My work with them and their guardians has made me look more closely at what happens when our animals are aging (not only to them but to us) and I have been learning a lot. I thought it might be helpful if I shared some of the observations I have been making and the insights I have been getting.
- Animals are not afraid of aging and they are not afraid of dying. They seem to understand this process and accept it with a level of peace that most people only hope to achieve. They don't seem to be too concerned with what they can't do anymore, unlike us, who often feel sadness over what they can't do anymore (or what we as humans can do anymore when we get older). They accept that it is part of the process and are so relaxed about it. It's made me realize how important it is to honor their lives at EVERY stage, to be more in a place of acceptance and appreciation instead of being in a place of worry all the time.
- And yet, animals have a lot of pride. Most of them don't like to be helped or coddled too much. One of my cat clients who probably shouldn't be trying to jump up on the bed or chairs, because she could injure herself, is not interested in getting help. Her guardian got a set of small steps to help her up to the bed and she refuses to use them. It isn't that she isn't appreciative of her guardian's efforts to help, she just refuses to believe that she's too old to get up there the "old way." I have learned how important it is to give the animal the choice to have help. We can say "Let me know if you need help" and if they want help, they will let us know.
I have learned this lesson with Lucky. I told her "If you need help, bark at me and I will come help you right away" and for the longest time she didn't bark. I would see her struggling to move and I would run over to help her, and say, "I told you to bark if you needed me" . . . and interestingly enough, I have realized that she DOES bark at me when she needs help . . . and I try to get to her right away when she does, so that she knows I am listening and honoring our agreement. I am also learning to let her be if she doesn't bark. Sometimes, an animal would like to try to figure it out on their own first, before asking for help. I think it is important that we give them that opportunity because their pride is important to them. If we help TOO MUCH, we can end up unwittingly disempowering them.
- Animals are mostly concerned about US when they are getting older. They worry about how we'll feel when they go and they worry about the stress we may be under as we try to care for them. I have witnessed that they do everything they can to help us not worry so much, even if we don't realize that's what they are doing.
I wrote a few months back about a dog who was pacing around the house, doing "laps" through the kitchen and family room. Her family worried it was a sign she was in pain or something but when I asked her about it, she told me she did it so they would know she was still ABLE to walk around and she was trying to show them that she was OK.
Another client was concerned that her dog slept in the other room at night, instead of in the bedroom with she and her husband. She was worried that it was a sign that something was wrong, but when I asked the dog about it, she told me that she was restless at night and was worried that her restlessness would keep her mom and dad awake, so she slept in the other room so they could get a good nights sleep. Her biggest concern was that her parents got the sleep they needed.
One of the greatest gifts we can give our animals is to assure them that we WILL be OK when they cross-over. Tell them that even though we will be very sad and we will miss them terribly, we will be alright. Having that conversation with them will lift the burden from their shoulders because honestly, what they worry about most is US.
- One of the biggest concerns the guardians express to me is that they don't want their animal to suffer. The last thing they want is for their animal to be in pain or too uncomfortable. They worry that their animal will try to stick around for them and stay longer than they are really comfortable staying. I totally understand this concern. The last thing we would ever want for our precious pet is for them to be unhappy or uncomfortable and stay longer than they want. What I have realized though is that most people don't need an animal communicator like me to help in these situations. You can ask your animal yourself to please give you a sign when they are ready to go, if they need help crossing-over. I know they will show you.
Sometimes, the "sign" isn't what you expect. We often think the sign will be something physical, tangible, something we can see . . . but when Hanna, who I have written about a lot lately, was nearing the end, I told her mom to ask Hanna to give her a sign when she was ready. The next week, Hanna's mom "knew" it was time. She didn't know how she knew, she just felt it in her heart that Hanna was ready to go. She was concerned that she didn't see a "sign" from Hanna and I explained to her that her "knowing" was the sign. Hanna let her know and she got the message in her heart. Even if you aren't an animal communicator, you can still talk to your animal and ask them to let you know when they feel their time here on earth is complete . . . and I know they will find a way to let you know.
- Animals still want to have fun. Even when they are older and may not be able to move around like they used to, they still enjoy moments where things are light and happy. They may want it as much for US as they want it for themselves. So, if you have an aging pet, get down on the floor with them and get goofy. Get toys out for you both to play with. Lay on the floor and rub their ears or their belly and talk silly to them. Take moments every day to be light and joyful. I know for many of us, it's counter-intuitive, because we feel so much worry and sadness when we see our animal is nearing the end of their life, that the last thing we're thinking about is "having fun" but from the animal's perspective, life is meant to be enjoyed - so do your best to enjoy it . . . every day! Your animals will be grateful for the moments of levity.
Lucky is still embracing the idea of enjoying life and I am doing my best to stay in that space with her. Some days, she does better than I do and I have to keep reminding myself that I need to enjoy the time she's here instead of worrying about when she won't be here.
She got invited to her friend Siena's birthday party yesterday. Siena (a 2-legged friend) was turning 3 and her party was at the park, so Lucky was able to attend. As Lucky and I entered the toddler area at the park, where the party was being held, with me holding her back end up with the sling, we were hearing all sorts of "pity sounds" coming from people at the park . . . "ooh, poor thing" "ohhh, she must be really old" and some people were asking us questions like "Is your dog OK?" I just kept smiling at everyone saying, "Lucky is just fine, she's really happy to be coming to her friends' birthday party!" It was the truth - it was exactly what Lucky was feeling. She wasn't embarrassed that she couldn't walk into the party without my help, she wasn't embarrassed that her back legs aren't working. She was just excited about being there, and excited to find out what she might get to eat at the party. I followed her lead and kept my attitude positive. When people commented on how hard it must be for me to hold her up when she weighs 70 lbs, I showed them how great my arms muscles are now and told them how grateful I was that Lucky has helped me develop such great biceps.
Once we got her settled in a nice shady spot on the grass, she quickly was surrounded by kids, from as young as a year old, up to 5 years old. Some of the kids were from the party we were attending, some of them were just people who were at the park that day and were excited to pet a dog. Lucky graciously accepted all the attention and might have even stolen the spotlight from Siena for a little while. She was in heaven getting all that attention and all that love. As far as Lucky was concerned, she didn't have a complaint in the world. She was at a birthday party, she was getting attention (and some food) and she was outside enjoying the sunshine and fresh air.
It leads me to another thing that I have learned about animals. Their needs are very simple and they are delighted by the smallest things. I think we would be better off if we took a cue from them. As long as they have food and water, a comfortable place to sleep and love and affection, they feel like they "have it all."
So, for those of you who are worried that you aren't doing enough for your aging pets, the answer is really quite simple. Make sure they have plenty to eat, drink, that they have a comfortable place to sleep and make sure you give them all the love and attention you can. And talk to them. Tell them what you are worried about, tell them how much you love and appreciate them. Communication is even more important at this stage than any other time, in my opinion.
I know how important it is to honor them while they are still here - to love every minute we have with them, even if their abilities today are different than they were yesterday or last year or 10 years ago. Love them for who they are today . . . and love yourself for who YOU are today. I think that's one of the things our animals are hoping we will learn from them. We are "perfect" at every age, regardless of how we have changed over the years. Who we are today is more important than who we were yesterday - so embrace it, and embrace them and let yourself be content with what is.
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