I have been thinking a lot about perspective lately, as Lucky and I have been faced with things we need to keep adjusting to. Through these experiences, I am reminded of what a difference our perspective on something can make in our lives.
I have always believed that words are very powerful and how we choose to label something can change how we feel about it (or ourselves). I also always believed that how we choose to look at something can alter our experience from negative to positive. Lately, I have seen many examples of this and it has served as a nice reminder of just how powerful our perspective on something can be.
I have a friend who kept referring to herself as "selfish" when she was talking about choices she was making (i.e. saying no to an invitation because she wanted to have a night at home). She kept saying "Maybe I'm just being selfish but . . . ". I asked her if I could offer her a substitute word. She laughed and said "Of course" because we've known each other a long time and she knows how I am. :-) I told her that from what I was hearing, it sounded more like she was being "protective of her time" rather than selfish and that I thought it might change how she felt about her choices if she viewed them as being protective of her time, rather than labeling herself as selfish. She said she felt a shift immediately when she thought about my new word choice and said she'd try to stop labeling herself as selfish.
Then there is a client of mine who obviously had been told by people that she babbled. She would be trying to tell me something that she hadn't completely figured out yet and periodically, she would stop and apologize. She would say, "I'm sorry, I'm babbling." and then attempt to change the subject. I finally said to her one night "It sounds to me like you are trying to process your thoughts, it doesn't sound like babbling to me." I asked her if she'd consider referring to her behavior as "processing" when she was trying to verbally sort something out. I hated the idea that she would use a negative term like that about herself, especially when I saw how it affected her when she used the term. She said she'd give it a try and in the beginning, she'd say "I'm sorry, I'm bab . . . processing."
Over time, she got better about calling what she was doing "processing" and I encouraged her to stop apologizing because if it helped her to talk through things verbally, then didn't think she owed anyone an apology. The shift in her energy is so evident to me when she uses the term "processing" (without the apology) - it feels to me like she is being kinder to herself, which is something I think we all need to do . . . be kinder to ourselves.
Then there was a sweet woman I know from water therapy whose dog whines a lot. She frequently referred to her dog as "Poor Pitiful Pearl" (in a loving way of course) but one day I suggested to her that maybe her dog wasn't whining . . . that maybe she was singing. She thought that was cute and said she'd try looking at it that way. A couple weeks later I asked her if her dog was still "singing to her" and with a laugh she said "Yes, she sings all the time, but you know what? I am finding that I am enjoying it more" We talked about the fact that even though it was the same behavior, somehow, labeling it as "singing" instead of "whining" made it more fun. She even confessed that sometimes she would "sing" back.
In the last 4-5 days, Lucky has been less interested in eating, which of course makes me concerned. She has always had a healthy appetite and I think I have always believed that if she was still interested in eating, she wasn't ready to leave. I have found that if I hand feed her, she'll eat. At first, I was thinking about it as a negative . . . Lucky won't eat unless I pick the food out of her bowl and hand it to her . . . and I realized that I was doing it with a lot of sadness. The other day, I decided I would change my perspective about it. I decided I would look at it as a loving gesture, an opportunity for us to connect and share an activity together. Instead of being filled with worry, I was filled with love. I actually look forward to feeding her breakfast and dinner now and plan accordingly, so we have enough time for me to sit on the floor with her, without any other distractions.
Another example is the fact that when I lift Lucky out of the car, the pressure my arm puts on her bladder as I am lifting her out makes her tinkle . . . and that usually involves my legs and feet getting tinkled on. Again, at first, it was stressing me out. I had to wash down the floor of the garage, I had to clean my shoes, my legs (or change my pants) and it made me worry about her health. I knew I had a choice about how I looked at it . . . and my first choice was to just wear shorts and flip-flops every day. This is not a hardship for me at all, as I would wear short and flip-flops all year round if I could get away with it. But now I call it my new "uniform" and it makes me happier to put on short and flip-flops every day. And when the tinkling happens, I simply walk over to the garden hose and wash my legs and flip-flops. Then I grab a water pitcher from the kitchen, fill it with water and toss it over the puddle on the garage floor. The whole "clean up" activity takes only a matter of minutes and I have a surprisingly good attitude about it. It's our "reality" right now and one that I am choosing to not get down about. We've found a way to deal with it, without any additional stress. In fact, the other day, I lifted her out of the car and she didn't tinkle on me. I was almost disappointed, since I have gotten so used to it. :-)
We always have choices about how we look at something, or how we label it, just as we have a right to be happy and to feel good about ourselves. I think sometimes we don't realize how much "choice" we really have . . . and how powerful those choices can be. When we see things in the positive, our experience can be more positive. Am I still scared that Lucky's time here with me is going to end soon? If course I am. But at least I am finding ways to see our final chapter in a way that makes us both happier.
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