My mother

On Sunday, April 17th, I got a call from my dad, saying I needed to come to the hospital to see my mother, as her health had taken a turn for the worse.

On the drive to the hospital, I was hanging onto my optimism . . . after all, we had lived through health scares with my mom my entire life and every time, she managed to bounce back, even when the doctors didn't think it was possible, so I hoped that this time it would be no different.

The thing is, my mom had Lupus, a disease in which the body's immune system attacks its own cells. It cannot be cured, so Lupus patients go back and forth between flare ups and remissions, and during flare ups, my mom would be so fatigued, she could barely function, her joints and muscles would ache severely and when it got bad, various organs would start to shut down and she would be hospitalized.

When I was a little girl, her flare ups would scare the heck out of me and I spent a lot of my early life on edge, believing that any day, she could leave us . . . but I think over time, I began to think she was invincible because time and again, she would be gravely ill and then miraculously get better and go back to being her fun-loving self again.

When I walked into her room last Sunday, something told me that this time it was different. Tears welled up in my eyes as soon as I saw her and at first, I couldn't breath. My optimism began slipping away, as a reality I didn't want to face began to set in. This time, I feared she wasn't going to pull through and I felt so sad for her, and what was happening to her body. She kept saying she wanted her mother, and each time, I felt an ache deep in my heart. I knew it meant she knew that this time it was worse than any time before as well.

Over the years, our relationship was often strained. I think my mom and I probably spent too much time focusing on how we were different. sometimes in funny ways, like how she used to joke that she must have brought the wrong baby home from the hospital, since I didn't like to shop, or wear make up or change my hair style the way she did. Many of our disagreements and hurts over the years were centered on how we were different . . . but as I stood next to her bed, all I could think about was how much we were alike and how much I loved her.

It was a long week, as the family sat in her hospital room day and night, hoping and praying to see any sign of improvement, hoping the doctors would finally figure out how to reverse what was happening to her . . . and I found myself thinking about all the parts of me that came from my mom. It felt good to focus on who she was, and all the ways she had a positive impact on me and the person I have become.

I certainly got my love of animals from her. My mom loved all animals . . . and she loved them deeply. We always had dogs when we were growing up and she adopted stray cats as well. My dad was allergic to cats, so they weren't indoor cats, but she knitted beds for them and fed them and talked to them when she was outside tending to her garden. She supported every animal organization there was . . . even when my parents were having financial difficulty, my mom found a way to still support all her favorite animal organizations.

My love of gardening came from my mom as well . . . from her, I learned how therapeutic it could be to sit in the yard and pull weeds, and how much joy flowers could bring you, when you took the time to appreciate them.

My mom was also one of the friendliest people in the world. She could talk to anyone and had such an ease when it came to conversing with people. I know I learned to do that from her. She frequently struck up conversations with strangers, became friends with the check out clerks at Safeway and the sales people at her favorite clothing stores. Everywhere we went, people knew her and adored her.

Unfortunately, by Thursday, we were forced to accept the fact that there was nothing else the doctors could do for her. One by one, her organs were shutting down and this time, she wasn't going to be able to fight through it, the way she had so many times before. On Friday, April 22nd, my mother passed away. It was incredibly painful and yet it also felt like a huge honor to be there with her, as she left this world.

Amidst the grief, I find comfort in knowing that she is now at peace and free of pain. I smile when I think that she is now with her mother, who she had really been wanting to see, and that there was probably a long line of animal friends waiting to greet her when she arrived.

Healing for Humans

Even though almost half of my clients are human, I don't often write about them in my blog. I think it's because my human healing sessions tend to be deeply personal and I don't think my clients would feel very comfortable with me sharing too much about their sessions.

Still though, my human clients have great insights into their lives and their own healing journeys, they have amazing breakthroughs and tangible results, so I have been trying to find a way to write about the sessions with my human clients, without revealing too much, and at the same time, sharing enough that others can benefit.

I realized the other day that there was a theme running through many of my recent human sessions, and I decided that writing about the theme might be the right way to share some information.

This recent theme is around beliefs . . . the concept that whatever we believe, we manifest in our lives, and even though we may not like what is showing up in our lives, it is always tied to a belief we hold. It may not be a conscious belief, but it is a belief none the less. I have seen again and again that if we want to have a different result in life, we need to figure out what belief brought us the result we don't like and then determine what we want to believe instead.

For instance, if you keep having the experience of people taking advantage of your kindness, then there's a pretty good chance you hold a belief that people can and will take advantage of your kindness. Sometimes, when I bring this up with my clients, they feel like they are stuck with only two choices . . . continue to be nice and have people take advantage of them, or stop being kind to others and be someone they don't want to be. I refer to this as "black and white" thinking and when we only see things in black and white, we often feel like we have no where to go.

Part of the work I do with people is to help them see more options . . . assist them in moving away from "black and white" thinking, so they can see the possibilities. I help them understand what the underlying belief is that is creating unwanted experiences in their lives, help them release the belief if they don't think it serves them any longer and then help them form a new belief, one that will better serve them.

I frequently ask my clients, "What would you like to believe instead?" and this can be a difficult question to answer. I think part of the reason is that we are programmed to believe, on some level, that we can't have what we want or that we don't have any control over what comes into our lives. I work with my clients to help them see that they do deserve to have what they want, and help them feel empowered to make changes in their lives. I work with them to help them release that old programming, so that it is easier to answer the question, "What would you like to believe instead?"

In this case, my client eventually said, "I want to believe that people will appreciate my kindness, and be kind in return." With the assistance of the energy, we allowed the body to release the old belief and then embrace the new belief. Many people think it sounds too easy to work, but I have seen proof again and again that it really is that easy.

Through my work with human clients, we have identified and released beliefs such as, "You can't make money doing what you really love to do," "Men are weak and need to be taken care of" and "Other people's needs are more important than mine" and we replaced those old beliefs with new beliefs, that will help them manifest what they really would prefer to experience in life.

If you look at your own life, are you experiencing things that don't please you? Do you feel that people don't really listen to you? Maybe you are holding a belief that what you have to say isn't important. Do you find that your relationships are difficult and take a lot of energy out of you?" Maybe you are holding a belief that relationships aren't easy and require a lot of work. If so, I'll ask you . . . "What would you like to believe instead?"

Over the years, I have witnessed this enough to form a pretty strong opinion that what shows up in our lives is tied to the beliefs we hold, (often on an unconscious level). Our thoughts and beliefs are incredibly powerful, and yet, so are we. At any time, we can choose to believe something different . . . and then we can have a different experience.