Trust yourself

One of unexpected "services" that I find myself providing to my clients is trying to help them develop more trust in themselves . . . their own intuition . . . their own knowledge and skills of observation, especially as it pertains to their animals.

When I am working with the guardians of my animal clients, I ask the guardians a lot of questions about what they sense, what they have observed and what they think is going on with their animal. Sure, I am picking up insights and information from the animals myself, but I believe that the best way I can help an animal is to partner with their guardian. My goal is to put together what they are sensing and seeing, with what I am picking up, and what the animal is telling me, to make it a more complete picture. I feel it would be a huge disservice to the animal to ignore their input or to ignore the input of their guardian.

In a perfect world, all veterinarians would operate this way too and never disregard what a guardian knows about their animal or what an animal is showing them either. Unfortunately, my perfect world doesn't exist yet and many of my clients are confronted with the sad truth that there are a lot of veterinarians out there who are only interested in what they know or what they believe.

Over the last couple of years, I have had many discussions with my clients about this topic. Some of them have confessed to me that they view veterinarians (any anyone with a medical degree) as an authority figure and believe they must know more than they do. It's as if being in the presence of someone who has a degree somehow trumps whatever knowledge and experience they have with their own animal.

Even if they go into the vet, sure of what tests they want or don't want, or what avenue they want to pursue, they often leave feeling frustrated that their vets didn't listen to them and they ended up agreeing to things they didn't want to do. When I try to gently coach them to speak up to their vets, I often hear, "But it just didn't feel right to push back, after all, they are the one with the medical degree."

I try to point out that while the vet may have lots of knowledge, what they don't have is experience with their animal. They aren't living with the animal, they aren't seeing the animal day in and day out. The vet doesn't have the heart connection with the animal that they do either and that matters too.

Let me say for the record, I am not demeaning ALL veterinarians. I know there are great ones out there. My frustration is with the vets that don't listen to the guardians and who don't take into account what the person who is living with that animal knows.

Twice in the last two weeks, I have received calls from clients who were in tears after a vet visit. As always, I do my best to try to help them separate out fact from assumption, separate what they "know" from what they were told and slowly, we are able to unravel all the emotions and frustrations and determine a course of action that feels right to the guardian. Yet, I continue to feel frustrated that so many of my clients are having negative experiences with veterinarians.

Based on the experiences of my clients, I would like to share some tips with you, in the hopes of helping you have better experiences with a veterinarian.

- If you don't feel comfortable with the veterinarian, don't go back. Some of the things my clients have told me are: The vet wouldn't listen to me. The vet didn't talk to my dog and acted like he wasn't even there in the room. The vet told me my dog didn't understand what we were talking about. I felt like I was being treated like I was stupid.

No one should ever feel that way when they take their animal to a veterinarian. Remember, there are plenty of vets out there and there's no sense going to someone you don't feel comfortable with.

- Watch your animal for signs of how they feel about the veterinarian because they will tell you through their behavior what they think about the vet you are seeing. I hear things like: My dog wouldn't get out of the car when we arrived. My dog shivered and panted the entire time we were there. My cat was a wreck and never calmed down through the whole appointment. Many people think that it's normal for an animal to be totally distressed at a vet appointment, but I have seen enough evidence to the contrary to convince me that animals know when it's the "right" vet and when it's not.

My clients have told me stories of going to a new vet and being shocked at how calm their animal was, as opposed to previous vet visits. I have a few clients whose dogs had to be muzzled in order to make it through a vet visit but when they found the "right" vet, the dog no longer needed to be muzzled. Your animal will give you signs, if you are willing to "listen" to them.

- Listen to your own gut. If the diagnosis doesn't feel right to you, trust that. Get another opinion. Several years ago, I had a client whose dog received a cancer diagnosis (lymphoma, I think). They told her he would probably only live a couple more months. The guardian kept telling me she didn't think her dog had cancer and I told her to trust that feeling. When she went back several months later to have more lab work done, there were no "proof" of cancer anymore. She was so glad she trusted her instincts and her dog is still here and doing fine. I have had too many clients hear, "Your animal has cancer, the humane thing to do is to put them down today." And when they chose not to, they were treated like they were "bad guardians."

One of my clients called me today with this very story. She was told by a vet that her dog had cancer and that she should be put down today. When my client said, "No, I'm bringing her back home with me" she was accused of keeping her dog alive "for her own selfish reasons." I know this woman and I know there is nothing selfish about her at all. She has a heart of gold and she also has a really good head on her shoulders. She knows the time will come for her dog to make her transition but she told me she knew it wasn't today. I trust her. I hope she will continue to trust herself as well.

My hope is that all guardians will learn to trust themselves and be willing to stand up to a vet if they don't agree with their assessment, or not be afraid to find another vet who is more willing to work with them, to treat them and their animal with respect. Our animals count on us to advocate for them, to listen to them and they count on us to listen to our own intuition. You know when something doesn't feel right and there's nothing wrong with trusting that feeling. Regardless of how much medical training you've personally had, as a guardian, you have valuable information and insights and intuitions about your pet that should never be discounted . . . not by yourself and not by anyone in the medical profession. Please don't be afraid to trust yourself and your own "knowing."