Who decides when "it's time"?

In the last couple of weeks, Lucky's back legs have not been working much at all.  It's been an adjustment for us but not one that has been terribly difficult.  I was already helping her walk with the sling so the only difference is that my arms are getting a way better work out than they were before, when Lucky was "sharing the load" so to speak.  Since I am doing all the work for her back end, it's requiring more arm strength for me and a little more coordination for the both of us, but we're making it work.  

I have been the recipient of comments during these last few weeks, some subtle, and some not so subtle, where people suggest maybe it's time to put her down.  My flippant and somewhat humorous response is: "If your mom couldn't walk, would you put her down?" but it has made me think a lot about this part of an animals journey and how we make the choice of when 'it's time."

I have always believed that the choice was up to the animal and our only job was to listen to them, to pay attention to what they were showing us.  Aside from the fact that Lucky needs my help to walk, she's perfectly normal in every other way.   She's still eating with gusto, she's still playing with toys, she's still waking me up in the morning by "singing" and she's still alert and happy.  Nothing in her behavior or demeanor is telling me that she is ready to go.  

But people still question my choice.  I have been pondering this issue for a while now, not only because of my own situation but also because I have friends and clients who are also dealing with pets who are aging and losing certain abilities.  I have realized that often when people decide to put their animal down, it's because THEY can't do it anymore.  I am not saying that is wrong, because we all have to decide what is right for us.  

I guess I look at aging more as part of the process of life. I am not afraid of it.  I have seen Lucky change in the last few years.  I have seen her unable to do things she used to be able to do and I learned a while back from a sweet Pug named Max that we have to just keep re-defining "normal."   What was normal before (chasing the tennis ball and running on the beach) has now been replaced with a new definition of normal and I know that definition will keep changing.  

These days, laying on the floor in the family room together while I read a book and hold her paw with my free hand is our new 'normal.'  It's not the same as running on the beach but it is just as sweet.  And now when we go to the park, instead of the kids throwing the ball for Lucky, they just sit around her and pet her and talk to her.  It's not the same as before, but it is no less touching to see Lucky light up in the presence of children.  

Several of my clients are dealing with these issues as well.  Potty accidents are becoming more frequent, as they have from time to time with Lucky.  Do you decide to put your animal down because they have a few accidents? or do you just keep a supply of towels handy?  I realize it's a personal choice.  If you can't handle the accidents, then maybe you make once choice.  If you decide that getting some pads to put down under them is an OK solution or having that extra supply of towels around, then you make another choice.  

I think about myself and how I would want to be treated when I get older and begin to lose my faculties.  I wouldn't want to be put down because I occasionally lost bladder control.  I would want to be treated with kindness and respect, regardless of what I could or couldn't do anymore.  And I have realized that that is what I am trying to do with Lucky.  I am trying to treat her with kindness and respect.  I am trying to honor her in this part of her life as much as I honored her in the previous 13 years.  I am trying to enjoy the time we have together and make it as fun for both of us as possible.  I am trying to not make a big deal about the changes we are going through, trying to help her see that we're still OK, we're still a team and letting her know I don't mind helping her with things she didn't used to need my help with. 

Most importantly, I am paying attention to her and I am listening.  When she's ready to go, I know she'll tell me, she'll show me.  I know I need to not let other people's opinions make me second guess myself or Lucky.  We've been together for thirteen and a half years and if anyone knows Lucky, it's me.  Just as my clients and friends know their animals better than anyone else.  We all have to make the decisions based on what is right for us and hopefully, what is right for our animals as well.  But if you try to tell me that I should put Lucky down because her back legs aren't working, I will tell you that Lucky isn't as concerned about it as you are.  :-) 

It is difficult in some moments?  Absolutely yes.  Last weekend when she woke me up in the middle of the night to let me know she needed to throw up, I tried to get her out of my bedroom and into the backyard.  My back, which has been a little taxed from all the extra physical requirements decided it wasn't going to cooperate with us and it gave out on me.  Sitting on the floor of my bedroom, I knew I would never be able to get both of us up and out to the backyard in time, so I grabbed one of the towels I have on hand and put it in front of her.  She threw up on the towel.  It wasn't the end of the world.  Of course, in a moment of weakness and overload, it didn't stop me from crying and telling her I was sorry I couldn't get her out in the yard but she understood.  I put the towel in the laundry room to deal with in the morning and once I got her back on her bed, we both went back to sleep.  

On the plus side, I have better arms muscles than I have ever had before and I don't even need to go to the gym.  I look at this time as just a part of our journey - the part where I get to give to her - to let her know how much I truly appreciate all she has done for me over the years.  I look at it as an honor.  We're partners in this world, at this time.  I would do anything for her, just as I know she would do anything for me.  I will continue to try to be the person she believes I am . . . strong, capable, resilient, loving and kind.  And when she tells me it is time for her to go, at least I will know that I honored her to her last day.