Brotherly Love - refreshed post from 2014

 

Brotherly Love

I am always curious when I see that an old blog post of mine is suddenly getting a lot of activity. (I wrote this post back in 2014.). Reading it again, I thought it would be a perfect post to reshare now, to remind us that animals have so much to teach us if we can take the time to pay attention to what we are being shown. 

These two dogs had some beautiful wisdom to impart that day - wisdom that deserves to be shared again. I hope you enjoy the post, whether it is new to you or a post you read back in 2014.

Yesterday, I went to a client's house to give Reiki treatments to their two dogs.  They went out of town for the holidays and they thought the "boys" would appreciate a Reiki treatment to help them through the long week. 

After our initial greeting, I asked Tyde and Yuki if they would like to set an intention for their healing treatment.  I heard them say they would like to feel peaceful and loved. As I was repeating the intention, I heard "And special."  I couldn't stop smiling as I included that in our intention.

I started working on Tyde, the older of the two dogs. His brother, Yuki was laying on his bed, staring at us and whimpering. I explained to him that they were both going to get treatments, but Yuki continued to whine. I asked him if he would prefer that I switch back and forth every fifteen minutes and I got a "yes."  At the agreed upon time, I scooted over to Yuki's bed and began giving him Reiki. He was very happy. 

Fifteen minutes later, I scooted back over to Tyde's bed to resume his Reiki treatment and Yuki began to whimper and whine again. I reminded him that I was going to keep alternating but that didn't seem to make him happy.  Just then, Tyde struggled to his feet and moved over to the other side of his bed, which was closer to Yuki's bed. I realized he was moving over there so I could work on both of them at the same time. I thanked Tyde for coming up for a solution and he let me know he was happy to help. 

As I sat there, with a hand on each one of them, they both fell asleep - they were so relaxed and at peace.  Tyde started to snore and several times, Yuki let out a sigh of contentment. It was so precious, I felt compelled to take my hands off them for a moment to take a picture. 

As the treatment continued, they snuggled closer and closer to each other - ultimately ending up right up against each other.

It was so sweet to spend that time with them and I loved getting to witness how "siblings" often look out for each other and do whatever they can to make sure everyone is happy.

May you all feel as content as Tyde and Yuki as you celebrate the holidays.   My wish is that you all feel as peaceful, loved and special as these sweet boys did yesterday.

Perfect Gift for the Holidays!

I thought it was the perfect time to put out a plug for my book - Lucky For Me, A Journey of Healing and Self-discovery. Given that many folks are still trying to wrap up their holiday shopping, this might be the ideal present for folks on your list (Or even a nice gift to yourself)  :-) 

Is there anyone on your list who is:

- A huge animal lover?

- On a healing path (physical or emotional)?

- Trying to find themselves and discover who they truly are? Or love themselves more fully?

- Wanting to better understand themselves and their innate gifts?

If so, Lucky For Me could be the perfect gift for them this holiday season. 

Here is a link to the publisher, if you would like to make a purchase and below that, I have included some reviews of my book to give you a better idea of the content, from the perspective of other readers, to help you decide who on your list might really enjoy this book as a holiday gift. (Or a "just for the heck of it" gift).

https://riversanctuarypublishing.com/shop/lucky-for-me/

Reviews: 

Like the boy on an expedition who seeks wisdom by attending to omens in The Alchemist, author Maureen Burkley listens intently to signs she receives from Lucky, her adopted German Shepherd. What she learns couldn’t help but propel her on a quest for personal healing and self-discovery. 

Searching to understand the root causes of Lucky’s illnesses, Maureen gingerly and lovingly assists her companion in overcoming deep-seated traumas. Through the unraveling of Lucky’s knotted wounds, Maureen shows us how we can be alchemists of our own pain and transform whatever shackles us from being our best selves. 

Lucky For Me is an intimate portrait of two friends who discover when one of us evolves, everything around us evolves. The hard-earned lessons Maureen imparts throughout her story are poignant and timely, told with extraordinary honesty and regard for the reader. This is not only a must-read for animal lovers, but for anyone who could use a reminder of the preciousness of every life.

Paula Francis – author “Ten Pair Of Shoes”

******************

Maureen Burkley has written a book that any dog lover will find engaging, instructive, and transformational. Her experiences gained from adopting an abused and traumatized puppy greatly illuminate the canine/human relationship. And in doing so, illustrates the profound connection and exchange of learning that is possible between a person and any living creature. 

Maureen’s journey with her German Shepherd, Lucky shows how approaching a challenging task with self-awareness and openness leads to profound discovery and healing growth. The story presents a lesson in compassion while revealing insights and training methods that made me a more loving and responsible dog parent and gave me clues about my own mental-emotional patterns. As a specialist in Emotional Intelligence, I found the book to be a consistent primer threaded with behavioral practices and keys to personal awareness that span the spectrum of relationships. Curiosity, openness, and compassion open us to deeper connections and reveal new paths. And it’s just a great dog story!

Steve Whiteford – Applied Emotional Intelligence Consultant 

*****************

It has been a long time since I resonated with and was moved by a book. “Lucky For Me” resonated with me and I was definitely moved by it. As a longtime dog lover and parent, I truly believe that dogs have souls. It is truly a gift to have a special emotional connection with an animal. They save us and we save them. Thank you for saving Lucky and I am glad she was able to help save you as well.

K.C.

****************

Maureen's book is so inspiring and very interesting to read. She showed so much strength and perseverance during her special journey with Lucky. There is so much of her heart and determination to help Lucky with her challenges. You truly see the power of unconditional love.  The connections Maureen made to guide her were almost unbelievable or magical since many came in strange ways and at just the right time.  

So many stories in the book that I could relate to or felt the same way at times. While reading her book it triggered many of my own memories. My favorite stories were her many fun times with Lucky. Although Lucky had some struggles she never gave up either and actually help to guide Maureen on her path. Lucky brought so much joy to so many people of all ages.  They were such gifts to each other and also to so many people, myself included.

Maureen's book taught me several things that could help me in my life as well. 

L.B.

**************************

A summary of the book can be found on the book purchase link but for those who prefer not to have to do so much "clicking" I have pasted a copy of the summary below:

From the time Maureen was a little girl, all she wanted was a German shepherd. Then one day she is inexplicably drawn to a news story about a shepherd puppy that had been used in a dog-fighting ring and then heartlessly discarded in a dumpster. Was this the German shepherd she was meant to have? An adoption lottery could answer that and change her life in unimaginable ways.

Lucky For Me takes us deep into the lives of Lucky, the severely abused German shepherd and Maureen, her adopter. Assuming the role of rescuer, Maureen set out on what felt like an insurmountable mission to help Lucky heal from her physical and emotional wounds. Along the way she was catapulted into her own healing journey. Will Lucky and Maureen be able to overcome the obstacles that life has dealt them? 

Maureen gives us an honest and introspective look at their quest to regain their confidence and find their way back to whom they are meant to be. As they endeavor to accept, heal and release the past, Maureen realizes how disconnected she is from her true self. 

While attempting to answer the question “Who am I?” pieces of the puzzle begin to reveal themselves in synchronistic and magical ways. Discovering the hidden gifts in her extreme sensitivity and empathic nature, Maureen’s bond with Lucky grows even stronger and more powerful. As the process of self-discovery unfolds, a new way of life emerges—one that finally feels like home. 

Lucky for Me is a true story about second chances and new beginnings. It follows Lucky and Maureen as they navigate the ups and downs of the somewhat rocky terrain to self-acceptance and self-love. Ultimately, their inspiring adventure shows us what is possible with love, courage, forgiveness, and trust.

Things Are Not Always What They Appear To Be

 

I am writing this in the hopes that it can be a gentle nudge for folks to sharpen their discernment skills. We are surrounded by so many opportunities to make assumptions and be led astray. A snapshot can take on so many different "meanings" based on what is written (or not written) to go along with the picture. Whether it is a personal picture or a picture on a business website . . . a sentence, a few sentences or a whole article - I see it happening all around us. This seems to be on the rise even more now than ever, which may require us to be more curious and to ask a lot more questions than we have had to in the past. 

A humorous example of this is several years ago a good friend of mine got chastised by family and "friends" for spending too much time in bars (based solely off his posts on social media). They saw him post artful pictures of cocktails, some group shots and empty plates and glasses. Based on that, people automatically assumed he was betraying his family, being an absentee father, becoming an alcoholic, etc. None of that could have been farther from the truth.

It irritated him so he called up a few of us and said "If you can come over tonight, I'll cook dinner. Oh and bring hats and some books." Of course we all thought "What??" but we complied. LOL  When we arrived he told us about the bashing he was getting and said he wanted to post something "different." We took some pictures with our hats and books and then he posted them on social media with a caption about being at a poetry reading that night. It was a hoot and we had a really good laugh over the whole thing.

It is a perfect example of how easy it is to misread / misunderstand pictures and how easy it is for people to purposely mislead others. Maybe you have seen some of this occurring as well. 

Bottom line, we will be helping ourselves immensely if we take the time to discern what the truth is . . . whether it is through asking questions, tuning into our intuition or any other means to authenticate what we are seeing or what assumptions we are about to make. Maybe it comes down to not automatically believing things unless we personally know the person who made the post or if you are only seeing pictures of "happy employees" while interviewing for a job, maybe you can ask for permission to speak to a few employees one-on-one to learn more about the company from them. Whatever the situation is - the point I am making is that it up to us to be more cautious about what is being shared or presented to us.

In the case of my friend all those years ago, he thought posting pictures of he and his family watching a movie together or a picture of he and his wife when they were sharing intimate time was not appropriate for social media and/or way too personal. He tended to take pictures when he was out with friends, whether it was a work function / offsite or boredom when his wife and kids went out of town to visit her parents. He was just being goofy and those of us who knew him and his sense of humor knew not to make any assumptions about what he posted.

After our "poetry reading" that night, we went for a walk around the neighborhood to look at Christmas lights. While we were out, it started to rain but in the photographs, the raindrops looked more like snow. It would have been so easy to include a caption that said "First snow in California in three decades." Most folks wouldn't have thought twice about it, unless of course they were someone who lived in the neighborhood and knew better. :-) 

I'm not suggesting that we all become paranoid - LOL - just merely offering up that sharpening our discernment skills could help us quite a bit in the current environment we are in. Whether it is accidental or on purpose, it is really easy these days to give people a false impression, skew reality or get people to believe things that aren't true.

Healing Ourselves By Changing Our Beliefs

This topic has come up so frequently lately, I decided to dust off a blog I wrote in April of 2021 and publish it again. I've refreshed the content a bit but the underlying message is the same . . . We may hold beliefs about ourselves that don't serve us or that keep us stuck in old patterns, which can effect our physical health, our emotional health and our mental health. And if we can identify what those limiting beliefs are, we have the option to choose new beliefs any time we want.

I personally believe that most of us have things to heal - to varying degrees. An easy way to identify them is when we get triggered by something, i.e. have a bigger reaction to something than may seem appropriate at the time. We can get triggered by something because we have a belief that we are holding onto (consciously or unconsciously) that limits us or makes us feel "less than" who we truly are. (i.e. not smart enough or not educated enough, etc.)

It can be a belief based on experiences we had, that we keep seeing "proof" of (i.e. people not listening to us or not believing us, or constantly being interrupted when we are trying to speak, etc).  These "wounds" can show up in so many ways . . . . those are just a few examples to give you an idea of what I am referring to. 

In our world right now, I also see an incredible amount of judgement and blame flying around. (These folks are often triggered more than the average person). When I see someone judging the heck out of other people, it makes me sad because I know that it often indicates they are someone who was judged a lot when they were young and they likely judge themselves as harshly if not more harshly than they judge others. 

The "beliefs" we hold about ourselves (again, it can be consciously or unconsciously) carry energy so we can inadvertently "pull in" experiences that match those beliefs, like a magnet pulls metal towards it. If we believe we are unlovable, we may attract partners who don't treat us very well or not attract a partner at all. If we believe we will never catch a break in life, we may find that we keep having the experience of not catching a break - over and over again. 

These "opportunities to heal" can show up in so many ways. Typically we have been living with them for so many years that we don't even think of them as "wounds" . . . they are just "who we are" or "the way things are in the world" or whatever. 

Personally, I believe we have a choice to keep holding onto these old beliefs and therefore keep having these less desirable experiences over and over. Or we can "heal" what's underneath them, let go of the beliefs and be free of them once and for all . . .  if we want to. I have seen time and time again what a positive impact it can have on people's emotional, mental and physical health when we challenge and let go of old beliefs.

If you are interested in making a change, as a starting point, you may want to pull out a pad of paper and write down all the things that have triggered you lately (things people do that have frustrated you / upset you, sadness or anger over how you've been treated, etc). Then spend a little time thinking about each item on your list. Can you identify the "belief" underneath it that you might be holding? Get curious about yourself and what keeps showing up in your life that you'd prefer not to keep experiencing. 

Once you have familiarized yourself with your triggers and what beliefs may be underneath them, there are lots of possibilities for how you can let go of them. One simple thing you can do as a starting point is to ask yourself "Do I want to continue to believe this? Do I want to keep having this experience? Sometimes it can be as simple as making a conscious choice to say "No! I am done having that experience" and then decide what you want to experience instead.

You can use your imagination and visualize "letting go" of the belief. You can write down what you'd like to believe instead and keep repeating that in your mind (often referred to as an "affirmation") every day. Based on how big of a change it will be, you can decide how often you want/need to repeat the affirmation. 

If you know when you first formed the belief, you can "re-write the script" and see it play out in a more positive way. For instance, if you hold the belief that you aren't smart enough because someone told you a long time ago that you were dumb, imagine that conversation differently, see the person saying something positive instead or imagine someone else reminding you how smart you are. Remember there is no "right way" to do it. Have some fun with it. What approach feels best to you?

If the belief is a little more "embedded" in our system, it can sometimes require a little more effort on our part to set it free - once and for all.

Sometimes I look at the item and ask myself "Have I ever done this? (Often the answer is "yes" which allows me to have a little more compassion for the person who has triggered a reaction in me). As an example, I struggled with the "not being heard / not being believed" experience for much of my life. One day, it occurred to me that there were times where I didn't listen to myself (either ignoring my own gut feeling about something or doing something because it was expected of me, not because it felt right / aligned with my heart). Once I realized that, it was easier to forgive myself for the times I treated myself that way. After doing that, I vowed to make a continual effort to listen to myself. And the super cool things is that almost right away, I noticed that I was having a lot less instances of other people not listening to me. 

Sometimes I needed to offer myself compassion for having had the experience in the first place. In those cases, I treat myself the way I would treat one of my closest friends, and say - even if it's just in my mind - "Wow, that really sucks. I can only imagine how cruddy that must have felt to have people not believe you when you were telling the truth. I'm really sorry you went through that" or whatever the appropriate wording is for the situation. Often the act of offering myself some compassion for an experience is all I need to let go of the underlying belief.

Remember there is no "right way" to let go of or change a belief that doesn't serve us or support us in creating the life experiences we want to have. Play around with it and see what results you get. If you don't feel you let it go completely or don't see anything change in your interactions with others, play around with it some more, let your imagination come up with another technique for clearing it out and see what happens.

The important thing to remember is that we get to choose. We get to decide if we want to let it go. We are free to change what we believe about ourselves anytime. We are free to have a life filled with the kind of experiences we want to have. (which can have a positive affect on our physical health as well as our mental and emotional health). The trick is to remember that it all starts with us. We can't change other people but we can change ourselves and the thoughts and beliefs we are holding inside.

Isn't it time for us all to heal from the things that have kept us from being who we truly are? Free of limitations and free to live a life that feels more expansive and enjoyable? 

ps:  I chose this picture of a Stellars Jay for this blog (that my sweet neighbor took for me because she knows they are one of my most favorite birds). They symbolize freedom and independence, as well as energy, curiosity, vision and determination. All of that seemed to connect with what I have written here, plus I just adore them and love seeing pictures of them.  :-)  

How Are We At Handling Conflicting Information?

Lately, I've been observing how much resistance there is to people hearing anything that doesn't match their current beliefs. I see people lashing out at the person who has attempted to shine the light on something they have a concern about. Often others react by ridiculing the person or flat out bullying them with negative comments, labeling them as "idiots, conspiracy theorists, fear mongerers" etc. or demanding that they "prove that with irrefutable scientific evidence." 

As someone who has been on the receiving end of some of these labels, as well as a witness to it happening to others, it can be incredibly disheartening when you see how downright ugly we can be to others when we are presented with something that we are not ready to consider. It seems that the more we don't want to believe something is true, the more resistant we can be. Why are we so afraid to open up to the possibility that we may not know the truth about everything?

Seeing someone or something that we have believed in or felt was a trusted authority crumble before our eyes can be difficult to wrap our brains around. I get it. I have experienced this myself, many times, when someone I looked up to fell off the pedestal I had put them on. I didn't want to see it at first - I just didn't want to believe that the "truth" that was being shown to me could be possible. 

There's that feeling of overwhelm that can come with it, the fear that everything we thought was true is going to come crashing down around us if we accept this new information. 

Over the years, I have come across a lot more information that I didn't want to believe at first. Even though it often initially had me reeling, in time I learned that it was helpful to just sit with it or "put a pin in it." I learned to wait and see if more information on the topic came across my path in the coming weeks and months. I learned to keep my eyes and my mind open so that if more information DID come along that either confirmed or refuted what I had read before, I would see it.

Knowing that the only thing we can truly control is ourselves and our reactions to things, that can be a good place to start. When someone says something that riles us up, rather than lashing out at that person, maybe we can stop and ask ourselves "Why is that bothering me so much?" 

Is it possible the person is sharing information that you just don't WANT to believe? What if what was being shared WAS true? What would it mean to us and our life? Would we be able to continue living as we assimilated that new information? or would our world truly fall apart if we accepted a new "truth" into our reality? Could it be possible that some of what the person is sharing is true? 

If you still think the person is an idiot or a conspiracy theorist, can you keep that to yourself rather than publicly slamming the person with those labels? Can you just file it away and be open to the fact that everyone has a right to believe what they believe? Can you maybe even consider the possibility that there might be some truth in what they shared?

Sometimes new information forces us to let go of some of our old beliefs. That isn't always a bad thing. Decades ago, I was given the opportunity to learn that doctors don't always have all the answers. Does that mean I think all doctors are bad? Not at all. It just means that I don't expect them to be perfect anymore. And it helped me learn to tune into my own body, to listen to what it was telling me instead of relying solely on a doctor's knowledge and opinions. Was it disappointing at the time? You bet it was . . . and yet ultimately it also helped empower me.

One of these days many of the things that have been "hidden" from us for decades (and centuries) might start coming out . . . and if so there is a good chance we are going to learn things we don't really want to know or be shown things that we won't want to accept. It seems like now is a pretty good time to prepare for it, to look at ourselves and see how we react and respond to information that is outside our comfort zone or outside of our "reality bubble." 

It may be the perfect time to find ways to process new information that we might not initially be comfortable with. That way, if and when light is shed on things that were previously hidden from us - whether it is a horrible experience or an experience that ultimately allows us to begin spreading our wings - will be entirely up to us. 

Match or Mismatch? (Refresh of an older post)

This post was originally written back in November of 2019. I decided to give it a refresh and share it again because there seems to be a lot of this energy floating around lately . . . the "mismatcher" approach to listening. IMHO what we really need right now is for more "matchers" to come forward and help change the way we listen to one another. I have witnessed how that alone can create huge positive shifts in our interactions with others.

Back when I was a corporate trainer, I taught a lot of courses on personality and operating styles. We had participants look at their own operating styles to better understand themselves and then look at the operating style of someone they wanted or needed to partner with in the workplace. Based on those style differences and similarities, they came up with an approach that could open the door to working more easily with that person. (A post-workshop homework assignment)  :-) 

One course in particular had an element of a tool that was often difficult for folks to navigate. It was the concept of "matching" vs. "mismatching." Some people are natural matchers. They are the person who listens to another person speak and looks for things they might have in common - ways they "match" . . . this is the person who might say "Oh wow, you grew up in Arkansas? I have relatives who live there" or "One of my best friends also went to Whitworth and he loved it." 

Mismatchers, on the other hand, look for where they don't match. They might say, "I'd never want to live in Arkansas" or "Why would anyone go to a school that small and unknown?" They consciously or unconsciously look for where they "disagree" with what someone else has said. Mind you, I am not sure these folks are even aware that they do it. Rarely did I ever see anyone write down that they were a mismatcher in my classes. Usually I think it is just so ingrained in how they think that they don't notice how often they respond this way. While these folks are great to have on a project team because they can help identify possible pitfalls to solutions and implementation plans, they can also be difficult to find common ground and a sense of ease with.

I remember one particularly draining workshop I taught where I had a mismatcher in class . . . if I said "Here's a tool you can use in these types of situations" he would say, "I can think of a situation where that wouldn't work."  It took a lot of energy on my part to keep shifting things back to the positive because each time he "mismatched" what I said, more of the participants began to feel less hopeful that the course material could help them improve their work relationships. A mismatcher's energy can also spread like wildfire, which is why it can be so problematic. 

On a side note, a fun fact is that when I spoke to him about it privately, he was shocked! He had been completely unaware that he did it and was grateful that I had brought it up. He did his best the next day in class to stop himself from mismatching and seemed quite surprised at just how often he did it. Throughout the day, it became rather comical each time caught himself and we had some good laughs over it. A valuable lesson was there for me too as the experience really cemented the idea that most mismatchers don't realize they do it.

I decided to write about this now because of the huge increase I have seen in mismatchers lately.  It used to be they were a very small percentage of the population but that seems to have changed in recent years. Get on any form of social media and you will find yourself saturated in mismatchers . . . people commenting on where others are wrong, where they view something differently, where what is being said is contrary to their own beliefs, etc. 

The good news is that I have found that once we observe ourselves well enough to understand if we are a matcher or a mismatcher, we then have control over which approach we use. And I believe it is a choice we can make every time we go into an interaction with another person, whether it is in person or while we are scrolling on line. We can choose to listen (or read) with a focus on where we can agree and have common ground - or we can choose to listen (or read) with an ear towards where we don't agree.  It is completely up to us. 

I obviously have a bias here or I wouldn't be writing about it. (smile) It is no secret that I would prefer to see people look for commonality and points of agreement. It is because I have seen first hand how it allows conversations to be more fluid, more constructive . . . which in turn can lead to people working together more easily. I have witnessed how it can build a sense of community rather than a feeling a separation.

Matcher conversations can open the door to people feeling heard, to solution generation and problem resolution. Furthermore, they can lead to identification of a next step and to a next step after that. The only outcome I see of mismatcher conversations is frustration, discouragement or someone being shut down and feeling "not-heard." 

We are at a time now in our world where we are in dire need of solutions, resolutions, new ways of doing things. I also believe we could greatly benefit from really hearing each other and building bridges to strengthen our ability to work together. I don't believe mismatching is going to get us there.  

Would you be willing to look at yourself and observe if you are going into conversations or scrolling through social media as a "matcher" or a "mismatcher?"  If you are "mismatching" would you be open to altering your mindset to "matching?" 

You might be surprised at how dramatically it can shift the content and the outcome of the interactions you have with others. I am not suggesting that you have to change who you are. I am merely asking if you would consider playing around with another approach so you can experience first hand how it can change your interactions with others.

Say What You Need To Say

When I first set out on a mission to "find my voice," I discovered that my biggest blocks came from being a people pleaser who really wanted to be accepted and liked. Those two things were such a huge part of who I was, they were usually all the motivation I needed to keep quiet about what I thought. Needless to say, it took me years and years to reduce the size of the blocks, chipping away at them little by little, until they no longer stood in my way. Next came my fear of hurting someone's feelings which took another large chunk of time to sort that one out and learn how to speak up in a way that honored both myself and the other person - doing my best to never hurt someone else's feelings.

Yet as we all know, there are so many layers and levels to "finding your voice" - as well as a myriad of reasons why people don't say what is on their mind, so the exploration continued. Sometimes it is about not knowing how to express what we are feeling or being SO upset in the moment that we can't find the words or we choose to wait until we can speak from a calmer space but by the time we get to that calmer space, it often feels like it's "too late" to say something. 

For me, sometimes it can come down to not wanting to put my energy into a fight or create anymore negativity so I say nothing. Or I do not want to come across as "difficult" so I keep my mouth shut. It seems I also bought into the belief that not saying anything was the heart centered solution.

Bottom line, when we are on a journey to set our vocal chords free, there can be a LOT of different root causes and a lot of avenues to pursue. 

I totally understand that not everyone is plagued with this issue . . . many people I know have never had trouble speaking up. Clearly this is a topic that is geared towards people like me who have spent years (or decades) learning to find our voices in a myriad of scenarios. 

While this is something I have worked on for decades and progressed quite nicely, I recently stumbled across one more layer to this that was a bit of a blind spot. From what I am witnessing, I don't think I am the only one who has unknowingly been tripped up here. 

Many of us were taught that there are times it is best to "say nothing" because it is the "polite thing to do" (or the oft highly regarded "high road" as I was taught), where you have the grace and the class to just let something go. It is something my mother said repeatedly through-out my childhood and I have observed that there is quite a lot of pressure to take that noble "high road" in our society too. 

Upon reflecting on it, I can see that this concept of not saying something often gets presented as what a mature, emotionally grounded person would do - to say nothing and "just let it go." Sometimes that truly is the case - but not always. 

I have been questioning all of this a lot lately . . . Wondering if the "high road" is all it is touted to be? . . . What if it is one more way we've been taught to suppress our own voices? In many communities I am involved in, I have observed that people are often encouraged to "not say anything" and show that you are the "bigger person" but what if in many of those instances, we are actually being presented with an opportunity to speak up for ourselves? What if THAT is the muscle we need to further develop? 

What I have come to understand lately is that by remaining quiet, we might just be cutting off our own voice. In those instances, could we be unconsciously stifling our own feelings about something? While it may feel like the "noble" thing to do, what if we are actually dishonoring OURSELVES when we "let it go" without saying something?

For me the challenge is to find a way to speak up - without blame, accusation or drama - yet to say SOMETHING that honors myself and my own feelings. What I am learning is that if I am speaking from the heart and from a place of integrity, it can be incredibly freeing. 

I'm not suggesting that we go back in time and bring things up from the past. What I AM suggesting is that if something presents NOW - if a situation is in front of us again - then maybe it is a sign that now is the right time to approach it differently. Now might be the perfect time to re-evaluate that previous choice. 

Is it time to step away from the proverbial "high road" (or whatever you want to call it) and speak up if we have something to say? What if now is the perfect time to honor ourselves and to let our feelings be heard? 

Of course only YOU will know what is best for you in each NOW moment . . . I just offer this up as something to consider in case you too have been pondering this or accidentally stifling your voice as well . . . maybe it's time for us to all set ourselves free.