Christmas Day

As Christmas approached this year, I was filled with a certain amount of dread. I suspected it was going to be a tough holiday for me, since it would be my first Christmas in 14 years without my precious Lucky. So many things to get used to, so many ways to feel her absence.

I had already endured the process of going to the mountains to get a tree without her, and while I could feel her spirit with me that day, it just wasn't the same. When it came to decorating the tree, I was overwhelmed by how much I missed having her here to bring me her tennis ball every 2 minutes. (Lucky didn't like it much when something other than her got that much of my attention, so she was always determined to get me to play with her as much as I was "playing" with the tree while I was decorating it).

I knew I needed to find a way to get through the rest of the holiday season with as much peace as possible. I knew I also needed to allow myself the space to grieve her absence if that's what I needed to do. I received several wonderful offers to join friends for Christmas gatherings but as the day grew closer, the only thing that seemed right was for me to spend the day at the beach.

Lucky and I went to the beach last year on Christmas day and while we weren't able to go to our regular beach, (Lucky's back end was too weak by then and there are over 70 steps to get down to our usual spot), we found another beach a mile or so down the coast with no stairs. We had a lovely time - the perfect way for us to celebrate Christmas. The beach was always our most favorite place in the world. I think being at the ocean soothed her soul as much as it soothed mine.

So, with a little bit of trepidation, I headed over the hill on Christmas day to hang out at me and Lucky's favorite beach. I brought along pictures from the last year of Lucky's life, so that I could visually reflect on the last year, and filled my pockets with kleenex.

As I stood at the stop of the stairs, looking down at the beach, I was flooded with memories of the hundreds of trips Lucky and I had made to this particular beach. I was fighting back tears as I made my way down the 70+ steps, trying to remind myself to just breath and be present.

The weather was beautiful. I knew half way down the steps that I wasn't going to need the jacket I was wearing and that I probably should have put sunscreen on my face. As I made my descent, I continued feeling a mixture of emotions . . . it felt so good to be back there again, and yet, it was so hard to be there without Lucky. I thought about the millions of times I threw the tennis ball for her on this beach, the hundreds of sandwiches we had shared, the way she made me laugh and feel full of life when we were there together.

We went to this beach year round, so over the years, we experienced every kind of weather possible and I giggled to myself as I remembered the time we were there on an incredibly windy day. I was miserable, but Lucky was having so much fun, I forced myself to stay, trying my best to find the positive . . . and finally decided rather than focusing on how much the sand blasting against my face and legs was hurting me, I'd look at it as a free micro-derm abrasion treatment, compliments of mother nature. :-)

I made my way down close to the surf and sat down on my jacket. For a little while, I just took in the sights and sounds and smells. I watched people walk by and remembered how much Lucky loved to bring her ball to everyone who passed by. We always made friends with people at the beach because Lucky was determined to share her joy with everyone we encountered.

I pulled the pictures out of my backpack that I had brought with me and cried as I looked at them and thought about our last year together. There is such a huge void in my life now that she is gone and in some ways, it felt wrong to be there without her. I found myself scanning the beach to the left and to the right, looking for a german shepherd but there were none. I saw just about every other breed imaginable but no shepherds.

I missed her so much, I was fighting off one of those all out 'ugly cries' that you typically don't want to do in public. I tried to focus on what I love about the beach, besides being there with Lucky. Seeing the way the sun reflects off the water, hearing the sound of the waves crash, as the next set gets ready to roll in . . . those are the things that have always soothed my soul so I put my attention there. I pulled out my camera and took a few pictures.

A few minutes later, a darling little dog came running up to me. I couldn't tell what type of breed she was or even how old she was. She was just small and darling. She put her paws on my leg so she could reach my face and then she licked me on the forehead. Her guardian came running over, apologizing to me, and explaining that they had just adopted her from the shelter two days earlier and they hadn't trained her yet. I told him I wasn't bothered at all and then got choked up as I tried to tell him that it was my first trip to the beach since my dog had passed away and that I sensed his sweet little dog knew I needed some comfort. I was embarrassed by how teary I got but he was very kind. He expressed his condolences and then picked her up and carried her back over to where his friends were standing.

Minutes after he placed her back on the sand, she came running back over to me again. I smiled and said hello. She put her paws on my leg again, so she could look me in the eye and she said, "They want me to tell you that everything is going to be OK." The tears started to flow as I kissed her on the forehead and thanked her for delivering the message. She sat quietly with me for a few minutes as I pet her and then she got up and ran back to her guardian.

As I sat there, I realized I didn't know who "they" was for sure . . . I hadn't thought to ask her. I was so blown away by the message, I wasn't thinking straight for a few minutes. I sensed "they" was not her guardian and his friends. I wondered if "they" was Lucky and Maggie, Brandy, Clancy and Murphy, the dogs I had as a child . . . or if "they" was Lucky and Hanna, Bood, Lucy and Montana, my precious animal clients who have made their transition in the last 6 months. It didn't really matter who the "they" was though . . . to me the most important thing was the realization that someone was looking out for me that day, that someone wanted me to know that everything was going to be OK.

As I continued to sit there, watching the waves roll in, I realized that the heaviness I had been feeling all day had lifted. It was an undeniable shift. Suddenly, I didn't have to try to focus on what I loved about being at the beach . . . I just felt it in every cell of my body. I soaked up the beauty of my surroundings, I breathed in the peacefulness and the comfort it gave me. It just felt so good to be there, I decided I would stay a little longer and just enjoy being there.

Something had definitely shifted . . . because for the next half hour, every dog who strolled down the beach with their guardians came over to say hello to me. It was the strangest thing because not a single dog had approached me earlier, but now dogs were going out of their way to come over and say hello. It warmed my heart. Then, as if "someone" was determined to put some icing on my cake, a bunch of surfers showed up and made their way into the water right in front of me. I don't know how to surf myself but I have always loved watching other people surf. Seeing people "at one" with the tide, the mixture of confidence and peacefulness that surfers always seem to embody, has always touched me very deeply. I sat there a while longer watching the surfers, smiling to myself as I thought about all the things I am grateful for. In recent weeks, I had been struggling so much with my sadness over Lucky's absence, I hadn't been feeling very grateful . . . but in that moment, I was flooded with feelings of gratitude. And I kept hearing that sweet little dog's words . . . that everything was going to be OK . . . and I knew it would be.

When I was ready to leave, I gathered up my stuff and climbed the stairs. Once I was at the top, I turned around to look at our beach one more time and soak it all in. (And to catch my breath too) :-) It wasn't a sad departure though, as I knew I would be back. I knew it would be alright for me to go there without Lucky, that she would want me to keep going to the place that soothes my soul and helps me find center again. It will always be "our" beach but I now know that I can go there without her and still get what I need.

Animals Can Be Mirrors

Over the years, I have seen example after example of where our animals can be a "mirror" for us. Sometimes, when we understand what they need, we discover it is the same thing we need, or when we identify something they need to work on, we find that it is something we need to work on ourselves. I don't think it's any accident that this occurs . . . as I believe it is part of their purpose here on earth, to help us learn about ourselves and help us grow.

I am often tickled when I get to witness these occurrences of "mirroring" - to see the eyes of a guardian light up when they realized how much they have in common with their animal or when they are deeply touched by what their animal is trying to teach them.

Just last week, I had the opportunity to work with three wonderful women and their four horses. There were a mixture of physical and behavioral issues that had these women stumped and they were looking for insights into what was going on.

When one of the gals asked me why her horse occasionally would stop and refuse to move anymore when they were out for a trail ride, I began explaining what I was picking up from her horse. I sensed that her horse needed to know the "big picture" before they went out for a ride. She wanted to know where they were going to go, how long they would be gone and when she was going to get to eat again. :-)

As I was explaining in more detail about the horses' desire to have her expectations managed, her guardian shook her head and started to laugh. She said, "Oh my gosh, she's just like me!" It hadn't occurred to her that her horse needed the same thing she did but now that she knew, she was more than happy to start offering up more of an explanation before they left the barn. She knew how much it helped her, so it was easy for her to see how it would help her horse.

One of the other horses was being pushed around by some of the other horses when they were out in the pasture. I sensed some confusion in him, given that he was always complimented by all the 2-legged folks for being such a sweet, gentle horse and he didn't know how to still be sweet and gentle while standing up for himself with the other horses. I talked to him about how it was OK for him to be confident, that he would still be the same sweet horse he's always been, even if he stands up for himself a bit more. I told him it was safe to be both sweet and confident.

At the time I was talking to him, I sensed it was potentially an issue for his guardian as well, but I didn't say anything at the time. I had just met her and wasn't sure how comfortable she would be with me pointing out what my intuition was telling me about her. :-) Much to my delight, a while later when we were working with one of the other horses, the guardian brought it up herself, mentioning that she saw the connection when we were talking to her horse. She said she often was afraid to speak up for herself for fear that people wouldn't like her anymore. I suggested that maybe it had come up that day so that they could both work on it and help each other make progress on this area. I could tell that it really struck a chord with her.

The week before, one of my dog clients was having difficulty recovering from an injury. I told his guardian that I sensed he wasn't healing because he wasn't resting enough. He seemed to always feel like he had to be "on" - always doing something, and since he never stopped moving, his muscles weren't getting a chance to heal.

As I was explaining all of this, she looked down at the ground, then slowly lifted her eyes to meet mine and quietly said, "He isn't the only one who has this problem." She confessed that she had trouble being still herself, that she never seemed to stop moving either. I suggested that maybe it was something they could work on together, maybe they could take some time out each day where they both rested and were just still. I sensed that it was something she would be more apt to do since it was also going to help her dog.

I think our animals are offering us insights about ourselves all the time and there is so much we can learn if we look at ourselves as closely and lovingly as we look at our animals. All of my clients genuinely want to help their animals and go to great lengths to ensure they are happy and living a balanced life. I think their animals genuinely want to help their guardians too and will go to great lengths to ensure they too are happy and living a balanced life.

Sometimes our animals will help give us the courage to do something for ourselves, when we see how doing that same thing helps them. They really can give us great insight into ourselves. So, what do you think your animal is trying to tell you about yourself? You might be amazed at what you see if you take a look.

Helping animals through the holidays

The holiday season is a crazy time of year, not just for us but for our animals as well. For animals who live in our homes, it can be very confusing. WE know what's going on, but they don't always understand and it can make the holidays even more stressful for them. This is especially true for animals that are new to our home, but it still applies to animals who have been with us a while and have been through a few holidays seasons.

If you think about it from their perspective, this is what they see:

- People coming and going, regular schedules and routines being different

- Packages being brought into the house, that they aren't supposed to get into

- Trees being dragged into the house, that get a lot of our attention, especially during the decorating process

- Lots of smells coming from the kitchen as we cook but don't necessarily share with them

- People coming over, sometimes spending the night, often displacing them from their usual hang out spots

They often get yelled at or spoken to in a firm voice. We say things like:

- Get out of those packages, those aren't for you

- Get out of the tree, you are going to break the ornaments

- Stop drinking the water from the tree stand - you have a water bowl

- Don't you dare pee on that tree

- Go in the other room, Aunt Gertrude is allergic to dogs/cats

- You can't lay in the kitchen when I am cooking

It's all very confusing to them and they often don't end up enjoying the holiday season very much. I think the holidays could be much more enjoyable for everyone if we just talked to our animals and explained what was going on. If we can manage their expectations, they can be a part of the celebrations, instead of adding another element of stress to it.

Many people talk about how their animals behave strangely during the holidays and most of the time, I believe it is because they don't understand what is going on. Their regular routine is changed up and they often feel ill at ease because of it.

Imagine if your spouse didn't tell you they were bringing 10 people over for dinner. Wouldn't you be a little thrown off? What if 7 people showed up and told you they were staying for a couple of days? Would that potentially put your nose out of joint? Especially if those people set up camp in your bedroom and didn't tell you they were going to?

If you put yourself in your animals shoes for a moment, you can better understand how it feels from their perspective. Here are some tips:

If you are going to have a house full of people, let your animals know. Tell them . . . this many people are coming and this is how long they are staying.

If you want your animal to do anything different, please let them know. If your animal is going to have to sleep somewhere where they aren't used to sleeping, tell them that and explain why. Let them know how long this new arrangement will last.

If your animal is used to having quiet time to rest in the house and you know that isn't going to be easy when you have a house full of people, tell them where they can go to be "alone" if that's what they need. Give them a specific room in the house they can go to if they need to "get away from it all."

Tell them you are bringing a christmas tree into the house and explain to them that it is for decoration. Let them know you are making sure it has water so they don't feel the need to water it themselves. :-) Explain to them that the things hanging on the tree are not for them to play with or eat. Then make sure they know where the things are that they CAN play with and eat.

Include them in the celebration in whatever way you can. Whether that is feeding them at the same time the rest of you all are sitting down to eat so they feel they are having a special meal too, or giving them something to unwrap when the rest of you are unwrapping your gifts, let them know they are part of what is going on too.

I believe the holidays can be happier for all of us - 2-legged and 4-legged alike, if we can set everyone's expectations for how things are going to be different for a few days or weeks. Your animals will thank you - in their own special way!

The Beauty of Animal Behavior

Sometimes I wish I could video tape my sessions with animals so that I could play the tapes for people who don't believe animals are as capable of thinking and feeling as they are.

I had a session last weekend with a woman and her three dogs and if I had a tape for people to watch of our time together, I think it would dispel many of the beliefs people have about animals. You wouldn't be able to believe animals don't understand everything we say. You wouldn't be able to believe that animals don't have feelings or that they can process information. You wouldn't be able to believe that it isn't important to animals that they feel respected.

The guardian of these three dogs contacted me because the dogs were exhibiting new, strange and sometimes destructive behavior. She told me that Mickey, the german shepherd and Emma, the standard poodle had been with her for many years. Tony, the new little guy who is a poodle/bishon, white fluffy ball of energy, had recently joined their family. She realized that many of the issues she was dealing with began once Tony came to live with them.

When I first arrived, they all greeted me, but then Mickey went to lay in his crate, clearly wanting to be on his own. As I visited with Emma, Tony and their guardian, I began learning more about the new behaviors that had recently cropped up and was trying to get a sense of what was going on with everyone. When we walked into the room where Mickey's crate was, he let out a small, deep growl to let me know he needed his space. I understood and respected that, although, I'll confess, I was a little bummed to discover that my deep connection with Lucky didn't give me an immediate "in" with all german shepherds. :-)

We called Mickey over a few times to talk about what was going on, and while he did come over each time, he didn't show much interest in interacting with me and would go back to his crate within a few minutes. I could tell that he wasn't sure what to think of me and was definitely on guard, silently watching me out of the corner of his eye. He wasn't ready to trust me yet.

At one point, the dogs noticed someone walking in front of their house. Mickey jumped out of his crate and ran to the front window to bark and let them know the house was protected, and Tony ran to the front window too, and began barking. After a minute or so, Mickey seemed irritated with Tony and went back to his crate, as Tony continued to bark and bark. I could feel Mickey's frustration and I kept sensing he was feeling kind of defeated, although I didn't understand that part just yet. I just knew Tony was bothering him.

I started to explain to their guardian that I was sensing some "role confusion" . . . Mickey always felt it was his job to protect the house, to protect her, but now that Tony was here, and trying to play such an active role in protecting the house, Mickey was feeling confused and a little frustrated. I suspected it was why Mickey had been engaging in one of the new odd behaviors (pulling food off the island in the kitchen for all the dogs to enjoy). I suggested that maybe the role of protecting the house should remain Mickey's role and that we could find another "job" for Tony to do. As soon as I made that statement, Mickey came out of his crate, walked right up to me and licked my cheek. I could feel his gratitude for being able to articulate what he was feeling and I also sensed he was a little more convinced that maybe it wasn't a bad thing that I was there.

A little while later, the guardian wanted to show me the backyard. I can't remember what the impetus was for us to go back there, but as we got to the backyard, she pointed out that the dogs used to have access to the side yard and the whole backyard, and she mentioned that now they only had access to the side yard. All three dogs joined us in the backyard as we continued to talk and I asked her why the dogs no longer had access to the backyard. She explained that in the first week Tony was there, he fell into the pool and she was so worried it would happen again, that she wasn't letting any of them go out there.

As I was explaining how Mickey and Emma felt about that, how it made them less excited that Tony joined their family (since his presence had actually taken away some of the things they enjoyed most), Mickey came over to me again, licked my face and then rolled over on his back at my feet, letting me know a belly-rub would be appreciated and accepted. To see the transformation in him, from growling at me, to licking my face, to rolling over on his back, it was undeniable that the transformation in his attitude towards me was directly related to how I was speaking on his behalf. Animals appreciate being "heard" just as much as humans do.

Their guardian and I talked about how it would be better for Tony to learn how to walk around the pool (and not fall in) than to keep all the dogs out of the backyard. I could sense this was part of the reason Mickey and Emma hadn't been too excited about Tony's arrival. As we were discussing this, Emma came over and offered me her paw, as if saying, "Why thank you very much, what a pleasure it has been to have you here today." :-) She was so darling about it and I could feel a lightness in both she and Mickey that hadn't been there when I first arrived.

One of the other issues their guardian had been dealing with, was that they all were acting needy and competing for her attention, which was something they hadn't done before. When she would sit down in a chair, if one of the dogs came over to get pet, the other two would rush over and they would all be trying to push each other out of the way to get her attention. If she picked Tony up and put him in her lap, Emma and Mickey would try climbing up there too, which wasn't a good thing because it could result in her getting physically injured. It was definitely a competition for her attention and one that shouldn't continue.

I suggested that she try giving them attention one at a time, so they each got some of her undivided attention but they would also know they couldn't ambush her anymore. We decided to have me give it a try and see how it worked. At first, things were going great. I sat down on the floor to pet Mickey and when Emma and Tony came over to try and horn in on the attention, I told them it was Mickey's turn for attention and they would get their turn soon. Much to my delight, they both accepted that and sat down, quietly and patiently watching us.

Then when it was Emma's turn for attention, Tony tried to push his way in and I explained that it wasn't his turn yet. Mickey lifted his head off the floor, and I could tell he was contemplating a move over in me and Emma's direction too but I said "Mickey, you just had your turn, it's Emma's turn now" and he put his head back down on the floor and closed his eyes. Their guardian and I were both so pleased with how this was going, excited to see that they were understanding and respecting the boundary we were trying to set. I continued to pet Emma for a while, while she gleefully soaked up the attention.

Then I was Tony's turn, so I called him over to me and reminded everyone that it was now Tony's turn for some attention, at which time Ella and Mickey immediately ambushed me and no one was listening anymore. It was total chaos in a matter of seconds. Their guardian and I couldn't help but laugh . . . clearly this was going to take a little more practice to put into place. It was evident that while Mickey and Emma respected each other, that respect did not include Tony just yet and it was going to take some time to get them to show him the same courtesy that they showed one another.

The thing that continues to amaze me is how much we can learn from an animal's behavior. It is their primary way of communicating with us and they tell us so much with their actions. There are so many insights we can glean, if we just observe them. When I am communicating with animals, I think I pick up as much information from their behavior and responses as I do from what I hear and feel from them empathically. The swish of a tail, the eye contact, or lack of eye contact, etc . . . each little nuance in their behavior can tell us so much. It's just a matter of paying close attention to how they respond as we speak and as we act.

The other night, I went to a client's house to give Reiki to one of her cats. The cat hadn't been herself lately and her guardian was concerned about her. When I arrived, she was laying on the back of the couch, so I sat down next to her and after telling her what I was going to do, I put my hands on her. Her tail started to swish in a way that told her guardian she wasn't happy, yet she didn't get up and move. I wanted to be respectful of what she was trying to tell me and at the same time, I sensed she needed some healing energy. I thought maybe having my hands on her was too intense, so I held my hands a few inches away from her body and began giving her Reiki that way. Once again, her tail started to swish, and yet again, she didn't get up and move away.

I suggested to her guardian that maybe she was very sensitive to the energy and needed to receive it from a distance. Some animals are so sensitive to healing energy that hands-on Reiki is too much for them. I moved a short distance from her and began sending Reiki to her that way. Immediately her tail stopped swishing, and my hands really began to heat up. Clearly, that was what she needed me to do and she drifted off into a peaceful sleep for the rest of the hour. I was thrilled to get an email from her guardian the next day, reporting that her cat was back to her old self again. Her guardian and I now know that if she needs Reiki again in the future, I need to do it from a distance because that's the way she best receives it.

The closer attention we pay to our animals behavior, the more we can understand what they are trying to tell us. While their communication can often be very subtle, it is still filled with great meaning and insights for us.

And on an unrelated topic, I had an interesting experience this week that is tied to something I wrote about just a few weeks ago. It all started when I pulled out a subdudes CD that I hadn't listened to in quite a while. I was enjoying the CD, until a particular song came on and I immediately started to cry. I hadn't heard that song, called Sugar Pie, in years and I thought it was odd that I hadn't, since I listen to their music so often. The more I thought about it, the more I came to realize that I had purposely NOT listened to that song. When I played that particular CD, I would fast forward past Sugar Pie each time it came on. I was curious about this, and did some mental exploration.

I remembered that Sugar Pie was one of my most favorite songs when the CD came out in the late 90's, and I remembered that I had called Lucky "Sugar Pie" for years, probably because of my love of that song. As I listened to the lyrics, it all finally clicked . . . I had stopped listening to the song in 2001 or 2002, because I believed at that time, based on what the animal communicator had told me, that Lucky was only going to live to be nine and that's when Lucky was approaching her ninth birthday. Based on my belief that she was going to leave me at nine years of age, I stopped listening to the song because it made me cry too much, and it was also when when I stopped calling Lucky "Sugar Pie."

I sat down and played the song again, this time focusing on the lyrics and it made sense why the song upset me so much back then . . . I was so afraid of losing Lucky, so afraid of her passing and afraid of how my grief might consume me, that I couldn't bare to listen to the song because the lyrics were about someone passing away. It was something I didn't want to think about and wasn't ready to accept at the time, so that song ended up on my "Do Not Play" list.

Here are some partial Sugar Pie lyrics:

Chorus:

Sugar Pie, Sugar Pie, sit by me

Sugar Pie, Sugar Pie, sit by me

I’ve got the stories, I’ve got the memories


Some that cry, oh and some that laugh


I’ve got them saved up like your little pennies


Oh little baby in your piggy bank

Now time has passed and you are so far away

Can't get used to not seeing you each day

But there's one place in the back of my mind

Where I can go and see you anytime

And for you to me, forever you will be my . . .

Sugar Pie, Sugar Pie, sit by me

Sugar Pie, Sugar Pie, sit by me

I'm happy to say, the song now brings me comfort. I have been listening to it every day and each time, I smile as I am reminded there there is a place I can go, in the back of my mind, and see her anytime. I know that forever she will be . . . my Sugar Pie.