "who we are" or "the way things are in the world" or whatever.
Personally, I believe we have a choice if we want to keep holding onto these old beliefs and therefore keep having these experiences over and over. Or we can "heal" what's underneath them, let go of the beliefs and be free of them once and for all . . . if we want to. I have seen time and time again what a positive impact it can have on people's emotional, mental and physical health when we challenge and change our beliefs.
If you are interested in making a change, as a starting point, you may want to pull out a pad of paper and write down all the things that have triggered you lately (things people do that have frustrated you / upset you, how you've been treated, etc). Then spend a little time thinking about each item on your list. Can you identify the "belief" underneath it that you might be holding? Get curious about yourself and what keeps showing up in your life that you'd prefer not to keep experiencing.
Once you have familiarized yourself with your triggers and what beliefs may be underneath them, there are tons of possibilities for how you can let go of them. One simple thing you can do as a starting point is to ask yourself "Do I want to continue to believe this? Do I want to keep having this experience? Sometimes it can be as simple as making a conscious choice to say "No! I am done having that experience" and then decide what you want to experience instead.
You can use your imagination and visualize "letting go" of the belief. You can write down what you'd like to believe instead and keep repeating that in your mind (often referred to as an "affirmation") every day. Based on big of a change it will be, you can decide how often you want/need to repeat the affirmation.
If you know when you first formed the belief, you can "re-write the script" and see it play out in a more positive way. For instance, if you hold the belief that you aren't smart enough because someone told you a long time ago that you were dumb, imagine that conversation differently, see the person saying something positive instead or imagine someone else reminding you how smart you are. Remember there is no "right way" to do it. Have some fun with it. What approach feels best to you?
If the belief is a little more "embedded" in our system, it can sometimes require a little more effort on our part to set it free - once and for all.
Sometimes I look at the item and ask myself "Have I ever done this? (Often the answer is "yes" which allows me to have a little more compassion for the person who has triggered a reaction in me). As an example, I struggled with the "not being heard / not being believed" experience for much of my life. One day, it occurred to me that there were times where I didn't listen to myself (either ignoring my own gut feeling about something or doing something because it was expected of me, not because I wanted to do it). Once I realized that, I could forgive myself for the times I treated myself that way. After doing that, it was much easier to improve on listening to myself. And the super cool things is that almost right away, I noticed that I was having a lot less experiences of other people not listening to me.
Sometimes I needed to offer myself compassion for having had the experience in the first place. In those cases, I treat myself the way I would treat one of my closest friends, and say - even if it's just in my mind - "Wow, that really sucks. I can only imagine how cruddy that must have felt to have people not believe you when you were telling the truth. I'm really sorry you went through that" or whatever the appropriate wording is for the situation. Often the act of offering myself some compassion for an experience is all I need to let go of the underlying belief.
Remember there is no "right way" to let go of or change a belief that doesn't serve us or support us in creating the life experiences we want to have. Play around with it and see what results you get. If you don't feel you let it go completely or don't see anything change in your interactions with others, play around with it some more, let your imagination come up with another technique for clearing it out and see what happens.
The important thing to remember is that we get to choose. We get to decide if we want to let it go. We are free to change what we believe about ourselves anytime. We are free to have a life filled with the kind of experiences we want to have. (which can have a positive affect on our physical health as well as our mental and emotional health). The trick is to remember that it all starts with us. We can't change other people but we can change ourselves and the thoughts and beliefs we are holding inside.
Isn't it time for us all to heal from the things that have kept us from being who we truly are? Free of limitations and free to experience a life that feels more expansive and enjoyable?
ps: I chose this picture of a Stellars Jay for this blog (that my super sweet neighbor took for me because she knows they are one of my most favorite birds). They symbolize freedom and independence, as well as energy, curiosity, vision and determination. All of that seemed to connect with what I have written here, plus I just adore them and love seeing pictures of them. :-)
