Much to my surprise and relief, it ended up being a very pleasant experience. First of all, we only went through one of her closets and one dresser. When I realized my dad was going to take his time with this, I felt so much calmer. It was a relief that we didn't go through everything, especially since my mom has three closets, plus my old childhood bedroom that was basically turned into a walk-in closet. (To say my mom loved clothes and loved to shop is a giant understatement). I felt good knowing this wasn't "it" - we weren't going to be closing this chapter for a while. Secondly, we talked a lot, which I don't always get to do with my dad. We shared stories about my mom, laughed a bit, and talked a lot about her wonderful sense of style. It was a relaxing and enjoyable evening and it felt good to have a few things of my mom's to remember her by.
The next night, I went over to my friend Sue's house to see she and her puppies (my god children), Mingus and Nina. They are seven months old now and growing non-stop. They are absolutely darling. So full of energy and developing their own distinct personalities. Mingus goes back and forth between being sweet and silly and then being stubborn. We joked that he is taking after Sue's boyfriend Steve. Nina, on the other hand is often more serious, more contemplative, which is more like Sue. They both go back and forth between being totally wild and crazy and then peaceful and angelic. Typical puppies I suppose. :-)
While we were in the backyard playing with the puppies, I told Sue about my experience the night before. She was equally glad that it ended up being a positive experience, as she knew I was worried about whether or not it would be too overwhelming for my dad and I. Later in the evening, when we were having dinner, she and I were talking about how I keep hearing "In the air tonight" and how I know it's my mom letting me know she is around. All of the sudden, I thought "Wow, that's really odd that I didn't hear the song when I left my dad's house that night." I mentioned it to Sue and she agreed that it seemed strange that, of all times, my mom wouldn't let me know she was around when we had been going through her clothes. I joked with Sue that I hoped it wasn't a sign she was upset over the items I chose to take home.
That night, when I was leaving Sue's house, I had made a U-turn in front of her house, and as I reached up to wave goodbye to Sue, with the other hand, I hit a button on the radio and boom - there is was - the first couple notes of 'In the air tonight." I had a grin on my face a mile wide as I drove down the street. I thanked my mom for checking in and letting me know she had heard me.
The next weekend, I was heading over to my dad's house again, this time for a block party on their street. My family has lived in that house for over forty years and several of the families that we grew up with still live there as well. All three of us kids made a point of going to the block party this year so that my dad wouldn't be alone. We knew it could potentially bring up a lot of memories of mom and we wanted to be there to support him. As I pulled into the development, I was thinking about the fact that I haven't seen most of these neighbors since my mom's funeral and wondered if it would be awkward. And then, as if on cue, "In the Air Tonight" came on the radio. I said out loud, "Oh good mom, I am glad you are going to be at the block party as well."
It felt good to know she was there and it made it easy to talk about her in casual conversation . . . like when my dad said, "We don't really need a table cloth do we?" and I said, "You know what mom would say." He just smiled and pulled the table cloth back out out of the drawer. Even though she isn't still physically here, it only seemed right to still follow her etiquette rules. :-)
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