Honoring Bailey

A very good friend of mine found out a few weeks ago that her German Shepherd, Bailey, had an aggressive and untreatable form of cancer. They knew time was limited, so Joan did her best to make the most of each day and to keep focusing on the positives. Even though they had had a few rough nights in recent weeks, for the most part, Bailey was still doing pretty well. She was enjoying their walks, voraciously eating every meal and every cookie that was offered to her and continuing to show just how big and sweet her personality was.

I got to spend some time with Joan and Bailey in recent weeks and I was in awe of the beautiful relationship they had with each other. The respect and the love they had for one another was evident in every moment. Even though Joan asked me for help communicating with Bailey, through the stories she shared and the things I witnessed myself, I knew they had a profoundly deep and absolutely sweet form of communication already. I teased Joan and told her that she really didn't need me because she and Bailey were communicating so well already.

Joan never had any problems knowing what Bailey wanted. She would just say, "Show me" and Bailey would turn her head and look at whatever it was that she wanted. Or if she was laying outside and Joan asked if she wanted to come in, turning her head away meant that she didn't want to come in. They were communicating all the time and I don't think Joan even realized how fantastic their communication was. Joan constantly asked Bailey questions and Bailey always found a way to communicate her answers. Theirs was a beautiful partnership in so many ways.

Bailey also had so much personality. I would giggle over the stories Joan would tell me about the things Bailey would do. One of my favorites was that Joan's mom was famous for sneaking potato chips to Bailey when they were watching TV together, even though they knew Joan would prefer that she didn't. Each time she did it, Bailey would eat the potato chip, then she'd look over at Joan and stare at her, as if to say "Did you see that?" with a little gleam in her eye. Bailey also loved to chase leaves - and I'll confess she's the first dog I have ever known who loved to do that. I don't think I'll ever watch a leaf fall from a tree again without it bringing a smile to my face.

Bailey also loved her stuffed animals and treated them like friends. She always brought one with her (transported in her mouth) whenever she was greeting someone who came to the house, and she would sleep with them in her bed as well. She seemed content to be surrounded by her "friends."

Joan has caregivers come to the house to help her mom during the week when she is at work and originally, she suggested they put Bailey outside when they came over. But she soon discovered that Bailey had easily wormed her way into the hearts of the caregivers and they wouldn't dream of putting her outside when they came over. Bailey did all she could to "help" take care of her grandma and she developed a close relationship with the other people who came to take care of grandma too.

I saw them on Saturday night and got to enjoy watching Bailey in action, as she "showed" Joan what she wanted again and again, by walking over to the door where the treats were. :-) When I would tell Joan about something I was picking up from Bailey, Bailey would stare intently at Joan when it was something she really wanted her mom to hear, like when I said, "Bailey doesn't want you to worry so much about her, she wants you to just enjoy each other's company." I had a wonderful time being there with them, even though much of our discussion was on the scary reality they were facing, I couldn't help enjoying being a witness to their beautiful friendship.

The next morning, not long after I woke up, I thought about my friend Joan and I started to cry. It surprised me that the sadness came on as strong as it did, but a half hour later, when I got on the computer and found an email from her, I understood why. Bailey had had a stroke that morning and was paralyzed on her left side. Things were not looking good.

I called her immediately and throughout the day, I checked in with Bailey to talk to her about what was going on and how she and her mom were feeling. Joan knew the end was coming, and had a call into her vet, who was willing to come over and help Bailey cross over if that was what was needed. Joan really hoped Bailey would pass on her own and I understood how she felt, as I didn't want to have to make the decision to help Lucky cross over when she was nearing the end either. Neither of us wanted to intervene in the spiritual process that occurs at the end of life. I knew that Bailey would do everything she could to honor her mom's wishes, because I believe animals always will if they can.

At 3:45 that afternoon, I was sitting in my house visiting with another friend when a huge wave of grief came through me. I sobbed and sobbed, while apologized to my friend because I didn't know for sure why I was crying so hard, but several hours later, Joan called to tell me that Bailey had passed away, peacefully on her own . . . at around 3:30pm. My heart broke for her, and yet, I'll confess, it was a bit of a relief to understand why I had been crying around that time. Being an intuitive, empathic person can be a little rough sometimes.

Sweet Bailey left this world on Sunday, January 29th . . . two weeks shy of her 10th birthday. Her time here was too short but she lived well while she was here and make a big, beautiful impression on everyone who had the pleasure of meeting her. Interestingly enough, January 29th is the day Joan's father passed away many years ago. It was already a day of remembrance, a special day to honor an important member of the family and it will continue to be that . . . I suspect Joan's father was there to greet Bailey when she got to the other side. I can't imagine anything else.

This final picture of Bailey was taken at Gates of Heaven cemetery, where Joan's father is buried. It is where my mother's remains are as well. Joan and Bailey frequently went to the cemetery to visit with Joan's dad and Bailey always understood the significance of their visits there.

Bailey was a magnificent dog, who was wise beyond her years. She was regal and extremely intelligent yet she also had the ability to make anyone of any age giggle because her personality was so abundant. She made this world a better place for those who got to share their life with her. She will be missed but I have no doubt, she will be keeping a close eye on Joan, continuing to look for ways to communicate with her.

Beyond and Back

I have a new favorite TV show called "I Survived: Beyond and Back." It airs on Sunday nights at 7pm on the Biography channel. If you've ever wondered if there is an after life, this is definitely the show to watch.

The premise of the show is that they tell the story of 2-3 different people who clinically died and then came back to life (in most cases their heart stopped for 20 minutes or more). The people share the experiences they had while they were 'dead', what they saw and felt and learned. They also show what the people who were trying to save them were experiencing as well.

The people tell stories of the relatives they spoke with, the intense feelings of peace and love that they had, the understanding of how everything in life made sense when they were "on the other side." Many of them went through life reviews, where they saw their whole life flash before them and could see where their journey had taken them thus far and why. Often times, the people don't want to come back - they want to stay on the other side because it is such an intensely wonderful experience to be on the other side.

It usually takes away any fear they ever had of dying, as they realize that it is not only something they shouldn't be afraid of but actually it is something to look forward to. They often have a renewed sense of purpose, a shift in priorities and a new found belief in something greater than themselves.

In one episode, a man in his late 50's explains that when he was "on the other side" he saw his beloved dog who had passed away many years earlier. He got choked up and started to cry, when he said how shocked he was, as he didn't know animals went to the same place we went to, . Through tears he said, "It was so good to see him again."

It reminded me of a conversation I had once with a client's elderly mom when my client's dog was getting ready to make her transition. Her mom told us she was sure that animals didn't go to the same place we did and my client and I just smiled at each other, because we knew that wasn't the truth. Some people do believe that animals don't have souls like we do but I know that they do.

I think part of the reason I love this show so much is that it confirms so many of the beliefs that I have about the other side, about what the purpose of our journey is while we are here and how much support we really do have as we try to make our way on our given paths.

If you haven't seen the show, I highly recommend it. If nothing else, it will give you some things to think about. Maybe it will even take away any fear you may have about the loss of life, whether it is the loss of a person or an animal.

The new season starts tonight!!

Happy New Year!

To those of you who read my blog regularly, my apologies for being "silent" for so many weeks. I know I haven't gone that long without a blog post since the inception of this blog (as a few of you have gently pointed out) and I hope to never go that long again. The month of December just seemed to get away from me.

As many of you know, my mom passed away in April and so this was the first Christmas without her. Her birthday was also at the beginning of December, so the whole month was filled with missing her, adjusting to being without her during her favorite holiday and trying to find ways to honor her. I rode the waves of grief as best I could and fortunately, found some sweet ways to feel close to her as well.

Christmas Day, I listened to the radio on the way to and from my dad's house, hoping she'd let me know she was around by getting "In The Air Tonight" to play on the radio . . . and my disappointment at not hearing the song was erased the next day and the day after that when the song came on each time I got in the car. :-)

It wasn't a terrible month, there were definitely some bright spots here and there. Highlights of the last several weeks include:

- Witnessing the bravery and courage of a doggy client who had to have her arm amputated, who seems more worried about how her parents are feeling than she is about getting around on three legs. She is a beautiful inspiration and just such a love. She is planning to show the world that she is the same strong, fabulous girl whether she has 3 or 4 legs.

- Hearing stories from my clients about how they are talking to their animals and how they are seeing the heart warming evidence that their pets are understanding (and appreciating) everything they are being told.

- Having the cat of one of my human clients tell me that he can send healing energy to his mom just like I do . . . and finding out from her afterwards that whenever she starts to not feel well, she's notices that he immediately comes and lays on her (and that she does feel better soon after).

- Having a daffodil come up a couple days after Christmas, which, for those of you who know about daffodil bulbs, they aren't supposed to come up until the spring, but every year since Lucky passed away, I have had at least one daffodil make an early appearance in my backyard around Christmas.

- And finally, a visit from Chester, my squirrel friend, who hadn't been around for weeks, who showed up the day after my water heater decided to give out, to remind me that there was still much to smile about.

So, Happy New Year to you all! I hope you all are feeling ready for the year ahead! My hope is that it is a magical year for everyone, filled with more of what you want, hope and wish for . . . and that each day is filled with love, laughter, peace and joy!