Everyone Has An Opinion

As I mentioned previously, my foster dog Kino has been exhibiting some behaviors that are a major concern to us.  The rescue group and I decided to get Kino evaluated to find out if the issues he is having can be addressed and to also find out if he would respond differently to someone other than me. While the rescue group is looking for another foster home for him, we know that given the issues he is having, he can't be fostered by just anyone, so we were hoping to get some guidance on what kind of person would be the right person to help Kino moving forward.

The first evaluator concluded that with the behaviors Kino is displaying, he is essentially a ticking time bomb and that it would be best to put him down.  The guilt I felt was overwhelming, as I thought about the idea of him being put down if I let him go.  I couldn't make my peace with the idea that if I gave up on him, that would be the end of his life.  We decided to get him evaluated again.

The next evaluator concluded that these behaviors could be corrected but his methods included muzzles and shock collars.  He also said that "just to be on the safe side" Kino would probably need to wear a muzzle when he was around people for the rest of his life.  I walked out of there sick to my stomach, knowing that I could not personally be involved in that type of training and tearing up at the thought of Kino having to be on the receiving end of that kind of approach.  I felt such resistance to the idea of using such harsh methods to help Kino improve.  We decided to have him evaluated again.

Kino didn't like the next evaluator at all.  The moment he walked into the room, Kino snarled and growled and barked and bared his teeth at the guy.  I was glad the guy was getting to see one of the behaviors that is such a concern to me but it didn't seem to matter.  The guy told me the problem was ME, that ANYONE could train Kino and that clearly, I hadn't been doing the right things or taking the right approach and that's why Kino was exhibiting the behaviors he was.  He paraded one of his own dogs around to show us how a dog behaves when you have "total control" over them and told us repeatedly that he was a "master trainer" who knew everything.  It made me cringe and I wondered if Kino's initial evaluation of the guy was the correct evaluation.

Needless to say, over the course of several weeks, as we got all these varied opinions, my mind was on over-drive.  Were any of these people right?  If so, which one?  Was the problem really me?  Is it wrong that I am so uncomfortable with muzzles and shock collars?  Is my resistance a good thing? or a sign that I am too closed off to see viable options?  Night after night, I tossed and turned, wondering what to do, and wondering what I was supposed to be learning from all of this.  I finally decided to ask the other side for guidance.

In meditation, I asked for insight and what I got was this . . . all of these people who had evaluated Kino see animals only as one dimensional.  The fact that I felt so uncomfortable with all of their assessments was because I know that animals are multi-dimensional and that if we don't honor ALL parts of them, we aren't really serving them.  I could sense very strongly that what Kino needs right now is someone who will see him for all that he is and not just see him as a one dimension dog who needs to be "commanded" into shape.

For now, I know that person is me.  The rescue group is still looking for another foster home for him but I am trusting that he will stay with me as long as he is meant to - for me to learn what I am supposed to learn from him and for him to receive what he is supposed to receive from me.

Interestingly enough, once I got that insight, Kino started to behave better.  Coincidence?  I'm not sure but he hasn't bitten me once, or redirected on me when we are out for a walk, so things are definitely more peaceful around here.  He is actually listening when I ask him to do something and even though our door greetings have still regressed to the "awful" category, he doesn't seem to be filled with as much angst and frustration as he has been.

I am certain there is more to this story and that it will continue to unfold, so stay tuned for more updates.

Challenges In Fostering

I mentioned in a recent post that Kino had been becoming reactive to people and that I thought I had figured part of it out - that he didn't like to receive compliments.  A trainer I spoke with suggested that I start asking strangers to give him treats, so that he could learn that people were good.  At his recommendation, Kino and I sat outside a grocery store, armed with a bag of yummy hot dogs and I asked strangers to hand him a piece of a hot dog.  He accepted them just fine, but sometimes if the person stood there longer than a a few seconds afterwards, he would begin barking at them, sometimes even lunging at them.  I decided we probably weren't ready for that just yet.

Maybe we needed to take a step back and work on this from a broader perspective.  My new strategy was to give him a treat every time we walked past someone and he didn't react.  That seemed to be working pretty well - that is unless the person spoke to me. Sometimes if I attempted to have a conversation, he would bark at the person.  We worked on it every day. Sometimes I could get him to stop barking by asking him to sit and then giving him a treat, so I could continue talking.  I took that as a sign of progress.

But then something new and a little scarier began to happen.  If he reacted to someone and I got him to stop barking at them, as soon as we walked away from the person, he would turn on me.  Growling, snarling, barking, biting up the leash, and occasionally managing to bite me.  Needless to say, this redirection on me was a behavior I didn't want to see continue.

I turned to spiritual methods to try and deal with it.  I gave him more Reiki treatments to help him release the frustration he was feeling.  I continued to work on releasing my own anger in case that was a component of what was going on. I talked to him about other ways he could let his frustration out.  I used all the metaphysical tools I could think of to try and set us up for success when we went out for a walk and still these incidents were occurring - with increased frequency.

During this time, he also started biting me at home - hard enough to break skin.  When I gave him a bath, I got bitten.  When I tried to put him in his crate by leading him with his collar, I got bitten.  I couldn't figure out what was going on or why he was suddenly taking his frustration out on me the way he was.

I've never had a dog react this way to me, so I have been at a loss as to what else to try.  I also began to see that there was a pattern developing.  He would bite me, I would start thinking maybe it was time for the rescue group to find someone else to foster him, then for days he would be back to his old sweet self and I would be encouraged and think things were getting better, that he should stay with me . . . and then he would bite me again.  Unfortunately, it's an all too familiar pattern for me when it comes to human relationships too.  I get hurt, I think of ending the relationship, then the person is super nice to me again and I decide to stay . . . and then I get hurt again.

It has never been easy for me to walk away from something, even if I get hurt, because there is a part of my being that believes so strongly that we have to keep finding the good in people and that the good will always out-weigh the bad.  But I am starting to wonder . . . is this why Kino came into my life?  Is he here to show me the pattern and help me break it?

One of my favorite sayings has always been, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got."  Is it time for me to try something different?  Is it time for me to say, "It's not ok that you are hurting me so I need to end this relationship?"

I don't have the answer yet . . . at least not an answer I can hold onto for more than 24 hours.  I talked to the rescue group about finding another foster home for him, because I wonder if he would respond better to someone else.  And then when I think about him not being here with me anymore, I feel so sad and guilty about giving up on him that I am not sure I'll be able to do it.  I'm still trying to figure out how much hurt is "too much."  I'm praying for guidance and hoping that when the right answer comes to me, it will feel like the right answer for more than 24 hours.