We All Have "Wounds" to Heal

I personally believe that we all have wounds to heal - to varying degrees. i.e. things that trigger us into a bigger reaction to something than may seem appropriate at the time.  People often think that we have to have had terrible things happen to us in order to have "wounds" . . . so if they had a great childhood and didn't experience any kind of abuse then they don't think they have any wounds that need to be healed. Maybe it comes down to how we define the word "wound." 

To me, a "wound" can be a belief that we are holding onto (consciously or unconsciously) that limits us or makes us feel "less than" who we truly are. (i.e. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not tall enough or thin enough, etc). It can be a belief based on experiences we had, that we keep seeing "proof" of as we get older (i.e. people not listening to us or not believing us, or constantly being interrupted when we are trying to speak, etc).  They can show up in so many ways . . . . those are just a few examples to give you an idea of what I am referring to. 

In our world right now, I see so much judgement and so much blame flying around. When I see someone judging the heck out of other people, it makes me sad because I know that it often indicates they are someone who was judged a lot when they were young and they likely judge themselves as harshly if not more harshly than they judge others.

The "beliefs" we hold about ourselves (again, it can be consciously or unconsciously) carry energy so we can inadvertently "pull in" experiences that match those beliefs, like a magnet pulls metal towards it. If we believe we are unlovable, we may attract partners who don't treat us very well or if we believe we will never catch a break in life, we may find that we keep having that particular experience over and over again. 

These "wounds" can show up in so many ways. Typically we have been living with them for so many years that we don't even think of them as "wounds" . . . they are just "things that happen" or "the way things are in the world" or whatever. 

I believe we have a choice if we want to keep holding onto these old beliefs and therefore having these experiences over and over. We can "heal" what's underneath them, let go of the beliefs and be free of them once and for all . . .  if we want to.

As a starting point, you may want to pull out a pad of paper and write down all the things that trigger you (things people do that have frustrated you / upset you lately). Then spend a little time thinking about each item on your list. Can you identify the "belief" underneath it that you might be holding? Get curious about yourself and what keeps showing up in your life that you'd prefer not to keep experiencing. Have some fun with it. 

Once you have familiarized yourself with your triggers and what beliefs may be underneath them, there are tons of possibilities for how you can let go of them. One simple thing you can do as a starting point is to ask yourself "Do I want to continue to believe this? Do I want to keep having this experience? Or would I like to be free of this once and for all? Sometimes it can be as simple as making that conscious choice. You can use your imagination and visualize "letting go" of the belief any way you'd like. You can write down what you'd like to believe instead and keep repeating that in your mind (often referred to as an "affirmation") every day. There is no "right way" to do it.

If the belief is a little more "embedded" in our system, it can sometimes require a little more effort on our part to set it free - once and for all.

Sometimes I look at the item and ask myself "Have I ever done this? (Often the answer is "yes" which allows me to have a little more compassion for the person who has triggered a reaction in me). As an example, I struggled with the "not being heard / not being believed" experience for much of my life. One day, it occurred to me that there were times where I didn't listen to myself (either ignoring my own gut feeling about something or doing something because it was expected of me, not because I wanted to do it). Once I realized that, I forgave myself for the times I treated myself that way. After doing that, it was easier to make sure I was doing a better job of listening to myself. Right away, I noticed that I was having less experiences of other people not listening to me. 

Sometimes I need to offer myself compassion for having the experience so many times. I treat myself the way I would treat one of my closest friends, and say - even if it's just in my mind - "Wow, that really sucks. I can only imagine how cruddy that must have felt to have people not believe you when you were telling the truth. I'm so sorry you had that experience." Often the act of offering myself some compassion for an experience is all I need to let go of the underlying belief.

Remember there is no "right way" to let go of or change a belief that doesn't serve us or support us in creating the life experiences we want to have. Have a little fun with it and see what results you get. If you don't feel you let it go completely, play around with it some more, let your imagination come up with another technique for clearing it out and see what happens.

The important thing to remember is that we get to choose. We get to decide if we want to let it go. We are free to change how we feel about ourselves anytime. We are free to have a life filled with the kind of experiences we want to have. The trick is to remember that it all starts with us. We can't change other people but we can change ourselves and the thoughts and beliefs we are holding inside us.

ps:  I chose this picture - of a Stellars Jay - for this blog (that my super sweet neighbor took for me because she knows they are one of my most favorite birds). They symbolize freedom and independence, as well as energy, curiosity, vision and determination. All of that seemed to connect with what I have written here, plus I just adore them and love seeing pictures of them.  :-)