I woke up this morning with random snippets of songs playing in my head. It's not uncommon for me to wake up with a song or some lyrics in my head but I've never heard a collection of songs this way. I heard the Youngbloods singing "Come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now" followed by The Yardbirds singing, "For your love," then the Beatles singing "All you need is love . . . love is all you need" and finally Dionne Warwick singing "What the world needs now is love sweet love."
As I laid there, in my half sleepy state, wondering who was playing DJ in my head, I knew all those song lyrics weren't random - they were in fact a message about the importance of being in a state of love right now, being in our heart space and being kind - because love can transmute fear.
There is so much fear in the world right now it is impossible not to feel it and yet we don't have to get caught up in and be paralyzed by the fear. We have the option of doing our best to spend time in our hearts. We have the option to find ways to be kind to others. When we act from our hearts, not only can we inspire hope, we can also help transmute some of the fear that has engulfed the planet.
I participated in an on-line gathering today where we were asked to commit to at least one random act of kindness every day for the next twelve days. I am fully on board for that and I was also thinking "why not do it for the whole month of March" . . . it certainly couldn't hurt so that's what I am planning to do. Would you consider doing it as well?
At a time when we are being told to isolate, showing kindness lets people know they aren't alone and can help us feel less separate. If you aren't able to leave the house, you can still participate. An act of kindness can simply be a text or a phone call, letting someone else know you are thinking about them and that they are not alone. If you are out and about, it doesn't have to be something huge, it could be as simple as letting another car have that great front row parking space or letting someone with less groceries in their cart go in front of you in line. Yesterday, I got to do a random act of kindness when I noticed a lady struggling to reach the last container of half and half on the back of the top shelf in the dairy section. After getting it for her, we had a good laugh when I shared that I was always happy to find ways to put my abnormally tall stature to good use.
I am already seeing evidence of acts of kindness in my community as well as witnessing the breadth of positive effects they are having.
A neighbor posted a note on our local social media group offering to help anyone who is quarantined and needs groceries. Ten other people responded and said they would be happy to help as well. Thirty more people responded saying that even though they didn't need the help being offered, the post had touched them deeply and restored their faith in humanity.
Another neighbor offered to help with childcare for people who still have to go to work (i.e. people in the medical industry). Again, the outpouring of gratitude to this person was enough to bring the most stoic person to tears and again, there were offers from others in the neighborhood who would be happy to do the same thing. Some teachers offered suggestions on how parents can structure their children's day if they are home with their kids while schools are closed and other folks provided links to on-line resources for educational materials they can find on line.
Someone else offered to help with groceries if anyone was unable to afford food because their place of business was shut down, thus dramatically decreasing their income. The number of people who responded saying they'd like to help as well and could support the effort by buying needed groceries or transporting food and other necessities to people in need was truly astounding.
Every single person who read these post were uplifted by them. Even if they didn't need what was being offered, they still received a boost. That is what an act of kindness can do. It can lift the spirits of the recipient, it can make the person offering the kindness feel good and it can shift the mood of every person who reads about it or hears about it. On top of that, it can also transmute fear.
I feel like that is what my medley of songs was about this morning. At a time when many are feeling overwhelmed and helpless and frightened, the one thing we can do is show love to each other . . . we can be loving and kind and patient and compassionate. And not only will it help whoever is on the receiving end, it can have an amazing ripple effect on others too!
If you feel inspired, for the rest of this month would you be willing to perform a random act of kindness every day as well?
Sunday, March 15, 2020
Friday, March 6, 2020
Animals and Their Purpose
Most of the animals that I work with feel they have an important role to play in the lives of their guardians. From what I have learned from them, they come into our lives to help us learn and grow and they always have our best interests at heart. Some people may say, "When an animal does this, this is what it means" but I don't think we can generalize that much because their purpose is so unique to each situation and each relationship they have.
Let's take barking dogs as an example. I have dealt with many dogs over the years who barked a lot and each one of them had a different reason for doing it, a different way they were trying to assist their guardian.
One dog I worked with told me that he barked a lot because his guardian never spoke up for herself so he was trying to "model" the behavior he wanted her to get better at. When I told her this, she confirmed her dog was right and she began working to improve in that area. And over time, as she spoke up more, her dog barked less.
So if you have a dog that barks a lot, should you assume that you need to speak up more? Not necessarily.
Another over-zealous barker told me that her dad let everyone walk all over him, including her and she wanted him to learn how to set boundaries. She thought that if her dad could learn to set boundaries with her, that it would be easier for him to do it with the humans in his life too. He was so touched by her willingness to let him practice with her and soon he was finding it easier to set boundaries with other people in his life. (and miraculously, she stopped being an over-zealous barker)
And yet there was another barking dog that told me her parents argued a lot and she was trying to show them that it wasn't a good way to communicate. She also told me that the energy from their arguments made her uncomfortable and sometimes she barked just to release the energy she was feeling. (That was a conversation that had to be handled very gently and very gracefully with her parents) :-) Fortunately, they were receptive to the message and promised to work on their way of "communicating" with each other. As they created more peace in their interactions, their dog no longer felt the need to add to the chaos by barking so much.
Another dog I worked with told me that her mom was scared all the time and she was trying to let her know she was "on the job" protecting her. She thought that her barking would help her mom feel safer. When I talked to her mom about it and found out that her dog's barking made her feel even more on edge, we talked about things she could do to help increase her level of comfort. She came up with a few ideas (installing some motion sensor lights in the yard and having an extra lock put on the door). Once she put those things in place, she felt safer and consequently, her dog's barking decreased dramatically.
I truly believe animals have a reason for the things they do and if we remember that they are here to help us, it's easier to figure out what they are trying to show us by behaviors that we might consider bothersome or label "a training issue."
How do you think the animals in your life are trying to help you learn and grow?
Let's take barking dogs as an example. I have dealt with many dogs over the years who barked a lot and each one of them had a different reason for doing it, a different way they were trying to assist their guardian.
One dog I worked with told me that he barked a lot because his guardian never spoke up for herself so he was trying to "model" the behavior he wanted her to get better at. When I told her this, she confirmed her dog was right and she began working to improve in that area. And over time, as she spoke up more, her dog barked less.
So if you have a dog that barks a lot, should you assume that you need to speak up more? Not necessarily.
Another over-zealous barker told me that her dad let everyone walk all over him, including her and she wanted him to learn how to set boundaries. She thought that if her dad could learn to set boundaries with her, that it would be easier for him to do it with the humans in his life too. He was so touched by her willingness to let him practice with her and soon he was finding it easier to set boundaries with other people in his life. (and miraculously, she stopped being an over-zealous barker)
And yet there was another barking dog that told me her parents argued a lot and she was trying to show them that it wasn't a good way to communicate. She also told me that the energy from their arguments made her uncomfortable and sometimes she barked just to release the energy she was feeling. (That was a conversation that had to be handled very gently and very gracefully with her parents) :-) Fortunately, they were receptive to the message and promised to work on their way of "communicating" with each other. As they created more peace in their interactions, their dog no longer felt the need to add to the chaos by barking so much.
Another dog I worked with told me that her mom was scared all the time and she was trying to let her know she was "on the job" protecting her. She thought that her barking would help her mom feel safer. When I talked to her mom about it and found out that her dog's barking made her feel even more on edge, we talked about things she could do to help increase her level of comfort. She came up with a few ideas (installing some motion sensor lights in the yard and having an extra lock put on the door). Once she put those things in place, she felt safer and consequently, her dog's barking decreased dramatically.
I truly believe animals have a reason for the things they do and if we remember that they are here to help us, it's easier to figure out what they are trying to show us by behaviors that we might consider bothersome or label "a training issue."
How do you think the animals in your life are trying to help you learn and grow?
Monday, February 17, 2020
The Nuances of Communication
Often times, people think that when I say I can communicate with animals that it is an actual "conversation" like it would be with another human. When a guardian says, "Can you find out why my dog does X?" they might assume that I can say, "Hey pup, why do you do X"" and the pup will reply, "Oh I do that because of Y and Z" LOL I wish it were that straight-forward.
The truth is "communication" isn't like that with animals and there is a lot of interpretation required. Sure, sometimes I get words or phrases but usually it is a mixture of their physical sensations and emotions that I sense in my body and pictures/images that come into my mind. Then the detective work begins. I sit with what I have picked up and try to piece it all together to make sense of what the animal is telling me. Given that my interpretation may not be accurate, often the assistance of the guardian is required to verify what I picked up from their animal.
One humorous example of this was the time a client wanted me to do a distance healing session on their cat who had been sick. The guardians were two sisters that lived together and while the information on the tummy issues they were concerned about came through pretty clearly, there was something else their cat was trying to tell me that I couldn't quite make sense of.
I could feel the cat was a bit irritated, I could also feel a bit of jealousy. It seemed like it had to do with a male. I sensed there had been changes to the routines she had grown accustomed to and that she also felt she was not getting as much attention. Based on the emotions I felt in their cat and the images I was getting, my best guess was that maybe one of the sisters had started dating someone new and their cat was showing me the ways she was having trouble adjusting to it.
After the session, I shared all I had learned from their cat in an email. I said that while I didn't want them to feel obligated to divulge information about their personal lives, and I certainly wasn't trying to pry, I wasn't sure if I was on track with how I had interpreted the irritation/jealousy and wondered if they could let me know.
Once they stopped laughing, they wrote me back and told me that neither of them were in a new romantic relationship, yet my email still made perfect sense to them. They had recently adopted a new kitten, a male kitten. Given that the new kitten WAS pulling their attention away and that his presence in the house had changed some of their usual routines, they were certain that was what she was trying to tell me.
Sometimes I wish communicating with animals could be more "conversational" yet I am still happy to be able to receive the information that I DO receive.
Occasionally I get a full sentence from an animal and even then it's necessary to "fill in the blanks." Just last week, I was sitting in the yard writing while Kino was inside the house. The neighbors dogs started barking, which they do a LOT. When they play with each other, they bark the entire time and many days they get "play time" multiple times a day. It's something I struggle with because loud barking is very jarring to my nervous system.
On this particular day, I heard "It's not fair" in my head. I looked around the yard to see if there were any birds or squirrels around who might have said it but I didn't see any. Who thought something was unfair? Could it be my neighbor's dogs? and then it clicked . . . it was Kino.
I ask him all the time to please not bark. He knows it drives me crazy and yet there are days when he can't stop himself from "notifying me" that a UPS truck is driving by or that someone is walking by our house or that a leaf just fell. On those days, where he is barking his notifications non-stop, he often gets scolded by me and I have even gone so far as to tell him that I only want to hear him bark if someone is attempting to break into the house. (smile) What I was sensing in that moment was that he felt it was unfair that they get to bark all the time, when he is repeatedly asked not to.
I had to fight back a giggle as I went inside to talk to him. Telling him that I understood why he felt it was unfair, I explained that different people have different "house rules" and reminded him that he happened to live with someone who was very sensitive to noise. I said that maybe they had different "house rules" over there and I was sorry if he felt he was being stifled. I suggested that maybe he could do some barking when I was away from the house.
The next day, as I pulled the car out of the garage, I could hear him barking inside the house. I couldn't help but laugh. I drove a couple houses down and stopped to see if he was still barking. Much to my delight, the barking had ceased. I guess he just needed to get some of it out of his system.
Maybe someday our communication with animals will be as straight-forward as it is between humans, where you ask a question and you hear a clear answer. I think that would be very cool. In the meantime, my "interpretation muscle" will continue to get a good work-out.
The truth is "communication" isn't like that with animals and there is a lot of interpretation required. Sure, sometimes I get words or phrases but usually it is a mixture of their physical sensations and emotions that I sense in my body and pictures/images that come into my mind. Then the detective work begins. I sit with what I have picked up and try to piece it all together to make sense of what the animal is telling me. Given that my interpretation may not be accurate, often the assistance of the guardian is required to verify what I picked up from their animal.
One humorous example of this was the time a client wanted me to do a distance healing session on their cat who had been sick. The guardians were two sisters that lived together and while the information on the tummy issues they were concerned about came through pretty clearly, there was something else their cat was trying to tell me that I couldn't quite make sense of.I could feel the cat was a bit irritated, I could also feel a bit of jealousy. It seemed like it had to do with a male. I sensed there had been changes to the routines she had grown accustomed to and that she also felt she was not getting as much attention. Based on the emotions I felt in their cat and the images I was getting, my best guess was that maybe one of the sisters had started dating someone new and their cat was showing me the ways she was having trouble adjusting to it.
After the session, I shared all I had learned from their cat in an email. I said that while I didn't want them to feel obligated to divulge information about their personal lives, and I certainly wasn't trying to pry, I wasn't sure if I was on track with how I had interpreted the irritation/jealousy and wondered if they could let me know.
Once they stopped laughing, they wrote me back and told me that neither of them were in a new romantic relationship, yet my email still made perfect sense to them. They had recently adopted a new kitten, a male kitten. Given that the new kitten WAS pulling their attention away and that his presence in the house had changed some of their usual routines, they were certain that was what she was trying to tell me.
Sometimes I wish communicating with animals could be more "conversational" yet I am still happy to be able to receive the information that I DO receive.
Occasionally I get a full sentence from an animal and even then it's necessary to "fill in the blanks." Just last week, I was sitting in the yard writing while Kino was inside the house. The neighbors dogs started barking, which they do a LOT. When they play with each other, they bark the entire time and many days they get "play time" multiple times a day. It's something I struggle with because loud barking is very jarring to my nervous system.
On this particular day, I heard "It's not fair" in my head. I looked around the yard to see if there were any birds or squirrels around who might have said it but I didn't see any. Who thought something was unfair? Could it be my neighbor's dogs? and then it clicked . . . it was Kino.
I ask him all the time to please not bark. He knows it drives me crazy and yet there are days when he can't stop himself from "notifying me" that a UPS truck is driving by or that someone is walking by our house or that a leaf just fell. On those days, where he is barking his notifications non-stop, he often gets scolded by me and I have even gone so far as to tell him that I only want to hear him bark if someone is attempting to break into the house. (smile) What I was sensing in that moment was that he felt it was unfair that they get to bark all the time, when he is repeatedly asked not to.
I had to fight back a giggle as I went inside to talk to him. Telling him that I understood why he felt it was unfair, I explained that different people have different "house rules" and reminded him that he happened to live with someone who was very sensitive to noise. I said that maybe they had different "house rules" over there and I was sorry if he felt he was being stifled. I suggested that maybe he could do some barking when I was away from the house. The next day, as I pulled the car out of the garage, I could hear him barking inside the house. I couldn't help but laugh. I drove a couple houses down and stopped to see if he was still barking. Much to my delight, the barking had ceased. I guess he just needed to get some of it out of his system.
Maybe someday our communication with animals will be as straight-forward as it is between humans, where you ask a question and you hear a clear answer. I think that would be very cool. In the meantime, my "interpretation muscle" will continue to get a good work-out.
Monday, February 3, 2020
Asking Permission is Appreciated
Last night I had the most pleasant dream, I woke up smiling and every time I think about the dream, it continues to make me happy. I'm one of those people who dream a lot but my dreams, when I remember them, are not usually what I would categorize as fun or pleasant. They are intense and weird at best and are often disturbing and unsettling. So I was pretty excited to wake up from a dream that was so enjoyable.
In the dream, I was swimming with dolphins and then one of the dolphins asked, "Can I kiss you?" and I said "Sure!" and the sweet dolphin kissed me on the cheek. The strange thing was that the dolphin was talking out loud so it wasn't just me who heard the question but the other people who were with me heard it as well. The dolphins brought us back to the dock where other people were waiting for us and when the dolphins said goodbye, again, it was out loud so everyone could hear it.
Then the dream flipped to a new scene and I was sitting on the floor of a room and a bunch of raccoons were there. At one point, one of the raccoons came up to me, stood on his hind legs and said, "Can I hug you?" and I smiled and said "Of course you can!" and he proceeded to put his arms around my neck and give me the nicest hug. Once again, he was talking out loud and all the other people in the room could hear him talking.
When I woke up, my first thought was "Wow, that was so sweet!" and then my mind wandered into that "I wonder why I dreamt about that" territory. There seemed to be a theme of them asking for permission before they touched me so I pondered that for a moment. Then a flash of insight came . . . animals like to be asked for permission before we touch them.
It is something that I sensed early on and I have tried to always be respectful in my interactions with animals but when I first began fostering Kino, he reinforced the importance of this in a big way. If you reached out to touch him, he would try to bite you so I learned very quickly that I needed to always ask before touching him. I also learned that I needed to honor his choice if he didn't want to be touched.
For instance, he has had ear infections off and on over the last 6 years and I always say, "Can I look in your ear?" To this day, sometimes the answer is still "no" which he indicates either by running away from me or grabbing a toy and shaking it violently. Sometimes if I explain why I want to look in his ear and assure him that "looking isn't going to hurt" he will allow it but not always. I know it is important to respect his wishes so I never push beyond that.
As I contemplated this over my coffee this morning, I realized that he ingrained this in me quite strongly. When he isn't feeling well, I will often say, "Do you need a hug?" and I wait to see if his tail wags. If his tail doesn't move, I said "Ok, maybe another time." If his tail DOES wag, I give him a nice warm embrace, which usually makes his tail wag even more. The important thing is that I let the choice be his.
I am still not 100% sure why I was treated to such a fun dream last night. My only thought is that the message was about mutual respect and how asking permission before touching is an important part of it, regardless of whether we are the human or the animal. What I am 100% sure of is that talking to animals out loud and receiving loving gestures from them was the coolest dream I ever had. I hope that it happens again!
In the dream, I was swimming with dolphins and then one of the dolphins asked, "Can I kiss you?" and I said "Sure!" and the sweet dolphin kissed me on the cheek. The strange thing was that the dolphin was talking out loud so it wasn't just me who heard the question but the other people who were with me heard it as well. The dolphins brought us back to the dock where other people were waiting for us and when the dolphins said goodbye, again, it was out loud so everyone could hear it.
Then the dream flipped to a new scene and I was sitting on the floor of a room and a bunch of raccoons were there. At one point, one of the raccoons came up to me, stood on his hind legs and said, "Can I hug you?" and I smiled and said "Of course you can!" and he proceeded to put his arms around my neck and give me the nicest hug. Once again, he was talking out loud and all the other people in the room could hear him talking.
When I woke up, my first thought was "Wow, that was so sweet!" and then my mind wandered into that "I wonder why I dreamt about that" territory. There seemed to be a theme of them asking for permission before they touched me so I pondered that for a moment. Then a flash of insight came . . . animals like to be asked for permission before we touch them.
It is something that I sensed early on and I have tried to always be respectful in my interactions with animals but when I first began fostering Kino, he reinforced the importance of this in a big way. If you reached out to touch him, he would try to bite you so I learned very quickly that I needed to always ask before touching him. I also learned that I needed to honor his choice if he didn't want to be touched.
For instance, he has had ear infections off and on over the last 6 years and I always say, "Can I look in your ear?" To this day, sometimes the answer is still "no" which he indicates either by running away from me or grabbing a toy and shaking it violently. Sometimes if I explain why I want to look in his ear and assure him that "looking isn't going to hurt" he will allow it but not always. I know it is important to respect his wishes so I never push beyond that.
As I contemplated this over my coffee this morning, I realized that he ingrained this in me quite strongly. When he isn't feeling well, I will often say, "Do you need a hug?" and I wait to see if his tail wags. If his tail doesn't move, I said "Ok, maybe another time." If his tail DOES wag, I give him a nice warm embrace, which usually makes his tail wag even more. The important thing is that I let the choice be his.
I am still not 100% sure why I was treated to such a fun dream last night. My only thought is that the message was about mutual respect and how asking permission before touching is an important part of it, regardless of whether we are the human or the animal. What I am 100% sure of is that talking to animals out loud and receiving loving gestures from them was the coolest dream I ever had. I hope that it happens again!
Wednesday, December 18, 2019
Physical Healing By Addressing Beliefs
I stumbled across a video today that took my breath away. Not only was it inspiring and amazing to see the healing that took place but it also clearly illustrates how our old unconscious beliefs can often be the driving force for what is showing up in our lives. It was really cool to see this in action, with such rapid results.
The man working with Kerwin Rae is Peter Crone. His comments about our subconscious mind and how powerful it is match my own beliefs so I got pretty excited about this.
In a nutshell . . . our beliefs have a really big impact on our lives . . . especially our subconscious beliefs . . . which can manifest themselves not only in our health but also in our careers, in our relationships, etc.
The problem is that most of us don't realize how powerful our subconscious beliefs really are (or we aren't aware of what our subconscious beliefs actually are). They steer how we speak, the word choices we make, the way we react to things and the stories we tell ourselves . . . and all of that creates the reality that we experience.
When we can take the time to pause and understand the subconscious beliefs that are "running the show" in our lives, we have the opportunity to unlock some powerful changes. I loved seeing it demonstrated in this short video and feel inspired to make sure others see it as well.
Given that I am a bit technically challenged, I cannot figure out how to share a video from Facebook here, so I am going to do my best to explain how to find it yourself.
1. Get on Facebook
2. Go to Kerwin Rae's page
3. Look for a video posted on December 13, 2019 called "Unbelievable healing caught on camera"
(the video is 8 min. and 56 seconds long). You can either scroll down his page or click on the videos link on the left side of his page
Fingers crossed that you can find the video - and that you feel inspired by the content as well!
The man working with Kerwin Rae is Peter Crone. His comments about our subconscious mind and how powerful it is match my own beliefs so I got pretty excited about this.
In a nutshell . . . our beliefs have a really big impact on our lives . . . especially our subconscious beliefs . . . which can manifest themselves not only in our health but also in our careers, in our relationships, etc.
The problem is that most of us don't realize how powerful our subconscious beliefs really are (or we aren't aware of what our subconscious beliefs actually are). They steer how we speak, the word choices we make, the way we react to things and the stories we tell ourselves . . . and all of that creates the reality that we experience.
When we can take the time to pause and understand the subconscious beliefs that are "running the show" in our lives, we have the opportunity to unlock some powerful changes. I loved seeing it demonstrated in this short video and feel inspired to make sure others see it as well.
Given that I am a bit technically challenged, I cannot figure out how to share a video from Facebook here, so I am going to do my best to explain how to find it yourself.
1. Get on Facebook
2. Go to Kerwin Rae's page
3. Look for a video posted on December 13, 2019 called "Unbelievable healing caught on camera"
(the video is 8 min. and 56 seconds long). You can either scroll down his page or click on the videos link on the left side of his page
Fingers crossed that you can find the video - and that you feel inspired by the content as well!
Wednesday, November 20, 2019
Challenges in Communication
When babies are born, they don't understand the language but the more they hear the people around them speak, the more their vocabulary grows. They learn mama and dada to start with and as the weeks and months pass, they pick up more and more words. I believe that animals are the same way and that the more we speak to them, the more they understand.
Because of this, I have always spoken to my animals in full sentences, told them what was going on and have given them choices too. I continue to marvel at what they can understand. For instance, when I am planning to run an errand, I tell Kino where I am going and let him know he has a choice to go with me or stay home. When I pick up my wallet and keys, if he would prefer to stay home, he goes into his crate. If he wants to go with me, he stands next to the drawer where I keep his leash. On the rare occasion that the temperature is too high for him to go with me, all I have to do is explain that it will be too hot in the car and he will go to his crate.
I have always enjoyed the more "conversational" approach that I have with my animals and most days I feel pretty good about my ability to communicate. However, there are some days where our communication is not quite as clear and on those days, my boy has me wondering about my communication skills. LOL
It happened just last weekend. One of my best friends had been going through a stressful process of buying a house. She had finally found the perfect house but there were multiple bidders and the process had stretched out for days as counter bids came in and the home seller evaluated their options. She was anxious to get news and I was anxious for her.
On Saturday, I heard my phone ping and walked into the kitchen to see who had texted me. Much to my excitement, it was an update from Lori and after reading her text, I turned to Kino and said "Woo Hoo! Lori got the house!!" With that, he ran to the front door and stood expectantly, waiting for her to come in. I don't know if he thought I said "Lori's AT the house" or if he just heard "Lori" and "house" but it seemed the more I tried to clarify, the more insistent he was that she would walk through the door any minute.
I sent Lori a congratulations text and told her about Kino. A half hour later, Kino was still standing at the front door waiting for her, regardless of my attempts to explain the difference between a visit and a home purchase. I sent her pictures because I wasn't sure she'd believe that he was still waiting at the front door for her. Obviously, Lori is one of his favorite people and any time I tell him she is coming over, he excitedly runs circles around the family room as he waits for her arrival. But this was different because his reaction was based on a miscommunication that I couldn't seem to undo. Lori and I felt bad for him but we also couldn't stop giggling about it. I continued to sent her periodic pictures of him planted there, occasionally whining and sniffing the door.
I don't know how long it was before he finally gave up on her arrival but I was relieved when he finally stepped away from the front door. It might be time to come up with a nickname for Lori - either that or I need to educate him a little more about the home buying process.
Because of this, I have always spoken to my animals in full sentences, told them what was going on and have given them choices too. I continue to marvel at what they can understand. For instance, when I am planning to run an errand, I tell Kino where I am going and let him know he has a choice to go with me or stay home. When I pick up my wallet and keys, if he would prefer to stay home, he goes into his crate. If he wants to go with me, he stands next to the drawer where I keep his leash. On the rare occasion that the temperature is too high for him to go with me, all I have to do is explain that it will be too hot in the car and he will go to his crate.
I have always enjoyed the more "conversational" approach that I have with my animals and most days I feel pretty good about my ability to communicate. However, there are some days where our communication is not quite as clear and on those days, my boy has me wondering about my communication skills. LOL
It happened just last weekend. One of my best friends had been going through a stressful process of buying a house. She had finally found the perfect house but there were multiple bidders and the process had stretched out for days as counter bids came in and the home seller evaluated their options. She was anxious to get news and I was anxious for her.
On Saturday, I heard my phone ping and walked into the kitchen to see who had texted me. Much to my excitement, it was an update from Lori and after reading her text, I turned to Kino and said "Woo Hoo! Lori got the house!!" With that, he ran to the front door and stood expectantly, waiting for her to come in. I don't know if he thought I said "Lori's AT the house" or if he just heard "Lori" and "house" but it seemed the more I tried to clarify, the more insistent he was that she would walk through the door any minute. 
I sent Lori a congratulations text and told her about Kino. A half hour later, Kino was still standing at the front door waiting for her, regardless of my attempts to explain the difference between a visit and a home purchase. I sent her pictures because I wasn't sure she'd believe that he was still waiting at the front door for her. Obviously, Lori is one of his favorite people and any time I tell him she is coming over, he excitedly runs circles around the family room as he waits for her arrival. But this was different because his reaction was based on a miscommunication that I couldn't seem to undo. Lori and I felt bad for him but we also couldn't stop giggling about it. I continued to sent her periodic pictures of him planted there, occasionally whining and sniffing the door. I don't know how long it was before he finally gave up on her arrival but I was relieved when he finally stepped away from the front door. It might be time to come up with a nickname for Lori - either that or I need to educate him a little more about the home buying process.
Saturday, November 2, 2019
Match or Mis-match?
Back when I was a corporate trainer, I taught a lot of courses on personality and operating styles. One course in particular had participants look at their own operating styles to better understand themselves and then look at the operating style of someone they were wanting to partner with in the workplace. Based on style differences and similarities, they could come up with an approach that would allow them to work more easily together.
One of the elements of this particular tool I taught that seemed the most difficult for folks to navigate was the concept of "matching" vs. "mismatching." Some people are natural matchers. They are the person who listens to another person speak and looks for things they might have in common - ways they "match" . . . this is the person who might say "oh you grew up in Arkansas? I have relatives who live there" or "oh wow, one of my best friends also went to University of the Pacific"
Mismatchers, on the other hand, look for where they don't match. They might say, "I'd never want to live in Arkansas" or "I don't think you get a really good education from small schools like that" - they in affect are often looking for where they can "disagree" with what someone else has said. Mind you, these folks are great to have on a project team, because they can help identify possible pitfalls to solutions and implementation plans. They can however be difficult to find common ground and a sense of ease with.
I remember one draining workshop I taught where I had a mismatcher in class . . . if I said "here's a tool you can use in these types of situations" he would say, "I can think of a situation where that wouldn't work." It took a lot of energy on my part to keep shifting things back to the positive because each time he "mismatched" what I said, more of the participants began to get on board with him and feel less hopeful that the course material would help them improve particular work relationships. A mismatcher's energy can spread like wildfire, which is why it can be so problematic.
I decided to write about this because of the huge increase I have seen in mismatchers lately. It used to be they were a very small percentage of the population but that seems to have changed in recent years. Get on any social media and you will find yourself saturated in mismatchers . . . people looking for where others are wrong, where what is being said is contrary to their own beliefs, etc.
The thing is that I believe we have control over whether we match or mismatch. It is a choice we can make every time we go into an interaction with another person, whether it is in person or on line. We can choose to listen with an ear towards where we agree or we can choose to listen with an ear towards where we don't agree. It is up to us. And in those cases where we can't "match" what someone else is saying, we also have the choice to not say anything. (I'm in a group for Empaths that is supposed to be for support, to help each other navigate the world a little easier and I am shocked by how many mismatchers are in that group too. If someone says, "I am having "x" experience with how I absorb energy and I'm looking for tips for how to better manage these situations," it is shocking to me how many people reply with "I don't have that experience." My feeling is, if you don't have that experience, keep scrolling and let the folks who CAN relate offer some suggestions.
I obviously have a bias here or I wouldn't be writing about it. (smile) It is no secret that I would prefer to see people look for commonality and points of agreement and I would like to share why.
It is because it allows conversations to be constructive, which can be lead to people working together, lead to identification of a next step and to a next step after that, they can open the door to more conversations, solution generation, and problem resolution. The only outcome I see of mismatch conversations is anger, frustration and someone being shut down.
We are at a time now in our world where we are in dire need to solutions, resolutions, new ways of doing things . . . and mismatching is just not going to get us there. Would you be willing to look at yourself and observe if you are going into conversations as a "matcher" or a "mismatcher?" If you are "mismatching" do you know why? and Would you be willing to try going into conversations with the mindset of "matching?" You might be surprised at how dramatically it can shift the content and the outcome of the interactions you have with others.
One of the elements of this particular tool I taught that seemed the most difficult for folks to navigate was the concept of "matching" vs. "mismatching." Some people are natural matchers. They are the person who listens to another person speak and looks for things they might have in common - ways they "match" . . . this is the person who might say "oh you grew up in Arkansas? I have relatives who live there" or "oh wow, one of my best friends also went to University of the Pacific"
Mismatchers, on the other hand, look for where they don't match. They might say, "I'd never want to live in Arkansas" or "I don't think you get a really good education from small schools like that" - they in affect are often looking for where they can "disagree" with what someone else has said. Mind you, these folks are great to have on a project team, because they can help identify possible pitfalls to solutions and implementation plans. They can however be difficult to find common ground and a sense of ease with.
I remember one draining workshop I taught where I had a mismatcher in class . . . if I said "here's a tool you can use in these types of situations" he would say, "I can think of a situation where that wouldn't work." It took a lot of energy on my part to keep shifting things back to the positive because each time he "mismatched" what I said, more of the participants began to get on board with him and feel less hopeful that the course material would help them improve particular work relationships. A mismatcher's energy can spread like wildfire, which is why it can be so problematic.
I decided to write about this because of the huge increase I have seen in mismatchers lately. It used to be they were a very small percentage of the population but that seems to have changed in recent years. Get on any social media and you will find yourself saturated in mismatchers . . . people looking for where others are wrong, where what is being said is contrary to their own beliefs, etc.
The thing is that I believe we have control over whether we match or mismatch. It is a choice we can make every time we go into an interaction with another person, whether it is in person or on line. We can choose to listen with an ear towards where we agree or we can choose to listen with an ear towards where we don't agree. It is up to us. And in those cases where we can't "match" what someone else is saying, we also have the choice to not say anything. (I'm in a group for Empaths that is supposed to be for support, to help each other navigate the world a little easier and I am shocked by how many mismatchers are in that group too. If someone says, "I am having "x" experience with how I absorb energy and I'm looking for tips for how to better manage these situations," it is shocking to me how many people reply with "I don't have that experience." My feeling is, if you don't have that experience, keep scrolling and let the folks who CAN relate offer some suggestions.
I obviously have a bias here or I wouldn't be writing about it. (smile) It is no secret that I would prefer to see people look for commonality and points of agreement and I would like to share why.
It is because it allows conversations to be constructive, which can be lead to people working together, lead to identification of a next step and to a next step after that, they can open the door to more conversations, solution generation, and problem resolution. The only outcome I see of mismatch conversations is anger, frustration and someone being shut down.
We are at a time now in our world where we are in dire need to solutions, resolutions, new ways of doing things . . . and mismatching is just not going to get us there. Would you be willing to look at yourself and observe if you are going into conversations as a "matcher" or a "mismatcher?" If you are "mismatching" do you know why? and Would you be willing to try going into conversations with the mindset of "matching?" You might be surprised at how dramatically it can shift the content and the outcome of the interactions you have with others.
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