I haven't seen much of my old group of girlfriends in the last twenty seven years. We were all incredibly close in high school, but we slowly drifted apart in the years that followed. Our lives just seemed to take us in different directions. When I heard about Shannon's mom passing away, there was no doubt in my mind that I needed to be at the service, that I needed to be there for her.
I was a little nervous when I first walked into the church, in part because they started with a rosary and I don't know how to do one of those . . . despite my catholic upbringing. My nervousness started to dissipate when I looked around the church and I saw that almost everyone from my old gang had also made sure they were there to lend their support to Shannon on such a difficult day. Life may have taken us in different directions, but when Shannon needed us, we were all there. I slid into a pew next to one of my old friends, Wendy, and after a quiet but heartfelt hello, we sat there respectfully observing the rosary. (Wendy, who was also raised catholic, didn't know how to do a rosary either, which made me feel a little bit better).
During the service, stories were shared about Shannon's mom and there was one story in particular that really touched me because it so accurately and so beautifully described Shannon's mom. She had the biggest heart, and the thing that I always remembered about her was that her kindness occurred without any effort. It was just who she was.
This particular story was about a time their family had gone to a local restaurant for dinner. Their waitress was doing a terrible job, moving as slow as molasses, forgetting what they had ordered, bringing the wrong things to the table, etc. Most people would have been really frustrated by the bad service and would have either complained to management or become short tempered with the waitress but not Shannon's mom.
Instead, she called the waitress over to their table and said, "Honey, are you doing alright?" The waitress's eyes immediately filled with tears and Shannon's mom asked her to sit down at their table and talk to her. The waitress said she'd get in trouble if she sat down, but Shannon's mom was not deterred. She said, "Don't worry, I'll smooth things over with your manager. It looks like you could really use some support right now." Because of the genuineness of her request, the waitress sat down and proceeded to tell Shannon's mom what was going on in her life that had her so upset and distracted. I don't even remember what that part of the story was, probably because it wasn't as important to me. I just remember being in awe as I heard of the kindness Shannon's mom showed the waitress in that moment, when most people, including me, would probably have just be irritated by the bad service.
After they had talked for a while, the waitress was able to get back to work and the service they received from that point on was wonderful . . . and not just their table, but all the tables in her section. She was able to be fully present and do her job well because someone had been present for her. Someone had reached out and let her know that they cared. Even though Shannon's mom was a stranger, her concern was so genuine, it didn't matter that they had never met before.
It's something I will always remember about Shannon's mom . . . she really payed attention to people and she genuinely cared. In the years after college, I battled with my weight quite a bit (I put on the "freshman 15" each year I was in college and I had a tough time taking the weight back off). Whenever I saw Shannon's mom, she would always notice if I had lost weight, even if it was only a few pounds, and she would encourage me to keep taking care of myself. She always "saw you" and she saw you with her heart.
This week, I have been thinking about how grateful I am that there are people like Shannon's mom in this world. She had a positive impact on everyone she came in contact with. She didn't have to "try" to care, it came to her naturally and she made a difference in this world by just being who she was. She probably touched more people's lives than she ever realized and I feel grateful that my life was one of the lives that was touched by her presence.
Following the service, there was a celebration that almost everyone from the church attended. All my old friends from high school gathered together and I couldn't help but feel tremendous comfort and joy to be seeing them all again. We laughed about old times and got caught up on the present. It didn't seem to matter how many years had gone by, we were all just so happy to be together again. At one point, Cece said she felt a little guilty that we were enjoying ourselves so much on such a somber occasion, but I knew Shannon's mom would be happy that we were connecting again and having a good time. I knew she would be pleased that we were all "seeing" one another again.
The experience on Monday helped me reconnect with what is important in life. I was reminded that it's not about the quantity of time you spend with people, but the quality of your time together . . . that it doesn't take much effort to have a truly positive impact on the people you encounter, sometimes, it's as simple as being present and "seeing" them . . . that it is as important to see with your heart as it is to see with your eyes. It also reminded me that the people you don't know are just as important as the people you do know, and that no matter how much time passes, a true friend will always be that . . . a true friend.
On a final note . . . this weekend, I felt inspired to look through some old pictures. During my walk down memory lane, I came across an interesting photo from my childhood. From this picture, it seems as though my dad *did* try to teach me how to do a rosary, although I suppose I might have been too young for the lesson to stick, given that I was only fourteen months at the time.
Even though I was very sad that Shannon's mom had to leave this earth, I am grateful that I had the honor of knowing her, and I am grateful that I had the opportunity to be reminded of the beautiful way she carried herself in this world. She is definitely serving as a role model in my life.
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