From Chaos to Peace

 Just like humans, animals have the same desire to be seen, heard, understood and appreciated. 

It is my belief that we ALL deserve these basic things . . .  and yet sadly, most people and animals don't feel this way. They don't feel seen, heard, understood or appreciated.

The good news though is it isn't difficult to accomplish this . . . it often only requires us to be present and to really listen.

Sometimes I wish I had video taped my sessions with animals back in the early years when I was doing all my Animal Communication sessions in person so that I could play the videos for people who don't believe animals are as capable of thinking and feeling as they are. 

One of my favorite examples of this is from many years ago, but it made a lasting impression on me. I met with a woman and her three dogs - two large dogs - and one small dog with a big personality. If people could see what transpired that day, I think it would easily dispel many of the beliefs people have about animals. People would see evidence that animals understand everything we say. They would have no doubt that animals have feelings and that they can process information. They would clearly understand how much animals appreciate being heard and respected.

The guardian of these three dogs had contacted me because the dogs were exhibiting new, strange and sometimes destructive behavior. She told me that Mickey, the German shepherd and Emma, the standard poodle had been with her for many years. Tony, the new little guy who was a mix - a white fluffy ball of energy, had recently joined their family. As I asked her questions about these new unwanted behaviors, she began to realize that many of the issues she was dealing with started shortly after Tony came to live with them. 

When I first arrived, they all greeted me, but Mickey went almost immediately to lay in his crate, clearly not too sure about me. As I visited with Emma, Tony and their guardian, I began learning more about the new behaviors that had recently cropped up and was trying to get a sense of what was going on with everyone. When we walked into the room where Mickey's crate was, he let out a small, deep growl to let me know he needed his space. I understood and respected that, although, I'll confess, I was a little bummed to discover that my deep connection with my own German shepherd, Lucky, didn't give me an immediate "in" with all German shepherds. :-)

We called Mickey over a few times to talk about what was going on, and while he did come over each time, he didn't show much interest in interacting with me and would go back to his crate within a few minutes. I could tell that he wasn't sure what to think of me and was definitely on guard, silently watching me out of the corner of his eye, not ready to trust me yet. 

A few minutes later, the dogs noticed someone walking in front of their house. Mickey jumped out of his crate and ran to the front window to bark and let them know the house was protected, and right on his heels was Tony who ran to the front window too and began barking. After a minute or so, Mickey seemed irritated with Tony and went back to his crate, while Tony continued to bark and bark. I could feel Mickey's frustration and I kept sensing he was feeling kind of defeated, although I didn't understand that part just yet. I just knew Tony was bothering him.

As I sat there tuning into the energy, I could sense some "role confusion" . . . and pieces began to click into place. Mickey always felt it was his job to protect the house, to protect her, but now that Tony was here trying to play such an active role in protecting the house, Mickey was feeling confused and a little frustrated. I suspected it was why Mickey had been engaging in one of the new odd behaviors (pulling food off the island in the kitchen for all the dogs to enjoy). I suggested that maybe the role of protecting the house should remain Mickey's role and that we could find another "job" for Tony to do. As soon as I made that statement, Mickey came out of his crate, walked right up to me and licked my cheek. I could feel his gratitude for my being able to articulate what he was feeling and I also sensed he was a little more convinced that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that I was there. 

A little while later, the guardian wanted to show me the backyard. I can't remember what the impetus was for us to go back there, but as we got to the backyard, she pointed out that the dogs used to have access to the whole entire backyard, but that now they only had access to the side yard. I asked if we could all go into the backyard together and she said yes so all three dogs joined us in the backyard. As we continued to talk and I asked her why the dogs no longer had access to the whole backyard. She explained that in the first week Tony was there, he fell into the pool and she was so worried it would happen again, that she wasn't letting any of them go out there.

I told her that it was likely a contributing factor in the new unwanted behaviors. They were no longer allowed to enjoy the backyard like they used to and that wasn't making them very happy. As I was explaining how Mickey and Emma felt about that, how it made them even less excited that Tony joined their family (since his presence had actually taken away some of the things they enjoyed most), Mickey came over to me again, licked my face and then rolled over on his back at my feet, letting me know a belly-rub would be appreciated and accepted. To see the transformation in him, from growling at me, to licking my face, to rolling over on his back, it was undeniable that the change in his attitude towards me was directly related to how I was speaking on his behalf. Animals appreciate being "heard" just as much as humans do.

Their guardian and I talked about how it would be better for Tony to learn how to walk around the pool (and not fall in) than to keep all the dogs out of the backyard. As we were discussing some different options for how she could teach this to Tony, Emma came over and offered me her paw, as if saying, "Why thank you very much, what a pleasure it has been to have you here today." :-) She was so darling about it and I could feel a lightness in both she and Mickey that hadn't been there when I first arrived. We were making some real headway!

One of the other issues their guardian had been dealing with was that they all were acting very needy and competing for her attention, which was something they hadn't done before. When she sat down in a chair, if one of the dogs came over to get some pets from her, the other two would rush over and try to push each other out of the way to get her attention. If she picked Tony up and put him in her lap, things got even worse -  Emma and Mickey would try climbing up there too, which wasn't a good thing because it could result in her getting physically injured. It was definitely a competition for her attention and one that shouldn't continue. 

I suggested that she could try giving them attention one at a time, so they each got some of her undivided attention. I went onto explain that they would also need to learn that they couldn't ambush her anymore so clear boundaries would need to be set and consistently upheld. We decided to have me give it a try first to see how it worked. Initially things were going great. I sat down on the floor to pet Mickey and when Emma and Tony came over to try and horn in on the attention, I told them it was Mickey's turn for attention and they would get their turn soon. Much to my delight, they both accepted that and sat down, quietly and patiently watching us.

Then when it was Emma's turn for attention, Tony tried to push his way in and I explained that it wasn't his turn yet. Mickey lifted his head off the floor, and I could tell he was contemplating a move over in me and Emma's direction too but I said "Mickey, you just had your turn, it's Emma's turn now" and he put his head back down on the floor and closed his eyes. Their guardian and I were both so pleased with how this was going, excited to see that they were understanding and respecting the boundary we were trying to set. I continued to pet Emma for a while, while she gleefully soaked up the attention. 

Then it was Tony's turn, so I called him over to me and reminded everyone that it was now Tony's turn for some attention, at which time Ella and Mickey immediately ambushed me and no one was listening anymore. It was total chaos in a matter of seconds. Their guardian and I couldn't help but laugh . . . clearly this was going to take a little more practice to put into place. It was evident that while Mickey and Emma respected each other, that respect did not include Tony just yet and it was going to take some time for them to trust him and show him the same courtesy that they showed one another. None the less, it was an encouraging first attempt. 

That particular appointment was a stand-out for me and has stuck with me all these years. It is such a great example of how much animals want to be seen, heard, understood and appreciated just as much as us humans do and it is one of my favorite aspects of the work I do (both with animals and with humans) - when I can assist in opening this door and see the positive reaction.

So my question to you is this . . . what can you do today to help the people and/or animals in your life feel seen, heard, understood and appreciated. Whether it is at work or at home, what action could take? 

Maybe it is YOU that needs this - and if so, how can you show up for yourself? What can you do to honor and respect yourself? Are you listening to others more than you are listening to yourself? If so, maybe today is the day to ignore everyone else's opinion and follow your own heart, your own inner guidance. If people don't appreciate you and the things you do, can you spend a few minutes each day appreciating yourself? 

No matter what you do, chances are you might be pleasantly surprised by the positive shifts it creates. 

Who decides when "it's time"?

In the last couple of weeks, Lucky's back legs have not been working much at all.  It's been an adjustment for us but not one that has been terribly difficult.  I was already helping her walk with the sling so the only difference is that my arms are getting a way better work out than they were before, when Lucky was "sharing the load" so to speak.  Since I am doing all the work for her back end, it's requiring more arm strength for me and a little more coordination for the both of us, but we're making it work.  

I have been the recipient of comments during these last few weeks, some subtle, and some not so subtle, where people suggest maybe it's time to put her down.  My flippant and somewhat humorous response is: "If your mom couldn't walk, would you put her down?" but it has made me think a lot about this part of an animals journey and how we make the choice of when 'it's time."

I have always believed that the choice was up to the animal and our only job was to listen to them, to pay attention to what they were showing us.  Aside from the fact that Lucky needs my help to walk, she's perfectly normal in every other way.   She's still eating with gusto, she's still playing with toys, she's still waking me up in the morning by "singing" and she's still alert and happy.  Nothing in her behavior or demeanor is telling me that she is ready to go.  

But people still question my choice.  I have been pondering this issue for a while now, not only because of my own situation but also because I have friends and clients who are also dealing with pets who are aging and losing certain abilities.  I have realized that often when people decide to put their animal down, it's because THEY can't do it anymore.  I am not saying that is wrong, because we all have to decide what is right for us.  

I guess I look at aging more as part of the process of life. I am not afraid of it.  I have seen Lucky change in the last few years.  I have seen her unable to do things she used to be able to do and I learned a while back from a sweet Pug named Max that we have to just keep re-defining "normal."   What was normal before (chasing the tennis ball and running on the beach) has now been replaced with a new definition of normal and I know that definition will keep changing.  

These days, laying on the floor in the family room together while I read a book and hold her paw with my free hand is our new 'normal.'  It's not the same as running on the beach but it is just as sweet.  And now when we go to the park, instead of the kids throwing the ball for Lucky, they just sit around her and pet her and talk to her.  It's not the same as before, but it is no less touching to see Lucky light up in the presence of children.  

Several of my clients are dealing with these issues as well.  Potty accidents are becoming more frequent, as they have from time to time with Lucky.  Do you decide to put your animal down because they have a few accidents? or do you just keep a supply of towels handy?  I realize it's a personal choice.  If you can't handle the accidents, then maybe you make once choice.  If you decide that getting some pads to put down under them is an OK solution or having that extra supply of towels around, then you make another choice.  

I think about myself and how I would want to be treated when I get older and begin to lose my faculties.  I wouldn't want to be put down because I occasionally lost bladder control.  I would want to be treated with kindness and respect, regardless of what I could or couldn't do anymore.  And I have realized that that is what I am trying to do with Lucky.  I am trying to treat her with kindness and respect.  I am trying to honor her in this part of her life as much as I honored her in the previous 13 years.  I am trying to enjoy the time we have together and make it as fun for both of us as possible.  I am trying to not make a big deal about the changes we are going through, trying to help her see that we're still OK, we're still a team and letting her know I don't mind helping her with things she didn't used to need my help with. 

Most importantly, I am paying attention to her and I am listening.  When she's ready to go, I know she'll tell me, she'll show me.  I know I need to not let other people's opinions make me second guess myself or Lucky.  We've been together for thirteen and a half years and if anyone knows Lucky, it's me.  Just as my clients and friends know their animals better than anyone else.  We all have to make the decisions based on what is right for us and hopefully, what is right for our animals as well.  But if you try to tell me that I should put Lucky down because her back legs aren't working, I will tell you that Lucky isn't as concerned about it as you are.  :-) 

It is difficult in some moments?  Absolutely yes.  Last weekend when she woke me up in the middle of the night to let me know she needed to throw up, I tried to get her out of my bedroom and into the backyard.  My back, which has been a little taxed from all the extra physical requirements decided it wasn't going to cooperate with us and it gave out on me.  Sitting on the floor of my bedroom, I knew I would never be able to get both of us up and out to the backyard in time, so I grabbed one of the towels I have on hand and put it in front of her.  She threw up on the towel.  It wasn't the end of the world.  Of course, in a moment of weakness and overload, it didn't stop me from crying and telling her I was sorry I couldn't get her out in the yard but she understood.  I put the towel in the laundry room to deal with in the morning and once I got her back on her bed, we both went back to sleep.  

On the plus side, I have better arms muscles than I have ever had before and I don't even need to go to the gym.  I look at this time as just a part of our journey - the part where I get to give to her - to let her know how much I truly appreciate all she has done for me over the years.  I look at it as an honor.  We're partners in this world, at this time.  I would do anything for her, just as I know she would do anything for me.  I will continue to try to be the person she believes I am . . . strong, capable, resilient, loving and kind.  And when she tells me it is time for her to go, at least I will know that I honored her to her last day.