Still A Foster Mom

When I agreed to foster Kino, I didn't imagine that six months later, he would still be with me.  If you've been reading my blog in the last six months, you know that it has been quite an adventure for us - with highs and lows and a whole lot of learning for both of us.

I know he came into my life for a reason - to help me learn and grow - and for me to help him do the same.  I thought we had reached the end of our journey a few days ago when a couple was interested in adopting him.  (and yes, my heart briefly sunk into my stomach as I faced the possibility that our time was up).  They came and met him - he showed them how sweet and playful he can be and it looked promising - but yesterday they let me know they had decided Kino wasn't the right dog for them.  I can only conclude that his purpose in my life must not be complete yet.

We continue going to Reactive Dog class each Sunday.  Here is a picture that Marthina took in class a month or so ago.  If you saw how Kino reacted to seeing other dogs when he is on leash, you'd realize what a major accomplishment this is for him to be sitting so calmly in the presence of so many dogs. (Ok, the hotdogs in my pocket DO help a lot).  He continues to make progress, week after week - with occasional set backs here and there - but I am committed to working on this with him.  It is one of the keys to him being more adoptable.

Yesterday, we were finally able to connect with Lacy and her foster mom for a little play time for Lacy and Kino.  I'm hoping that Lacy will be able to continue to mentor Kino and teach him the things he needs to be learn so other dogs will feel more comfortable around him.  I think it is the other key to him being more adoptable.  I took a picture of them - not the greatest picture but it was so nice to see them together again.  We've missed our play dates with Lacy.

As 2013 comes to a close, I have been thinking about what I am grateful for . . . I am grateful that Kino came into my life.  I am sure it has far greater meaning and purpose than I have even seen yet but for now, I know he has helped me see myself more clearly, understand more about who I am, what I needed to learn and what I have to offer.  I am grateful to Lacy's foster mom for stepping forward and saving Lacy's life and I am grateful to Lacy for helping me open my heart to pit bulls and let go of whatever residual sadness I felt over what had happened to Lucky all those years ago.

For some reasons, I am glad to see 2013 come to an end and I look forward to seeing what 2014 brings.    I hope it is a year filled with much peace and prosperity, joy and love, not just for me, but for everyone.

Happy New Year!

Update on Lacy

***Latest news:  After a roller coaster ride of potential adoptions falling through this weekend and many people begging the shelter to give us more time, this story has a happy ending!!  Miss Lacy was placed in foster care today!!!  Thank you to every one of you - who got the word out about Lacy, who sent her energy, who held positive intentions on her behalf, etc.  It all created some wonderful energy that manifested in a loving foster home for Kino's only friend.****


First of all, I just have to say how stunned I was at the outpouring of support for Lacy.  I never expected to get the kind of response I got and it touched me deeply.  From people forwarding the information on line and talking up Lacy at dog parks to people offering to send energy to her, to help her stay calm.  My inbox and my phone were filled with loving support, from people I knew and from people I never met, all wanting to do what they could to help Lacy.  I feel tremendous gratitude to each and every person who reached out to me this week - bless you all!

Now onto Lacy:  The potential adopter we thought we had for Lacy unfortunately fell through today.  :-(  But there are two more people who are interested in meeting her and potentially adopting her, so San Jose Animal Advocates has asked the shelter to extend Lacy's time by another day or two.  We're waiting on confirmation that they WILL extend her time, but everyone is feeling pretty confident that she has another couple days.  (Big exhale)  :-)

As soon as I have more information, I will post an update.  Again, thank you all for the amazing support for Kino's mentor.  He appreciates it as much as I do, in part because Lacy is about the only dog we've met so far that will put up with his "social skills" and he doesn't want to lose the only dog friend he has right now.

Lacy Needs Help by Friday, Dec. 13, 2013

***Update***

Good news: Lacy's time was extended until Saturday, because at least one person is going to meet her. There have been several people who have expressed an interest in possibly fostering her and at least one other person who might want to adopt her, so there are quite a few "irons in the fire" as they say.  If they can show the shelter they have other folks interested in her, there's a good chance her time can be extended a few more days.

I'll post another update tomorrow (Saturday) as soon as I get word on her status.  In the meantime, keep Lacy in your thoughts and prayers.

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Last week I wrote about Kino's new coach/mentor, a wonderful Pitbull named Lacy. She's been assisting him in improving his doggie-skills and has had an incredibly positive effect on Kino.  As I mentioned in that post, I have been feeling so much gratitude towards her . . . so it came as quite a blow when I got an email last night saying that Lacy is scheduled to be put to sleep this Friday, December 13th.

Lacy's "home" right now is the shelter, where she has been waiting to be adopted, but it has been several months and she is starting to show signs of kennel stress, and with the constant influx of new dogs coming into the shelter, they have decided her time is up on Friday . . . unless they can find someone who can foster or adopt her in time.

One of the wonderful people at the shelter is advocating for Lacy and he put together a video of her, to show just what a precious girl she is. (Kino is fortunate to have a large cameo appearance in the video).

Please watch the video so you can see how sweet she is and then forward the video on to anyone you know who may have it in their heart to help save Lacy's life.

Lacy's Video

The Fourth Time was the Charm

As I wrote about in my last post, the process of trying to figure out how to help Kino lately has been painful at best.  Three evaluations, three different opinions - none of which felt good to me.  I was starting to lose hope but fortunately, Melissa (from the rescue group) wasn't ready to give up.  She set us up with yet another evaluation (our fourth) and it was by far the best experience we've had.

Marthina, who runs Our Pack (www.ourpack.org) was able to read him quickly and she knew that his frustration stemmed from his intense desire to play with other dogs and the fact that he couldn't.  Mr. Puppy, as I call him, has some issues that have prevented him from interacting with other dogs;  a) he is reactive on leash and b) he never developed doggie social skills so he's got some pretty bad manners when it comes to other dogs.

With Marthina's guidance, we are now attending her Reactive Dog training course.  Kino is learning how to be in close proximity to other dogs without going berserk (His favorite thing about class are the hundreds of treats he gets for being good).  The wonderful thing about this class for me is that every dog there has the same issue, so no one looks at you like you are the problem when your dog has an outburst.

Marthina also found a dog for Kino to play with, which was no small feat.  The right playmate for Kino has to be a dog that is extremely balanced, strong enough to put him in his place and correct his bad manners and yet also easy going enough that his social awkwardness won't cause a big tiff.  Lacy, who is a pit bull, is that perfect playmate for Kino.

His greetings are so bad, I can't help but cringe just a bit each time he enters the yard, but Lacy lets him know how inappropriate some of his behaviors are and then she encourages him to play.  Eventually, they do a little bit of playing and then Kino usually needs to be corrected some more but he doesn't seem to mind.  Since Lacy keeps going back over to him to encourage him to play, his social ineptitude doesn't seem to be a problem for her.  Marthina says dogs can be the best teachers for other dogs, so right now, Lacy is Kino's mentor and coach.

We've had three play-dates a week with Lacy for the last two weeks and have attended two reactive dog classes so far, and the change in Kino has been amazing.  His frustration level is WAY down from where it was.  He is a calmer, happier dog in so many ways.  The escalations of late are becoming a distant memory, as he is no longer growling at me or redirecting on me when we are out for a walk.  All of his sweet, lovable traits are coming out more often.

I am so grateful that we finally found someone who could "see" Kino and understand what he needed. He still has a ways to go to learn appropriate dog behavior, but with Lacy's guidance, he is sure to continue making progress.  And each time I express my gratitude to Lacy for how she is helping Kino, I am reminded that it was very likely divinely orchestrated that the dog who is helping Kino is a pit bull.

Everyone Has An Opinion

As I mentioned previously, my foster dog Kino has been exhibiting some behaviors that are a major concern to us.  The rescue group and I decided to get Kino evaluated to find out if the issues he is having can be addressed and to also find out if he would respond differently to someone other than me. While the rescue group is looking for another foster home for him, we know that given the issues he is having, he can't be fostered by just anyone, so we were hoping to get some guidance on what kind of person would be the right person to help Kino moving forward.

The first evaluator concluded that with the behaviors Kino is displaying, he is essentially a ticking time bomb and that it would be best to put him down.  The guilt I felt was overwhelming, as I thought about the idea of him being put down if I let him go.  I couldn't make my peace with the idea that if I gave up on him, that would be the end of his life.  We decided to get him evaluated again.

The next evaluator concluded that these behaviors could be corrected but his methods included muzzles and shock collars.  He also said that "just to be on the safe side" Kino would probably need to wear a muzzle when he was around people for the rest of his life.  I walked out of there sick to my stomach, knowing that I could not personally be involved in that type of training and tearing up at the thought of Kino having to be on the receiving end of that kind of approach.  I felt such resistance to the idea of using such harsh methods to help Kino improve.  We decided to have him evaluated again.

Kino didn't like the next evaluator at all.  The moment he walked into the room, Kino snarled and growled and barked and bared his teeth at the guy.  I was glad the guy was getting to see one of the behaviors that is such a concern to me but it didn't seem to matter.  The guy told me the problem was ME, that ANYONE could train Kino and that clearly, I hadn't been doing the right things or taking the right approach and that's why Kino was exhibiting the behaviors he was.  He paraded one of his own dogs around to show us how a dog behaves when you have "total control" over them and told us repeatedly that he was a "master trainer" who knew everything.  It made me cringe and I wondered if Kino's initial evaluation of the guy was the correct evaluation.

Needless to say, over the course of several weeks, as we got all these varied opinions, my mind was on over-drive.  Were any of these people right?  If so, which one?  Was the problem really me?  Is it wrong that I am so uncomfortable with muzzles and shock collars?  Is my resistance a good thing? or a sign that I am too closed off to see viable options?  Night after night, I tossed and turned, wondering what to do, and wondering what I was supposed to be learning from all of this.  I finally decided to ask the other side for guidance.

In meditation, I asked for insight and what I got was this . . . all of these people who had evaluated Kino see animals only as one dimensional.  The fact that I felt so uncomfortable with all of their assessments was because I know that animals are multi-dimensional and that if we don't honor ALL parts of them, we aren't really serving them.  I could sense very strongly that what Kino needs right now is someone who will see him for all that he is and not just see him as a one dimension dog who needs to be "commanded" into shape.

For now, I know that person is me.  The rescue group is still looking for another foster home for him but I am trusting that he will stay with me as long as he is meant to - for me to learn what I am supposed to learn from him and for him to receive what he is supposed to receive from me.

Interestingly enough, once I got that insight, Kino started to behave better.  Coincidence?  I'm not sure but he hasn't bitten me once, or redirected on me when we are out for a walk, so things are definitely more peaceful around here.  He is actually listening when I ask him to do something and even though our door greetings have still regressed to the "awful" category, he doesn't seem to be filled with as much angst and frustration as he has been.

I am certain there is more to this story and that it will continue to unfold, so stay tuned for more updates.

Challenges In Fostering

I mentioned in a recent post that Kino had been becoming reactive to people and that I thought I had figured part of it out - that he didn't like to receive compliments.  A trainer I spoke with suggested that I start asking strangers to give him treats, so that he could learn that people were good.  At his recommendation, Kino and I sat outside a grocery store, armed with a bag of yummy hot dogs and I asked strangers to hand him a piece of a hot dog.  He accepted them just fine, but sometimes if the person stood there longer than a a few seconds afterwards, he would begin barking at them, sometimes even lunging at them.  I decided we probably weren't ready for that just yet.

Maybe we needed to take a step back and work on this from a broader perspective.  My new strategy was to give him a treat every time we walked past someone and he didn't react.  That seemed to be working pretty well - that is unless the person spoke to me. Sometimes if I attempted to have a conversation, he would bark at the person.  We worked on it every day. Sometimes I could get him to stop barking by asking him to sit and then giving him a treat, so I could continue talking.  I took that as a sign of progress.

But then something new and a little scarier began to happen.  If he reacted to someone and I got him to stop barking at them, as soon as we walked away from the person, he would turn on me.  Growling, snarling, barking, biting up the leash, and occasionally managing to bite me.  Needless to say, this redirection on me was a behavior I didn't want to see continue.

I turned to spiritual methods to try and deal with it.  I gave him more Reiki treatments to help him release the frustration he was feeling.  I continued to work on releasing my own anger in case that was a component of what was going on. I talked to him about other ways he could let his frustration out.  I used all the metaphysical tools I could think of to try and set us up for success when we went out for a walk and still these incidents were occurring - with increased frequency.

During this time, he also started biting me at home - hard enough to break skin.  When I gave him a bath, I got bitten.  When I tried to put him in his crate by leading him with his collar, I got bitten.  I couldn't figure out what was going on or why he was suddenly taking his frustration out on me the way he was.

I've never had a dog react this way to me, so I have been at a loss as to what else to try.  I also began to see that there was a pattern developing.  He would bite me, I would start thinking maybe it was time for the rescue group to find someone else to foster him, then for days he would be back to his old sweet self and I would be encouraged and think things were getting better, that he should stay with me . . . and then he would bite me again.  Unfortunately, it's an all too familiar pattern for me when it comes to human relationships too.  I get hurt, I think of ending the relationship, then the person is super nice to me again and I decide to stay . . . and then I get hurt again.

It has never been easy for me to walk away from something, even if I get hurt, because there is a part of my being that believes so strongly that we have to keep finding the good in people and that the good will always out-weigh the bad.  But I am starting to wonder . . . is this why Kino came into my life?  Is he here to show me the pattern and help me break it?

One of my favorite sayings has always been, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got."  Is it time for me to try something different?  Is it time for me to say, "It's not ok that you are hurting me so I need to end this relationship?"

I don't have the answer yet . . . at least not an answer I can hold onto for more than 24 hours.  I talked to the rescue group about finding another foster home for him, because I wonder if he would respond better to someone else.  And then when I think about him not being here with me anymore, I feel so sad and guilty about giving up on him that I am not sure I'll be able to do it.  I'm still trying to figure out how much hurt is "too much."  I'm praying for guidance and hoping that when the right answer comes to me, it will feel like the right answer for more than 24 hours.

A Visit with Lucky

A few weeks ago, I had the unfortunate experience of having someone do something that really, really hurt me.  It came as such a shock, I slipped into stunned disbelief, not really able to feel anything, with the exception of small occasional bursts of anger.  I did my best to "focus on the positive" - trying to be in trust that everything happens for a reason, and that this had happen FOR me, even if it didn't feel like it at the time.  But mostly, I was walking around in a state of numbness.

After a couple of days, one of my friends who sees and communicates with spirits asked me if I had checked in with Lucky lately.  I had to stop and think about it for a minute and then realized that no, I hadn't . . . I have been so busy with Kino that I hadn't even thought about trying to connect with her in months.  She told me that Lucky had asked her to pass along a message to me - that she would like me to connect with her.  I thought it was odd that Lucky didn't just deliver her message to my friend but that only gave me pause for a few seconds and then my friend and I were on to speculating what Lucky might want to talk to me about.  We decided that maybe she had some advice for me on how to help Kino.

The next morning, I made contact with Lucky.  I could sense her right away, as I could feel the corners of my mouth involuntarily going up into a smile and a swell of love in my heart.  I said, "I understand you have some advice for me on how to help Kino."  And there was silence.  I asked the question again and then waited . . . and still there was silence.  I said, "Is there something else you wanted to tell me?" and with that the flood gates of communication opened.  She told me how sorry she was that my friend had hurt me so much, that she wished it hadn't happened, that I didn't deserve to be hurt that way.  As she spoke, the tears began to flow.  I felt so comforted by her compassion.

As she continued to talk about how sorry she was, I realized that I had fallen into my old pattern of shutting off my emotions, rather than feeling them.  I got such a strong message as a little girl that you "shouldn't feel sorry for yourself" that I grew accustomed to denying my own feelings, especially when someone had hurt me.  I always tried to just suck it up and move on, which is a strategy that never served me.  And I had slipped into a less old pattern of trying to focus on the "greater good" of an unpleasant situation instead of just "being with it" and honoring how I felt in that moment.

After a good long cry, I asked Lucky if she had anything else she wanted to tell me.  She told me that for today, that was it.  She just wanted me to know that she knew what was going on in my life, that I didn't deserve to be hurt that way and she wanted to remind me to honor my feelings.  I was in awe of how clear our communication was and was so touched by the opportunity to connect with her that way.  Even though I tell people all the time that our loved ones on the other side know what's going on with us and that they are watching over us, it gave me a deeper knowing to actually experience it.

I felt such gratitude . . . to know how present Lucky still is in my life . . . to know how much she still cares about me . . . and to know she went out of her way to reach out to me and give me such heartfelt empathy from the other side.  My sweet girl still has my back - how cool is that?  And with her help, I was able to feel, honor and take steps to release all the sadness I was experiencing.

It was such a bright light, easing me out of the numb, dark cave I had been in.  I feel truly blessed to know that even though Lucky isn't still physically here, she truly is still with me, helping to ease each step on this journey of mine, ensuring that I don't fall back into patterns that don't serve me and letting me know that our bond is just as strong as it was when she was here.

Quit Telling Me How Gorgeous I Am!

In the last few months, I have written about many of the wonderful adventures I have had with Kino, my foster dog.  Everyone keeps asking me why I haven't adopted him yet and the truth is, it is because Kino has some issues that have concerned me . . . issues that could keep him from being adoptable not just by me but by anyone.

One of those issues is that he is randomly aggressive towards people.  It's been quite a challenge for me to try to understand what's going on because there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to his reactiveness.  We can pass person after person on our walks, talk to some of them and he'll be fine and then all of the sudden something will set him off and he'll start barking at someone, sometimes lunging in their direction.  It's a little scary when it happens and frustrating for me that I haven't been able to figure out what causes it.

None of the people were wearing hats, some were men, some were women, they were different ages, different ethnicities.  I couldn't find a single common denominator that would tell me "This is what he is reacting to" so for months I have been playing Nancy Drew, trying to unravel the mystery.

Here is a picture of Kino trying to grab his rope toy and while there was nothing scary about it at the time (we were just playing), the picture captured an image that represents how scary he can look when he has one of his "reactions".

This past week, I finally figured part of it out . . . I realized that in at least 75% of the cases Kino turns into "Mr. Cranky" it's because someone has given him a compliment . . . phrases such as "Oh my god, what a beautiful shepherd" or "Wow, he is really gorgeous" seem to be the words that precede one of these episodes.

Now, it's one thing to understand it and something else entirely to resolve it, so currently I'm not sure what to do about it, short of carrying a big sign that says, "Please don't compliment my dog" when we are out and about.  It's not really a feasible solution though since I only have two hands and between holding the leash, the treats and the poop bag, it would be difficult to hold the sign as well.  :-)

I am reminded of an old boyfriend of mine who used to spend hours every week in the gym and consequently had a beautiful physique . . . but he hid it under baggy jeans and oversized shirts.  When I asked him why, he said it was because it bothered him that girls were only nice to him because of how good he looked.  I was never sure it was the truth, but it was his truth, so I had to honor that.  I have been wondering if Kino is suffering from the same mindset, wanting to be liked for who he is, instead of how he looks.  It's hard to say, but it really does seem to piss Kino off when people tell him how gorgeous he is.

I often tell people that our animals mirror the things we need to work on ourselves but I have checked myself on this one and while I may not have been able to in the past, I am able to accept compliments now.  In fact, I actually welcome them :-) so I don't think he is mirroring me in this case.  Something though, is making him overly sensitive to hearing people talk about how attractive he is and I've got to figure out how to help him get over it.

Currently, I am giving him treats whenever we walk past someone and he doesn't react, hoping this will assist us in the process but I suspect there is more for us to do to get him beyond this behavior.

I'll be sure to post an update if we figure out how to resolve this one.

More "Firsts" with Kino

I mentioned in a previous post that Kino tends to get very over-excited the first time we do something.  In recent weeks, we have had two more "firsts" that results in the usual level of over exuberance and I couldn't stop smiling as I witnessed his reaction to these new experiences.

One new experience was when Kino and I had our first trip to the beach together.  I was so excited to take him to one of my most favorite places in the world and hoped he would like it as much as I do.  He started out a little tentative, just taking in all the new sights and smells, but as we walked along the ocean his exuberance to get away from the water began to escalate. Each time the tide came in, he bolted up the sand, nearly taking me down each time.  I finally got smart and put him on my left, so his over-exaggerated flee from the water didn't result in me going for an unexpected dip in the ocean.  I began to worry that maybe I had over-done it when I had my talk with him about how dangerous it is to drink sea water.  Since he seemed to be afraid of even letting the water touch his feet, chances are I laid it on too thick.  No matter how many times I tried explaining to him that the water wouldn't hurt his feet, it didn't seem to matter.  He was determined to keep his feet dry the whole time we were there.

Since Kino doesn't consistently come when called, I was nervous about letting him off leash.  Therefore, I decided to walk really far down the beach to a deserted area where no one else was around.  I felt it would be safer to let him off leash to chase the ball down there and I was so glad I did because he was in absolute heaven.  In fact, when I first took his leash off, he ran around wildly in the sand, running and skidding with glee in his eyes for at least five minutes before I even got around to throwing the ball for him.  I think he was so excited to be free that he couldn't contain himself.  We spent a good hour chasing the ball and I giggled as I saw his reaction each time he got a mouth full of sand.  He would try getting the sand off the ball by dropping it, where it would just end up with even more sand on it.  He was perplexed but it didn't stop him from wanting to continue to play.

Our next "new experience" came when I decided to tackle a home improvement project and re-paint a room in my house.  While I was doing all the taping and the edging, Kino was perfectly well behaved, so once I finished that part, I thought it would be no big deal to start rolling the paint on the walls.  Boy did I have that one wrong.

Just as I had finished the first coat on one of the walls, Kino jumped up and excitedly started rubbing himself all over the freshly painted wall.  I was laughing so hard, I could barely get a convincing "No!" out of my mouth.  Unfortunately for me, he was so pleased with himself he went back to the wall, tail wagging, to rub himself on it again.  He was covered in paint.

I ran to the bathroom to wet a wash cloth so I could get the paint off his flanks as quickly as possible.  I was relieved by how easily it came off, but I didn't notice all the paint he got on his ears until it had already dried.  Consequently, I've got a German shepherd with blue tipped ears and I think they will be that way for a while.  Who knows, he may set a new trend in highlights for dogs.

I look forward to taking him to the beach again and hope that in time, he will be less fearful of getting his feet wet.  I am not sure I am going to paint anymore rooms though.  I may have to wait until the paint wears off his ears before we tackle another home improvement project.

Train Not Pain

Last weekend, while I was at a pet store trying to find more squeak balls for Kino, I overheard another customer ask an employee for help.  I heard her say, "I have a German shepherd who barks all the time so I want to look at the bark collars."  I could feel myself flinch at the thought of anyone using a bark collar, knowing how painful it is for a dog and how unfair it is to try to stop them from doing what they are naturally programmed to do - to alert us to potential danger.

For the next five minutes or so, I stood there, staring at squeak balls while a debate ensued inside my head . . . Should I speak up? Should I mind my own business?  She didn't ask ME for my opinion but I feel like animals count on me to be their voice at times.  I went back and forth, back and forth and ultimately came to the conclusion that the worst thing that could happen was that I might make the customer and/or the store employee mad.  I decided it was a chance I was willing to take.

I walked over to the customer and the employee who was helping her and said, "I couldn't help overhearing that you're having a problem with your German shepherd barking a lot.  I don't mean to be intrusive but I was able to train my previous shepherd to only bark 2-3 times and then stop and I am working on training my foster dog the same way right now.  Would you be interested in hearing how I did it?"  Fortunately for me, she was very receptive and she said, "Yes, please, I'd like to know because I really don't want to resort to using a bark collar and I don't want her to feel like she can't ever bark but our neighbor keeps complaining so I have to do something."

I told her about my approach, which involved thanking Lucky each time she barked by saying, "Thank you for letting me know someone was outside" and giving her a treat when she stopped barking.  Eventually she learned that she only needed to bark 2-3 times, just to alert me to someone's presence outside.  (So far, it only works 50% of the time with Kino, but he's so smart, I know he'll get the hang of it, once he realizes that not all people who walk by our house are a potential threat to our safety and security.)  :-)

The gal at the pet store said she was anxious to get home and give my suggestion a try.  Since it was a holiday weekend, she was happy to know she had an extra day to work on it with her dog.

So, I left the pet store with several new squeak balls for Kino (which seem to bring him more joy than anything else in the world) and gratitude in my heart that I pushed myself to take the risk and speak up, and that it was received as well as it was.

It takes more than sage

In recent weeks, I have learned that it can often require a lot more than sage to cleanse a house and address some of the things that may be occurring in our homes.  It all started last month, when I was first working with Kino on the "sit" command. I was at the kitchen table working on my laptop and throwing the ball across the room for Kino (because it is a requirement that he get as much attention as my computer).  :-)

At one point, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him stop at the base of the stairs and stare at something on the staircase. I stopped what I was doing to observe him and it was then that I saw him sit, in a perfect sit, and then cock his head to the left and to the right, the way he does when I am talking to him.  I figured it must be the little girl spirit that has been in my house as long as I have been here.  I forget she's here, since I don't see spirits, but from time to time, either a child or a dog who is visiting will remind me that she is here.

I mentioned the experience with Kino to a friend and she pointed out that even though I didn't mind having spirits in the house, that it's actually not fun for them to be stuck here.  I decided to have someone come over the next week to help the little girl cross over.

I thought the focus was going to be on helping the little girl, so I was quite shocked when the gal began picking up all sorts of other things when she got to my house.  She felt dark, murky energy and she sensed it originated under my house.  She asked me, "How do you concentrate?  This energy is so dense, I don't know you can focus."  The wheels in my mind started to churn, as I realized that I DID have a very difficult time concentrating.  I had also been having a really difficult time grounding myself and releasing energy that I absorbed from others.  The tools I had used for years no longer seemed to work and I couldn't figure out why I was having so much trouble doing things that had always been relatively simple.  I had been on a mission all year to find new tools to help me and had only been mildly successful.

As I sat with the information I was getting, more of the puzzle pieces started to click into place.  It had all started about a year ago when the city was doing a major sewer project outside of my house.  I thought at the time it was just the incessant jack hammering that was making it so difficult for me to focus, or ground myself or release energy but the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize that it had never gotten any better after the project was complete.

She was able to determine the origin of the disturbance under my house (a very ugly battle that took place on the land many many years ago) and it made sense that things got stirred up when they were doing all that digging outside of my house.  She was able to release all the old, murky energy and restore balance to the land under my house.

With her help, the little girl, who passed away when her father was working on the construction of my house, was finally able to cross over.  It seems she had been trying to find him all these years and I was glad she was finally able to leave this plane and I pray she has at long last reunited with her father.

I had always thought a house cleansing was just about saging.  I have done it many times, not just at my own house, but at friend's houses as well and I assumed that was all that was needed to cleanse a space.  I never thought about spirits who may be stuck on this astral plane or wounds in the land underneath the structures we live in.

It was an eye opening and very positive experience for me.  It has been a relief the last few weeks to be able to stay grounded, to release the energy I pick up from others, to concentrate (well, as long as I don't have a 90 lb. puppy vying for my attention) and I'm even sleeping more peacefully at night.  I wish I had thought to do it sooner, but I also trust that we find our right next step exactly when we are supposed to . . . so I will assume this all unfolded the way it was meant to.

The Fostering Adventure Continues

It's never a dull moment around here with my foster dog Kino.  One of our challenges has been that he gets over-excited the first time we do something he’s never experienced before, so each "first" can be a bit overwhelming. 

The first time he saw me dust the house he went wild. “Is that a toy? Can I have that? Should I bite that? How can I help?  Are you sure I can't bite that rag?”

The first time I sunbathed on my stomach in front of him, he was thinking “Wow, the small of her back is the perfect place to put my tennis ball” and he proceeded to munch on his tennis ball in the small of my back, again and again until I finally gave up trying to get my back tan.

The first time I stood in the tub and shaved my legs in front of him, he thought we were playing a new game--one where you try to lick the water and soap off my legs in a wild frenzy before I can touch my leg with the razor. 

The first time I took him to a pet store, he yanked me all over the store to the point where one of the employees handed me a brochure for their beginner training course.  I was humiliated that we looked like we hadn't done an ounce of training prior to that afternoon.  She looked at me like I was fibbing when I told her that I was an animal communicator.  

The first time I asked him to “Wait” while I put his food down, he was befuddled.  “What are you doing?  Are you crazy?  That’s my food!  Why would I wait for it? I want it NOW! If this is some new game, I don't like it.” 

Fortunately each time we do these things, his reaction is less over the top, he's calmer and not frantically trying to make the most of the new experience - well, with all of them except the sunbathing.  I haven't had the guts to try laying on my stomach again since that first time because feeling those gigantic teeth in the small of my back is not what I would call relaxing, but with everything else, each time he is more at ease than the time before.  

One of our other challenges is that he has still been over protective of me and the house, so greeting people at the door was something I was beginning to dread.  I knew we needed to get better at this, so I had several friends come over last week so we could work on having him sit and wait while I opened the door and they entered the house.  The first couple times, it was a disaster, (Sit? Stay? What? Do you want me to bite them?) but eventually, he started to show signs of progress and I was feeling less stressed about having people come to the house.  There was still the issue of him competing with my friends for attention, but one thing at a time, right? 

Yesterday, a man came to the house and once again, we appeared to not have done an ounce of training as he barked and lunged at the guy.  It hadn't occurred to me that it had only been my girlfriends coming to the house and that he might react differently with a man.  

So today, I got one of my guy friends to come over and we worked on our door greetings.  Kino sounded pretty ferocious the first time I opened the door and he did attempt to lunge, but my friend Joe wasn't deterred.  He kept leaving and coming back and with each knock on the door, Kino got better and better.  When we wrapped up our official training session, Kino decided that Joe was alright and insisted on laying on the floor with him, frequently resting his head on Joe's leg.  

I know training is a process. It's all about consistent practice and positive reinforcement so that's what I am committed to doing.  Hopefully in time, we will have covered all the "firsts" we could possibly cover and we'll look less "untrained" to the casual observer.  In spite of our focus on training, I'm also making sure that Kino gets a chance every day to be a puppy.  After all, he's only a year old and he deserves to have goof-off time every day.  It's a nice reminder for me that sometimes it's good for the soul to just goof-off and act like you don't have a care in the world. 

End of Life Decisions

In the last couple of weeks, I have had two animal clients make their transition.  It is such a difficult time for us two-legged folks and we labor over the decisions we need to make, wanting to ensure that we make the right choices as far as our animals are concerned.

Both clients had two of the same questions for their animals and I realized they are the same two questions that most people want to ask their pets.  1) Do you want help from a vet to make your transition? or would you rather do it naturally? and 2) Do you want to be buried or cremated?

No matter how many animals I have asked these questions of, the answer is always the same:  "Whatever my mom and/or dad wants."

To them, what is most important is US and how we feel.  They want us to be comfortable, they want us to be at peace, so whatever will make us comfortable and give us peace is what they want.

They don't care what happens to their bodies after they transition because they don't associate with it anymore.  If their guardian wants to bury them in the yard, that's fine with them.  If their guardian wants to cremate them and spread the ashes somewhere, that's fine with them.  As long as their guardians feel good about the decision, the animals is on board.

As for euthanasia, I will say that most animals would prefer to not go into a vet office to make their transition and would prefer to be in the safety and comfort of their home with their loved ones around if they need assistance making their transition.  I do find that since animals are here to teach us and help us grow, they often are working on fulfilling their purpose right up the very last minute, therefore, they don't necessarily want their time cut short, and would rather have a natural passing.  They also know that can be really hard on us, so animals will usually tell me that if it gets to to be too hard for their guardian to let them go on their own, they are fine with getting medical assistance to make their transition.

It is a time where we struggle to do what is right for them but I can assure you that what is most important to them is that we make decisions that give us the peace, the closure and the comfort that we need.  In their eyes, we can do no wrong.  They have the wonderful ability to see everything through the eyes of compassion and understanding and they always trust that what is meant to be is what will unfold.

Bless our beautiful animal companions-teachers-guides.  We are so lucky to have them in our lives.

Adventures in fostering

Almost 3 weeks ago, I decided to foster a 90 pound 11 month old german shepherd named Kino who was in danger of being euthanized.  I was told that he hadn't received any training and had pretty much spent most of his life alone in the family's backyard.  I didn't quite grasp what that meant until we got home from the shelter.  :-)

Week one:  On top of discovering that he had a raging ear infection that had not been treated, and finding that he was going to fight me with every tooth in his mouth to keep me from getting the medicine in his ears, I found myself having to "correct" him almost every minute of every day.  He wasn't potty trained, he wasn't leash trained, he thought it was OK to put his paws on the stove, the kitchen table and any other place he felt like.  He threw himself into my lap if I tried to eat, he lunged at people when we were out for a walk and every time I tried to get dressed, he assumed that I was inviting him to a game of tug of war when I attempted to put underwear on.  He stepped on my feet fifty times a day and at 90 pounds, it really hurt.  Holy-Moly, I wasn't sure what I had gotten myself into.

Week two:  He stopped having accidents in the house.  He learned to sit and to take a treat from my hand without biting my hand.  When we were out for a walk, he pulled less on the leash and was a little calmer when we encountered people, although he would still yank on the leash to try to greet them.  After only one reminder to leave my food alone, I could eat while he laid calmly at my feet.  He discovered Lucky's toy basket and began letting his playful side emerge.  We still had our challenges though.  He barked and jumped on people who came to the house and started becoming overly protective of the house.  He refused to spit out things he wasn't supposed to have in his mouth and would defiantly swallow them in front of me. Consequently, I repeatedly found my ear plugs as well as the stuffing from almost every toy he ever played with each time I cleaned up poop in the yard.  And still, my friends started placing bets on how long I was going to pretend I was just fostering him.


Week three:  Our communication has greatly improved.  When we are out for a walk, I remind him that it needs to be the person's choice if they want to greet him and he will calmly walk past people who haven't expressed an interest in petting him.  He knows that when I say, "Clean up after yourself" after I've given him an ice cube to munch on, it means he needs to get all the little chunks of ice that he left on the floor.  He doesn't believe me yet when I tell him that we need to allow birds and squirrels in the yard so that's still a work in progress and I still don't know how he would behave with other dogs if he was off leash, so we've still got some work ahead of us.  When we're in the house by ourselves, we are in almost perfect harmony.  He no longer feels the need to "help" with the crossword puzzle by pulling the pen out of my hand and I'm getting dressed now without any "assistance."  I am truly enjoying my new "not-so-little" companion.

and I am still trying to profess that I am merely fostering him.

Positive Squirrel Experiences

On Father’s day, we were sitting around the table sharing stories, when we got on the subject of animals.  I told a story about a friend of mine who couldn’t figure out why the almonds she kept in a small bowl on the coffee table kept ending up on the floor.  One day, she discovered the answer when she saw a squirrel coming through the sliding glass door that she had left opened, and helping himself to her almonds.  Apparently word got out that a) my friend had almonds on her coffee table and b) that she often left the sliding glass door opened, because she now has a whole host of squirrels who come by her house for a snack. 

My dad said, “That reminds me of another squirrel story” and he proceeded to tell us about the day he found a baby squirrel in the yard. He was a black squirrel, which are pretty uncommon in our old neighborhood.  Thinking he was dead, he put on a pair of gloves and when he went to pick him up, he realized the squirrel was still alive, although just barely.  My dad told us about how he gave water to the little guy, by using a dropper and how he continued to do so all day long.  My jaw was hanging open, as I listened to my former Naval Academy “I-don’t-do-feelings” dad talk about how he doted on this little squirrel.  I always thought I got my compassion for animals from my mom.  After all, she was the one who took care of stray cats, not just feeding them but knitting them blankets to go in the beds she would make for them in the yard.  I couldn’t quite believe what I was hearing.

My dad continued to tell us the story . . . After nursing the squirrel all day, he put him up on the top of the fence, hoping that it would be easier for his family to find him up there.  When he went out a little while later to check on him, he was gone.  My dad didn’t know if his family had come to find him, if he was well enough to walk away on his own or if he had fallen off the fence and landed in the neighbors yard on the other side.  He said he thought about it quite a few times and wondered what ever happened to the little black squirrel . . . and then one day, almost a year later, my dad was in the yard and a black squirrel came hopping down the fence, stopped right in front of my dad and stared at him for a while . . . and then continued on his way.  My dad said he suspected it was the same squirrel stopping by to let him know he had made it. 

I couldn’t think of anything else to say besides “Wow.”  It was “wow” on so many levels. My dad didn’t believe I could communicate with animals when I was a little girl and quite honestly, I don’t think he believes I can do it now, but he was pretty sure he got a “message” himself from the black squirrel, who wanted him to know he was OK.  Maybe he isn’t as closed off to what I do as he likes to make me think.  It was also a sweet realization for me that my compassion for animals didn’t just come from my mom, I got it from both of my parents.