Let's Stay In Our Own Lane

In the last few years, it's been troubling to me how comfortable everyone seems to have become with telling other people how to run their lives. We hear everyone else's opinion whether we've asked or not - and it often comes with an expectation that we are going to do what we are told to do by others. 

Recently, I posted a request for Kino on our neighborhood email list for tennis balls and a 5 gallon paint bucket. The two seemingly unrelated items are the key to keeping Kino exercising, given that he is only interested in chasing tennis balls if I am trying to do something else in the yard. haha Consequently, I drag the bucket around the yard with me as I plant flowers or pull weeds. After a few decades, the paint bucket that he inherited from Lucky cracked so it was time for a replacement. 

Given that I prefer to reuse/recycle things, I put the request out to see if anyone had some of what we needed. Much to my delight, we quickly got offers for both . . . in fact, Kino now has so many tennis balls, we've got an extra stash in the garage for when the current batch gets broken and we lucked out getting two buckets instead of one because the person who donated the bucket couldn't get the two unstuck.  :-)  

While most of the responses were very positive - with either offers to share what they had with Kino or compliments on his good looks - we also received unsolicited advice. I was told how dangerous it is to allow dogs to play with tennis balls and received videos showing the dangers of what happens when a tennis ball gets lodged in a dog's throat. I received a strong recommendation on where I could go to buy a paint bucket and how dangerous it was to use a bucket with dried paint in it. I'm not knocking them, I know their hearts are in a good place, but all this "advice" came without knowing any of the facts (i.e. what I do for a living, how many years I have had dogs, how responsible or irresponsible I am as a guardian or if the paint buckets even had dried paint on the inside . . . that was an assumption on their part since they never even saw the buckets)

It troubles me that we've gotten so comfortable with overreaching when it comes to telling people what we think they should do. Especially when people have no idea what the full circumstances are. Just as we, as a society, seem to have decided it's ok to tell others how to manage their health. I see people crossing the line every single day - thinking THEY have the answer to what someone else should do - that the approach they are taking is the RIGHT one and everyone else is not only wrong but they are "selfish" and "uncaring" if they don't make the same choice. 

So this blog is basically a plea . . . asking people to respectfully stay in their own lane. If I want to throw tennis balls for my dog while I am doing yard work, that is my business. If I want to use a recycled item rather than buying that item new from a store, that is my business as well. 

It is also my business how I manage my own health. I will continue to do whatever is best for me, based on the knowledge I have of my body, how I look after my health and based on my history. If I want to get seven booster shots or zero shots, that's up to me to decide because it is my body, it is my health. I would never consider telling someone what they should do . . . I look forward to the day that that respect goes both ways.  

Maybe before we fling our advice around, we can pause and ask ourselves "Did this person ASK for my advice? or am I throwing my advice at them without their request for input? Before we decide we know what is best for others, maybe we can pause and ask ourselves "Do I know everything there is to know about this person's circumstances? their history? or am I making a bunch of assumptions? Before we begin name calling and belittling and harshly criticizing others for the choices they make, maybe we can ask ourselves "Is it my job to decide what others should do?" and "Is it really OK to judge people so harshly and bully them just because they are making a choice that is different from mine?"

I personally believe that our job is to manage ourselves and our own lives . . . unless we are expressly asked for our opinion, I think that it is best if we stay in our own lane and worry about ourselves. I know that if someone WANTS my opinion they will ask for it. I also know that the only person I can control is myself. 

I respect the fact that we are each on our own journey here - I honor the path that each person is on and the choices they make for themselves. So once again, I ask "Can we please all stay in our own lane?"

P.S.  I am not pretending that I've never done this . . . as any of my ex-boyfriends can attest to, I was the queen of over-stepping and telling them what I thought they should do.  :-)  Learning that about myself and being able to apologize to almost all of them for the myriad of times I over-stepped was a part of my journey. It's definitely a learning process and I am grateful that I was able to find my way to a place where I can respect and honor what others are doing / not doing.