It's Not What You Say But How You Say It . . .

It's not what you say but how you say it . . . and it's not about what you choose but how you communicate about the choice.  

These are two beliefs of mine that I try to always live by because I have seen time and again how important they are for creating more harmony . . . and yet I find myself living in a world right now that doesn't seem to share in my belief that these guidelines for communication truly can make a difference.

This summer I was uninvited to two weddings. In one situation, the wedding had to be scaled way back due to the financial hit their family business has taken in the last year and a half. First I received a phone call from the father of the bride explaining what they had to do and apologizing that I hadn't "made the cut." LOL  We had a lovely chat and we hung up the phone appreciating the chance to connect and knowing our friendship was still as strong as it always was. A few days later, I got a beautiful letter in the mail from the bride-to-be (which shocked me because I knew I had only been on the original invite list because of my long friendship with her father). I was so touched that she took the time to write such a sweet letter, I felt inspired to respond with a hand written letter myself. It was actually really nice to connect with her that way. In the end, because of the effort they put into communicating with me and the care they took to make sure I didn't feel unimportant, I didn't mind that I had been uninvited to the wedding.

In the other situation, I was copied on a large group email from one of my very best friends from childhood that basically said, "Either you agree to put experimental things in your body by our wedding date OR you can't attend." They asked people to reply only with a "yes or no" so I did that . . . and received a one line response of "Sorry you won't be able to come." Once I picked my jaw up off the floor and addressed all the emotions it brought up for me, I was left with the disappointment that the approach showed no kindness, no indication that our 4 and 1/2 decade friendship meant anything to her at all. I realized that, at least for now, this was a friendship I wasn't going to put anymore energy into.

While I respect everyone's right to make choices that feel right to them, HOW we communicate regarding those choices really can make all the difference in the world.  

As another example, my father has some pretty strong political beliefs that don't match up to mine and I often receive emails from him that are very politically charged. (Which are often filled with blame for the "other side" for just about everything.")  While I COULD reply to them with something mean or I COULD just ignore them, I have chosen to read through them and find things that I appreciate about them. i.e. Were some facts shared that I found helpful? Were there any points in there that I agreed with? My responses always start out with what I appreciated about the email. I then say "I am sure I probably sound like a broken record but just wanted to say again that it bums me out to see emails that I filled with so much blame because I think it keeps us in a state of polarity. I'd love to see emails that have facts and data in them that also include possible solutions or ideas on how to move forward from here. If you come across anything like that, I would love to see them.

I respond that way because I love and respect my father and I want him to feel heard and appreciated AND I also want to be heard and appreciated. I don't want to build any unnecessary walls between us so I make sure I take extra care when I am communicating . . . not just with my dad but with everyone. Our words can cause hurt and separation if we don't take the time to consider how we are responding and if we don't hold some compassion and understanding for others when we are crafting a response.

Unfortunately, it seems we are being led to fear people who are "different" or making different choices. It is so rampant in our world right now that we are doing damage on a regular basis that to me isn't necessary. 

How we choose to communicate and how much compassion we hold for others is more impactful than I think most people realize. If we can hold respect for others and operate from our hearts, many relationships can be strengthened instead of torn apart. We might start building bridges instead of walls and we  may be able to shift ourselves out of this very divided world we currently live in. 

Please let's not get so caught up in our fears that we forget how to treat others with kindness and compassion. 

August 8, 2021 - Silent Meditation - Between 8am-8pm PST

I am writing this particular (time sensitive) blog in the hopes of generating support for something I am participating in Sunday, August 8th between 8am PST and 8pm PST. 

Once again my friends from around the globe and I are going to be sitting in silent meditation - focusing on feeling the energy of LOVE. It is our belief that our planet and all it's inhabitants greatly need this infusion of love energy - and if we can get a LOT of people to give at least 30 minutes of their time, we believe it can go a long way towards diffusing the chaotic energy that is permeating our planet.

If you can give 30 min. of your time that would be wonderful. Equally wonderful is if you can give more than 30 minutes or join in several times during that 12 hour timeframe.

The gals who are organizing this event happen to live in California so the event times are set in PST. Some folks are going to head up to Mount Shasta to sit in silent meditation with others - and yet, it is not necessary at all to be there in person.

Do you have questions? Let me see if I can answer some of the questions that have come up for folks.

- What should you do if you live in a different time zone? Figure out what 8am-8pm PST is where you live and participate from your time zone anytime during those hours. 

Do you need to sign up? Nope. You can just "do your thing" although if you'd like, you are welcome to go to the All For Love FB page to let them know you plan to participate. 

Does it cost anything? Nope. Not a thing.

Do I need an internet connection to participate? No you don't. For me personally, I feel better when I am away from technology (one of the reasons I love the forest near my house is because I get zero cell service out there so it's a great place for me to do my walking meditations) :-)  

Do you have to meditate? Nope you don't need to if meditation isn't your thing. The important thing is that you are focused on LOVE so do something where you are most likely to feel nothing but love. 

For my friends who have just become grandparents, that might mean rocking their new grand baby. For my musically inclined friends, that might mean playing a certain set list of songs that puts them in their heart. For my pet loving friends, it might mean snuggling with their fur baby. The important thing is that you just feel LOVE in your heart - and you are the best person to decide what makes you feel love.

There isn't a "right" way to do it . . . we just hope to have as many people as possible generating as much love energy as possible. 

What if you don't believe it will do any good? Would you be willing to do it anyway? Seriously, is there any harm that could come from just focusing on the feeling of love for a while? 

Do you want to read more about this? You can find more information on Facebook - the event page is called All For Love. 

If you are able to participate, Kino and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts . . . We truly believe "What the world needs now is Love Sweet Love . . . "

PS - for those of you who prefer Guided Meditations - that is a great option too!  I thought I'd share one of my most favorite ones. It was created by Amanda Lorence, one of the most beautiful souls I know. Her voice is so soothing to me and I can feel the pure love that comes from her heart. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6kbmLC5JAY

What It Means to Give

Recently I came across this story - an excerpt from Everything Good in the World where Katherine Hepburn shares an experience she had as a child. On this day she learned an important lesson about giving and it moved me so deeply, I just had to share it. 

In this year of 2021, it is my hope that more and more people will understand the value and the joy of giving, that more people will learn to "see" with their hearts, respond with love and compassion for others. I truly believe we have the ability to shift the consciousness of our planet and that the choice is in our hands - from one moment to the next. 

Katherine Hepburn, 1921.

In her own words:

“Once when I was a teenager, my father and I were standing in line to buy tickets for the circus.

Finally, there was only one other family between us and the ticket counter. This family made a big impression on me.

There were eight children, all probably under the age of 12. The way they were dressed, you could tell they didn't have a lot of money, but their clothes were neat and clean.

The children were well-behaved, all of them standing in line, two-by-two behind their parents, holding hands. They were excitedly jabbering about the clowns, animals, and all the acts they would be seeing that night. By their excitement you could sense they had never been to the circus before. It would be a highlight of their lives.

The father and mother were at the head of the pack standing proud as could be. The mother was holding her husband's hand, looking up at him as if to say, "You're my knight in shining armor." He was smiling and enjoying seeing his family happy.

The ticket lady asked the man how many tickets he wanted? He proudly responded, "I'd like to buy eight children's tickets and two adult tickets, so I can take my family to the circus." The ticket lady stated the price.

The man's wife let go of his hand, her head dropped, the man's lip began to quiver. Then he leaned a little closer and asked, "How much did you say?" The ticket lady again stated the price.

The man didn't have enough money. How was he supposed to turn and tell his eight kids that he didn't have enough money to take them to the circus?

Seeing what was going on, my dad reached into his pocket, pulled out a $20 bill, and then dropped it on the ground. (We were not wealthy in any sense of the word!) My father bent down, picked up the $20 bill, tapped the man on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, sir, this fell out of your pocket."

The man understood what was going on. He wasn't begging for a handout but certainly appreciated the help in a desperate, heartbreaking and embarrassing situation.

He looked straight into my dad's eyes, took my dad's hand in both of his, squeezed tightly onto the $20 bill, and with his lip quivering and a tear streaming down his cheek, he replied; "Thank you, thank you, sir. This really means a lot to me and my family."

My father and I went back to our car and drove home. The $20 that my dad gave away is what we were going to buy our own tickets with.

Although we didn't get to see the circus that night, we both felt a joy inside us that was far greater than seeing the circus could ever provide.

That day I learned the value to give.

The giver is bigger than the receiver. If you want to be large, larger than life, learn to Give. Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything.

The importance of giving, blessing others can never be over emphasized because there's always joy in giving. Learn to make someone happy by acts of giving.”

~ Katharine Hepburn

(from Everything Good in the World)

Can You Spare 1/2 hour on June 20, 2021?

I am writing this particular (time sensitive) blog in the hopes of generating support for something I am participating in this Sunday, June 20th. FOCUSING ON NOTHING BUT LOVE FOR 30 MINUTES. This happens to be the date of the summer equinox. 

My friends from around the globe and I are all participating by sitting in silent meditation for 30 minutes. For those 30 minutes we are just going to focus on feeling the energy of LOVE. It is our belief that our planet and all it's inhabitants greatly need this infusion of love energy - and if we can get a LOT of people to give 30 minutes of their time, we believe it can go a long way towards diffusing the chaotic energy that has permeated our planet.

The gals who are organizing this event happen to live in California (up in Mount Shasta) so the event will begin at noon PST. Some folks are going to head up to Mount Shasta to sit in silent meditation with others - and yet, it is not necessary at all to be there in person.

Do you have questions? Let me see if I can answer some of the questions that have come up for folks.

- What should you do if you live in a different time zone? It is totally up to you. If you'd like to figure out what 12:00 PST is where you live and participate at the same time, you can do that. Equally wonderful is if you decide to do this at noon YOUR TIME - where ever you are - so that there are waves and waves of love energy flowing across our planet as each time zone hits 12:00noon. (i.e. Some of my friend who live in Great Britain are going to be doing their love focused meditation at 8pm their time since that is when it will be noon here. Some of them are going to be focusing on love at noon on the 21st, so they can get another wave of love generated. Some of them are going to do both). 

Do you need to sign up? Nope. You can just "do your thing" for thirty minutes when it's noon where you live.

Does it cost anything? Nope. Not a thing.

Do I need an internet connection to participate? No you don't. For me personally, I feel better when I am away from technology (one of the reasons I love the forest near my house is because I get zero cell service out there) :-)  For those of you who want to "feel connected" even though the meditation will be in silence, I will include info below on how to link up with them at the time of the event.

Do you have to meditate? Nope you don't need to if meditation isn't your thing. The important thing is that you are focused on LOVE so do something for 30 minutes where you are most likely to feel nothing but love. 

For my friends who have just become grandparents, that might mean rocking their new grand baby for 30 minutes. For my musically inclined friends, that might mean playing a certain set list of songs that puts them in their heart for 30 minutes. For my pet loving friends, it might mean snuggling with their fur baby for 30 minutes. The important thing is that you just feel LOVE in your heart - and you are the best person to decide what makes you feel love.

There isn't a "right" way to do it . . . we just need as many people as possible generating as much love as possible as we enter the Summer Solstice. 

What if you don't believe it will do any good? Can you do it anyway? Seriously, is there any harm that could come from just focusing on the feeling of love for 1/2 hour? 

What if you want to read more about this and hear a few recorded messages from the gals who are organizing this event? You can find them on Facebook - the event page is called All For Love. You can even post on the event page and say what City, State or Country you will be joining from. It isn't necessary - it can just be fun sometimes to see where everyone is joining from. 

If you are able to participate, I thank you from the bottom of my heart . . . 

ps - my neighbor Billy LP took the picture up top a year ago and I honestly can't remember if I asked his permission to save a copy, so Billy, if you happen to see this, I hope you don't mind.  :-)  

What Is The Truth?

I am finding lately that quite frequently a little bit of truth is wrapped up in a big story . . . a story that elicits emotions and causes people to move to a place of blame . . . I think of this as the "pitch forks and torches" reaction that folks can get caught up in if they aren't aware that what they are being told isn't the whole truth. It is often followed by a demand for new "rules" which don't make sense because they weren't based on truth to begin with. Many times the arguments that get presented are valid - just not for that particular situation - when they are attached to an inaccurate fact to start with. 

As an example, I used to live in a townhouse complex.  It was a small complex (only 21 units) and there was a pool and a nice big lawn in the pool area where those of us who had big dogs were able to exercise our dogs.  The dogs were well behaved, their owners acted responsibly and for many years it was a great set up. Then it changed. 

One day the property manager let me know that there was an agenda item on the upcoming association meeting about banning all dogs from the pool area. I was surprised and confused. It had never been a problem before, why was it suddenly a problem now? He said it was because people weren't cleaning up after their dogs and many home owners had complained about poop on the lawn. Prior to the meeting, I checked in with the other dog owners to see if they were still cleaning up after their dogs and they all assured me they were, so I wasn't sure what was going on but I was really bummed out that this great option to exercise our dogs was suddenly going to be taken away from us. 

The night of the meeting, the folks who wanted to ban dogs from the pool area came armed with their "pitch forks and torches." They gave impassioned speeches about the time their toddler stepped in poop and about the time their picnic or soccer game on the lawn was ruined. They were armed with information about the health hazards of coming in contact with animal feces, documents they gathered from the health department and copies of the leash law. As I sat there listening to it all, the knot in my stomach grew bigger until something finally clicked for me . . . in the last year, I had routinely been cleaning up poop on the lawn but it wasn't dog poop, it was cat poop because there were a colony of feral cats that had moved into the pool area and they were using the lawn as their cat box. 

It was a source of frustration for me, since my dog loved to eat cat poop so if I was going to take her out there for exercise, I had to go out first, pick up all the cat poop and then go back to my house to bring her out. (And of course, her nose was better than my eyes, so she frequently found some that I missed and I had to tolerate her terrible breath and tummy upset afterwards). Because of that, I wasn't using the pool area to exercise her quite as much as I had in the past and consequently there probably WAS more poop on the lawn because I wasn't cleaning it up as often. 

When it was my turn to speak, I asked if anyone could tell me what size the poop was. Immediately they pounced on me . . . yelling, "Why does that matter? Poop is poop" and then once again they recited all their data and their sources and their stories. Every time I attempted to speak in order to clarify why I was asking, they spoke over me and repeated their points even more loudly. Out of frustration, I began calling people by name, asking "Can YOU tell me what size the poop was?" Many people hadn't even seen any poop but had heard about it and gotten caught up in the excitement and the "rights" of the people who had children. Because two of us with big dogs had served on the Board for many years, we were even accused of "Abusing our power by making up rules that suited us." The whole situation was blowing up into an ugly frenzy. 

From an even higher level of frustration, I stood up, stomped my feet to get everyone's attention and yelled "The size of the poop DOES matter and THIS is why I asked." Then I loudly and passionately explained about the feral cats and my own personal crusade to keep my dog from ingesting it all. There was silence for a moment and I was hopeful that I had made a breakthrough . . . and then the arguing devolved into a debate about whether the cats should be allowed to do that, what could be done to remove or euthanize them, while others continued to site their documents on the hazards of ANY animal feces and the rights of the parents with (two legged) children and the abuse of power by dog owners that had served on the Board, etc. 

Those of you who have lived in a place with a HOA might be laughing and/or commiserating right now because you probably encountered a few meetings like this too. 

The disheartening part was that I didn't disagree with most of the information they shared. The problem was that the facts and data they brought and the story they were wrapped in were attached to an "untruth" to begin with so no matter how much people argued and debated, we were never going to solve it. They were sure the problem was the dog owners but since it wasn't, no new "rules" or "laws" were going to improve the situation. 

I share this tale of woe from my days living with an HOA to illustrate what I see happening in our world right now and as a plea for people to take a step back and look at things with a more discerning eye. 

If someone tells you the lawn is covered in dog poop, do you take their word for it and jump on the bandwagon? or do you go out there and look yourself? Do you demand irrefutable proof i.e. pictures or video of the cats actually in the act of defecating? or do you use common sense? (i.e. Look at some pictures of cat poop and I think the answer will be more clear . . . that unless something is very wrong with the large dog's intestines, poop from a German shepherd or a lab or a dalmatian will not be anywhere near the same size. 

This can be applied to almost any topic that gets debated to a feverish level . . . because we agree with some part of the argument, we may assume that the whole "fight" is worth grabbing our pitchfork for. Personally, I find that I often agree with someone's argument - it's just that when it is attached to something that wasn't totally true to begin with, then it doesn't hold water - nor do the new "rules and regulations" that are being proposed. 

Another thing to consider . . . Are people referencing something that happened once? or something that happened thousands of times? i.e. a recent story I heard about someone creating a Go-Fund me drive with a fake story of woe. Does it mean EVERY Go-fund me drive is fake? No, it means that it happened for sure in the one documented case they had. 

Are some homeless folks suffering from drug addiction? Yes, it is a sad fact that some are . . . but do you know how many people are homeless that DO NOT do drugs and are just doing the best they can with what has happened in their life right now? 

Is it true that some people don't want help? Sure - some people don't and yet I have encountered so many people who would gladly welcome some assistance to get back on their feet again. 

Are there people who abuse systems that are set up like unemployment? Sure there are some but before you assume that EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has received unemployment benefits is using them as an excuse to not work, then I think maybe you haven't interacted with enough people who have had the rug pulled out from underneath them. 

This year alone, with the closure of "non-essential" businesses for an entire year and people affected by one of the many wildfires that have ravaged the state of California - we have even more people who need support and compassion rather than judgment and criticism.

My hope in writing this post is that it may encourage a few people to take a step back, take a deep breath and before jumping on the band wagon, and repeating something you heard someone else say (no matter how many times you heard it or how many news channels repeated it) and look at it more closely. Is what is being presented the WHOLE story? Does the proposed solution make sense if it is based on a few cases vs. thousands of cases? Do you know what the truth really is? 

It is my heartfelt belief that we need to collectively start asking: "What IS the truth?" before assuming that what we are being told by the media or an "event organizer" is all true. As I said, sometimes a little bit of truth can be attached to a whole lot of untruths, which then leads us to "solutions" that won't fix the problem. 

If we want to really see things change in our world, I believe one really good step is for us to begin questioning what we hear. Another great option that we ALL have access to is listening more intently to our own intuition / inner guidance / gut feeling. And there are other ways to find the truth - these are just a couple options. There isn't just one road to the truth . . . the important thing is to find it. 

ps - As an example . . . here in the state of California, the governor is offering up $116M in prizes and incentives to get people to put an experimental drug in their bodies. When we are essentially being bribed to take something . . .  that might indicate that it is a good time to take a step back, take a deep breath and start asking some questions. 

We Can Choose What To Focus On

At the end of my last post, I mentioned that some of my best friends from college and I were sharing our most favorite song at the moment and that while I was writing that blog, a response came through from one of them mentioning U2's "Love Is Bigger Than Anything In Its Way" and I said it couldn't have been more perfectly timed for what I was writing.

My other friend said that his current favorites were both by Cody Jinx . . . "Hippies and Cowboys" and "Somewhere in the Middle" . . . I laughed and said "so basically songs about the 3 of us?" From our original gang of eight, I have remained the closest to these two guys. Our friendship is just as strong now (maybe even stronger) than it was back then. For as long as I can remember, the three of us have held different positions on things . . . . whether it was politics or religion or the music we listened to. One of us would only listen to country music, one of us would only listen to alternative music, one of us was willing to listen to both . . . One of us was a hardcore Catholic, one of us was a semi-present Catholic and one of us was raised without any religion at all. And yet, it didn't stop us from being really close friends.

While reflecting on our connection, I've realized how much things have shifted over the years. Where we used to argue and debate our stance back in the day, we've moved to a place of accepting that we have differences and it doesn't stop us from appreciating each other and the friendship we share. If we DO talk about those topics, it is usually with a desire to understand where the other is coming from, rather than looking for an opportunity to pounce and tell the other one why they are wrong. 

I've also been fascinated to observe that we've changed positions quite a bit. The one who wouldn't listen to country music now loves it and the one who would only listen to country music now listens to a whole variety of music. The one who was raised without any religion ended up converting to Catholicism while another one has moved away from religion completely. There is a fluidness to it all. I can see that nothing is ever cast in concrete and we shift and change when we want to, not because we got beat down by the other's opinion. Granted, we aren't perfect so occasionally we slip back into old ways and give each other grief over a difference here or there but the majority of the time, we allow for those differences to be there.

The reason I am sharing all of this is because I can sense that this is something that will help us all navigate the years ahead. As long as we hang on to our differences to such a degree that we don't like other people or we blame them for what's happening in the world, we will perpetuate those types of experiences. As long as we ridicule and shame others for their beliefs, the more unhappiness and upheaval we will likely experience . . . and the more difficult it will be for everyone on the planet.

Conversely, if we can accept that others hold a different view or belief and focus instead on what we DO agree on or what we DO appreciate about each other, we can have relationships that are much more peaceful and freeing.

It's important to remember that accepting is not the same as agreeing. We don't have to all AGREE on every single issue in order to have a respectful relationship. If we can accept that we are going to have differences and focus instead on what we have in common, that will go a long way to shifting our collective experience. If we are able to accept that everyone is on their own journey, learning and growing in their own time and their own ways, the opportunities for peace and building bridges can present themselves even more rapidly.

I feel blessed that these two guys are still in my life. Regardless of where we are different, I know that any interaction we have is going to include a ton of laughter because we seem to bring out the best in each other when it comes to wit. I also know that no matter what, we will always show up for each other because we see each other with our hearts first. 

We have that choice every day. To use our hearts to help us see. To use compassion to help us connect. To hold space for others who are on a different path. At least for me, taking that approach makes life a whole lot sweeter. 

The Dismantling of Our Rights

I have a medical issue that I have been trying to completely clear for a very long time. Over the years, I have looked at it from every direction / every angle I could think of (clearing emotional root causes as well as trying to address it nutritionally, etc) yet still not seeing the lasting results I was hoping for. The discouragement I have felt over the years, each time it flares up, has often brought me to the point of frustration (bordering on depression). 

With my most recent resurgence of symptoms, I decided to try approaching it in a new way. Rather than trying to figure it out myself, the other night before I went to bed, I told my guides that I would love the issue to be healed while I slept, if that was possible and if it was something I needed to work through myself, I asked that I at least be shown what I hadn't been able to see on my own.  

When I woke the next morning, I kept hearing "TSA. TSA." At first I felt frustrated by that - saying to myself "What's TSA got to do with it?" and then giggled to myself as I heard Tina Turner singing "What's TSA got to do with it, got to do with it" in my head. Then like a movie playing in my mind, I saw my last experience with TSA and with it, a flood of memories from a pretty awful weekend I had many years ago. As each piece of that weekend came back to mind, I thought "Oh, I forgot about that" and "Wow, I forgot that happened too." 

I liken it to finally dealing with that closet in your house - you know, the one you stuff all the things you don't know what to do with or where you stow things away when you have company coming, to the point where you can barely close the door anymore. After laying there for a few minutes, recounting all the details of that weekend, I felt the way you might if someone had emptied the closet and strewn the contents all over the floor (and you are wondering how all 5,000 of those items could have possibly fit in that tiny coat closet). LOL

It was the year that my best friends from college and I were all turning 40. When I was in college, there were a group of 8 of us that were absolutely inseparable. Four of us girls and four guys. We did everything together and a party wasn't a "party" until all of us were present and accounted for. In the years since then we still managed to get together a lot, usually requiring me to fly up north since almost everyone had settled in the same general area. With everyone but me married and having children, we had drifted a bit but I had managed to remain in close contact with almost everyone. 

On that particular weekend, I was invited to attend the 40th birthday bash of one of the gals and much to my disappointment, she had only invited me and one of the other girls from the old gang to her party. Several of the other members of our group lived in the area but weren't invited, which I understood was her choice, but it put me in an awkward position. I could fly into town and either tell them why I was there and risk them feeling uncomfortable / upset that they weren't included or lie to them about why I was in town, which felt equally gross. I decided to go with the third option which was to fly up there for the party and not tell any of the others that I was in town (which didn't feel good either but it felt like the best of the unpleasant options I had).

I reached out to a guy I had dated briefly about 5 years earlier to see if I could stay with him while I was in town. He had just moved there and didn't know many people, so I figured I could bring him with me to the party and give him a chance to meet a bunch of new people. Well, I had forgotten what it was like to be around him until I was there and in less than 24 hours, I deeply regretted the choice I had made. He was one of those people who would switch back and forth between being the kindest, most thoughtful person to being insensitive and borderline mean, then back to thoughtful and kind again. The pendulum of his behavior never stopped swinging so being around him threw me off kilter so much I didn't know which way was up. It left me feeling increasingly raw and out of balance.

By the end of the weekend, all I could think about was how much I wanted to just get home. The time I had spent around him pushed just about every button I had. The party wasn't all that much fun. The music was so loud you couldn't carry on a conversation and it was raining so hard that you couldn't step outside to talk. The birthday girl was so busy being the host of the party, we didn't even get a chance to visit. I felt guilty about being in town and not seeing my other college friends. It felt like a whole weekend of bad choices on my part.

As I was making my way through security, TSA decided "something" in my luggage was a threat to national security but they wouldn't tell me what. I said to the guy a couple times, "If you can tell me what you are looking for, maybe I can tell you where it is" but he just ignored me. With the line of people waiting to go through security growing longer and longer while the TSA agent haphazardly pulled everything out of my neatly organized carry on bag, I could feel the frustration of the travelers waiting to get through the check point and to their gates. 

Being a seasoned traveler, I had a pretty good system worked out for packing at the end of a trip. Clean clothes were neatly roll up to keep them from wrinkling, dirty clothes were folded on the other side of the bag so it was much easier to unpack and know what needed to go straight into the laundry basket. But as I stood there helplessly watching my dirty clothes being tossed into a pile with the clean clothes, feeling a growing sense of violation as my bras, underwear and other personal items were pulled out of the bag and thrown on the conveyer belt for all to see, I felt my own frustration as well.

On top of that when I was packing that morning I couldn't find the rubber band I used to secure the lid on my little box of jewelry, which concerned me as I had about 15 different sets of small delicate earrings in there along with a myriad of rings, bracelets and necklaces. I had rolled it snuggly inside a pair of slacks to keep it from spilling out inside my bag. so when he unrolled the slacks with the little box of jewelry, I instinctively reached out to touch the box while saying "Ooh, please be careful with that, the lid isn't secure and it's my jewelry." He freaked out because I had "touched him" in the process and he began yelling at me about how I needed to BACK UP, that I wasn't allowed to TOUCH HIM, etc. At that point I lost my temper, yelling back, "I just don't want you to spill my "#^&$%*" box of jewelry!" The next thing I knew, TSA agents had swarmed the security check point and were threatening to not allow me on the plane. Fighting back tears, I couldn't wrap my head around what was unfolding. All I wanted was to go home. 

He finally found what he was looking for . . . Apparently, I had put a lighter in the pocked of the pants I had been wearing the night before and didn't realize it. After removing that "incredibly dangerous item" from my bag, several security guards pitched in to shove all my belongings from the conveyer belt back in the bag, once again handling all of my undergarments, balling up my clean and my dirty clothes, in a rush to "get the line moving."

As I sat there in the waiting area, I felt all eyes on me as I dissolved into tears and attempted to repack my carry on bag. Was it really worth it? The aggravation of following the rules, along with the violation I just experienced, all in an attempt to find a lighter, which was going to "keep everyone safe?" It was in that moment that I vowed to never get on another plane. Granted I was feeling very raw and unbalanced because of the weekend I had just had, but I was sure that it was time to stop participating in things that felt so out of alignment with my soul.

On the flight home, I tried to process all that had occurred over the weekend as well as the frustration I felt over the TSA requirements that kept coming out . . . rules and regulations that kept changing and made no sense. I couldn't bring water on the plane, I couldn't just throw a shampoo and a conditioner bottle into my bag, I had to transfer them into small bottles under a certain amount of ounces, I couldn't have eyebrow tweezers in my carry on, etc.  And it was all meant to keep the world SAFE?? I was sickened by what we had accepted as the new "normal." None of it made sense to me and I couldn't understand why everyone just kept accepting the new "rules" and carrying on with a "business as usual" attitude.

Well, being true to my word, that all occurred 16 years ago and I haven't been on a plane since. My own little protest of one, which obviously hasn't changed anything in the grand scheme of things but it was the right decision for me and it does show how determined I can be to respect and honor myself and my own beliefs. I refused to bend and mold myself to meet requirements that offered no real value, while infringing on my personal freedoms. This feeling has once again been growing in me for the last year so it's no wonder the medical issue is back again as I have felt much the same way as I did 16 years ago.

While sitting with this "remembrance" I could see a pattern emerge . . . "something" occurs and we are encouraged to be very fearful as well as hateful towards a select group of "others". Then we are told we will be "safe" if we just follow along with some new rules. Meanwhile more of our freedoms are stripped away. If people question the new rules or express concern that our freedoms are being lost, we are encouraged to shame them with new labels like "unpatriotic" or "selfish and uncaring."

The parallels between then and now were hitting me squarely in the face and for a while I wasn't sure what to do about it. I just kept breathing into my heart and exhaling deeply. Then some of my own words, from my own blog posts began coming back into my head . . . the importance of being compassionate with ourselves and what we've been through (so I spent a little time "chatting" with my 40 year old self, offering some much needed empathy about how cruddy that weekend truly was) and offering compassion to myself for the number of times I have been told I was a bad sibling/friend for refusing to get on a plane. I reminded myself how important it was that I still find ways to be ME and honor my own soul. (Song lyrics played in my head . . . "I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself, again." 

Then I looked at how this applies to now. Maybe I need to be more forthcoming about why I haven't been participating in things that are out of alignment with my soul. Maybe it's about finding ways to more courageously enjoy MY life regardless of what everyone else is choosing to do. Maybe it's also about honoring and appreciating myself for choosing to love myself over pleasing (or trying to fit in) with others.

I acknowledge that this started out as a post about another option for healing something that keeps recurring and it seems to have morphed into a post pointing out that we are once again having our freedoms taken away from us. At first glance they may not seem to be connected and yet, in many ways they are. Things will keep showing up in our bodies (and in our reality) until we really look at them and decide if it is something we want to continue to experience. From there the choice is ours. 

I heard Tina Turner singing "What's love got to do with it, got to do with it" in my head and I smiled, as I thought "It's got everything to do with it" because it really comes down to how much we love and honor OURSELVES. It is about how brave we might need to be when we question things that don't make sense to us, how kind we might need to be to ourselves when others malign us for following our own hearts. I could see that when we stand up for ourselves and honor ourselves, we are showing ourselves LOVE. Then almost as if on cue, I heard the Beatles singing in my head . . . "All you need is love, love, love is all you need."

And I don't think that it is any accident that while working on this blog post, I received an email from one of the "gang of 8" from college, sharing his favorite song in response to an email I sent a few days ago with a link to my new favorite song. And his song just happened to be: "Love Is Bigger Than Anything In Its Way" by U2.