Challenges In Fostering

I mentioned in a recent post that Kino had been becoming reactive to people and that I thought I had figured part of it out - that he didn't like to receive compliments.  A trainer I spoke with suggested that I start asking strangers to give him treats, so that he could learn that people were good.  At his recommendation, Kino and I sat outside a grocery store, armed with a bag of yummy hot dogs and I asked strangers to hand him a piece of a hot dog.  He accepted them just fine, but sometimes if the person stood there longer than a a few seconds afterwards, he would begin barking at them, sometimes even lunging at them.  I decided we probably weren't ready for that just yet.

Maybe we needed to take a step back and work on this from a broader perspective.  My new strategy was to give him a treat every time we walked past someone and he didn't react.  That seemed to be working pretty well - that is unless the person spoke to me. Sometimes if I attempted to have a conversation, he would bark at the person.  We worked on it every day. Sometimes I could get him to stop barking by asking him to sit and then giving him a treat, so I could continue talking.  I took that as a sign of progress.

But then something new and a little scarier began to happen.  If he reacted to someone and I got him to stop barking at them, as soon as we walked away from the person, he would turn on me.  Growling, snarling, barking, biting up the leash, and occasionally managing to bite me.  Needless to say, this redirection on me was a behavior I didn't want to see continue.

I turned to spiritual methods to try and deal with it.  I gave him more Reiki treatments to help him release the frustration he was feeling.  I continued to work on releasing my own anger in case that was a component of what was going on. I talked to him about other ways he could let his frustration out.  I used all the metaphysical tools I could think of to try and set us up for success when we went out for a walk and still these incidents were occurring - with increased frequency.

During this time, he also started biting me at home - hard enough to break skin.  When I gave him a bath, I got bitten.  When I tried to put him in his crate by leading him with his collar, I got bitten.  I couldn't figure out what was going on or why he was suddenly taking his frustration out on me the way he was.

I've never had a dog react this way to me, so I have been at a loss as to what else to try.  I also began to see that there was a pattern developing.  He would bite me, I would start thinking maybe it was time for the rescue group to find someone else to foster him, then for days he would be back to his old sweet self and I would be encouraged and think things were getting better, that he should stay with me . . . and then he would bite me again.  Unfortunately, it's an all too familiar pattern for me when it comes to human relationships too.  I get hurt, I think of ending the relationship, then the person is super nice to me again and I decide to stay . . . and then I get hurt again.

It has never been easy for me to walk away from something, even if I get hurt, because there is a part of my being that believes so strongly that we have to keep finding the good in people and that the good will always out-weigh the bad.  But I am starting to wonder . . . is this why Kino came into my life?  Is he here to show me the pattern and help me break it?

One of my favorite sayings has always been, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got."  Is it time for me to try something different?  Is it time for me to say, "It's not ok that you are hurting me so I need to end this relationship?"

I don't have the answer yet . . . at least not an answer I can hold onto for more than 24 hours.  I talked to the rescue group about finding another foster home for him, because I wonder if he would respond better to someone else.  And then when I think about him not being here with me anymore, I feel so sad and guilty about giving up on him that I am not sure I'll be able to do it.  I'm still trying to figure out how much hurt is "too much."  I'm praying for guidance and hoping that when the right answer comes to me, it will feel like the right answer for more than 24 hours.