I found that this issue of Lucky's health shook up my foundation many times, making me question my beliefs, to second guess myself, to wonder if I was misguided and then ultimately finding my way back to my beliefs again, maybe even more strongly than before.
Shortly after I discovered the tumors, I spoke with my vet. He reminded me that the only thing tests would do would be to give me the name of the type of cancer and that in the process of getting tests done, cancer cells could end up being spread to other places in her body. I knew that wasn't what I wanted and I made my peace with not knowing the specific name of the cancer she had. I felt good about the path I was on.
My vet and I discussed our shared belief that our bodies are designed to be able to heal themselves and that one of the best things I could do was support Lucky's immune system. I started giving her an herb that is designed to do just that, (boost her immune system) and she started getting daily Reiki treatments from me. We also started her on another herbs that would work on getting rid of the tumors. I knew this was the right course of action for us because for me personally, chemo and radiation were never going to be an option I would choose. I wanted to get rid of these tumors and I also wanted to minimize any negative impact on Lucky's body.
It was a rocky couple of months, not seeing the tumors change in size and wondering what I was doing wrong, worrying that it wasn't going to work. I knew I had to face the fact that Lucky was 13, which is a pretty advanced age for a German Shepherd and that she might not be able to fight this. I also knew I had to accept that when her time came, it was her time and I didn't have the ability to change fate.
We switched to a different herb after a month to see if that worked and after another month, there was still no change in the size of the tumors. I wasn't willing to give up though and Lucky was telling me she wasn't ready to give up either. She told me by continuing to have a great appetite, by having energy and still being goofy. She told me in ways that I could feel in my heart, that she wasn't ready to go, so we pressed on.
There were many moments where my fears and emotions would get the best of me and my intuition, which seemed to work effortlessly with other people's animals, seemed to not work at all when it came to Lucky. There were days where I would be overcome with sadness and worry . . . worry about what I would do without her, worry that I wasn't doing enough, worry that I was letting her down in some way by not being able to make these tumors go away. The first herb hadn't worked, the second herb hadn't worked, the third herb hadn't worked. I was running out of options and feared that I was running out of time. It had been 4 months and there was still no improvement. I would have moments where I didn't think I would be able to figure out what to do, where I just wanted someone else to tell me what to do . . . and then eventually, I would find my center again and be able to access my own intuition about what to do next.
After a particularly rough couple of days of self doubt and worry, I finally found my center again. I felt peaceful and more empowered. I let my mind go quiet and asked what I needed to do to make these tumors go away, if that was possible. The answer came into my head . . . I needed to give her a combination of the 1st herb and the 3rd herb. I couldn't explain it scientifically, I didn't know why the combination of those two was the potentially right combinations, I had no data to back it up. All I knew was that an answer had come to me and I wasn't about to ignore it. I immediately started Lucky on the combination of the two herbs. I tried to resist the urge to check the tumors every day to see if they were changing, but at first it was hard to keep my hands off them. Eventually, I managed to stop checking them and tried to just trust that we were on the right track.
Last week, about three weeks after I had last touched her tumors, I decided to run my hands over them. Much to my surprise and delight, they were smaller. I was afraid I was wrong, afraid to get my hopes up, so I didn't touch them again for another week for fear that I would touch them again and discover they hadn't changed at all. But yesterday, I checked them again and sure enough, they are smaller.
There is still a long list of unknowns . . . I don't know if the tumors will keep shrinking, I don't know if I am going to need to change up the herbs I am giving her to keep this progressing positively, I don't know how long she'll be with me even if we do make the tumors go away.
What I do know though, is that this was the right path for us. I also know that one of the most important things I have learned through this is that I need to keep trusting myself, trusting my intuition and trusting what I am picking up from Lucky. I have also come to realize that there are new options out there every day for dealing with disease. We aren't stuck with limited choices if we're willing to take a chance at trying something new and if we're willing to trust that the right path will present itself if we stay true to ourselves and our own beliefs.
For the moment, I am blessed to have a beautiful German Shepherd, who can still make me laugh and melt my heart. I am holding the intention that the tumors continue to shrink until they are completely gone and I try to take a moment every day to picture her healthy and cancer free. I know I can't make her live forever but I can love her and appreciate her every day that she is here, and I can keep trusting that my intuition will help guide me to make the best choices I can for her.
If you have an animal with cancer, I hope you'll explore the many alternative treatments that are out there and trust yourself to find the one that is right for you and your animal.
No comments:
Post a Comment