Honoring my mother

Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of my mother's passing. We decided to get the family and some close friends together to mark the day.

We came up with the idea of having everyone bring a dish that reminded them of my mom - either something they made that she loved, or something she used to make that they loved. Everyone was excited about the idea and much to my delight, the menu came together perfectly and we had at least one of everything we needed.

We had some humorous moments in the weeks leading up to the celebration, as we sent my dad on multiple missions into the "cookbook cupboard" to find specific recipes. My poor dad was faced with the task of trying to read and transcribe recipes that had food stains on them and hand written notes from my mom about how she changed things from the original recipe. (sometimes with the notes conflicting with other notes she had written). :-) Everyone had a little bit of anxiety about "getting it right" as no one wanted to dishonor mom by messing up one of the dishes she was so well known for. :-)

As it turns out, I don't think the day could have been more perfect. The weather was beautiful so we set up a big table outside and as each dish was placed on the table, the "cook" shared the story of their dish and the memory it inspired about mom.

Once all the food was on the table, more story telling ensued, as we all recounted some of our funniest memories of mom, many of them somehow involving food, like the time our good friends came over for Thanksgiving and found my dad blow drying the turkey on the kitchen counter when they arrived. It was because mom thought she bought a fresh turkey but it turned out to be frozen. We didn't eat dinner until about 10pm that night and so many pre-dinner cocktails had been served that most people didn't remember dinner that year.

It was good to be together, to eat and to laugh because it was the best way to remember my mom. She loved to eat, and she loved to laugh . . . ok, a few tears were shed as well, but that seemed alright too. Before we all left last night, we each went home with some roses from my mom's rose garden. The perfect end to a perfect celebration. I'm sure my mom was pleased with the way we chose to honor her.

Someone told me once that you have to go through four seasons of grief before you start to feel more peaceful with a loss. I think of it often, in my own grief, and as I help others who are experiencing their own grief over a loss. Getting through the "first" of everything, the first of each holiday, the first of each special occasion can be a challenge . . . now that we have experienced our four seasons, I hope that whenever we think of my mom, it will only brings smiles to everyone's faces.