A Visit with Lucky

A few weeks ago, I had the unfortunate experience of having someone do something that really, really hurt me.  It came as such a shock, I slipped into stunned disbelief, not really able to feel anything, with the exception of small occasional bursts of anger.  I did my best to "focus on the positive" - trying to be in trust that everything happens for a reason, and that this had happen FOR me, even if it didn't feel like it at the time.  But mostly, I was walking around in a state of numbness.

After a couple of days, one of my friends who sees and communicates with spirits asked me if I had checked in with Lucky lately.  I had to stop and think about it for a minute and then realized that no, I hadn't . . . I have been so busy with Kino that I hadn't even thought about trying to connect with her in months.  She told me that Lucky had asked her to pass along a message to me - that she would like me to connect with her.  I thought it was odd that Lucky didn't just deliver her message to my friend but that only gave me pause for a few seconds and then my friend and I were on to speculating what Lucky might want to talk to me about.  We decided that maybe she had some advice for me on how to help Kino.

The next morning, I made contact with Lucky.  I could sense her right away, as I could feel the corners of my mouth involuntarily going up into a smile and a swell of love in my heart.  I said, "I understand you have some advice for me on how to help Kino."  And there was silence.  I asked the question again and then waited . . . and still there was silence.  I said, "Is there something else you wanted to tell me?" and with that the flood gates of communication opened.  She told me how sorry she was that my friend had hurt me so much, that she wished it hadn't happened, that I didn't deserve to be hurt that way.  As she spoke, the tears began to flow.  I felt so comforted by her compassion.

As she continued to talk about how sorry she was, I realized that I had fallen into my old pattern of shutting off my emotions, rather than feeling them.  I got such a strong message as a little girl that you "shouldn't feel sorry for yourself" that I grew accustomed to denying my own feelings, especially when someone had hurt me.  I always tried to just suck it up and move on, which is a strategy that never served me.  And I had slipped into a less old pattern of trying to focus on the "greater good" of an unpleasant situation instead of just "being with it" and honoring how I felt in that moment.

After a good long cry, I asked Lucky if she had anything else she wanted to tell me.  She told me that for today, that was it.  She just wanted me to know that she knew what was going on in my life, that I didn't deserve to be hurt that way and she wanted to remind me to honor my feelings.  I was in awe of how clear our communication was and was so touched by the opportunity to connect with her that way.  Even though I tell people all the time that our loved ones on the other side know what's going on with us and that they are watching over us, it gave me a deeper knowing to actually experience it.

I felt such gratitude . . . to know how present Lucky still is in my life . . . to know how much she still cares about me . . . and to know she went out of her way to reach out to me and give me such heartfelt empathy from the other side.  My sweet girl still has my back - how cool is that?  And with her help, I was able to feel, honor and take steps to release all the sadness I was experiencing.

It was such a bright light, easing me out of the numb, dark cave I had been in.  I feel truly blessed to know that even though Lucky isn't still physically here, she truly is still with me, helping to ease each step on this journey of mine, ensuring that I don't fall back into patterns that don't serve me and letting me know that our bond is just as strong as it was when she was here.

Quit Telling Me How Gorgeous I Am!

In the last few months, I have written about many of the wonderful adventures I have had with Kino, my foster dog.  Everyone keeps asking me why I haven't adopted him yet and the truth is, it is because Kino has some issues that have concerned me . . . issues that could keep him from being adoptable not just by me but by anyone.

One of those issues is that he is randomly aggressive towards people.  It's been quite a challenge for me to try to understand what's going on because there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to his reactiveness.  We can pass person after person on our walks, talk to some of them and he'll be fine and then all of the sudden something will set him off and he'll start barking at someone, sometimes lunging in their direction.  It's a little scary when it happens and frustrating for me that I haven't been able to figure out what causes it.

None of the people were wearing hats, some were men, some were women, they were different ages, different ethnicities.  I couldn't find a single common denominator that would tell me "This is what he is reacting to" so for months I have been playing Nancy Drew, trying to unravel the mystery.

Here is a picture of Kino trying to grab his rope toy and while there was nothing scary about it at the time (we were just playing), the picture captured an image that represents how scary he can look when he has one of his "reactions".

This past week, I finally figured part of it out . . . I realized that in at least 75% of the cases Kino turns into "Mr. Cranky" it's because someone has given him a compliment . . . phrases such as "Oh my god, what a beautiful shepherd" or "Wow, he is really gorgeous" seem to be the words that precede one of these episodes.

Now, it's one thing to understand it and something else entirely to resolve it, so currently I'm not sure what to do about it, short of carrying a big sign that says, "Please don't compliment my dog" when we are out and about.  It's not really a feasible solution though since I only have two hands and between holding the leash, the treats and the poop bag, it would be difficult to hold the sign as well.  :-)

I am reminded of an old boyfriend of mine who used to spend hours every week in the gym and consequently had a beautiful physique . . . but he hid it under baggy jeans and oversized shirts.  When I asked him why, he said it was because it bothered him that girls were only nice to him because of how good he looked.  I was never sure it was the truth, but it was his truth, so I had to honor that.  I have been wondering if Kino is suffering from the same mindset, wanting to be liked for who he is, instead of how he looks.  It's hard to say, but it really does seem to piss Kino off when people tell him how gorgeous he is.

I often tell people that our animals mirror the things we need to work on ourselves but I have checked myself on this one and while I may not have been able to in the past, I am able to accept compliments now.  In fact, I actually welcome them :-) so I don't think he is mirroring me in this case.  Something though, is making him overly sensitive to hearing people talk about how attractive he is and I've got to figure out how to help him get over it.

Currently, I am giving him treats whenever we walk past someone and he doesn't react, hoping this will assist us in the process but I suspect there is more for us to do to get him beyond this behavior.

I'll be sure to post an update if we figure out how to resolve this one.