This week, the Universe threw me a curve and Lucky's tumors started growing again. I felt defeated, overwhelmed and scared. I cried a lot and worried that I wasn't taking care of her as well as I had promised her I always would. I struggled to listen to my intuition. I want to do everything I can for her. I want us to heal the cancer so she can stay with me longer but I was feeling lost as to how to make that happen.
After a couple of days of feeling helpless, I felt guided to adjust the dosage of cancer fighting herbs I was giving her, although I didn't trust the guidance completely. I made the change and then still felt fear that it wasn't the right change or that we weren't going to be able to make the tumors go away. As much as I tried, I couldn't completely quiet the voice of fear in the back of my head.
The next day, I took Lucky to her water therapy session. With her back legs being weak, she isn't able to exercise by walking and chasing the ball like we used to, so we started doing water therapy a few times a week to help keep her muscles in shape and help her stay strong. When Lucky got into the water with Connie, the water therapist, I began telling Connie that the tumors were growing again and that Lucky wasn't doing well. Just then, Lucky took off, swimming into the deep end of the pool, which took both Connie and I by surprise. She never swam into the deep end, even when we tried to encourage her to do so. Connie looked at me with a questions on her face and at that moment, it was crystal clear to me. Lucky was showing me that I was wrong when I said "she isn't doing well" - she was showing me that she was still strong and still feeling good. There was no question in my mind at all. She swam out to the deep end at the exact moment I was telling Connie that she wasn't doing well. She wanted me to see that my fears were unfounded, that she was doing just fine in her opinion.
I know from my work with animals that they do hear us and they will respond to what they hear us say. I have seen countless examples of animals responding in the moment to what it being said so I couldn't ignore what Lucky was showing me. The heaviness that had surrounded me all week lifted and I realized that I needed to pay attention to her and what she was telling me. I needed to listen to her more and listen to my fears less.
That night, she was goofing around for hours. She pulled a bag off the table that had a dog toy in it and began making the hilarious sound she makes when she is happy, something similar to a whine, but deeper and with a tone of contentment. She wanted me to toss the tennis ball to her, she did a few play-bows. Everything she was showing me was positive and I couldn't ignore it. If she was going to be so positive and happy, then I needed to be as well.
I still don't know if we are going to beat the cancer. I don't know if the current dosage of herbs I am giving her will make the tumor shrink again. What I do know is that Lucky is telling me that she is OK right now. She is telling me that she is happy and that she is capable of living and enjoying life. It is a reminder to me that I need to enjoy every day that we have together. I need to take time out to be light and playful. I need to stop worrying about "tomorrow" and be present with her today because that's what we have - today.
If you have an animal, I encourage you to pay attention to how they behave when you are talking about them. I know they are trying to show us all the time if we are right or wrong regarding the things we say about them. What you see may lift your spirits or give you new information about what they are thinking and feeling . . so watch them . . . and enjoy them . . . and love them for everything they are.
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