Animals understand ALMOST everything we say

In my precious career, when I worked at an organizational development consultant, one of the things I did was coach managers on how to give their employees feedback in order to improve their performance.  One of the key points I always emphasized was the importance of being specific in your feedback.  It wasn't helpful to tell an employee they needed to be "more professional" because "being more professional" could be interpreted a hundred different ways and the employee would never know for sure what they were being asked to do.  I would help manager define the specific changes they were looking for, so that they could give their employees a clear understanding of what they were asking.  To me, it was paramount for setting an employee up for success.  

While this is something I believe in and try to always do in my communication with others, I caught myself slipping up with my german shepherd, Lucky recently.  I laughed to myself, thinking about the ribbing I would get from those managers I used to coach if they heard how unclearly I was communicating with Lucky.  

It all started when Lucky needed my help walking and we began using a sling.  Those first few weeks were equally frustrating and entertaining, depending on how I looked at it.  I would lean down, put the sling under her belly and be attempting to grab the straps when she would take off.  In her mind, she was ready to go and expected me to move when she was ready to move.  If I didn't have my hand firmly on the straps, the sling would fall off and after a few rapid steps, Lucky would fall down.  Or when I was getting her out of the car, I would lift her out and set her on the ground, then place the sling under her belly and she'd take off, not giving me time to even get the car door closed.  This resulted in multiple bruises from slamming my elbow or knee into the car door, or if I managed to throw the car door closed quickly enough and lost my balance, I'd slam into the garbage cans in the garage.  

I couldn't figure out why we couldn't make it work.  We looked like a couple of circus clowns every time we attempted to use the sling in the first few weeks and I couldn't figure out why it wasn't getting any better.  Then one day, I stopped and listened to myself and I realized that what I kept saying to Lucky when I was trying to get the sling on or tripping after her was "Lucky, WORK with me!"  "You need to work with me" and "We need to do this together."   At first I couldn't understand why she didn't "get it" but then I realized that I wasn't being specific enough in my feedback.  What the heck does "Work with me" mean anyway?  

I decided to take some of my own advice and describe more specifically what I needed from her. I said "When I lift you out of the car, I need you to give me a minute to get the car door closed and pick up my purse before you take off towards the door."  Amazingly, that was exactly what she did.  She waited until I had closed the car door before she started walking.   Each time I put the sling on her, I would tell her specifically what I needed her to do, whether it was wait until I picked up my keys and sunglasses before she started moving or to wait until I said goodbye to people. (because that was another one of our comedic routines, where I would put the sling on her when we were leaving somewhere and she'd just take off running, with me running behind her, trying to yell my goodbyes over my shoulder, while trying to keep up with her)

It's something to consider if you don't feel your animal is understanding you or being cooperative.  Are you being specific enough in your communication?  Will he/she understand what you are asking them to do?

This issue of being specific comes up a lot, often times with people saying "It's ok" to their animal without being anymore specific.  If your animal is barking at the person approaching the door, saying "It's ok" may not be specific enough.  You may need to say "I know this person and I trust them, they won't hurt us."   If your animal is afraid of something they hear, saying "It's ok" may not be enough.  You may need to be more specific "I know you don't like that "fill-in-the-blank" sound, but I promise, it won't hurt you. 

I always say animals understand everything we say, but I guess in some cases they don't. Not because they can't understand our language but because we are using words that are either too vague or not in their vocabulary.   A friend of mine was nice enough to write a testimonial for my website this week.  When I told her that I had uploaded what she wrote and also put a picture of she and her horse on my website, she said "Oh great, I can't wait to tell Tucker." I reminded her that Tucker may not know what "the internet" or a "website" is and that she might want to use other words to explain it to him.  She had a good laugh and thanked me for the reminder.  

As always, I encourage you to keep talking to your animals - Just keep in mind that the words we use will have an effect on how much they can understand.  

Tell them what you are doing, and why

Yesterday, I had an experienced that reminded me of how important it is talk to animals and explain things to them.  I was driving home on a pretty busy street when I saw two Beagles dart out into traffic . . . fortunately, myself and the other drivers around saw them and were able to stop in time.  I pulled over to the side of the road to see if I could get close enough to them to help them find their way home.  Without thinking things all the way through, I got out of the car and started walking towards the dogs, asking them to come to me.  They paused, looked at me for a minute and then darted back across the street.  My heart was pounding as I realized I had spooked them and could have put them in danger again.  Fortunately, they made it to the other side of the street without getting hit but I knew I needed to come up with a better plan.

I ran back to my car, grabbed two leashes, a couple of dog treats and my cell phone, items I didn't used to keep in my car, but I do now because I have been in this position before and learned that these items were essential for helping get a dog back home.  I crossed the street and found the dogs running around behind the grocery store, so I followed them back there. 

Before approaching them, I tried to put myself in their "shoes" for a minute.  If I were them and some person I didn't know came up and tried to grab me, I would do everything I could to get away.  I knew I needed to explain what I was doing and why, if I was going to gain their trust and not scare them off again.  I sat down on the ground and started to talk to them.  I told them I could see they were away from their home, that I was sure their parents were worried about them.  I told them how worried I was about them being hurt and how dangerous it was to run out in the street.  I explained that I wanted to help them get home.  As I talked, they came closer and closer to me and I could sense they understood what I was saying.  Then I explained that I had leashes to help walk them home and that I wanted to be able to look at their tags so I could find a phone number to call their parents.  

One of the Beagles came close enough to me that I could touch him.  I reached for his collar and he started to flinch and I reminded him that I needed to look at his tag so I could find his phone number.  He stood still for a minute and I was able to see that his tag did indeed have his number on it.  I explained to him that I was going to put the leash on him and that I was going to call his parents, pulling a treat out of my pocket to sweeten the deal.  He happily took the treat and allowed me to put the leash on. His brother stood several feet away from me, unsure of whether he wanted to come closer or not.  I kept talking to him and explaining what I was doing, reminding him again that I wasn't going to hurt him and that I wanted to help them get back home.  

I called the number on the tag and a man answered.  I said "Do you have two Beagles?" and he said "Yes, I do."  I explained that I had found them running around and wanted to get them back home.  He said he was about 10 minutes away from home, and that his wife was out running and errand as well but that one of them would get there as quickly as possible.  I told him where I was and that I had only been able to leash one of the dogs.  I asked him what his dogs names were and he said "Petie and Mr. Bojangles."  I repeated the names outloud and I noticed that when I said "Petie", the little dog in front of me cocked his head and looked calmer.  I laughed and said "Yes, I am on the phone with your dad, Petie."   The man told me where his house was, which was only a couple blocks away.  I told him that if I could get Mr. Bojangles on the leash, we'd meet him at his house, but otherwise, I'd stay where we were behind the grocery store until he got there.  

After we hung up, I stood up and Mr. Bojangles started to run around the corner, back towards the busy street again.  Petie and I went running after him and when I got within ear shot, I started talking to him again.  "I just talked to your dad, Mr. Bojangles, it's ok, he knows I am going to help you get home."  I asked him if he would allow me to get close enough to him to put the leash on, reminding him that I wasn't going to hurt him and that I had a treat for him if he'd allow me to put the leash on.  I then pointed at his brother and said "See, Petie is on a leash and he's ok."  He looked at me for a minute, contemplating what I had said, and then took a couple steps towards me and allowed me to put the leash on.  After that, we were able to walk to their house and they were warmly greeted by both their mom and their dad who got home within minutes of each other.  

I share this story because I know I am not the only one who has encountered a lost dog, and I also know how scary and frustrating it can be when the dog keeps running away from you, potentially into harms way, when all you are trying to do is help them.  If you find yourself in this position, I hope you will talk to the animal and explain who you are, what you are doing and why.  If you were a dog and you were lost, I bet it would scare you even more if someone was trying to grab at you or your collar.  I know it would scare me.  And I know it would make me feel calmer if I understood why they were doing it.  Yes, the treats are always a nice touch too.  :-)  but I saw how much it calmed these two dogs when I explained what I was going to do and why, so I can't discount the importance of communicating our intentions. 

Not everything is because of 'old age'

I think too often, people doctors and animal doctors write off things that are going on with us and our pets as a sign of aging.  I cringe when I hear a doctor say "well, you are getting older" when I question something that is going on with my body . . .  and I cringe when a vet tells me or someone else that what is going on with their animal is probably "because they are getting older."  I think if we are too quick to blame "old age" we might miss out on important information and possible solutions.  

I have had it happen to me personally.  I have seen it happen with many of my friends and many of my animal clients.  I have also seen that often what is going on isn't just an "old age" issue but rather something else entirely.  

A couple years ago, I started to gain weight for no reason.  I was eating healthy, running 3 miles a day and yet, my waist kept expanding.  When I talked to my doctor about it she said "well, you're in your 40's now."  Her solution was for me to run 6 miles a day, you know, since I was getting older and all.  Not only was I offended but I also knew I couldn't find the time to run twice as much every day (I run kind of slow) so I kept searching for answers.  I found a new doctor who determined that I had a hormone imbalance.  When we made adjustments to my thyroid medication and my estrogen level, my waist suddenly got smaller, even though I wasn't exercising more or eating any differently.  

Another example was several years ago when Lucky lost her hearing.  The vet said "Well, this happens as animals get older" but I knew it wasn't an old age issue, even though he kept insisting it was.  Long story short, I finally realized that the ointment I had been putting in her ears for ear mites had created a film on her eardrum, thus creating "hearing loss."  After a couple rounds of ear wash, Lucky's hearing was restored.  

Recently, two of my animal clients started having pee accidents.  In both cases, their vet said "these things happen when animals get older" and while I do know that is true, and they can lose the elasticity in their bladders as they age, I don't think it is ALWAYS the case.  Both these animals guardians were trying to accept that 'this was how it was going to be now' and they were doing their best to deal with the new challenges that come with frequent pee accidents.  

Interestingly enough, with both of these animals, I could feel a burning sensation in my bladder when I was working with them.  I asked both of the guardians to check with their vets to see if the animal could possibly have a bladder infection.  Both got confirmation from their vets that that was exactly what was going on.  After getting both animals on anti-biotics, the pee accidents began to subside.  

While many things do happen with "old age," it concerns me that we go there so quickly, without exploring what else could be going on.  I write this tonight in the hopes that you will think about this the next time a doctor tells you that something going on with you or your animal is a result of "old age" and that it will inspire you to ask more questions about what else could be the cause.  In many cases, they may be right . . . but in the off chance that they are wrong, wouldn't you like to find another solution besides "accepting that you or your pet are getting older?"

If I hadn't pushed for more answers, none of my clothes would fit and Lucky wouldn't have been hearing several years ago.  :-)  FYI, Lucky DOES have hearing loss from her age now, which I accept but three or four years ago, that wasn't the case.  So, keep asking questions, keep exploring alternative explanations for the things that are going on with you and your animals. 

I don't believe we need to rush into the "well, you're getting older" explanation so quickly.  

Listen to your intuition

I believe that everyone has intuition, whether you call it a gut feeling or an insight or something else. It's the thought that comes into your mind, a "knowing" that you have, although you aren't sure how you came to "know" it.  Personally, I think the real challenge with intuition isn't "getting it" but rather learning to listen to it and to trust what comes to you.  

In the work that I do with animals and their guardians, I find that one of the areas I focus on a lot is helping the guardians learn to trust their intuition.  They all have it, as evidenced by the number of times I tell people what I am picking up from their animals and I hear them say, "I was wondering about that" or "I had a feeling that is what was going on" or "That thought went through my head the other day."  Whether it is a medical issue or an emotional/behavioral issue, my clients often have a good idea about what is going on with their animals but are afraid to trust it.  

I feel that part of my job as a healer and animal communicator is to help my 2-legged clients develop more trust in what their intuition is telling them.  The benefits to them are many, i.e. the more they trust the insights they get, the better and more quickly they will be able to help their animals, and if they are trusting their intuition, they will have less need for me or someone like me.  

This surprises some people and they question why I would want people to need me less.  My philosophy is no different now than when I was working as an organizational development consultant.  I think my job has always been to empower people, to help people trust themselves and believe in themselves.  I think the more we trust ourselves, the stronger and more capable we become.  And the more we listen to our intuition, the stronger it becomes as well.  I want to help people to believe in themselves, not help them be dependent on me because making people dependent is "unempowering" them in a way.  

If you don't currently believe you have intuition or you aren't currently trusting the "knowing" you have, I encourage you to start paying attention to the number of times someone tells you something and you think to yourself "I had a feeling . . ."  When you are at the vet and he/she says "This is what is going on with your animal," how often are they telling you something you already suspected?   If you go to an alternative practitioner, whether it's a chiropractor or an accupuncturist, or you meet with an animal communicator, pay attention to the number of times you think to yourself "I had a feeling that's what was going on."   I think you'll be surprised by the number of times you were "right" about what was going on with your animal.

Often times our fear of trusting ourselves makes us listen to other people too much and then things get really confusing.  I can't tell you how many of my clients have said to me "Well, I thought this is what was going on with my dog but then Sally at the dog park said it was probably this, and my next door neighbor said her dog had similar symptoms and it was that, and now my head is spinning and I have no idea what is wrong with my dog and I'm really scared."  Most of the time, when the person finds out what is wrong with their animal, they were the ones who were right . . not the lady at the dog park or their next door neighbor, often times not even their vet.  

I had one client whose dog had received a "cancer diagnosis" from her vet, based on some lab work.  She kept saying to me, "I just don't think he has cancer."  That thought never left her mind or her heart.  Her intuition kept telling her he was not a dog with cancer and several months later when they had his lab work done again, this time the lab work prooved that she was right . . . he just didn't have cancer.  Hard to know if the lab work was wrong in the first place, or if her positive thought and belief that he was well helped create that outcome.  All I know was that her intuition kept telling her he didn't have cancer and her intuition was right.

So, trust your intuition!!  Don't ignore the "knowing" that comes to you.  Trust yourself!!  You'll be happy you did!

Redefining "normal"

As our animals grow older, we may find that they can't do things they used to be able to do in the past.  Sometimes, this can make us sad and we can spend more time grieving over the things our animal can no longer do, instead of enjoying what they can still do today.  It is a subtle shift in how we view our animals but a shift we can't always make if we aren't aware of it. 

A sweet pug that I had the honor of knowing passed away last Thursday.  When I first met him last summer, he has some advice for me and as a way of honoring him and his life, I would like to share his wonderful advice with all of you.  He told me that I needed to keep redefining what "normal" was for Lucky.   At first, the advice took me by surprise, as I wasn't sure how it related to me and what was going on but after a few minutes of contemplation, I realized his advice couldn't have been more on target.  

At the time I met this darling pug, who went by the name Pug, Lucky was losing use of her back legs.  Our world was changing and I wasn't very happy about the changes.  It made me focus more on the fact that she was getting older and she probably wouldn't be with me much longer, which made me even more sad. After thinking about Pug's advice, I could see that I had been focusing more on "what we couldn't do anymore" instead of what we could still do.  Lucky wasn't able to chase the tennis ball anymore, which meant our daily trips to the park weren't going to be the same.  We couldn't go to her favorite beach anymore because there are about eighty steps from where you have to park to get to the sand and Lucky just couldn't do stairs anymore.  I was spending so much time thinking about what we couldn't do anymore that I was missing out on opportunities to enjoy what we still had.  

While our trips to the park couldn't include chasing the tennis ball, it didn't mean that we couldn't go and enjoy some social time with the children that Lucky loved so much.  We redefined "going to the park" to be about socializing instead of ball chasing.  And while we couldn't go to our favorite beach, it didn't mean we couldn't find a new beach to go to, one without stairs.  And when we went to our "new beach" (the one without stairs), our new definition of a "normal trip to the beach" involved us sitting in the sand, watching the waves and the birds and the other people and sharing a snack.   I began trying to find new ways of defining "normal" so that I could be happy about what was, instead of thinking about what used to be, and I was amazed at how much it lifted my spirits. 

Now that Lucky needs my help to walk with the use of a sling, we go out in the yard together when she has to go potty.  I used to go out in the backyard with her, but if it was raining, I would stick close to the house, hanging out under the eaves so that I could stay dry.  Now, I am out there with her, regardless of how hard it is raining and I think of it as an adventure.  It's our new "normal" - both of us getting drenched in these rainy days and nights and it doesn't make me unhappy.  It makes me feel happy to be able to be there with her, to help her, and I even laugh sometimes about how drenched we are both getting.  

I try to look at each change in our routine in a positive light, seeing it as our "new normal" so that I can keep enjoying every day that we have together.  I know I am not the only animal guardian who is faced with this dilemma . . . of seeing your animal unable to do the things they used to do and I also know that I am not the only animal guardian who can benefit from trying to find joy in the new definition of "normal."

I am grateful that I met Pug and that I was able to receive such wonderful advice from him.  As a way of keeping his spirit alive, I am going to keep his advice in the forefront of my mind.  I know it will help Lucky and I make the most of the time we have together, enjoying every moment, regardless of how different it may be from how things used to be.  Maybe it will even help some of you who are reading this, who have an animal who is getting older.  I hope you will keep redefining "normal" and making the most of the time you have together.