Give Yourself Permission to Just Be You

From the beginning of my career, I had a bit of trouble fitting-in to the corporate world. I guess I wasn’t good at “playing the part” because I longed to be me, to be valued for who I was and what I brought to the “party.” I was also a people-pleasers so I constantly felt the push and pull between those two sides of the spectrum – feeling like no matter what choice I made, it wouldn’t be the “right” choice.

Early in my 20s, I was told I should never wear heels when I taught a workshop and that I should sit down as much as possible because at 5’11” I was apparently too intimidating. I was also told I needed to invest in wool gabardine slacks, some high neck blouses and a string of pearls. How was that going to improve the experience of the participants if I was dressed like my grandmother? Why wasn’t it ok for me to just be ME?

When I went into consulting, I was told I should wear long sleeves and pants because companies wouldn’t want to hire a consultant with a tan. Apparently having a tan would suggest I was charging too much or not working hard enough – but I had decided to be a consultant in part because having a work/life balance was really important to me. If walking on the beach or hiking on sunny trails helped me be more present and energized when I was working with clients, why should that be hidden? I found it especially confusing when these were companies claiming that a strong work/life balance was part of their culture or mission. Over the years, peers questioned my use of humor and my willingness to share my own vulnerability while I was working with clients, suggesting that it wasn’t “professional.” I saw how my approach helped my clients feel comfortable opening up and engaging more deeply in what we were doing (whether it was a class or a session I was facilitating or someone I was coaching) so I didn’t want to stop making them laugh or sharing my vulnerabilities. I didn’t want to stop bringing “me” to the table. 

 

Before I left the corporate world, I was chastised for not having glitzy enough graphics and animation in my presentations. I was told that training participants wanted to be entertained and to feel that I was relatable. Since most of my clients were in the tech world, I was told I needed to use more technology in my presentations. Yet I was less interested in the presentation portion of the workshops I taught or sessions I facilitated as I felt it was more important to get folks engaged in the material. To me, group exercises and discussions where they could really work with the material and get a sense of how to USE the concepts I was sharing once they were back at work seemed more important. Many companies were more interested in meeting their goals for the quarter, which were often about the # of employees they put through training and how many them were “happy” with the training or the # of off-site meetings the manager held. What mattered to me was what the employees were able to do AFTER the session – once they were back at work. Were they able to implement the concepts we worked with? Or were they encountering roadblocks because of broken processes and people issues that were higher up the chain? That was what I cared about yet it was where the disconnect often was. It was confusing to me when companies would spend so much money on training or off-sites but not care as much about what employees were able to do with it afterward.

 

I’m not complaining or trying to shame anyone for the unsolicited “advice” I received or the lack of alignment I felt. I’m just offering up a few examples of how sometimes it is difficult to fit into a mold or play a part that doesn’t feel totally aligned with who we truly are. Was I a fit for every client? No and I didn’t expect to be. What I did want was opportunities to work with companies and individuals who were in alignment with how I wanted to show up in the corporate world. 

 

Fortunately when I do dip my toes back into the corporate world, it is because I have found individuals and companies that accept me for me and value what I have to offer. I have met executives who really want to know what the roadblocks are to their employees being as effective as possible. I have had the great fortune of working with a few executives who jump right in and start removing those roadblocks, whether it is fixing a process or addressing a people issue that is keeping their employees from being fully empowered in their jobs.

 

So why am I sharing this? I am offering it up for folks to consider because if there is one thing I have learned as I have gotten older is that there is nothing wrong with being ourselves. I believe that WHO each of us are individually is truly our gift to the world. It is where our value lies and where our greatest and strongest contributions can be made. 

I recognize that not everyone is plagued with the same issues I was but for those who are – if you happen to be someone who is feeling the pull between being YOU and fitting in, I hope you might feel inspired to bring more of the real you to the table. I also offer encouragement to not be afraid to step outside the box and be yourself. There is a wonderful feeling of freedom that comes when we allow ourselves to drop the mold we are trying to fit ourselves into and bring more of our true selves to the table!