Honoring my mother

Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of my mother's passing. We decided to get the family and some close friends together to mark the day.

We came up with the idea of having everyone bring a dish that reminded them of my mom - either something they made that she loved, or something she used to make that they loved. Everyone was excited about the idea and much to my delight, the menu came together perfectly and we had at least one of everything we needed.

We had some humorous moments in the weeks leading up to the celebration, as we sent my dad on multiple missions into the "cookbook cupboard" to find specific recipes. My poor dad was faced with the task of trying to read and transcribe recipes that had food stains on them and hand written notes from my mom about how she changed things from the original recipe. (sometimes with the notes conflicting with other notes she had written). :-) Everyone had a little bit of anxiety about "getting it right" as no one wanted to dishonor mom by messing up one of the dishes she was so well known for. :-)

As it turns out, I don't think the day could have been more perfect. The weather was beautiful so we set up a big table outside and as each dish was placed on the table, the "cook" shared the story of their dish and the memory it inspired about mom.

Once all the food was on the table, more story telling ensued, as we all recounted some of our funniest memories of mom, many of them somehow involving food, like the time our good friends came over for Thanksgiving and found my dad blow drying the turkey on the kitchen counter when they arrived. It was because mom thought she bought a fresh turkey but it turned out to be frozen. We didn't eat dinner until about 10pm that night and so many pre-dinner cocktails had been served that most people didn't remember dinner that year.

It was good to be together, to eat and to laugh because it was the best way to remember my mom. She loved to eat, and she loved to laugh . . . ok, a few tears were shed as well, but that seemed alright too. Before we all left last night, we each went home with some roses from my mom's rose garden. The perfect end to a perfect celebration. I'm sure my mom was pleased with the way we chose to honor her.

Someone told me once that you have to go through four seasons of grief before you start to feel more peaceful with a loss. I think of it often, in my own grief, and as I help others who are experiencing their own grief over a loss. Getting through the "first" of everything, the first of each holiday, the first of each special occasion can be a challenge . . . now that we have experienced our four seasons, I hope that whenever we think of my mom, it will only brings smiles to everyone's faces.

A new job for Buck

I recently met a wonderful dog named Buck who had started exhibiting some odd behaviors. He wasn't sleeping at night, he seemed anxious all the time, he was barking at every little sound, pacing around the house, etc. His family was really worried about him and asked me to come and have a "talk" with him.

The day before the appointment, I asked Buck's guardian if she could let him know that I was coming and explain why, as I have always found that animals are more receptive to talking to me if a) they know in advance and b) they know their guardians are ok with it. That night, she sent me the most precious picture. It was a photo of her three children all sitting on the floor with Buck and she said they were all telling him that it was ok to talk to me. :-)

When I met Buck, one of the first things I realized was that he felt it was his responsibility to protect the family. Through what I was hearing from Buck and as well as the conversation I was having with his mom, I learned that his dad had recently been working on a very important project for work and it was keeping him up late at night. Since his dad was "busy," Buck felt it was even more important for him to be taking care of the family, which explained why some of these behaviors became worse at night.

Ultimately, one of the solutions we came up with was to give Buck another job (since we didn't think his dad's company would understand if he said he couldn't finish the project because it was disrupting his dog's routine). :-) We assured him that his dad could still be responsible for protecting the family, even when he was busy working on the computer and we asked Buck if he could focus on being there for the kids, to be their buddy. We told him that kids really need someone to listen to them and someone to hear about their day at school, etc. We told him how important this job was and that it would really help the kids a lot.

That night, when the kids were home from school, their mom told them about Buck's new job and encouraged them to talk to Buck when they got home from school, or any time that they had something to share. They were all excited about the idea and said they would be more than happy to help Buck fulfill his new job.

Only a few days later, I got the most wonderful update from Buck's mom. She said that almost all the behaviors they had been concerned about had greatly subsided. The kids were all enjoying their conversations with Buck, Buck was sleeping better at night and able to go to sleep when mom did, even if dad was still up working on the computer. He was not barking at every little sound and he even allowed himself to relax on the floor during "story time" and enjoy being one of the kids.

For him to have made this big of a transformation so quickly was beyond exciting, in my opinion. It made me so happy to know that giving him a new job made such a difference for him. Fortunately for Buck, he has a very wonderful family that is committed to making sure he is a very happy member of their family. I suspect they will all continue to thrive with Buck's new job.