Reposting this blog that I wrote in June of 2016. I noticed that it has been getting a lot of interest via the stats on my blog so I thought - what the heck - I will share it again! Kino taught me so much about finding balance between our two "styles" - strengthening the attention I gave to HIS reaction to people and places and being even more mindful of the energy that I feel. So, in honor of my sweet furry teacher, here is the blog again!
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One of the big differences I have noticed between Kino and I is that I tend to be friendly to everyone I meet, while Kino always has his guard up. A perfect example of this was the other day when we stopped to get gas in the car.
As I got out of the car to start pumping gas, I gentleman was getting out of his truck on the other side of the pump. We smiled and said hello to each other and Kino promptly began barking in his most vicious sounding bark. It is just what Kino does (bark first, ask questions later) so I am used to it but not everyone else is as comfortable with his vicious barking, so smiling at the man, I said, "He's just letting you know that he's here to protect me." He laughed and told me he had three dogs at home and that they were equally protective.As I filled my tank and washed windows, the man and I continued to chat. He told me more about his dogs and we chatted a bit about animal behavior. At one point, I realized Kino had calmed down and was sitting in the back seat as quiet as a church mouse, just listening to us so I pointed to my now quiet dog and smiled. Laughing, the man said, "Well, he put me on notice and once he was sure I heard him, he must have felt his job was done." We had a good chuckle, then wished each other a pleasant rest of the day.
The truth was, I knew the man had "passed muster" so to speak. Kino issues a "warning" to anyone who gets close to me, but if their energy is good, he will back off and become very peaceful. I have learned to only be concerned if his barking continues because that is Kino's way of letting me know that something about the person's energy is making him uncomfortable.I was thinking about this while we were on a walk the other day and I recalled classes I used to teach in the corporate world on trust. There was a model we used as part of the curriculum to help people understand our different approaches to trust. There is a whole lot more behind the model, but at a high level, it covered the following:
Roughly 45% of the population is "Trust Until" which means they go into each new encounter trusting until the person gives them a reason not to. Another roughly 45% of the population is "Suspicion Until" which means they go into each situation with suspicion until the person gives them a reason to trust. Then there are 5% of the population that are "Trust Still" in that they stay in trust no matter what the person does and 5% of the population that are "Suspicion Still" meaning they continue to be suspicions no matter what the other person does.
As we continued walking, I contemplated this difference in Kino and I . . . I am a "Trust Until" and he is definitely a "Suspicion Until. " We are wired differently and since I don't think it is possible for either of us to change the other, all I can do is accept and honor our differences. This means that instead of getting mad at him when he barks at strangers, I'm better off accepting that he is going to do it. It doesn't mean I have to be any less friendly to people I know or strangers, because it is who I am as a person. I've decided my best strategy in dealing with strangers may be to inform them that Kino means no harm, he just feels compelled to put people on notice. :-)So, are you a Trust Until? or a Suspicion Until? How about your pets? Are you wired the same? or wired differently? How about your friends? Your co-workers? Family members?
It's important to remember that one is not better than the other, as there are pros and cons to both. Sometimes, understanding how we are wired makes it easier to navigate in this world (and at home and in the work place, etc.)
Accepting instead of judging those who are wired differently can create some pretty amazing benefits as well and show up new paths forward. I think the key is to not only be very clear on who you are, but to love and accept that aspect of yourself. It then makes it easier to love and accept others for who they are and how they are wired. Could be fun to start observing this in your relationships - not just with animals but with all the people in your life too!
