When I first sat down with Buck, I was confused. I didn't sense he had a mean bone in his body and I didn't feel like he had a desire to fight with other cats. What I did sense was a desire to play. When I talked to his guardian about what I was picking up, all of the sudden things started to click for her. She said, "Since the time he was a kitten, he has been around dogs. He has always played with our two dogs and he always seemed to love it." I immediately got a sense of what was going on . . . Buck knew how to play with dogs, and he tried to play with other cats the same way, which was obviously a little too rough.
I had a talk with him and explained what I thought was going on. I told him that he was going to need to learn to be more gentle when he played with cats, that it wasn't the same as playing with a dog that was 5x his size. I asked him to please try being more gentle when he attempted to engage another animal in play. After our talk, he got up and walked out of the room.
His guardian and I continued to talk as we sat on the floor and all of the sudden one of her other cats appeared, laid down in front of me and rolled over on his back. As I was petting him, I said, "In all the times I have been here, I don't think I have ever seen him anywhere but the desk" and she laughed and said "Unless he needs to eat or go to the bathroom, he never leaves the desk." As he continued to roll around on the carpet in front of me, I could feel his joy. He was so excited we had talked to Buck and I realized he was afraid of Buck too . . . and that he was thrilled that we had finally talked to Buck about his "play style".
Buck's guardian told me that in the last couple of weeks, her other cat was now happily roaming around the house, something she wasn't sure he had ever done. She had never realized that it was fear that kept him on the desk all day. She thought he just liked it up there, but the change in him after we had our talk with Buck was amazing. She said he had been more playful, more adventurous, more affectionate. All this time, she thought he was just a "desk potato" but it turns out, he wanted a whole lot more out of life.
While it wasn't a good thing that the neighbors were upset with Buck, it ended up being a blessing in disguise because not only were we able to figure out what the problem was with Buck's play style, but we were able to open up a whole new world for her other cat.
Unfortunately, she was also noticing that Buck didn't seem happy when he came in from being outside anymore. He used to love going outside and was always very animated when he got home, but lately, he just looked bummed out when he got home. She asked me to talk to him the next time I was over at their house and see if I could figure out what was going on.
What I picked up from him was that even though Buck was willing to be more gentle and learn how to play like a cat instead of a dog, the other cats in the neighborhood wouldn't give him a chance. They would all run whenever they saw him coming. He was feeling sad about that because he really wants someone to play with. I explained to him that it's just going to take some time for him to rebuild trust with the other cats in the neighborhood. I told him that they don't know yet that he is trying to change and that he will need to show them he is being more gentle . . . and that he needs to be patient.
I think Buck will eventually find his way. He has a heart of gold and he is such a sweet cat. I am hopeful that the neighborhood cats will give him another chance.
Speaking of the importance of playing, I have another client whose cat has had some medical issues that I have been helping her get to the bottom of. The last time I was there, I kept getting the sense that her cat wasn't having enough fun. I asked her if she'd be willing to schedule a little play time every day with her cat. I wasn't sure how it was connected to the medical stuff, but I really felt like her cat needed to have a little more joy in her life. She said she was definitely willing to give it a try and that she'd keep me posted.
I got a call from her other other day and just the sound of her voice made me smile and told me things were going well. She said she couldn't believe what a positive impact the daily "play time" was having, not just for her cat but for her as well. She said she didn't think her cat ever wanted to play, as she had always been kind of shy and kept to herself, but since they started the daily play time, she said it was as if her cat developed a whole new personality.
She was now more animated, more affectionate, she was following her from room to room around the house, something she had never done before. She said her cat even starts playing with toys on her own now, something she thought she'd never see. She said she noticed that she's been happier too, that she looks forward to their play time as much as her cat does and that she finds herself smiling a lot more. Interestingly enough, her cat's medical issues seem
to be improving as well, without any change other than the daily play time.
It's a reminder to me how important play time is . . . not just for our animals, but for us as well. It's also about balance to me, something I wasn't very good at before Lucky came into my life. I've learned that if we schedule in a little fun every day, it makes it easier to deal with the more difficult or serious parts of our life. I guess that's why I was always so committed to getting Lucky to the park every day or why I always scheduled a trip to the beach after our tax appointment every year. Lucky has taught me a lot about the importance of having balance.
And I got another reminder this week, when I started to slip back into my "old ways." On Tuesday afternoon this week, Lucky seemed to lose all bladder control again. I took her out to go potty and she went but an hour later, the blanket she was laying on was soaked with urine. That night (and the next night, and the next night), we would go out to go potty before bed and she would pee a LOT, then I would wrap the lower half of her body up in a towel when I put her in bed. I'd wake up a couple hours later to find the towel soaking wet, which meant her pressure sore was also soaking in urine. I'd clean her pressure sore, change her bedding, re-wrap her in a towel and try to go back to sleep. A couple hours later, I'd wake up and find the towel soaking wet again, and the steps would need to be repeated.
This "trend" continued through Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and it was really exhausting me. I didn't know if it was going to be another temporary bout of incontinence like we had last May, or if it was going to be our new "normal." It was wearing me down, not just because of the massive amount of laundry I was doing every day and the lack of sleep but because of the fear that her pressure sores would get infected again. By Friday, I realized that I was so focused on the tasks at hand, that we hadn't been having any fun since Tuesday.
I was supposed to have lunch with a friend on Friday afternoon. I almost cancelled because I was feeling so wiped out but fortunately, I remembered how helpful "fun" can be when you are feeling the pressure of your "responsibilities."
I explained to my friend what I was dealing with and he was not deterred. He suggested we have lunch at a local restaurant that we could walk to, and told me they had a wonderful little table outside in a garden like setting where Lucky could join us. It sounded good to me, so we put Lucky in the wagon and cruised over to the restaurant.
Once we were there, I was delighted to see the little table, tucked off to the side of the parking lot, surrounded by plants and flowers. We wheeled Lucky and her wagon into the little dining area, went inside to order our food and then sat at the lovely table outside while we waited for our food. It was the perfect setting for some much needed R&R.
Eventually, Lucky decided she wanted to get out of her wagon, so I put her on the ground next to our table. (and no one was around to witness the pee accident she had when I lifted her out of the wagon, for which I think Lucky and I were both equally happy). She seemed to really enjoy herself and I know I did. It felt good to be doing something other than laundry :-) and it was nice to relax in the company of a good friend and think about something other than pressure sores and urine.
So, on Friday, we found some balance again. Thankfully, the accidents seem to be slowing down. We only did one bedding change last night and today, Lucky has seemed to have more control of her bladder. It's looking like maybe it was a temporary thing after all, although I know that if it starts again, we'll deal with it. As long as I can remember to keep scheduling "fun" for us, we'll be able to handle whatever stress comes along with our new challenge.
If you are feeling stressed out, maybe it's time for you to schedule a little "fun" as well. I am a firm believer in the importance of finding balance, even if I temporarily forget from time to time.
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