Supporting Our Pets Through the Holidays

Here is a little PSA from your pets.  :-) 

The holiday season is a crazy time of year, not just for us but for our animals as well. For animals who live in our homes, it can be very confusing. WE know what's going on, but they don't always understand and it can make the holidays even more stressful for them. This is especially true for animals that are new to our home, but it still applies to animals who have been with us a while and have been through a few holidays seasons.

Many people talk about how their animals behave strangely during the holidays and most of the time, I believe it is because they don't understand what is going on. Their regular routine is changed up and they often feel ill at ease because of it.

What if a group of people unexpectedly showed up at your home and didn't bother to tell you how long they would be staying? Would that potentially put your nose out of joint? Especially if those people set up camp in your bedroom. There can be so much chaos going on around your pets that they become overwhelmed / overstimulated during much of the holiday season. 

If you think about it from their perspective, this is what they see:

- People coming and going, regular schedules and routines being different

- Packages being brought into the house, that they aren't supposed to touch

- Trees being dragged into the house that get a lot of our attention

- Lots of smells coming from the kitchen as we cook but don't necessarily share with them

- People coming over, sometimes spending the night, often displacing them from their usual hang out and sleeping spots

They often get yelled at or spoken to in a firm voice. We say things like:

- Get out of those packages, those aren't for you

- Get out of the tree, you are going to break the ornaments

- Stop drinking the water from the tree stand - you have a water bowl

- Don't you dare pee on that tree

- Go in the other room, Aunt Gertrude is allergic to dogs/cats

- You can't lay in the kitchen when I am cooking

All of it can be very confusing to them and they often don't end up enjoying the holiday season at all. I think the holidays could be much more enjoyable for everyone if we talked to our animals and explained what was going on. It would also be wonderful if we made some accommodations for them so that they can enjoy the holidays as well.

It is my belief that if we can communicate with them and manage their expectations, they can be a positive part of the celebrations, instead of adding another element of stress to it. 

Here are some holiday tips that might make the season "brighter" for your pets:

- If you are going to have a house full of people, let your animals know. Tell them . . . this many people are coming and this is how long they are staying. 

- If you want your animal to do anything different, please let them know. If your animal is going to have to sleep somewhere where they aren't used to sleeping, tell them that and explain why. Let them know how long this new arrangement will last and please make it as comfortable and inviting as possible for them. (A bed or comfortable blanket? Some special toys? Access to their food and water if appropriate?) 

- If your animal is used to having quiet time to rest in the house and you know that isn't going to be easy when you have a house full of people, tell them where they can go to be "alone" if that's what they need. Give them a specific room or place in the house they can go to if they need to "get away from it all." Again, make it as comfortable and inviting as possible for them. 

- Tell them you are bringing a tree into the house if that is part of your holiday routine and explain to them that it is for decoration. Let them know you are making sure it has water so they don't feel the need to water it themselves. :-) Explain to them that the things hanging on the tree or placed under the tree are not for them to play with or eat. Then make sure they know where the things are that they CAN play with and eat. 

- Set them up for success whenever possible. Think about things from their perspective. If your cat will have a difficult time resisting the urge to play with the ornaments, maybe you can avoid putting your most treasured ornaments where they can reach them? If any of the gifts under the tree are for your dogs  or cats and they have any kind of scent, maybe you can put them some place safe until it is time to open gifts. If their food and water are normally located in the kitchen but you don't want your pets under-foot when you are cooking, can you relocate their food and water to a place that is easy for them to access? If so, make sure they know where that location is. 

- Include them in the celebration in whatever way you can. Whether that is feeding them at the same time the rest of you are sitting down to eat so they feel they are participating in the celebratory meal too, or giving them something to unwrap when the rest of you are unwrapping your gifts. Let them know they are part of what is going on too. 

I believe the holidays can be happier for all of us - 2-legged and 4-legged alike, if we can set everyone's expectations for how things are going to be different for a few days or weeks. I bet  your animals will thank you - in their own special way!

How Our Pets Assist Us

After all these years, I continue to be in awe of the positive impact animals can have in our lives. I have always believed animals come into our lives to help us to learn and grow but each time I witness it, I am no less astounded by it, no less humbled by it.  

In my work with animals and their guardians, I continue to see evidence that our animals know what type of assistance we need . . . and then they give us the opportunities to learn and grow in those areas. 

Sometimes the lesson comes by an animal experiencing medical issues as a way for us to learn something that will help us in our own personal growth. My dog Lucky can be single-handedly (pawedly) credited with just about everything I learned about holistic medicine, alternative healing methods, the mind/body connection, etc. She is the reason I explored all those areas - not because she was able to say "Hey mom, check these things out!" I studied all those areas of healing because I was determined to help her recover from some deep emotional wounds that were showing up as medical and behavioral issues. Given all that I learned through our journey together - eventually it morphed into a new line of work for me - as an energy healer and an animal communicator. 

I have had clients who learned to give themselves permission to take time out to be still and stop "doing" all the time . . . a notion they were able to embrace after they realized their animal wasn't healing from an injury or recovering from a surgery because their animal couldn't stay still either. 

There was another client who didn't believe in herself or have much confidence . . .  she ending up adopting a horse that had confidence issues. Through the implementation of various training methods and fun/learning activities, she managed to help him develop a lot more confidence in himself. It was after she accomplished that it was easier for her to see the ways she wasn't very confident either. Fortunately, she wasn't deterred because she already had worked with her horse on gaining confidence so the path was more clear regarding the steps she could take to empower herself more.

Sometimes, the guardian may not be very good at setting boundaries and they end up adopting a pet that pushes the limits a LOT. The animal will act like they need clear boundaries that are consistently monitored. Once the guardian has "practiced" setting and maintain boundaries with their pet and experienced positive results, it is far easier for them to set boundaries with the people in their lives.

Sometimes that opportunity arrives in what appears to be a "behavioral issue" with the animal. They are even willing to look like the "bad guy" for a while, for the sole purpose of helping us learn something or seeing something in ourselves. As an example, my own boy Kino had an issue of barking at dogs, people and anything else that moved when we were out in the car. It unnerved me to the point of not wanting to take him out in the car (which was one of his most favorite activities) because nothing I did training wise was making a difference in the behavior. Then one day it dawned on me . . . he was just showing me how I acted in the car. I didn't behave very well either.  LOL! I was easily frustrated by other drivers and could be quite vocal about my feelings (whether it was cars not using their turn signals, cars riding on my bumper or cars making unsafe lane changes in front of me that forced me to slam on my brakes, etc). I vowed that day to behave better when I was out for a drive. The great news is that once I improved MY behavior while behind the wheel, Kino's behavior improved as well and our car rides became a lot more fun. While it may have been difficult while we were going through it, in the end both of us were much happier. 

Whenever a new client calls me about a problem they are having with their animal, the first thing that comes into my mind is "I wonder how the animal is trying to help their guardian grow." Since they are often trying to help us, I always stay open to that possibility.  

I think I will always be in awe of animals - for the selfless way they set out to help us be better versions of ourselves. Do you think your animal is trying to teach you something or show you something about yourself? What is the first thing that comes to mind that you've noticed about your pet? Do you see any way they might be mirroring things that could assist you as well? 

Gestures of Kindness and Compassion

I saw this short story today in a group called "Small Great Things" and couldn't stop my eyes from welling with tears. It is such a beautiful example of how every act of kindness makes a difference. It also shows us how one person's loving gesture can have such a tremendously positive impact and generate even more loving acts of generosity.

Furthermore, it also illustrates the possibility that people may WANT to make a difference but they often aren't sure how or they may feel their idea is "too small" to have an impact. It is my belief that no gesture of kindness is ever too small and taking action often inspires others to do something to support humanity as well.

IMHO - These are the kinds of things we need now more than ever. My questions for anyone reading this are: Can we look out for each other, provide help and support in whatever way we can? Is there something you could do today? This week? 

And can we do these things - not because we want to impress people or show them how great we are - but because our hearts know that this is something our world truly needs - especially right now. 

Here is the story: 

They call it “lunch shaming.” I call it cruelty. For 38 years, I watched it happen from my history classroom. Then, one Tuesday, I decided to become a quiet criminal.

My name is Arthur Harrison. For nearly four decades, my world has been cinder block walls, the smell of old books, and the drone of the 2:15 PM bell. I teach American History. I’ve lectured on the Great Depression, on bread lines and poverty, trying to make the black-and-white photos feel real to kids who live in a world of vibrant color and constant noise.

But the most brutal history lesson wasn’t in my textbook. It was in the cafeteria.

It was a Tuesday when I saw it happen to Marcus, a quiet sophomore who sat in the back of my third-period class. He was a good kid, drew incredible sketches of Civil War soldiers in his notebook margins. I saw him at the front of the lunch line. The cashier, a woman I’d known for twenty years, said something to him. I saw his shoulders slump. He was handed not a tray of hot food, but a cold cheese sandwich and a small milk carton—the “alternative meal.” The IOU. The badge of shame.

He walked past his friends, eyes glued to the floor, and sat at an empty table at the far end of the cafeteria. He didn’t eat. He just stared at the wall. In that moment, he wasn’t a student. He was a statistic. His family’s bank account balance was on public display, served between two slices of cheap bread.

Something inside me, a part of my soul worn thin by years of budget cuts and standardized tests, finally snapped.

The next day, I walked into the main office before school. Linda, the cafeteria manager, was there sorting receipts.

“Art,” she said, not looking up. “Don’t tell me the coffee machine is broken again.”

“It’s fine, Linda,” I said, sliding a folded fifty-dollar bill across the counter. “I want to start a fund. Anonymously. For the kids who come up short. When it happens, just… take it from this. No cheese sandwiches.”

She finally looked up, her eyes lingering on the money, then on my face. She didn’t say a word. She just gave a slow, deliberate nod and tucked the bill into her apron.

I started doing it every week. A fifty, sometimes a hundred if my pension check had a little extra. I called it the “Invisible Lunch Fund.” Linda never mentioned it, but sometimes I’d see her give a real hot meal to a kid I knew was struggling, and she’d catch my eye from across the room with that same quiet nod. It was our secret conspiracy of decency.

This went on for a year. It was my quiet rebellion.

Then, one afternoon, Sarah, the sharpest student in my AP History class, stayed after the bell.

“Mr. Harrison?” she started, twisting the strap of her backpack. “I have a question. It’s not about the homework.”

“Go ahead, Sarah.”

“I know about the lunch money,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “My mom works in the school office. She sees Linda’s accounting. There’s a line item she just writes in as ‘Donation.’ I know it’s you.”

My heart hammered against my ribs. I was caught. I imagined disciplinary meetings, being told I’d broken some obscure district policy.

But Sarah wasn’t angry. Her eyes were shining. “We want to help,” she said.

The next Monday, a group of students from my AP class set up a bake sale in the main hall. The sign, hand-painted on poster board, read: “BAKE SALE FOR BENEDICT ARNOLDS. (Because betraying your friends by letting them go hungry is treason.)”

By lunchtime, they had a shoebox overflowing with crumpled bills and coins. They placed it on my desk without a word. Over four hundred dollars. The administration, to their credit, looked the other way.

I’m retiring this year. The Invisible Lunch Fund is now just “The Fund,” and it’s run entirely by the students. They’ve made it their own.

For 38 years, I tried to teach kids that history is shaped by big speeches and epic battles. I was wrong. History isn’t just about the noise. It’s about the quiet moments, the unspoken acts of grace. It’s written not in textbooks, but on a lunch receipt when one person decides that another human being will not be shamed for being hungry. That’s the America I want to believe in. That’s the lesson I finally learned.

Thank you Carol Sacks Goldstein for sharing..

Reacting Based on Half The Story (refresh from July 2020)

 Through most of my adult life, I had a very challenging relationship with my mother. I held firm to my belief that she didn't really care about me or my feelings and I viewed every action and every inaction through that filter.  

In my quest to heal the past, I discovered that my relationship with my mother began to unravel when I was in high school and sadly it could have been prevented if more honesty had been present.

It all started on a holiday weekend when my boyfriend came over with a couple dozen roses for me and not only would I not touch the roses, I would barely speak to him. My mother grabbed me by the arm, squeezing it so tightly her fingernails left deep impressions in my skin. Pulling me to the other side of the kitchen, she sternly told me that I was being an ungrateful little shit and that I'd better pull myself together and start acting the way I had been raised to act when someone gives me a gift. 

I remember feeling utterly stunned. I felt betrayed by her. I felt that she was telling me that "being gracious" - even if it was fake - was more important than the truth of why I was acting that way or the depth of pain I was feeling inside. I decided that she didn't understand me or care about my feeling and from that moment on, those were the "glasses" I wore when it came to my mom. Everything she did or said was seen and judged from that perspective.

But the truth was, my mom didn't know WHY I was acting that way towards my boyfriend because I never told her. 

What she didn't know was that the day before, he and I had been with our two best friends "celebrating" the holiday weekend aka "doing some underage drinking." My boyfriend had way too much to drink and in his drunken stupor he had decided that he was tired of waiting for me to be ready for sex and he had attempted to rape me. If his best friend hadn't heard me screaming and come to my rescue, he likely would have been successful. His friend pulled him off me with such force, he slammed him up against the wall. Too scared to move, I remained where I was on the floor, huddled in the corner of the room, my heart pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears. My best friend rushed to my side, while his friend dragged him out of the room, berating him for what he had just done to me.

I hadn't even had a chance to start processing what had just happened when his best friend ran back into the room to tell us that my boyfriend had announced he was going to kill himself and took off in his car. I remember saying, "He's driving?" He was so drunk he could barely walk - I shuddered to think he was behind the wheel of a car. We all rushed out to the front yard but he (and the car) were nowhere in sight.

At that point the tears began flowing, although it was such a jumbled mixture of emotions, I felt like my head was going to explode. I just sat there on the front lawn and sobbed, my chest heaving up and down, sandwiched between his best friend and mine, with neither of them knowing how to help me in that moment. 

I felt angry and betrayed by my boyfriend . . . I was afraid of him and what he was capable of . . . I was scared to death that he was going to actually kill himself . . . . I worried that it would be my fault if he did. My sixteen year old self wasn't able to cope with all that had just happened. I needed him to come back and be ok and yet a part of me didn't want him to come back because he had broken my heart and my trust so deeply. Everything was swirling around so quickly inside of me, I was sure I would throw up.

He eventually came back - and while I was grateful he didn't kill himself - I think it was our relationship that died that day. It was just never the same. The events that unfolded that day impacted me in more ways than I understood at the time. It took years for me to unravel the myriad of ways that weekend had shaped my beliefs and my own behavior . . . to see and understand why certain things triggered me into unconscious reactions from that point forward.

The next day, I chose to put most of the blame on my mother. I made her the "bad guy" in this because I thought she didn't care about what happened to me and how scared and confused I was. In my mind, she was trying to force me to act in a way that was about "keeping up appearances" instead of showing me any compassion. My boyfriend claimed he had blacked out and didn't remember what had happened (which was entirely possible) so there was no way I could talk to him about it. Our friends didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't sure I could talk about it either. I think all of us wanted to pretend it hadn't occurred. 

I didn't tell my mom what happened and I blamed her for that too - justifying that she hadn't ASKED me why I was acting that way towards my boyfriend - which to me was proof that she didn't care. I further justified my silence by holding the assumptions that she wouldn't understand or that she wouldn't believe me or that she would think I was being overly dramatic about the whole thing or that I would get in trouble for drinking. And yes, I had good reasons for making those assumptions, but I never gave her the chance to show me something different because I was so set in my beliefs. I had found someone to blame - end of story.

But the truth was - SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HAD HAPPENED. She didn't know the TRUTH because I didn't tell her. I didn't take responsibility for the fact that she didn't know. I was content to stick with my version of the story for decades - that my mom didn't care about my feelings. Sticking to my version of the truth kept me from having a better relationship with my mother - I see that and own that now.

So why am I recounting this highly dramatic event from my past today? Because it highlights what I see happening in our world right now. We are in an incredibly emotionally charged time and I see people doing so many of the same things . . . Can you see all the parallels?

- Blaming people for what they are doing/not doing without understanding the whole story.

- Reacting to things without having all the information. (and I say that with understanding not blame, as it is not easy to access truthful information or to discern what IS true out of the sea of conflicting information out there) 

- Shaming people for not knowing the truth, when they haven't been told the truth or are unable to find it.

- Holding onto our beliefs (and our version of the story) so tightly that we can't see anything else.

- Deciding how people are going to react before they have a chance to show us anything different.

At this moment in time, many of us are so caught up in the emotions that are surging forth that we often can't see outside of our own stories or see the bigger picture. If we continue on this path, I believe the divide between us is going to get wider and wider. Our relationships with others might become so damaged they will be nearly impossible to heal. Our ability to come together to find resolutions may also be greatly diminished. If we operate so heavily from a place of fear like that, we might even forget what it is like to feel love and connection.

So here is my challenge to you . . . would you be willing to do any of the following? 

- Listen to someone else's point of view with an ear towards where your beliefs might be in alignment instead of where they are different.

- Consider the possibility that we may be reacting to misinformation or "half of the story."

- Remember that we need many of the same things . . . to be heard, to be understood, to be supported.

- Offer compassion to others - whether we agree with them or not.

- Look inside and see where we can take some responsibility for what is occurring or where we can take some action, instead of just judging others for what is happening.

- Be open to new information that may not line up with what we have always believed to be true.

- Ask ourselves: Do I want to know the truth? Or do I want to believe that I "know it all"? 

Furthermore - Can we consider the possibility that we have ALL been lied to about what is really happening in the world and that maybe none of us know the full truth / the full story?

We can continue to believe "our side/story" is right and the "other side/story" is wrong if we want . . . but we just may find that both sides are equally flawed and equally complicit. Do you want to stay in that place of separation? If you do that is ok too.

I believe the time is upon us to make a change . . . to open our ears and open our hearts . . . to come together and unite - with compassion . . . to find out way to peace, love and unity. We can change this world we live in if we choose to . . . one moment at a time . . . one day at a time . . . one person at a time. It truly is up to us. The question is: What are you going to choose? 

P.S.  For those of you who are concerned and/or feeling sorry for me regarding the story I shared, please know that everything is ok now. Gratefully my mom and I were able to reach a place of resolve and forgiveness before she passed away and my high school boyfriend and I are actually at peace with each other (with a lot of effort over the years to work through our past and find understanding and forgiveness.)  I am happy to say that I was finally able to heal all the drama and trauma that occurred from that holiday weekend. It is probably the reason why it was easy to share this story because we all managed to reach the "other side" of it - therefore it was / is possible for it to be a "neutral example." 

The Various Ways Animals Communicate

In honor of Jane Goodall (who passed away yesterday) and the profound impact she has had on me my whole life - I dedicate this blog to her. As a little girl, she was someone who inspired me to keep following my heart when it came to animals and my belief that they really do have feelings. Her life's work validated everything I sensed about animals and have continued to learn about them. She inspired me to keep trusting my path and my intuition, to keep having the courage to educate people about animals - about both their intelligence and their emotional capacity and to speak up for them whenever I could. Her loss hit me hard yet I also know it is a call to keep advocating for animals, sharing what deeply wise sentient beings they are and to continue encouraging pet parents to develop and strengthen the relationships they have with their own animals. I have found that many pet parents just need some encouragement to trust the inner-knowing / intuition they have when it comes to their own animals. That has long felt like part of my role here . . . to help animal guardians build their animals communication skills. 

People often ask me exactly how animal communication works. They want to know if I actually hear answers to the questions I asked animals or if I got the information another way. I really had to think to answer the question at first, because it wasn't a simple answer and because I have been able to communicate with animals since I was a little girl, it's not something I even thought about anymore. 

I get information in so many different ways . . . by actually feeling what the animal is feeling, by pictures they share with me that I see in my mind (that then often need to be interpreted), by watching their reaction to the things that are said in their presence and sometimes just by "knowing" the answer without having to even think about it - as if information was just put into my head. (You could call this telepathic communication).

Chances are other animal communicators get information in other ways as well. There isn't just one way to communicate with animals as we each have their own styles - and animals have their own way of sharing information with us.

I believe we all have the ability to communicate with animals, it's often just a matter of developing the skill, so maybe this information will help you in your own quest to communicate with your animals. In the event that any of you are as curious to learn more, I thought I'd share a few examples of how I pick up information. 

When I pick up what the animal is feeling, I literally feel their feelings. It is often in response to a question or what someone has said, like the time one of my clients asked me how their dog was feeling about an upcoming trip and I immediately felt anxiety running through my body. Or the time I was working with a dog and one of his guardians made a comment about how dumb he was, and I immediately felt sadness and some frustration. When I said, "I don't believe he is dumb at all, in fact I believe he is quite smart" the dog immediately ran over to me and licked me. 

Sometimes the information comes from pictures I get in my mind. The other day, I was giving a reiki treatment to a dog who had never had one before, although the humans and other animals in the house have had reiki treatments before. I was commenting to the guardian that I was surprised at how calm he was, as often animals are a bit guarded the first time they get a reiki treatment and as soon as I said it, I got an image of one of the other dogs in the house. I laughed and said, "Oh, Gus told him what to expect, that's why he isn't nervous." 

Another way I get information is just by watching the animal I am working with. This used to be much more prevalent when I was working with animals in person rather than the distance work I do now but I still notice it quite a bit in my interactions with animals that visit my yard (birds, squirrels, cats, etc) or when I am at a friend's house who has animals. I have learned over the years that it is important to pay attention to what is being said in the presence of animals because their behavior will often tell you how they feel about what they are hearing. 

One time, I was working with a dog who had severe separation anxiety. The dog was relaxing on the floor with me and her guardians, enjoying the energy healing, when the guardians brought up a recent incident where the dog had chewed up the inside of their car during a bad bout of separation anxiety. The dog immediately jumped up and hid on the other side of the room. There wasn't any other interpretation besides "the dog feels really bad about doing that to your car." Her guardians assured her that they weren't upset with her, they were just worried about her and wanted to help her feel less anxious. Once they said that, she walked back over to where we were sitting on the floor and laid down in front of me, ready to resume her energy treatment. 

It's a little harder to describe the last way I pick up information . . . when something is just in my head. One day I heard the buzz of a hummingbird and looked up from what I was reading. Right there in front of me was a beautiful hummingbird, idling steadily at eye level for a minute. The next thing I knew, I was saying, "I'm sorry, I'll take care of it now." It took me a second or two to figure out what I was responding to because my response was so automatic, but I quickly realized the hummingbird told me that the water in the feeder needed to be changed. As I had promised, I immediately got up, washed out the hummingbird feeder and refilled it.  With telepathic communication, we don't always "hear" something yet we seem to "know" something we didn't know a second earlier or we suddenly have an idea that just pops into our minds. 

As I mentioned before, I believe we all have the ability to communicate with animals. It's just a matter of paying attention to what we sense and then learning to trust that information if we are interested in exploring this. So, when you are talking to your animals or other animals you encounter, watch how they react to what you say, pay attention to how you feel and what pictures pop into your mind. You may be surprised by what you can pick up yourself. From experience, I would say, learning to trust what you pick up is actually the more difficult part of learning to communicate with animals, but in time, that trust will come. 

Give it a try and see what you able to do yourself! I think animals will appreciate the effort, regardless of how good you are at first. 

p.s. I also believe that it will become more and more "normal" for animals to communicate with us telepathically. Not just "animal communicators" but ALL of us. Therefore, I think the more open we are to "hearing them" the more easily their messages will reach us.

Helping Each Other

 A few years back, a client of mine shared an experience she had, which touched me so much I want to share it again. 

She was on her way to a shopping center, in the hopes of unwinding from a very stressful couple of days. She was on a frontage road that has a lot of traffic, but no houses, shops or gas stations close by, when all of the sudden her car died. Fortunately, she was able to coast over to the side of the road and mostly out of the way of passing cars but when she looked in her purse for her cell phone to call for help, she realized she had left her phone at home.

A recent knee injury prevented her from walking to the closest gas station, so she sat there, trying to figure out what to do, all the while hoping that one of the passing cars may stop to help her. For over twenty minutes, she sat there while car after car drove by but not a single person stopped to see if she needed help. She even noticed that people seemed to avoid looking her way, as if they didn't want to be bothered and thought it would be easier to pretend they didn't see her.

She was beginning to feel really discouraged when a homeless man walked up to her car and asked her if she needed any help. He has seen her on the side of the road from a little ways down the road and wanted to make sure she was OK. When she explained that she didn't have a phone and thus couldn't call AAA for assistance, he said that one of his friends had a cell phone and offered to go find him. She couldn't believe how generous he was being but she welcomed the help. 

The man walked far out into a nearby field until he found his friend and returned with both his friend and the phone. When she called AAA she was told it could be an hour, or possibly two hours before anyone could get there. It looked like this was going to be a very long day.

After returning the phone to the one man, they asked if she knew what was wrong with her car. She told them she was likely out of gas (one of her children often drove her car without bothering to put gas back in it) and she was sure that if she could just get some gas in her car, she'd be able to drive home. 

The homeless gentleman with the phone mentioned that he also had a bike and offered to ride over to the nearest gas station to get some gas for her. She was shocked that he offered to help her this way yet equally grateful. She offered to pay him if he'd ride his bike to the gas station down the road to buy some gas (as well as a gas can). Not only did he agree to do this for her but when he returned with the gas, he gave her the receipt as well as her change, which made her feel even more respect toward these kind strangers. 

After putting the gas in her car, they waited to make sure her car was in running order, then the one man let her use his phone again to cancel the AAA tow truck. She gave them both additional money as an expression of her gratitude and made sure they knew how deeply she appreciated their help and their kindness. Rather than proceeding to the shopping center, she decided to go home.

The experience had put her in a different frame of mind . . . no longer feeling the need to de-stress by wandering around the Mall, instead she chose to focus on the deep gratitude she felt in her heart that these men went out of their way to help her the way they did. She said she was still shocked that all the people who drove by didn't give her the time of day, but that the two homeless men were the ones who stepped forward and went above and beyond to help her.

Her story shined a spotlight on the fact that no matter how little you may have, it is still possible to profoundly help someone else and it is also a beautiful reminder for us all not to judge a book by it's cover.

The Downside of Labeling Someone

 Not all labels are bad . . . certainly if you are decluttering your house or garage, it can be very helpful to have bins that are labeled Keep, Donate and Trash as a way of speeding up the process. Labels that we attach to humans are not nearly as helpful though and can often hinder our relationships and our ability to see another perspective.

I have found that as soon as we attach a "label" to someone, we often stop being curious and we stop learning things about them. It's like we say to ourselves "Ok, they are in THAT bucket, no need to learn anything more about them." In our society right now we're relying on a lot of labels and we're pretty quick to toss someone into one of those "labeled buckets" and walk away.

Today, I'd like to ask you to consider something different.

What if rather than immediately judging someone and subscribing a label to them, you approached them with curiosity. Kind of a "Hey I'd like to understand more about why you did or said or believe that." You might be surprised at what you learn.

As an example, many years ago when Charlton Heston was the head of the NRA, I decided to stay home and watched the annual NRA meeting that was being broadcast on cable that night rather than go out with my friends. Much to my disappointment, when my friends found out why I was staying home I was immediately labeled "one of them" and treated as if I had somehow become someone they didn't like as much. No one asked why I wanted to watch the meeting or nor did they show any interest in understanding where I was coming from, which I found curious and disappointing (Thankfully, I didn't let it stop me from watching it).  Even later, when I tried offering up an explanation, I was quickly shut down with negative comments and jokes.

The truth was I had two reasons for tuning in.

1) Charlton Heston had been my most favorite actor since I was a little girl. I used to write letters to movie stars all the time and he was the ONLY one who ever wrote me back. He (Well, most likely his assistant) even sent me a couple signed black and white photos of him following the release of the movie Earthquake and my nine years old self was over the moon! I followed his career closely after that, never missed a movie he made. Over time, I discovered even more reasons to admire him for the person he was outside of a movie studio. He hadn't been making movies in recent years and I missed seeing him so I looked forward to watching him give the opening ceremony speech. 

2) I had been anti-gun my whole life. Frankly, I was afraid of them. Then I went to college in the Pacific northwest. Many of my classmates had very different views about guns because they had grown up around them and I regretted that I had never asked questions or shown any curiosity. I just slapped a label on them and that was that. (Well, that and I often found ways to make snide comments about guns whenever I could slip one into a conversation). So my second reason for watching that night was that I wanted to educate myself. 

I was shocked by how much I learned in just one night. Many of the things they spoke about in the meeting were in direct conflict with what I had been told and what I had read in all of my political and anti-gun literature, etc. There was a big disparity between what I had been told regarding their priorities and what they were standing for. I didn't know who was telling the truth but it made me want to explore it further before I blindly signed another petition or checked a box on election day. 

I never had any regret about watching the Annual meeting that night. Not just because it made me so happy to see Charlton again but because it opened my eyes to the fact that not everything I was being told was the truth. Often what we are told is SOME truth with a bunch of opinions and suppositions wrapped around it but the closer I looked at things, the more I began to see a trend emerging. 

Things were often written (by most everyone with a "cause") as a way to sway people one way or another, not necessarily to educate them. (I saw evidence of this in BOTH political parties). I began paying much closer attention to what facts/data were present in what I read vs. what seemed more focused on eliciting an emotional response and I was a bit stunned to realize how often the goal seemed to be more aligned with eliciting an emotional response without the facts to back up all the statements being made. The more I paid attention, the more easily I could recognize what was happening . . . that alone has been a very useful skill for me in the years since - especially lately.

The other things that I believe is dangerous about labels is that words we use can hold different meaning to different people. A humorous example of this was the time I was out with a large group of my work colleagues and I mentioned that I had been a cheerleader in junior high and high school. Over half the people at the table looked at me like they were suddenly smelling rotten fish, followed by "You were WHAT?" The look of distain on their faces told me that their definition of "someone who is/was a cheerleader" was very different than mine (and even different amongst them) Based on people's personal experiences with cheerleaders, the term might conjure thoughts of them being heart breakers or air-heads or mean girls. That was when I began seeing how charged certain words can be for each of us. Based on the experiences we've had, the way we personally define a word (label) can vary greatly.

My point in sharing all of this is that I believe the labels we are relying on so heavily right now are often keeping us locked in a state of polarity and judgment - an "us vs. them" mindset instead of helping us find common ground or seeing things from another perspective. These labels can keep us from seeing things from our hearts, it can keep us from understanding or feeling compassion for others. I think that as soon as we label someone, we miss out on the opportunity to see the person as a human being . . . a human being who has reasons for what they think, what they believe, the choices they make . . . and I guarantee you that not all the reasons are the same. How could they be? We are all individuals, who have had a wide array of life experiences and different challenges along the way. 

It is my believe that if we can stop labeling people, we can more easily look at others with kindness and compassion and this gives us the opportunity to see so much more. And if we can approach others with curiosity, I believe there is so much we can learn. Furthermore, if we can place more value on who a person really is rather than the label that has been assigned to them, we might be able to open the door to deeper relationships with them. 

Would you be willing to give it a try? You might be surprised by how much common ground is there and you may find a new level of respect for people you would have previously ignored or written off.