A Test of Faith

Before Lucky made her transition, she told me she would come back to me. She told me it would be a few years and I was ok with waiting that long.  I sensed that we both had some things to do before we were ready for our next chapter together.

A year and a half ago, I was thinking about her and wondering how I would find her when the time came, so I posed a question before I went to bed . . . I asked, "How will I know which dog is Lucky?" and in the middle of the night, I got an answer to my question - A german shepherd named Chance.  I sensed that it was still a good ten months away, so I filed the information away and went on with life.

Last August, eight months after my dream about her coming back as a shepherd named Chance, Lucky came to me in a dream and told me she was going to be delayed but not to worry, she was still coming to be with me again.  I didn't ask her how long she would be delayed, so I've wondered since last fall when the time was finally going to come.

In April of this year, a client and friend of mine, Debbie, found Chance on the internet.  It was a very exciting time . . . I hit it off with the guy who ran the rescue group who had Chance and through the course of several conversations he was sure I was the right adopter for Chance.  Then I got interviewed by Chance's foster mom and things were looking good.  I was going to go meet him and hopefully bring him home with me the following week.

There was a whirlwind of activity around here as I prepared the house and the yard for my new dog.  I washed dog beds, pruned trees and picked up all the things off the floor that could be chewed by a young dog.  I was happy every day, anticipating this sweet reunion.

And then the disappointment came . . . . Chance's foster mom decided that she couldn't let him go.  She said he was such a wonderful dog, she wanted to keep him for herself.  I couldn't believe it  . . . I couldn't understand it.  How could something that seemed so divinely orchestrated unravel like this?  Was it not really "my Chance"? or was it my Chance and she was interfering with my fate?  What was going to happen now?

When my emotions are running high, it seems to interfere with my intuition, so it has been difficult to get clear guidance.  Consequently, the last couple of months have been pretty up and down.  In moments, I have faith . . . faith that Lucky will find me again and she will come to me as a german shepherd named Chance, just as she promised.  Debbie has been incredibly supportive, continuing to search the internet and keep her "antenna" up.  She is as determined for Lucky and I to be reunited as I am and it feels good to know I am not alone in this quest.

And in other moments, I worry that I missed my 'chance" and that I will never find her again.  I cringe when I get advice from well meaning friends who tell me to adopt any dog and name him Chance, or to find a puppy that hasn't been named yet.  It confuses me because I don't know if the resistance that I feel is an indication of a deeper knowing or my determination.  I feel like I should wait to find another german shepherd named Chance, but is that a sign of my faith?  Or a sign of my stubborn bullheadedness?

Thursday the 12th was Lucky's birthday.  I thought maybe, on a special day like that, I'd get some insights on where she is or how to find her.  That morning, I watched videos of her last birthday and smiled from head to toe.  Then in the afternoon, I went to our favorite beach.  I felt anticipation and peacefulness at the thought of being with her again but I didn't get any clear guidance.

Later that afternoon, I was on the phone with a friend of mine, and I shared with him how disappointed I was that I hadn't found "Lucky Chance" yet.  He said, "Everything happens for a reason," and when I groaned, he said, "Aren't you the one who taught me that?"  I laughed and said, "Yes, i did and I do believe everything happens for a reason, unless I am not happy with the outcome."  :-)

So the quest still continues . . . Debbie and I are still on a mission to see my dream become a reality.  For now, I am going to continue to hold out hope that this really is going to unfold the way Lucky told me it would.  I am going to do my best to stay open to any guidance that may come to me and I suppose it's likely that I will still have moments where I wonder whether my determination is misguided.  I guess only time will tell.  To be continued . . . .