Am I ready for another dog?

A few weeks ago, during the heat wave, a friend of mine called and asked if I would babysit her dog for a few hours that evening. It was too hot for him to be in the car and she didn't have enough time to drive him back home. I, of course, said, "Yes!" It has been a while since I had a dog to hang out with in the house, and the fact that he was a german shepherd made the opportunity that much sweeter.

Bear is a rescue, whom my friend has only had for about 6 weeks, so she's still getting to know him. One thing she does know is that, in spite of all he had been through before he came to live with her, he has bonded with her and subsequently, has a little trouble being away from her. I was sure he would be fine in my capable hands . . . that is until she left, and then I started to wonder.

The second she pulled away from my house, he started to get really anxious. He paced around the front door, then ran into the backyard to see if there was a way out, then came back inside the house and whined and paced at the front door some more. I tried coaxing him away from the door, but he wouldn't budge.

This is one of those times where it's tough being an empathic person, because I literally felt every ounce of his anxiety in my own body. I tried to talk to him and assure him that his mom would be back in a few hours, I tried distracting him with treats, I tried everything I could think of and still, the anxiety hadn't lessened.

I decided that maybe a walk would be helpful, so he (and I) could work some of the anxiety out of our bodies. I put the leash on him and we had a nice walk around the neighborhood. When we got back to the house, I offered him some water (and I decided it was a good thing that I hadn't been able to part with Lucky's bowls yet). He drank some water and seemed OK for a minute, but then went back to the front door. He laid down in the entry way and pressed his nose against the door. He was a little calmer, which was a good thing, but he still was feeling anxiety about his mom's return.

After a little while, I decided maybe another walk was in order because I didn't think it would be good for him to spend the rest of the evening with his nose pressed against the door. He happily got up, and let me put the leash on him and he seemed pleased to be out walking again. We cruised around the neighborhood for a while and when I could feel an improvement in his anxiety level, we headed back to my house.

This time, after offering him some water, I was able to get him to lay down on the floor in the family room. I considered that a major accomplishment. :-) I put my hands on him and started to give him some Reiki, to see if the energy could help calm him further. Within a few minutes, I was flooded with emotion, as he showed me what had happened to him in his previous 6 years. When I say he "showed me" - it's not like they were clear pictures and specific instances. It's as if you are watching a movie at such a high speed that you can't actually see any of the images . . . but what I could feel were his emotions . . . the fear, the sadness, the loneliness, the despair. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I apologized to him for what he had been through and told him how sorry I was that he hadn't been treated the way he should have been. I told him that I knew his new mom really well and that I was certain he would never experience anything but love and kindness in her care.

When his mom returned to pick him up, he was over the moon. He kissed her and kissed her and laid at her feet and rolled over on his back and made all sorts of sweet sounds. He clearly knew she was a very special person and that he was very lucky to have found her. It was such a precious thing to witness.

As for me, I was really glad I got a chance to have a dog in the house, even if it was just for a short while. I loved spending time with him, it warmed my heart to have a german shepherd in the house again, however, I was clear that it wasn't time for me to have a dog myself. People keep asking me when I am going to get another dog and I keep saying I don't know. What I do know is that it just isn't time yet.

This week, as I approach the anniversary of Lucky's passing, I can feel little waves of grief cropping up, like this morning, when I woke up and remembered what the last Sunday of our life together was like. That was the morning that her arms gave out and I could sense that the end was near. As I laid there in bed, I remembered how I cancelled my appointments that day because I thought she was going to make her transition that evening. I remembered camping out on the floor with her, telling her all the things I wanted her to know before she left and how at peace we both were, even though I couldn't stop crying.

I thought about how she hung on for 4 more days after that, making sure I had learned all the lessons she had come to teach me. Regardless of whatever sadness may be creeping in this week, I know that what I feel most strongly is gratitude. Gratitude for having had the chance to spend 14 years of my life with my precious girl.

Someday, I know I'll be ready to have another dog, but for now, I am content to relish in the memories of the dog I had . . . the dog who loved me, valued me, inspired me and protected me more than anyone else ever had . . . the dog who changed my life in ways I didn't realized my life needed to be changed. This week, I will be cherishing the memories of our final days together and remembering all the things I learned during our 14 years together.