We're Born to Shine

Anyone who knows me or reads my blog knows how much I love music . . . music that touches my heart, lyrics that speak to my soul . . . sometimes I listen to a song that I have listened to a thousand times and I will hear something different or be touched in a way that I hadn't been before.

I had that experience today with a Shawn Mullins song that I have loved for ages . . . the song is called "Shimmer" and I feel inspired to share. 

In this very challenging year, in the midst of an incredibly challenging month, I am reminded that we truly were born to shine . . . not just some of us . . . ALL of us.  Sometimes it helps to be reminded that we have a light inside us - and it's up to us to decide how brightly we want to shine. 

In the hopes that you find some inspiration yourself, here is the part of the song that spoke so loudly to me today. 

We're born to shimmer

We're born to shine

We're born to radiate

We're born to live

We're born to love

We're born to never hate

Here are the lyrics for the entire song, in case anyone is interested because it truly is a great song. I don't know this for a fact but I am guessing that Shawn wrote it after the birth of his child, at least that's how the lyrics always hit me. 

"Shimmer"

Sharing with us what he knows
His shining eyes are big and blue
And all around him water flows
This world to him is new
This world to him is new

To touch a face
To kiss a smile
And new eyes see no race
The essence of a child.....the essence

He's born to shimmer
He's born to shine
He's born to radiate
He's born to live
He's born to love
But we will teach him how to hate

And true love it is a rock
Smoothed over by a stream
And no tickin of a clock
Truly measures what that means 
Truly measures what that means

And this thing called our time
I heard a brilliant woman say
She said "you know it's crazy
How I want to try to capture mine"
I think I love this woman's way
I think I love this woman

The way she shimmers
The way she shines
The way she radiates
The way she lives
The way she loves
The way she never hates

Sometimes I think of all this that surrounds me
I know it all as being mine
But she kisses me and she wraps herself around me
She gives me love
She gives me time
And I feel fine

But time I cannot change
So here's to looking back
You know I'd drink a whole bottle of my pride
And I'd toast to change
To keep these demons off my back
Just get these demons off my back

Cause I
Want to shimmer
I want to shine
I want to radiate
I want to live
I want to love
I want to try and learn how not to hate
Try not to hate

We're born to shimmer,
We're born to shine,
We're born to radiate,
We're born to live,we're born to love
We're born to never hate

He's born to shimmer
He's born to shine
He's born to radiate
He's born to live
He's born to love
But we will teach him..

Wake Up Everybody

I woke up in the middle of the night with the chorus of a song playing in my head . . . I recognized the song right away and then I heard . . .  "Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes."  I wondered why I heard the name Harold Melvin because the artist I associated with the song was Teddy Pendergrass. (Little did I know, until I did a little research, Teddy was the lead singer of Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes. Learned something new that day)  :-) 

The lyrics I heard were: The world won't get no better, if we just let it be, the world won't get no better, we gotta change it, yeah, just you and me. 

As I lay there in my hazy state, I thought about the fact that I have been seeing this is my community - people doing what they can to help each other - and how much it lifts my spirits when I can participate or even witness what is happening by reading the posts and responses. 

I thought about how it truly IS up to us . . . that it doesn't matter who our president is or who any other "elected" official is. Waiting around for "them" to do something isn't going to create the kind of change we need right now. If we want to see things change, I believe it is up to US to BE that change, to start making things better on our own.  

Almost everyone in our world needs some kind of help right now . . . whether it's food, or a place to live, or someone to talk to so they don't feel so alone. The list seems endless. When I look around, I see so many people in need . . . and I witness their hesitancy to reach out and say "I need some help." 

When I look at the big picture, I see systems and processes that aren't working, old structures and ways of doing things that just don't work anymore . . . and so many places where we could create something better if we came together and began looking for new ways to do things. 

I also see people with so much to give. People with different skills and abilities . . . different perspectives . . . different ideas. There are so many opportunities to make a difference . . . big and small.

So I invite you to ask yourself "What can I do?" "How can I contribute to making this a better world?" It doesn't matter if it's something big or small . . . it doesn't matter if it's something you do alone or something you do in collaboration with others. To me, the most important thing is for us to empower ourselves and start creating a world WE want to live in . . . 

When I looked up the lyrics - I noticed that the original version of the song (when they performed it as Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes) had more lyrics so I trust that I was guided to that version so that I could see the wisdom and beauty in the longer version of the song. For anyone who is interested, I have pasted them below. I thought this would also be a great place to post one of my favorite pictures of my boy . . . a picture of him sleeping to go along with the title of the song. This picture melts my heart whenever I look at it, regardless of how many times I have seen it. It reminds me that regardless of our differences, we are part of the same world, a world that needs US to love it and each other. We have the ability to create something new - and it can be as simple as an act of loving kindness extended to another person.  

Wake Up, Everybody

Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes

Wake up, everybody, no more sleeping in bed
No more backward thinking, time for thinking ahead
The world has changed so very much from what it used to be
There's so much hatred, war, and poverty, whoa, oh

Wake up, all the teachers, time to teach a new way
Maybe then they'll listen to whatcha have to say
Cause they're the ones who's coming up, and the world is in their hands
When you teach the children, teach 'em the very best you can

The world won't get no better
If we just let it be
The world won't get no better
We gotta change it, yeah, just you and me

Wake up, all the doctors, make the old people well
They're the ones who suffer and who catch all the hell
But they don't have so very long before their Judgement Day
So won't you make them happy before they pass away

Wake up, all the builders, time to build a new land
I know we can do it if we all lend a hand
The only thing we have to do is put it in our minds
Surely things will work out, they do it every time

The world won't get no better
If we just let it be
The world won't get no better
We gotta change it, yeah, just you and me (yeah, yeah)

Change it, yeah (change it, yeah)
Just you and me
Change it, yeah (change it, yeah)
Can't do it alone (can't do it alone)
Need some help, y'all (y'all)
Can't do it alone (can't do it alone)
Yeah (yeah)

Wake up, everybody, huh
Wake up, everybody
Need a little help, y'all (yes I do)
Need a little help (say it, boy)
Need some help, y'all (uh-huh)
To change the world
From what it used to be

Can't do it alone
Can't do it alone
Need some help, yeah
Need some help, yeah

Wake up, everybody
Get up, get up
Get up, get up
Wake up, come on, come on

Wake up, everybody
Teach a new way
Maybe then they'll listen
To what you have to say

Wake up, everybody
No more sleepin' in bed
No more backward thinkin'
Time for thinkin' ahead
Come on

Wake up, everybody
I'm talkin' about the dope pusher
Stop pushin' that dope
Dope users
Stop usin' the dope

Wake up, yeah

False lyin'
False preachin'
False teachin'
Wake up, y'all
Come on

You preachers
Start preachin' what you teach
Teach the truth
Wake up, preachers

All liars
Politicians
Stop lyin'

Why don't someone
Help the poor people
Help the babies

You businessmen
Start treatin'
Start treatin'
Start treatin'

Wake up, yeah
Wake up, yeah
Wake up, yeah
Wake up, yeah
Yeah, yeah

Now it don't matter
What race, creed or color
Everybody we need each other

Wake up, everybody
You see
We need
Wake up, everybody

Wake up, everybody
No more sleepin' in bed
No more backward thinkin'
Time for thinkin' ahead

Wake up, all you teachers
Time to teach a new way
They're the ones that suffer
Each and every day

Teach the children
Teach the babies
Teach the children
Teach the babies
Teach the children

They're the ones who's coming out

Coping with the Intensity

I noticed today that this post I published in September of 2016 was getting a lot of activity so out of curiosity, I pulled it up to see what I had written.  I was shocked (and a little saddened) to see how valid it is once again - four years later but figured it was worth republishing it in the hopes that it may be helpful to folks now. 

These are very intense times right now.  Terrible things are happening in our world . . .  the heartbreaking and senseless violence, the divisiveness and ugliness of the political arena, etc.  It is easy to slip into the feeling of helplessness and despair, to believe that all of this is happening to us and around us with no ability to change it. Yet, I think we have more power to change things than we think.

My personal belief is that our thoughts and emotions are powerful manifestors and if our focus is on fear and anger and disappointment, we, as a collective, manifest more things to be afraid of, angry about and disappoint by.  If we can shift our thoughts and emotions to positive things, we can actually create more positive.

So, how do we shift our thoughts and emotions to positive things?  We can spend some time every day making sure we are taking care of ourselves and being kind to ourselves.  We can put on music that makes us happy and enjoy where the music takes us.  We can hug our pets and think about how blessed we are to have these amazing creatures in our lives, showing us what it means to love unconditionally.  We can take a break from the news and Facebook and get out in nature.  When we are in nature, it's difficult to be in a state of negativity.  (unless you really dislike being outdoors)  :-)

I am fortunate to live very close to the forest so several times a week I hike in the forest.  No matter how heavy the issues in the world feel when I leave the house, once I get in the midst of the trees, all the heaviness goes away.  I breathe in the peacefulness, I listen to the birds and I allow myself to soak in all that beauty as I make my way down the trails.  I have found a favorite tree and I've been known to hug it, as long as there is no one around who might see me.  :-)

I come back from each of these hikes feeling renewed - not plagued by fear or anger or disappointment.  The positive thoughts and feelings I experience manifest more positives - not just for me but for everyone.  It's all about energy and I believe the more positive energy we have inside us, the more positive energy is felt around us . . . and the more each of us takes responsibility for what we are feeling and thinking, the more time we spend doing things that make us happy and bring us peace, the more quickly we can change this chaotic and painful world we live in.  I believe it can start with us individually and quickly effect all of humanity.  Even if you don't believe it can effect all of humanity, it can't hurt to give yourself the opportunity to feel more moments of peace and happiness, can it?

The Big Impact Little Things Can Have

It's been a tough year - I don't know anyone who would disagree - although it's been tough in a lot of different ways. It's also been a year of great loss and that loss has shown up in a myriad of ways too. Regardless of the challenges and regardless of what has been "lost" this year - I have seen what a huge impact the small things can have so I would like to share a few things, for those of you who could use a little dose of soul medicine. 

My father experienced two big losses this year in the form of both of his dogs passing away.  We knew Duffy didn't have much time, as he had cancer so it was somewhat expected. Not necessarily the "when" because aside from the fact that he didn't have much control over his bladder and was making my dad jump through hoops to figure out what he wanted to eat from one week to the next, he was still full of life until his last week. He crossed over the rainbow bridge this spring and I'm quite sure he's been hanging out with my mom ever since. Casey on the other hand, well, that was totally unexpected and caught us all off guard, which made the loss that much harder. From the time my dad told me something wasn't quite right with him to when he passed was less than 72 hours. He passed during a time that half of the state of California was on fire so it was a pretty rough time in many ways. 

This is a picture of one of the last times we were all together - my dad and "his boys" - it's hard to believe both the boys are gone now.

My dad wanted to donate their things to families that has lost everything in the fires around us but he couldn't find anyone who would accept the donations. Organizations were only accepting "new" things and my dad was really disappointed (as was I) that people who wanted to help those who lost everything were being turned away. He wanted to be able to help other dogs (he had dog beds, a boat load of food and treats, some toys, etc) but since they were "used" no one would accept them.

I offered to see what I could do.  My dad mentioned that the dog beds and the toys needed a little mending and when I saw how much work was required, I giggled to myself as I remembered that my mom had always been prone to exaggeration, while my dad has always tended to do the opposite, whether it's his response to how he's feeling and apparently also how much mending is actually required.  LOL  After about 3-4 hours of hand stitching the toys and bed seams, they were ready to go to new homes.

I found a facebook group here in my community where people could post things they wanted to donate (and where people could post things they needed).  Fortunately, connecting directly with victims of our fires here, the choice was theirs if they were ok with accepting something that was "used" or opened.

Much to my delight, my dad's donations were snapped up quickly and people were so appreciative to have some things for their dogs, as they try to settle into new or temporary houses.  

So this is where all the magic began to happen. First of all, I had two beds to donate and immediately there were two responses to my post from people whose dogs needed them. When a third person replied to the post to inquire about a dog bed, I hated the thought that I couldn't help the third dog so I decided to put a note out to my neighborhood to see if I could find one more dog bed. Within 48 hours, I didn't just have 1 more bed, I had 9 more! Not only that, I had two bags of stuffed toys to give away. I was incredibly touched by the support from my neighbors. 

One of the recipients was kind enough to send me a picture of his pup enjoying her new bed. It touched me so much, I immediately sent the picture to my dad. Needless to say, the ache in my dad's heart lessened a little bit, seeing one of the dog beds being enjoyed by a pup who had lost everything. 

A few weeks later, when the gal who wanted the toys and some of the treats was able to move into her new place and finally get Marla home (Marla had been in temporary foster care while her mom searched for a new place for their family to live), I was able to share more of dad's donations, as well as additional toys that had been donated to our effort. She sent me a picture this weekend of Marla and a note that said she didn't know why but of all the toys, the gorilla was Marla's favorite. What she didn't know was that of all the toys I had given her, the gorilla belonged to Casey. The picture brought tears to my eyes and I immediately sent it to my dad. My dad was so touched by the picture that he said he was going to print it out and hang it up. I could feel the hole in my dad's heart being mended a little more. 

Marla's mom said, "I love that we can find the bright spots in all of this loss" and I couldn't agree more. She and I were both moved to tears at the realization that sometimes it really is the little things in life that can bring us the most joy . . . what my dad thought was a "little thing" (donating Duffy and Casey's things) ended up having a big and beautiful impact on some dogs that had lost everything and what she thought was a "little thing" (taking a picture of Marla with the gorilla) had such a big and beautiful impact on me and my dad. 

I believe this kind of magic and sweetness is going on around all of us if we are able to take the time to notice . . . so my wish is that we can all keep finding those little moments of joy and that they will help us put one foot in front of the other as we navigate this time of upheaval . . . and maybe 2020 will end on a higher note than it's been all year.

Is Our Humanity Being Replaced By Fear and Blame?

With everything that is going on in the world right now, it can feel like the walls are closing in on us. Everywhere you turn people are angry and frustrated. Politics are being shoved in everyone's faces and there is so much judgement and blame flying around that it's hard to imagine things will ever get better. 

Going to the grocery store used to be a rather fun social outing for me, since I have become friendly with almost everyone that works at my local grocery story and I always seemed to find myself chatting with strangers while I went about my shopping.  

Now I see so many instances of fear getting in the way of our humanity. People who won't walk down an aisle if anyone else is in that aisle, people are unable to have a conversation or exchange pleasantries because they are all trying to stand so far away from each other, so afraid someone else is going to "make them sick." I wondered how we got here, where we've been lied to so much that masks and social distancing are becoming the "norm" and our humanity is taking a back seat.  

Yes - I just said it out loud (well, I wrote it).  I believe we are being lied to - about almost everything. 

And as long as we are not being told the truth, I believe we are battling each other on the shakiest, most unstable foundations . . . and I wonder how long it will be before it all comes crumbling down. I pray every day for the "truth" to come out - whatever the "truth" may be. 

In the meantime, I try to keep to myself and just go about my own business but sometimes that is a challenge -  when faced with a situation where more humanity is needed.

While standing in line outside the grocery store several weeks ago, I absent-mindedly walked forward while looking at my grocery list. When I looked up and saw how close I was standing to the gentleman in front of me, I immediately apologized. He looked at me with a somewhat vacant look in his eyes and said, "I just lost every single thing I own in the fires, the last thing I am worried about is you standing less than 6 feet away from me." As I told him how sorry I was for what he was going through, his eyes welled up with tears and then mine did too. He looked so sad, so defeated and in that moment, I felt so helpless.

As we stood and talked, the gentleman stepped even closer and then he dropped his mask, explaining that he couldn't breathe with it on. I told him I didn't mind and I dropped mine as well so we could hear each other better, and we continued to talk while we waited to go inside.  He was such a kind man and my heart truly ached for what he was going through. I listened as he told me how long he had lived in his house (decades), how many cherished memories he had there and how much uncertainty was swirling around him now. (Where would he live? How would he "start over" at his advanced age? How could he begin to put his life back together?") 

When the line moved enough that it was time for us to both enter the store, I told him again how sorry I was for what he was going through. When I asked if there was anything I could do for him, he said "Being treated with compassion was the greatest gift you could have given me today - for that I thank you." 

For weeks now I have been thinking about this gentleman, wondering how he is doing. Each time he comes into my mind, I send him love and hope that he is finding his way. 

I know there are a lot of people who may be flipping out right now - convinced that if there is a new "hot spot" in my area that it's probably my fault - and all I can say is "You are free to believe that." You are entitled to think whatever you want. It is not going to stop me from being myself though. What someone else thinks will not stop me from trusting that there are times where operating from my heart is more important than following the "rules."

As Dionne Warwick (and many others over the years) have been singing:

What the world needs now is love, sweet love

It's the only thing that there's just too little of

What the world needs now is love, sweet love,

No not just for some but for everyone. 

I look forward to the day where we ALL know the truth and we can replace all the fear and blame with empathy, compassion, kindness and understanding. In the meantime, if something isn't adding up, please don't be afraid to question it and look a little deeper.  

Musical Inspiration

For as long as I can recall, I have received messages through music. I would often hear a song that reminded me of a specific person and if I reached out to that person, I would find that they also just heard the song and were wondering if they should call me. In recent years, it has been happening even more often. Sometimes, I wake up with a song playing in my head and the lyrics seem to hold the guidance I have been seeking or I'll hear a certain song that shifts the focus of my attention in just the right way.

For instance, the pull to people-please has reared its head again and I have found myself hesitant in moments to just be me, with no apologies for what I think or believe or feel. I have been working on this . . . giving myself permission to just be myself and not worry about what people think or how they might judge me. So I find it funny that I am suddenly hearing a song from my childhood on the radio by Sly and the Family Stone and it has been providing a sweet reminder to keep me on track . . . . in the chorus they sing "I wanna thank you for letting me be myself, again!"  

Another song that has been playing in my head when I wake up lately is Shining Star by Earth, Wind and Fire.  It was one of the first 45s I ever bought and I have always loved the song . . . They sing: You're a shining star, no matter who you are, shining bright to see, what you could truly be . . . I feel like it's not just a reminder for me but for everyone who has been "dimming their light" in order to fit in or not make waves. Right now, it seems like there's never been a more important time for us to shine our light!  The world can look awful dark and bleak if we focus on the challenging things that are happening around us and yet there is a lot of "light" around us too.  It's up to us to decide where we want to focus our attention and our energy.  

And finally - I took this picture one day when I was vacuuming up dog hair (which we never seem to be in short supply of). Kino normally flings stuffed toys around with wild abandon while I am using the hand-vac but on this particular day, he grabbed a bone and just stood there, like he was supervising my work.  LOL  Standing just close enough to the salt lamp a friend bought me, it appeared as if he was holding a flashlight in his mouth. When I looked at the picture later, a song popped into my head . . . I can't help singing it whenever I look at this picture (and now even when I just look at him) . . . This little light of mine - I'm gonna let it shine . . . This little light of mine - I'm gonna let it shine . . . This little light of mine - I'm gonna let it shine - let it shine - let it shine - let it shine. 

It's not that I am ignoring what is happening in the world right now . . . yet I am acutely aware that I get to choose how long I put my attention there or on anything else. I'm choosing to acknowledge what is happening around me, to allow people to be where they are and then shifting my focus to the light and what resonates within my heart. 

Maybe you'll consider being yourself - and letting your light shine too!  After all, you're a shining star, no matter who you are!  

What I Do and Do Not Consent To

This was not written by me, but when I read it, every part of me said "YES!"  Then I made some tweaks to it, to make it my "own" so if you see this being shared, you might notice that it isn't exactly the same as the other version. (Mostly I added to the "consent" section)

We have now been robbed of 6 months of our lives... that's 6 months we will never get back... we are systematically being stripped of our basic rights and freedoms... proof is emerging that we have been lied to and deceived by our elected (and non-elected) leaders...I believe it's time to exercise our right to say "No"

I am concerned that people are being labelled conspiracy theorists, simply because they question certain government, corporate and industrial motives, or because they question the arbitrary laws that revoke our basic human rights.

I do not consent to the Government making decisions about my health. They were elected to serve, not control me.

I do not consent to living in a police state.

I do not consent to the extreme censorship that is taking place on social media platforms toward doctors, scientists and activists, who present and uphold valid data that challenges the 'official narrative' the media would have us believe. This concerns me far more than the virus.

I do not consent to the tracking and tracing of citizens.

I do not consent to Government making decisions without a democratic process.

I do not consent to Politicians, or any other individuals, who are compromised by having a lucrative 'financial interest' in the Pharmaceutical Industry, making decisions about my health and wellbeing.

I do not consent to being told that all these decisions are for my own safety.

I do not consent to censoring free speech under the guise of protecting me from the spread of misinformation.

I do not consent to the closing of small businesses while multi-million dollar companies remain open.

I do not consent to being labelled an 'anti-vaxxer', simply because I have concerns about MANDATORY, enforced vaccines or rushed procedures, without proper protocols - especially high risk ones, with limited testing that are deemed highly profitable to the most questionable of interests.

I do not consent to the amount of division and hatred that is being encouraged between friends and families, simply for upholding opposing beliefs, or for speaking openly about what THEY believe. 

I do not consent to the idea that pharmaceuticals and vaccines are the ONLY way to prevent or heal from illness... the outright dismissal of good nutrition and natural prevention and therapies is highly questionable from my perspective.

I do not consent to the media only covering fraudulent and misleading 'case' counts, or grossly exaggerated death counts, when the survival rate is immensely higher. Fear cripples immunity, so why aren't we talking about the excellent recovery rates, successful treatments and therapies?

I do not consent to the lack of care and consideration for 'non-Covid' patients, who have been denied access to essential treatments, consultations and surgeries for Cancer, Cardio-vascular and other life threatening conditions. Their lives matter too!!

I do not consent to the lack of care and consideration the lock downs and Shelter in Place have on people who are now struggling mentally, physically and emotionally.

I do not consent to 'House Arrests' and Lock Downs... staying home doesn’t protect against domestic violence, sexual abuse, depression, anxiety, starvation and suicide; all of which are costing many more lives than the virus.

Here's what I DO consent to:

I consent to being a free and critical thinker.

I consent to the truth coming out - in all forms - regardless of whether or not it is initially hard to hear and accept.

I consent to giving and receiving compassion and understanding.

I consent to being a parent, who is honoring and protecting the future of all children (even if I am a "parent" to a pet).

I consent to being an individual who cares about tomorrow ... someone who understands the connection between the health of our planet and our own health.

I consent to being a caring person, who will never stop shining the spotlight on injustice and tyranny.

I consent to being an individual who will keep questioning and calling out the lies and manipulation of the Government and the Media, until the only thing being shared is the truth.

I consent to living from my heart, making choices from my heart and trusting my own inner guidance.

I consent to being authentically me - regardless of whether that is accepted by others. 

I consent to being responsible for the choices I make, the actions that I take and the energy I hold.

I consent to a world filled with peace!

We all come into this world with nothing and we'll leave with nothing... the bit in the middle is called LIFE... life is a precious gift from our Maker... none of us know how long that gift will last, so make the most of every second, every minute and every hour of every day... live, love, take chances, not orders... be kind, be tolerant and be happy... don't waste another second waiting for things to change... BE THE CHANGE 

Helping Those Who Have Lost Everything In Recent Fires

 I found this today - written by Rebekah Uccellini - who has worked in Disaster Relief since 2004 - and it is too good not to share.  No matter what city or state or country you live in, if there have been fires, this information will be helpful if you are looking for ways to support your community. 

Lessons of the day:

Businesses, volunteers, organizers, hotels, property managers, apartment-managers, facebook posters: Gentle loving reminder that we are dealing with a community that has just gone through a tremendous trauma. They have lost the very foundation from underneath them. They are scrambled, overwhelmed, and in survival mode. I spoke with 27 people today who lost their homes and most of them expressed to me clear signs of disaster-trauma which almost feels like having dementia (can't remember anything) mixed with anxiety, fight/flight mode, with stress-hormones and cortisol still flooding the system. Trauma really gets stored in the cellular body. The body still is unable to regulate because people still don't feel "out of danger". They don't have that sense of Home and Safety. They don't get to crawl into their own bed, and have all the visual cues of normalcy that spark the synapse for the body/mind to move into "we are safe"... we can relax...we are in something familiar and known". It is going to take a bit for people to get there.

One really effective way that we can support our community is to streamline processes and make them as clear, graceful and simple as possible.

This will be an offering that will go so far. (overwhelm and decision fatigue can often be that straw that breaks the camels back as they say)

There has been an extraordinary outpouring of support... and now is the time to start to building up the banks of the river... so that the support that is pouring forth... can be channeled into a River instead of a Flash flood.

Here are a few tips on how we can support that:

                         .

CREATING SOME CENTRAL CHANNELS OF INFORMATION

(there are sooo many amazing google docs, websites, lists, sign-up/mutual aid forms/fire maps/ facebook groups and facebook groups ahem😉... ) Amazing work everyone! Before creating more...research if it has already been created and contribute to that creation so that we are moving into the collaboration stage rather than the duplication stage. Otherwise, I promise you...people will begin burning out, getting lost and all the good intentions will be for not. This is a time to do our part to make this a sustainable effort. Plus Collaboration is where the magic is.

                         .

BE WILLING TO BE THE DISTILLATION/FILTER FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE

What this looks like might be:

• Hearing all the options and limiting it down to the top 3 (decision making fatigue is real)
• doing the searches for homes (then calling/emailing the options, following up and then only sending your family over the options that are plausible and fit their needs.

                         .

PROTECT FROM THE UNNECESSARY:

Today I had two families check into an apartment. One had an advocate, and one didn't. The one that had an advocate did all the speaking to the staff, got everything set up for the Fire-Survivor, went through the paperwork, made sure there were no legal issues or discrepancies, got the sanitized pen, and went through page by page to get the initials and summarized everything for them. Within within 18 minutes the family was in an apartment vs. 2 hours that it took the other family to get through it. Besides just adopting a family financially.... giving each family the option of having access to someone who can just be there to make life easier...

What this might look like:

• Fill out the forms,
• sit with them to go through the FEMA application page-by-page,
• streamline processes,
• summarize the fire updates (so they don't have to listen to it),
• walk them to the intake table from the parking area.
• Set up a separate email account just for all the things fire-related so that it isn't getting lost of overwhelming their personal email account (fire news is always a buzz-kill).
  

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BE CAREGIVERS OF COMMUNITY:

We all get to be caregivers of this community and to support the people who might not have a support system. It is up to us to ensure no one falls through the cracks. Simple ways to do this:

• Call one of your neighbors that might not be one to reach out. Go through the list of fundraisers and help broadcast and share the ones that haven't received much support.
• Think about access: Many in our elderly community are not tech savvy (hashtags, facebook, google spreadsheets oh my!). Are your resources that you are offering reaching everyone? What demographic/population is not being met? How can you create more access-equality? How can we make it even easier?
• Lift where you can: If you are a property management company, business owner- or vacation home-owner... please do what you can to offer some discount, to be okay taking less deposit, and finding a way to give in whatever ways you can. You should feel proud of the way you are showing up for your community in this time- and people notice- in the long run being a good-neighbor will make you more abundant- I promise.
• Think about the little things. Simply hand your dear-one that glass of water they forgot to drink.

And I have one thing to add that is not on the list that I learned from friends who have lost everything.

Donations are wonderful and SO appreciated yet they are also overwhelming for people who have experienced this type of trauma. Before you make a donation, can you bag and tag items so it is easier for people to find things?

- If you donate clothing, can you bag and tag each item individually? (i.e. write what is inside the bag on the outside? Even if it's a see-through bag). That way, if someone is looking for a size Medium sweatshirt, or size Large leggings or sweatpants, they don't have to dig through piles or bags of clothes, trying to read tags.

- If you are donating sheets/towels/pillow cases, etc . . . you could for instance put two pillow cases in one bag and write "2 standard size pillow cases" on the outside of the bag or assemble a towel set (bath towel, hand towel and wash cloth) and write that on a tag on the outside. That way people can more easily find what they are looking for.

- Another way to help is if you can get a list of what a family or an individual needs and search through donations for them, that is a bigger help than you might imagine.

Reacting Based on Half The Story

Through most of my adult life, I had a very challenging relationship with my mother. I held firm to my belief that she didn't really care about me or my feelings and I viewed every action and every inaction through that filter.  

In my quest to heal the past, I realized my relationship with my mother began to unravel when I was in high school and sadly it could have been prevented if more honesty had been present.

It all started on a holiday weekend when my boyfriend came over with a couple dozen roses for me and not only would I not touch the roses, I would barely speak to him. My mother grabbed me by the arm, squeezing it so tightly her fingernails left deep impressions in my skin. Pulling me to the other side of the kitchen, she sternly told me that I was being an ungrateful little shit and that I'd better pull myself together and start acting the way I had been raised to act when someone gives me a gift. 

I remember feeling utterly stunned. I felt betrayed by her. I felt that she was telling me that "being gracious" - even if it was fake - was more important than the truth of why I was acting that way or the depth of pain I was feeling inside. I decided that she didn't understand me or care about my feeling and from that moment on, those were the "glasses" I wore when it came to my mom. Everything she did or said was seen and judged from that perspective.

But the truth was, my mom didn't know WHY I was acting that way towards my boyfriend because I never told her. 

What she didn't know was that the day before, he and I had been with our two best friends "celebrating" the holiday weekend aka "doing some underage drinking." My boyfriend had way too much to drink and in his drunken stupor he had decided that he was tired of waiting for me to be ready for sex and he had attempted to rape me. If his best friend hadn't heard me screaming and come to my rescue, he likely would have been successful. His friend pulled him off me with such force, he slammed him up against the wall. Too scared to move, I remained where I was on the floor, huddled in the corner of the room, my heart pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears. My best friend rushed to my side, while his friend dragged him out of the room, berating him for what he had just done to me.

I hadn't even had a chance to start processing what had just happened when his best friend ran back into the room to tell us that my boyfriend had announced he was going to kill himself and took off in his car. I remember saying, "He's driving?" He was so drunk he could barely walk - I shuddered to think he was behind the wheel of a car. We all rushed out to the front yard but he (and the car) were nowhere in sight.

At that point the tears began flowing, although it was such a jumbled mixture of emotions, I felt like my head was going to explode. I just sat there on the front lawn and sobbed, my chest heaving up and down, sandwiched between his best friend and mine, with neither of them knowing how to help me in that moment. 

I felt angry and betrayed by him . . . I was afraid of him . . . I was scared to death that he was going to actually kill himself . . . . I worried that it would be my fault if he did. My sixteen year old self wasn't able to cope with all that had just happened. I needed him to come back and be ok and yet a part of me didn't want him to come back because he had broken my heart and my trust so deeply. Everything was swirling around so quickly inside of me, I was sure I would throw up.

He eventually came back - and while I was grateful he didn't kill himself - I think it was our relationship that had been killed that day. It was just never the same. The events that unfolded that day impacted me in more ways than I understood at the time and it took years for me to unravel the myriad of ways that one day had shaped my beliefs and my own behavior from that point forward. 

The next day, I chose to put most of the blame on my mother. I made her the "bad guy" in this because I thought she didn't care about what happened to me and how scared I was. In my mind, she was trying to force me to act in a way that was about "keeping up appearances" instead of showing me any compassion. My boyfriend claimed he had blacked out and didn't remember what had happened (which was entirely possible) so there was no way I could talk to him about it. Our friends didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't sure I could talk about it either. I think all of us wanted to pretend it hadn't occurred. 

I didn't tell my mom what happened and I blamed her for that too - justifying that she hadn't ASKED me what happened - which to me was proof that she didn't care. I further justified my silence by holding the assumptions that she wouldn't understand or that she wouldn't believe me or that she would think I was being overly dramatic about the whole thing or that I would get in trouble for drinking. And yes, I had good reasons for making those assumptions, but I never gave her the chance to prove me wrong because I was so set in my beliefs. I had found someone to blame - end of story.

But the truth was - SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HAD HAPPENED. She didn't know the TRUTH because I didn't tell her. I didn't take responsibility for the fact that she didn't know. I was content to stick with my version of the story for decades - that my mom didn't care about my feelings. Sticking to my version of the truth kept me from having a better relationship with my mother - I see that and own that now.

So why am I recounting this highly dramatic event from my past today? Because it highlights what I see happening in our world right now. We are in an incredibly emotionally charged time and I see people doing the very same things . . . Can you see all the parallels?

- Blaming people for what they are doing/not doing without understanding the whole story.

- Reacting to things without having all the information. (and I say that without blame, it is not easy to access truthful information or to discern what IS true out of the sea of conflicting information out there) 

- Blaming / shaming people for not knowing the truth, when they haven't been told the truth or are unable to find it.

- Holding onto our beliefs (and our version of the story) so tightly that we can't see anything else.

- Deciding how people are going to react before they have a chance to show us anything different.

At this moment in time, so many of us are so caught up in the emotions that are surging forth that we often can't see outside of our own stories or see the bigger picture. If we continue on this path, the divide between us is going to get wider and wider. Our relationships with others might become so damaged they will be nearly impossible to heal. Our ability to come together to find resolutions could be greatly diminished. If we operate so heavily from a place of fear like that, we might even forget what it is like to feel love and joy.

So here is my challenge to you . . . would you be willing to do any of the following? 

- Listen to someone else's point of view with an ear towards where your beliefs might be in alignment instead of where they are different.

- Consider the possibility that we may be reacting to misinformation or "half of the story."

- Remember that we need many of the same things . . . to be heard, to be understood, to be supported.

- Offer compassion to others - whether we agree with them or not.

- Look inside and see where we can take some responsibility for what is occurring, instead of blaming others for what is happening.

- Be open to new information that may not line up with what we have always believed to be true.

- Ask ourselves: Do I want to know the truth? or do I want to be right? Would I rather live my life in fear? or from a place of love?

Furthermore - Can we consider the possibility that we have ALL been lied to about what is really happening in the world and that none of us know the full truth / the full story?

We can continue to believe "our side/story" is right and the "other side/story" is wrong if we want . . . but we just may find that both sides are equally flawed and equally complicit. Do you want to stay stuck in that place of separation?

I believe the time is upon us to make a change . . . to open our ears and open our hearts . . . to come together and unite - in peace and in love. We can change this world we live in if we choose to . . . one moment at a time . . . one day at a time. It truly is up to us. The question is: What are you going to choose? 

P.S.  For those of you who are concerned and/or feeling sorry for me,  please know that all is well. Gratefully my mom and I were able to reach a place of resolve and forgiveness before she passed away and my high school boyfriend and I are actually friends (with a lot of effort over the years to work through this and find forgiveness and peace.)  It is probably the reason why it was easy to share this story because we all managed to reach the "other side" of it - therefore it possible for it to be a "neutral example." 

What You Focus On Expands

I am a firm believer in the statement "What you focus on expands." It is a concept I taught when I was a corporate trainer and it is a concept that still plays a big role in the work that I do with energy. What we focus on - we see more of. What we focus on - we attract more of. Since everything is energy (including our thoughts), we draw more of that energy frequency to us - thus manifesting things that match that frequency.

If all of our attention is being placed on "what others are doing that we don't agree with" - guess what we are going to see more of? And guess what kind of things we are likely to experience in greater quantity? We're basically putting out a radio signal that says "Yes, more of this!" It's all energy . . . and it works like a magnet.

I'm not saying that frustrating things will never happen if we keep our thoughts positive enough - what I am saying is that we have a choice to STAY in that frequency when things frustrate us or we can shift into a different frequency. It is totally up to us.

Here's a simple, hopefully non-emotionally-charged example of this: Last week was Kino's birthday.  I had searched the local pet store's website looking for the perfect gift and I found what I was looking for - a plush toy that had multiple squeakers - and it happened to be on sale! The item was available for in-store pick up only but I was unable to put the item in my cart. When I called the store, the gal I spoke with said that happens when they don't have the item in stock. I asked if she thought they'd get anymore in and she wasn't sure when they would, so it was back to the drawing board for me.

Disappointed, I spent another long stretch of time searching for the right squeaky plush toy and I finally found one. I was able to make the purchase on line and since it was also an "in-store-pick up" item, I arranged to go on Kino's actual birthday to pick up his present.

Several days later, when the employee handed me the toy, I shook my head in disbelief. The toy wasn't anything like I expected. It was tiny - definitely not made for a large breed dog - and the material felt scratchy instead of plush. On top of that, only one of the squeakers worked. I said "Oh crud, this isn't going to work for my dog." Fortunately for me, he said that if I wanted to I could go inside and return it and pick out something else.

Wandering up and down the aisles, I became aware of my frequency and how it was dipping because I was focusing on how bummed I was . . . the disappointment over the toy not meeting my expectations, my frustration that I couldn't find something cost effective that Kino would like, my agitation over my inability to breath with a mask on, etc. Stopping myself, I knew I could shift my energy if I wanted to so I came up with a few new things to think about . . . how glad I was that I was able to come into the store to pick something else out, how much I looked forward to the joy Kino would experience when he got his present, etc.

Even with that in mind, I wasn't finding anything that met Kino's needs. I had been up and down the aisle where all the plush toys were several times and I didn't see anything that would squeak enough to make it a great birthday. I wondered if I should get him some treats instead so I walked over to that aisle to see what options they had for a dog with extreme food allergies and there it was . . . the original toy I had wanted to purchase on-line. The super soft plush toy whose legs squeaked - yep - all four of the legs make noise! I couldn't believe my luck!

It was upside down on top of a bunch of chew bones. It had a snag in the material but I knew Kino wouldn't care. I was so excited! The toy didn't have a tag on it so I asked an employee if she could check the price for me. She was super friendly and when she returned, she informed me that the toy was $2.50. I couldn't believe it! That was an even better price than they had listed on line and it was less expensive than the tiny toy I was returning!

Just as I expected, Kino was over the moon when he opened his present, as demonstrated by the cacophony of squeaks that filled the house for the rest of the day and the way he pranced around the house with his toy. Here's a picture of Kino with his toy in one of the rare moments that he actually set it down that day.

I write this post today as a gentle reminder that we really DO get to choose what we focus on (which will draw in experiences that match that frequency).

When you notice yourself focusing on the negative - you can keep focusing on that if you want. You also have the option to shift your focus to something else if you choose.

So ask yourself . . . do you want to keeping focusing on how mad it makes you when people don't follow the rules you think they should follow? or share the same beliefs as you? That is absolutely your right if that's what you'd like to do.

You can also put your attention on the things you DO have control over if you'd like to do that. That gives out a different frequency and you'll draw in more of that.

Heck, you can even focus on things from your heart if you choose (i.e. seeing people and situations from a place of compassion and understanding, noticing things that make you happy or things you feel grateful for).

You can do whatever you want to do. The important thing to remember is that YOU get to choose what you focus on. What you draw into your reality will match that energy frequency.