In The Air Tonight

When I was growing up, my parents disliked most of the music my siblings and I listened to. They were constantly telling us to "turn that noise down" and I remember my dad being especially critical of our music because they "sang the same line over and over again" and "obviously lacked creativity". :-)

So, it was particularly noteworthy, in 1981, when my mom decided she loved one of the songs we were listening to. It was "In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins. She liked the song so much, she would even let me put my album on her stereo downstairs, instead of the stereo in my bedroom. Us kids viewed it as a major breakthrough, a sign that we finally had something in common with at least one of our parents. :-)

When we were planning my mom's funeral a few months ago, we decided to put together a slide show of pictures of my mom's life to show during the service. There was no question in anyone's mind, we were going to play "In The Air Tonight" along with the pictures. No one even suggested an alternate song. We all just knew that was the right song to play.

Since my mom's funeral, I have heard that song almost every week, on at least seven or eight different radio stations and it's impossible for me to believe anything other than it's my mom letting me know she is still around.

The first time I heard it, it was a week or so after the funeral. The family had gathered together at my dad's house to celebrate mother's day and it was definitely not an easy day. I felt her absence so intensely. As I was driving towards the freeway on my way home, the song came on. I got goose bumps up my arms and teared up as I thought about my mom and how much she loved that song. I wondered if my mom was letting me know she was around but I wasn't ready to believe it yet.

The next week, I was driving up 280, on my way to an appointment, and the song came on again. At almost the same moment I realized it was that song again, I also realized I was driving past the exit you would take to go to the cemetery where my mother's remains reside. It made me tear up and I thought for sure, she must be letting me know she was around. A couple weeks later, when I was driving the other direction on 280, the song came on again, in almost the exact same spot, when I was about the pass the exit to the cemetery.

Almost every week, I hear the song, which I find odd, because it's not like it is a new song that you would expect to be overplayed on the radio. It is a thirty year old song - and yet, I keep hearing it again and again - and each time, it makes me smile.

The cool thing is, I am not the only one who is hearing it. I have had friends, who were at my mom's service, call and email me to tell me that they heard "the song from the slideshow" on the radio and that it made them think of my mom.

And on the subject of "signs from the other side" . . . a few weeks ago, it was Lucky's birthday, so I took the afternoon off and went to our favorite beach. It was what we always did on her birthday, so it seemed only right that I would keep up the tradition. It was a beautiful day and I enjoyed walking along the beach, watching and listening to the ocean but I felt a slight amount of disappointment that I didn't see a single German Shepherd the whole time I was there. I wanted to know that she was still around me.

As I was getting ready to make my way back up the big staircase to where my car was parked (there are about 90 steps), I looked up to the top of the stairs, and took a deep breath to gear myself up for the walk up all those steps. Just then, at the top of the staircase, I saw a beautiful German Shepherd, excitedly waiting for her guardian to take her leash off, so she could make her way down to the beach. I just stood there, smiling . . . and waiting for her to make her way down the stairs . . . and feeling like it was Lucky's sign to me that she was still around.

When the Shepherd and her guardian got to the bottom of the stairs, I asked the guardian if I could pet his dog. He was very nice and kindly introduced us (her name was Lyka). She said hello and then wandered away when some smell caught her attention. Female shepherds tend to be a bit aloof, so I didn't expect her to visit with me too long, but when I told Lyka's guardian why I was at the beach that day (that it was Lucky's birthday and that I had lost her almost two years ago), Lyka came right over to me and was suddenly very friendly, even giving me a kiss when I leaned down to pet her. At that moment, there was no doubt in my mind that my sweet girl was giving me a sign that she was around me, that she was celebrating her birthday with me.

Losing someone is hard. Regardless of whether the someone is two legged or four legged, we feel the loss and their absence can make our hearts ache . . . and yet, I believe they are always around us, trying to comfort us and let us know they are still with us. I believe they want us to be happy, that they want us to live in the "now" and embrace the present for what it is.

I feel very blessed to know that my mom and Lucky are both making an effort to reach out to me and let me know they are still a part of my life, even if they aren't still physically here. I know they aren't the only ones . . . and if you have lost someone, I bet they are trying to give you signs as well. Open your heart and let the signs come in!

ps - I wrote this blog on 7/24. On 7/25, I got into the car to drive to an appointment and guess what song came on??? Yep - "In The Air Tonight"!! I think my mom was letting me know she enjoyed my blog!!!