This week, she has been more vocal than ever before and it has been nearly impossible to get anything done. I swear, not a half an hour has gone by when I hear her bark again and I'm dropping what I am doing to see what she needs. I'm never one to back down from a promise, but I'll confess, I have had moments this week where I wondered if she wasn't just playing a joke on me. I find myself laughing as I am walking over to her saying, "What do you need now angel?" "Do you just want to see if I'll really respond every time you bark?"
She has wanted to move to various places in the house so frequently, I can barely return one email before I am beckoned again. She wants to move into my bedroom, then she wants to be by the couch, then she wants to be in the hall, then she wants to be back in my bedroom but on a different bed in there. Sometimes she wants water and sometimes she has to go outside to go potty and sometimes I have absolutely no idea what she wants. I try to focus on how blessed I am that she is still here and that she WANTS to move around. I know it wouldn't be a good thing if she didn't have any interest in moving at all, so I am trying to be as enthusiastic as I can each time she calls on me.
Sometimes, I feel like the mother of a newborn. I saw my friends when they became parents, rushing to get things done when their baby went down for a nap and I often feel the same way when Lucky finally takes a little nap. I think to myself, "Should I jump in the shower? Should I try to return a couple of phone calls or return a few emails?"
I've realized that in many ways, the end of an animal's life is very much like the beginning. In the beginning, they need our constant care and attention, then they become more independent, and in the end, they once again need our constant care and attention. In the beginning, there are lots of potty accidents, then many years where there are none, and in the end, we're back to potty accidents again. It has made me think a lot about the circle of life.
Recently, when one of my clients lost her animal to old age, she was struck by some of the similarities between birth and death. Her insights were thought provoking and I have been thinking about it a lot since she shared her observations with me. She pointed out that when some babies are born, they arrive quickly without much fuss and other babies have a difficult time coming into the world, whether it is prolonged labor for their moms or emergency C-sections. She also observed through the passing of many beloved pets over the years that some pass quickly and quietly in their sleep, while others seem to struggle with passing, often needing assistance from a veterinarian to make their transition. She wondered if there was any correlation between how we come into the world and how we go out. I didn't have an answer for her but it has certainly made me think.
I don't have any data at this point to support any theories one way or another. I mostly have questions. I've been wondering . . . If you come into the world easily, does that mean you pass easily? or do we have one of each experience? (Come in easy, have more difficulty going out? or Have difficulty coming in, so you get to go out easily?) My own birth was apparently not easy. According to my mom, not only was I breach, I put her through hours and hours of hard labor and she missed a great 4th of July party because she was still in the hospital with me. :-) Oh and I think the A/C was broken at the hospital where I was born, in the middle of a humid Massachusetts summer, so it was a pretty rough ride any way you looked at it.
I'd like to think that since I had a hard time arriving, maybe I'll have an easier time on the way out but there's always a chance that if you have a hard time coming in, you'll have a hard time going out, as if it's something you signed up for before you arrived.
And I think about Lucky . . . not knowing what her birth was like, I have no way of predicting how she'll go out, even if I did have some solid data backed theories to lean on. I hope every day that she has an easy time. I think she struggled enough in the first 6 months of her life with all the wretched abuse she endured that she should be absolved of any further suffering. I don't know if my request will be granted, but I keep asking for her passing to be an easy one.
About the only time Lucky isn't barking at me for assistance is when we are in the car, at the park or at water therapy, so I am enjoying those aspects of our schedule with even more enthusiasm than before. :-)
I had been taking Lucky out for wagon rides around the neighborhood, but I realized that she really missed the park we used to go to all the time and she missed seeing all the children. I decided this week to start taking her for wagon rides at the park. The wagon fits perfectly in the back of my car and Lucky has seemed very happy to be at the park again, getting showered with attention from the children she knows and the new ones she is meeting each time we go. Here she is today at the park. I swear, she looked MUCH happier before I pulled out the camera. There were two ladies standing there when I pulled my camera out of my bag and they both witnessed the change in Lucky's demeanor once she saw the camera. So, I put the camera back in my bag so she could keep enjoying herself. :-)
It was interesting that last week I wrote about how I needed to come up with a short, positive, honest response to have handy when people asked "What's wrong with your dog?" and one of my clients was kind enough to give me a suggestion on what I could say, so when we went to the park today, I was all ready to try it out . . . and I never got the chance. Instead of "What's wrong with your dog?" people said things like "What a lucky dog!" and "My dog would love that!" and "She sure looks happy." The only question we were asked was, "Did your dog just have surgery?" and it was easy to answer that one honestly and briefly. :-)
It's not the first time I have witnessed this phenomenon. It seems that when we finally figure out how to respond to a difficult question, we don't get asked the question anymore, or when we figure out how to handle a difficult personality type, we no longer encounter people with those personality traits. It is as if what the Universe really wanted was for us to be prepared and that was the end of the lesson. :-)
Anyway, back to this concept of the circle of life . . . I know that in whatever time I have left with Lucky, I am going to try to see the joy in how similar the end of life is to the beginning. I am going to embrace the lack of sleep the same way I did when she was a puppy, and I am going to enjoy sleeping on the floor next to her when she is restless, just like I did when she was a puppy. And I am going to go to her every time she barks because I want her to know that she is just as important to me today as she was when she was a puppy, maybe even more so because of all we have shared and the way we have grown as a result of our being together.
On a side note, I discovered that the one addition to Lucky's breakfast and dinner that guarantees she'll eat it every last morsel is baby food. After months of "creative cooking" that wasn't always successful, I finally discovered that one tablespoon of Gerber's "Lasagna with meat sauce" baby food mixed in with her kibble is all it takes to make her a satisfied customer at meal time. While Lucky didn't eat baby food when she was a puppy, I find it interesting that it is what she seems to like so much now.
Whether your animal is in the beginning stage of life, the middle stage or the final stage, I hope you are enjoying every moment of it and if you haven't done so already today, I hope you will hug your animals and let them know how grateful you are that they are in your life.
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