Honoring Shadow

This week, I received some very sad news . . . a very special person I know lost her beloved dog, Shadow and it has been weighing heavy on my mind and my heart. I decided the best thing to do would be to dedicate this weeks blog to Shadow and her guardian Erika . . . and the beautiful, yet short life they had together, in the hopes that focusing on Shadow's life would ease some of the pain of her death.

I first met Erika and Shadow last March. I knew the second I met them, there was something very special about them both. They had been together about a year but with the bond they had, you would think they had been together for many, many years. I was in awe of Erika's dedication to Shadow's health and happiness. Their intense love and devotion to one another was so evident and I felt honored to have the opportunity to work with them both.

Shadow was a black German Shepherd who was five years old at the time. The first four years of her life, she had been used as a backyard breeder and when Erika adopted her from a rescue group, she was not in good shape. Her belly was all stretched out from having so many litters of puppies, her nails were severely overgrown, she was fearful of almost everything . . . constantly hiding, trembling and drooling in reaction to all the things that scared her. She didn't know how to play or how to experience joy.

Since many of the overwhelming fears Shadow was experiencing were similar to what Lucky experienced when I first adopted her, I suppose I felt an even stronger connection to them and what they were going through. Some of the stories Erika told me made me cry, like when she told me how Shadow reacted when she put out stuffed toys for her to play with. She would gently scoop them up in her mouth and place them on her bed . . . then curl up around them while she whimpered. Or how Shadow reacted when she saw other dogs jumping up in the air to grab a stuffed toy . . . that caused her to get upset and whimper as well.

No one will ever be able to convince me that animals don't have emotions or grieve over the loss of their children. When you see something like that, I don't know how you could come to any other conclusion. Erika and I knew that if Shadow was going to have the life she was meant to have, we needed to first help her release the deep sadness she held in her body over all the puppies that were taken away from her, so that was one of the things we focused on during our Reiki session.

Erika and I kept in touch over the next ten months and each time I received an email from her, updating me on how Shadow was doing, I could not stop myself from smiling. The progress they made was unbelievable. Erika understood the importance of honoring Shadow's feelings, of taking baby steps, etc. She talked to Shadow all the time . . . explaining things to her, and managing her expectations. They developed their own special way to communicate, such as, Shadow knew all she had to do was give her mom a "look" if she wanted to leave the environment they were in and she always knew her mom would honor the "look." Shadow developed more and more confidence in their adventures out in the big noisy world as a result of their ability to communicate with one another.

Each update I received warmed my heart more than the previous one . . . with Erika sharing stories of how Shadow was learning to play and finding joy in goofing around with her mom. They started playing Hide and Seek, which Shadow took great delight in and on occasion, Erika was even able to distract Shadow from things that frightened her by starting up a game of Hide and Seek. This dog, who didn't know how to have fun when she was first adopted, was now learning that life was meant to be enjoyed and she was cherishing every moment of silliness that she and her "mom" were having.

Shadow also went to work with her mom every day and as time went on, she became less and less fearful of the noises and activities that occurred in her office. They made more progress in six months than Lucky and I had made in several years and I was just in awe of what they were able to accomplish. The love and the trust between them was obviously very intense.

In the fall, Erika fostered a litter of puppies and Shadow was in heaven. Erika called her the governess and she took her job of helping to care for the puppies very seriously. Thanks to Erika getting involved in fostering, Shadow got the chance to fulfill her motherly duties, an opportunity she had missed in her early years.

Eventually, Erika adopted one of the puppies and Shadow took him under her wing. She became the best "big sister" any dog could have, as evidenced by this precious picture of the two of them napping together.

To think this was the same dog who whimpered as she put her toys in her bed six months earlier . . . clearly, Erika had helped this sweet dog heal in ways that were astounding. From the updates I received from Erika, it seemed that the dog I met last March didn't exist anymore. She had made tremendous strides in healing from her early trauma and was coming into her own. They had developed a true partnership.

Shadow was living the beautiful life she was meant to live, one filled with joy and happiness, peace, trust and love. And they had so many years ahead of them . . . years to enjoy the relationship they had developed . . . years to have new, wonderful experiences and adventures together . . . and I suppose that is one of the reasons I took Shadow's passing so hard this week. Shadow's life got cut short and I think I have been grieving, as Erika probably has as well, for the time they didn't get to have together.

This week, Shadow had a tumor on her spleen that ruptured. She went into shock and passed away during emergency surgery. For as much as I am still struggling with Lucky's death, I keep thinking about the fact that at least I knew it was coming . . . I was able to prepare for it, say all the things I wanted to say. We were blessed with almost fourteen years together . . . which makes me even more sad for Erika . . . I wish she and Shadow had more time together. She worked so hard to help Shadow let go of the past and be who she was meant to be . . . I wanted them to have more time to enjoy the "fruits of their labor."

And still, I believe that everything happens for a reason, so there must have been a reason why their time together was as short as it was. It was definitely not short on love, or devotion. They packed a tremendous amount of healing and adventure into their short time together. But I still am left wishing I understood why Shadow had to leave now.

Their beautiful relationship reminded me that it is possible to recover from the things we have been through, that there is no limit to how deeply we can love and how healing it can be. Because of Erika, Shadow was able to be who she was meant to be . . . she was able to experience love, joy, trust and true companionship . . . that was the precious gift she received from Erika, a gift I know she will treasure forever.

Rest in peace, sweet Shadow . . . you will be missed by everyone whose lives you touched . . . I know you will watch over your mom and make sure she find a way to remember all that you learned together - mostly that life is meant to be enjoyed.