When I first arrived at her house, we visited casually, as I met the dogs and a couple of the cats. While we were talking, I asked her when she first started noticing the strange behavior in her dog. After a long pause, she told me that it was when she had begun focusing on taking care of herself. I was momentarily stumped, since what I know of animals is that they WANT us to take care of ourselves. Even though it didn't make sense in that moment, I knew it was an important piece of information. When we went inside, I sat down on a chair, then moved to the floor. The entire time I was inundated with attention from the animals, having my face licked, having my arms pawed in an attempt to get my attention. One of the cats even 'combed my hair' with his paw. What I was feeling from all of them was need . . . they were all very needy, wanting attention, wanting to prove they were valuable, etc. Mixed in with the need was fear, fear that there wasn't enough love for all of them and fear of something else that I couldn't quite put my finger on.
I shared what I was picking up with their guardian and began asking her more questions. I kept going back to her original comment that the one dog began exhibiting nervous behavior when she put herself on the top of her priority list. I asked her questions about what she had been doing differently since she began "taking care of herself," how she had been feeling, what had motivated her to make that particular change, how things had changed as a result for the animals. (I realized pretty quickly that it wasn't just the one dog who was anxious, every single one of the animals was, even though they showed it in slightly different ways.)
I was getting little hints of what was going on but hadn't put it all together yet when she said "I have said several times lately that if I was going to truly take care of myself, I would have only one animal instead of seven." The moment she said that, all the pieces fell into place. The behavior of the animals made perfect sense. They had heard her say that she would only have ONE animal if she was going to take care of herself, so every single one of them was panicked in a way, worried that it wasn't going to be them, so they had all started to act nervously. They were all acting needy but what they were really trying to say with their overly demonstrative behavior was "pick me, pick me!" She felt bad that she had in some way created the behavior she didn't like because of what she had said. She confessed that she had said quite a few times that she wished she had only one animal to care for.
We spent some time talking about whether she really meant what she said. Was she really ready to re-home six of her animals? The truth was, she didn't want to let any of them go but their recent behavior changes had made it harder and harder for her to deal with the seven of them. She was still taking care of all of their basic needs . . . they were being fed, walked, played with and cuddled with . . . . she was doing everything 'right' in terms of taking care of her animals but it was as if there was no way to give them enough. They were all requiring so much attention that she had even LESS time for herself, which was the opposite of what she was trying to do, so she was starting to feel that the only way she could take care of herself was if she had less animals. She said that she wanted to keep them all and would, if they could need less from her.
We gathered all the animals together and I explained to them that none of them was going anywhere. I explained how their guardian was feeling and assured them that she wasn't going to let any of them go but that we needed their help. I assured them that there was enough love for all of them and reminded them that they were a family and that they needed to work together. I gave them some examples of the behaviors that she was concerned about, and reassured them that they didn't need to prove anything, that they were loved and would be staying where they were. All of the animals immediately calmed down. Some moved a few feet away and put their heads down to rest, others just sat on the floor calmly, as their guardian and I continued to talk. The frenetic energy that I experienced when I first got there had stopped and everyone seemed peaceful.
I explained that the animals may need some reminders/assurances if they began to act nervous again but that I was confident that soon, they would have a peaceful household again. Much to my delight, I got an email from the woman the next morning telling me they had had the most peaceful morning they had ever had. No one was acting needy, no one was standing on her when she woke up in the morning, no one followed her from room to room as she tried to get ready for work. She said everyone was relaxed and calm. She checked in with me a few more times during the week to let me know their household was just as calm and peaceful as it had been the morning after my visit. The animals all seemed happy and content, appreciating the attention she gave them but not being pushy for attention. She was thrilled and I think the animals were too. Their biggest fear had been alleviated. They were all staying in this wonderful home with their incredibly kind hearted guardian.
I share her story with all of you as a reminder that our animals really do hear everything we say. Many people don't believe animals have the ability to understand us when we talk but I couldn't be more certain that they do. I believe animals learn just as babies do, by listening. A baby's vocabulary grows as they hear the people around them speak, and I believe animals are the same. (one caveat: animals who aren't ever around people at all will have a far more limited vocabulary).
So, pay attention to what you say around your animals. They are listening and they are taking it all in. I know none of us ever purposely says things that would hurt our animals feelings or make them worry but we can inadvertently upset them if we aren't paying close enough attention to what we're saying around them.
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