What Is The Truth?

I am finding lately that quite frequently a little bit of truth is wrapped up in a big story . . . a story that elicits emotions and causes people to move to a place of blame . . . I think of this as the "pitch forks and torches" reaction that folks can get caught up in if they aren't aware that what they are being told isn't the whole truth. It is often followed by a demand for new "rules" which don't make sense because they weren't based on truth to begin with. Many times the arguments that get presented are valid - just not for that particular situation - when they are attached to an inaccurate fact to start with. 

As an example, I used to live in a townhouse complex.  It was a small complex (only 21 units) and there was a pool and a nice big lawn in the pool area where those of us who had big dogs were able to exercise our dogs.  The dogs were well behaved, their owners acted responsibly and for many years it was a great set up. Then it changed. 

One day the property manager let me know that there was an agenda item on the upcoming association meeting about banning all dogs from the pool area. I was surprised and confused. It had never been a problem before, why was it suddenly a problem now? He said it was because people weren't cleaning up after their dogs and many home owners had complained about poop on the lawn. Prior to the meeting, I checked in with the other dog owners to see if they were still cleaning up after their dogs and they all assured me they were, so I wasn't sure what was going on but I was really bummed out that this great option to exercise our dogs was suddenly going to be taken away from us. 

The night of the meeting, the folks who wanted to ban dogs from the pool area came armed with their "pitch forks and torches." They gave impassioned speeches about the time their toddler stepped in poop and about the time their picnic or soccer game on the lawn was ruined. They were armed with information about the health hazards of coming in contact with animal feces, documents they gathered from the health department and copies of the leash law. As I sat there listening to it all, the knot in my stomach grew bigger until something finally clicked for me . . . in the last year, I had routinely been cleaning up poop on the lawn but it wasn't dog poop, it was cat poop because there were a colony of feral cats that had moved into the pool area and they were using the lawn as their cat box. 

It was a source of frustration for me, since my dog loved to eat cat poop so if I was going to take her out there for exercise, I had to go out first, pick up all the cat poop and then go back to my house to bring her out. (And of course, her nose was better than my eyes, so she frequently found some that I missed and I had to tolerate her terrible breath and tummy upset afterwards). Because of that, I wasn't using the pool area to exercise her quite as much as I had in the past and consequently there probably WAS more poop on the lawn because I wasn't cleaning it up as often. 

When it was my turn to speak, I asked if anyone could tell me what size the poop was. Immediately they pounced on me . . . yelling, "Why does that matter? Poop is poop" and then once again they recited all their data and their sources and their stories. Every time I attempted to speak in order to clarify why I was asking, they spoke over me and repeated their points even more loudly. Out of frustration, I began calling people by name, asking "Can YOU tell me what size the poop was?" Many people hadn't even seen any poop but had heard about it and gotten caught up in the excitement and the "rights" of the people who had children. Because two of us with big dogs had served on the Board for many years, we were even accused of "Abusing our power by making up rules that suited us." The whole situation was blowing up into an ugly frenzy. 

From an even higher level of frustration, I stood up, stomped my feet to get everyone's attention and yelled "The size of the poop DOES matter and THIS is why I asked." Then I loudly and passionately explained about the feral cats and my own personal crusade to keep my dog from ingesting it all. There was silence for a moment and I was hopeful that I had made a breakthrough . . . and then the arguing devolved into a debate about whether the cats should be allowed to do that, what could be done to remove or euthanize them, while others continued to site their documents on the hazards of ANY animal feces and the rights of the parents with (two legged) children and the abuse of power by dog owners that had served on the Board, etc. 

Those of you who have lived in a place with a HOA might be laughing and/or commiserating right now because you probably encountered a few meetings like this too. 

The disheartening part was that I didn't disagree with most of the information they shared. The problem was that the facts and data they brought and the story they were wrapped in were attached to an "untruth" to begin with so no matter how much people argued and debated, we were never going to solve it. They were sure the problem was the dog owners but since it wasn't, no new "rules" or "laws" were going to improve the situation. 

I share this tale of woe from my days living with an HOA to illustrate what I see happening in our world right now and as a plea for people to take a step back and look at things with a more discerning eye. 

If someone tells you the lawn is covered in dog poop, do you take their word for it and jump on the bandwagon? or do you go out there and look yourself? Do you demand irrefutable proof i.e. pictures or video of the cats actually in the act of defecating? or do you use common sense? (i.e. Look at some pictures of cat poop and I think the answer will be more clear . . . that unless something is very wrong with the large dog's intestines, poop from a German shepherd or a lab or a dalmatian will not be anywhere near the same size. 

This can be applied to almost any topic that gets debated to a feverish level . . . because we agree with some part of the argument, we may assume that the whole "fight" is worth grabbing our pitchfork for. Personally, I find that I often agree with someone's argument - it's just that when it is attached to something that wasn't totally true to begin with, then it doesn't hold water - nor do the new "rules and regulations" that are being proposed. 

Another thing to consider . . . Are people referencing something that happened once? or something that happened thousands of times? i.e. a recent story I heard about someone creating a Go-Fund me drive with a fake story of woe. Does it mean EVERY Go-fund me drive is fake? No, it means that it happened for sure in the one documented case they had. 

Are some homeless folks suffering from drug addiction? Yes, it is a sad fact that some are . . . but do you know how many people are homeless that DO NOT do drugs and are just doing the best they can with what has happened in their life right now? 

Is it true that some people don't want help? Sure - some people don't and yet I have encountered so many people who would gladly welcome some assistance to get back on their feet again. 

Are there people who abuse systems that are set up like unemployment? Sure there are some but before you assume that EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has received unemployment benefits is using them as an excuse to not work, then I think maybe you haven't interacted with enough people who have had the rug pulled out from underneath them. 

This year alone, with the closure of "non-essential" businesses for an entire year and people affected by one of the many wildfires that have ravaged the state of California - we have even more people who need support and compassion rather than judgment and criticism.

My hope in writing this post is that it may encourage a few people to take a step back, take a deep breath and before jumping on the band wagon, and repeating something you heard someone else say (no matter how many times you heard it or how many news channels repeated it) and look at it more closely. Is what is being presented the WHOLE story? Does the proposed solution make sense if it is based on a few cases vs. thousands of cases? Do you know what the truth really is? 

It is my heartfelt belief that we need to collectively start asking: "What IS the truth?" before assuming that what we are being told by the media or an "event organizer" is all true. As I said, sometimes a little bit of truth can be attached to a whole lot of untruths, which then leads us to "solutions" that won't fix the problem. 

If we want to really see things change in our world, I believe one really good step is for us to begin questioning what we hear. Another great option that we ALL have access to is listening more intently to our own intuition / inner guidance / gut feeling. And there are other ways to find the truth - these are just a couple options. There isn't just one road to the truth . . . the important thing is to find it. 

ps - As an example . . . here in the state of California, the governor is offering up $116M in prizes and incentives to get people to put an experimental drug in their bodies. When we are essentially being bribed to take something . . .  that might indicate that it is a good time to take a step back, take a deep breath and start asking some questions. 

We Can Choose What To Focus On

At the end of my last post, I mentioned that some of my best friends from college and I were sharing our most favorite song at the moment and that while I was writing that blog, a response came through from one of them mentioning U2's "Love Is Bigger Than Anything In Its Way" and I said it couldn't have been more perfectly timed for what I was writing.

My other friend said that his current favorites were both by Cody Jinx . . . "Hippies and Cowboys" and "Somewhere in the Middle" . . . I laughed and said "so basically songs about the 3 of us?" From our original gang of eight, I have remained the closest to these two guys. Our friendship is just as strong now (maybe even stronger) than it was back then. For as long as I can remember, the three of us have held different positions on things . . . . whether it was politics or religion or the music we listened to. One of us would only listen to country music, one of us would only listen to alternative music, one of us was willing to listen to both . . . One of us was a hardcore Catholic, one of us was a semi-present Catholic and one of us was raised without any religion at all. And yet, it didn't stop us from being really close friends.

While reflecting on our connection, I've realized how much things have shifted over the years. Where we used to argue and debate our stance back in the day, we've moved to a place of accepting that we have differences and it doesn't stop us from appreciating each other and the friendship we share. If we DO talk about those topics, it is usually with a desire to understand where the other is coming from, rather than looking for an opportunity to pounce and tell the other one why they are wrong. 

I've also been fascinated to observe that we've changed positions quite a bit. The one who wouldn't listen to country music now loves it and the one who would only listen to country music now listens to a whole variety of music. The one who was raised without any religion ended up converting to Catholicism while another one has moved away from religion completely. There is a fluidness to it all. I can see that nothing is ever cast in concrete and we shift and change when we want to, not because we got beat down by the other's opinion. Granted, we aren't perfect so occasionally we slip back into old ways and give each other grief over a difference here or there but the majority of the time, we allow for those differences to be there.

The reason I am sharing all of this is because I can sense that this is something that will help us all navigate the years ahead. As long as we hang on to our differences to such a degree that we don't like other people or we blame them for what's happening in the world, we will perpetuate those types of experiences. As long as we ridicule and shame others for their beliefs, the more unhappiness and upheaval we will likely experience . . . and the more difficult it will be for everyone on the planet.

Conversely, if we can accept that others hold a different view or belief and focus instead on what we DO agree on or what we DO appreciate about each other, we can have relationships that are much more peaceful and freeing.

It's important to remember that accepting is not the same as agreeing. We don't have to all AGREE on every single issue in order to have a respectful relationship. If we can accept that we are going to have differences and focus instead on what we have in common, that will go a long way to shifting our collective experience. If we are able to accept that everyone is on their own journey, learning and growing in their own time and their own ways, the opportunities for peace and building bridges can present themselves even more rapidly.

I feel blessed that these two guys are still in my life. Regardless of where we are different, I know that any interaction we have is going to include a ton of laughter because we seem to bring out the best in each other when it comes to wit. I also know that no matter what, we will always show up for each other because we see each other with our hearts first. 

We have that choice every day. To use our hearts to help us see. To use compassion to help us connect. To hold space for others who are on a different path. At least for me, taking that approach makes life a whole lot sweeter.