This topic had come up many years earlier when she was very ill and in the hospital for weeks, while the doctors tried to figure out what was going on with her body. It was a scary time for all of us because we knew there was a chance that she wouldn't pull through. My brother flew into town - it was really serious.
Fortunately, my mom eventually DID pull through so on the day she was finally being released from the hospital, I put together a "coming home bag" with comfortable but clean clothing for her to wear home. I assumed she would be happy that I took the time to do that for her. Instead I got chastised for bringing her "good underwear" as apparently, she was saving it. LOL
We teased her endlessly about it because her definition of "good underwear" was a little surprising to all of us. It was a pair of Jockey cotton briefs, just like all the other ones. The exception was that this particular pair had pretty fall colored leaves on them (my mom loved fall leaves) instead of being a solid color like the rest of them. Regardless of the pretty leaves, we couldn't stop teasing her about what could qualify as a "special occasion" if recovering and being able to leave the hospital wasn't special enough.
That weekend, we had a celebratory feast to honor her and her return home. Us kids did all the cooking so that my mom could just rest (which proved to be quite difficult for her - we had to keep shooing her out of the kitchen) haha My brother set a beautiful table with colorful linens, china plates and crystal glasses to make it match the celebratory feeling we all had that she had made it out of the hospital. Much to our surprise, when we brought mom into the dining room, the first thing she did was chastise my brother for using the "good linens" which you can probably guess by now . . . linens she was saving for a special occasion. :-) The teasing resumed as we couldn't believe she still didn't deem surviving what she had just been through as special enough to warrant the use of her best linens.
It was something that stuck with all of us and we all vowed to enjoy things NOW and not save them for another day or a special occasion. I thought I had embraced this pretty well but last night I caught myself in a similar situation.
While putting things into the linen closet, my hand brushed against the softest towel in the pile. I stopped for a moment, questioning how I could have a towel in there that was THAT soft and luxurious feeling. And then I started to giggle. It was the "guest towel" . . . something else that I inadvertently learned from my mother. She had a special set of bath towels, hand towels and wash rags that we only pulled out when guests were coming. Until that moment, I didn't realize I had done the same thing. What made it even funnier to me is that I rarely have guests stay over night and when I do, it's usually a friend who stays the night but heads home after breakfast - without wanting or needing to take a shower.
At that moment, I decided that *I* was worthy of enjoying the guest towel and vowed to use it as long as I wanted to (or until it was like all the other towels in the linen closet - less fluffy and less soft). What a treat it was to get out of the shower last night and dry off with such a lovely feeling towel!
Pondering this last night, I wondered how many other ways I had slipped into that mindset of saving something for a special occasion or a special guest. I truly believe that it is important for us to treat ourselves as well as we treat others, to not put off to tomorrow what we could be enjoying today. Making a recommitment to myself - I thanked my mom for helping me remember and I
am watching myself closely to make sure that I am savoring each day and enjoying all that I have.
Have any of you slipped into this mindset? If so, would you consider giving yourself permission to break free from it? We are only here for so long . . . I think we all deserve to enjoy each and every moment of it.
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