Sometimes You Just Need to Laugh

This is one of those things that is sad but it's actually pretty funny as well so everyone reading this has my full permission to just enjoy the laugh and not feel sorry for me.  :-) 

A couple nights ago I was having a tough time . . . Kino's legs were weaker than usual and I was trying to get a harness on him and get him outside to go potty before he had an accident in the house - but *I* was having trouble providing the support he needed. My lower back was really sore and weak which made it harder to hold him up. His back legs kept slipping and sliding out from under him, like he was doing the splits, which made it even more challenging to not trip over his legs. I was doing my best not to step on his feet / legs and not fall down myself but it was extra hard that night. 

Reaching a place of overwhelm, I began to cry . . . feeling in that moment like I didn't have it in me to keep doing this. As we were fumbling our way to the door, I grabbed what I thought was a kleenex from the table to stick up my nose. (FYI: I have taken to just sticking kleenex up my nose lately because I cry a lot - both good tears when something has really touched my heart and sad tears when I feel overwhelmed with what Kino and I are going through and I have been experiencing both of those reasons for tears with more intensity lately. Since constantly wiping my nose makes the skin chaffed and sore, it is easier sometimes to just stick a kleenex up my nose.)  LOL

Once I had secured the kleenex in place, we managed to make it the final stretch out the door and even though we were still slipping and sliding, I was doing my best to hold it together for both of our sakes, especially because we were going out the FRONT door. 

We can get to grass much quicker in the front yard, which provides more traction than concrete so he often opts for the front yard - thus having kleenex shoved up my nose was a bit of a "risk" but a risk I was willing to take because I was actively crying and generating a lot more snot and didn't have a free hand to be able to deal with all that. It was getting dark so I hoped no one would be walking past the house at that exact moment and see me looking like such a hot mess.

Once we were outside was when I noticed that the "kleenex" wasn't feeling too good. It was rough and scratchy and hurting the inside of my nose and I was also getting a strong scent . . . I couldn't put my finger on it because I was so focused on trying to keep Kino standing yet I knew it was a familiar scent. I was sure I didn't have any scented kleenex or toilet paper in the house so I was confused. With all that was going on I didn't have a free hand to pull the tissue back out of my nose, so I was forced to leave it there until I got him safely back inside. 

Well, as we were stumbling back into the house it hit me. I had accidentally shoved a used DRYER SHEET up my nose!!  Clearly it says a thing or two about the limit to my current house keeping skills if I have used kleenex AND used dryer sheets laying around - LOL - but it made me laugh so hard!  And it was just what I needed to shift my mood in that moment - from feeling overwhelmed to feeling amused. 

Every time I think about it, it makes me laugh all over again. Oh my goodness - if someone had seen me, we might have been photographed for some kind of social media group that shares pictures of "scary / crazy people around the neighborhood."  LOL  

Anyway, I hope it gives everyone who reads this a bit of a giggle too. Just know that if you have rough moments or rough hours or even rough days, you aren't alone and it's OK. A lot of us are going through these ups and downs - especially those of us who are really sensitive to energy. 

This post is meant to encourage you to hang in there and let yourself have a laugh when you can. Sure, it's more fun to laugh at something outside of us - like a funny TV show or video or a good comedian but these days I will take the "funny" in any way it is available. :-) 

ps: I shared this story with a good friend of mine and once she stopped laughing, she DID express curiosity about the used dryer sheets laying on tables, so here is a quick answer to that in case anyone else is wondering. 

Here by the beach, in an old rental house, everything has a bit of a mildew scent - which is NOT a pleasant way for your clothes and linens to smell. Therefore, I place used dryer sheets in drawers, closets, etc. all the time in an attempt to keep things smelling a little better. AND with Kino being in the condition he is in, I frequently drop everything I am doing in order to help him (i.e. if he falls down or gets himself stuck somewhere). 

Therefore, I am only successful at getting from the laundry area to some mildew smelling location in the house about 50% of the time. The other 50%, I drop the used dryer sheet on the closest surface because my priority in that moment has shifted to Kino. Between that and the frequent tears . . . you can hopefully understand why there might be kleenex AND used dryer sheets laying about the house.  LOL

Alternative ways to treat cancer

I discovered last June that my thirteen year old German Shepherd, Lucky, had cancer.  I have been taking her to a holistic veterinarian for 11 years so I had long ago left the world of tests and biopsies.  The tumors appeared on her body and they were growing and my intuition told me they were cancerous.  That was all the confirmation I needed.  Well, most days I thought so. Many people questioned my decision to avoid getting tests run and I had a few moments of self doubt here and there, wondering if I was doing her a disservice by not getting tests to confirm what was going on.  Then other moments where I knew I couldn't drag her to another vet for tests because I had made a promise to her 11 years ago that we wouldn't do that anymore. 

I found that this issue of Lucky's health shook up my foundation many times, making me question my beliefs, to second guess myself, to wonder if I was misguided and then ultimately finding my way back to my beliefs again, maybe even more strongly than before.  

Shortly after I discovered the tumors, I spoke with my vet.  He reminded me that the only thing tests would do would be to give me the name of the type of cancer and that in the process of getting tests done, cancer cells could end up being spread to other places in her body.  I knew that wasn't what I wanted and I made my peace with not knowing the specific name of the cancer she had.  I felt good about the path I was on. 

My vet and I discussed our shared belief that our bodies are designed to be able to heal themselves and that one of the best things I could do was support Lucky's immune system.  I started giving her an herb that is designed to do just that, (boost her immune system) and she started getting daily Reiki treatments from me.  We also started her on another herbs that would work on getting rid of the tumors.   I knew this was the right course of action for us because for me personally, chemo and radiation were never going to be an option I would choose.  I wanted to get rid of these tumors and I also wanted to minimize any negative impact on Lucky's body.  

It was a rocky couple of months, not seeing the tumors change in size and wondering what I was doing wrong, worrying that it wasn't going to work.  I knew I had to face the fact that Lucky was 13, which is a pretty advanced age for a German Shepherd and that she might not be able to fight this.  I also knew I had to accept that when her time came, it was her time and I didn't have the ability to change fate.   

We switched to a different herb after a month to see if that worked and after another month, there was still no change in the size of the tumors. I wasn't willing to give up though and Lucky was telling me she wasn't ready to give up either.  She told me by continuing to have a great appetite, by having energy and still being goofy.  She told me in ways that I could feel in my heart, that she wasn't ready to go, so we pressed on.  

There were many moments where my fears and emotions would get the best of me and my intuition, which seemed to work effortlessly with other people's animals, seemed to not work at all when it came to Lucky.  There were days where I would be overcome with sadness and worry . . . worry about what I would do without her, worry that I wasn't doing enough, worry that I was letting her down in some way by not being able to make these tumors go away.  The first herb hadn't worked, the second herb hadn't worked, the third herb hadn't worked.  I was running out of options and feared that I was running out of time.  It had been 4 months and there was still no improvement.  I would have moments where I didn't think I would be able to figure out what to do, where I just wanted someone else to tell me what to do . . . and then eventually, I would find my center again and be able to access my own intuition about what to do next.  

After a particularly rough couple of days of self doubt and worry, I finally found my center again.  I felt peaceful and more empowered.  I let my mind go quiet and asked what I needed to do to make these tumors go away, if that was possible.  The answer came into my head . . . I needed to give her a combination of the 1st herb and the 3rd herb.  I couldn't explain it scientifically, I didn't know why the combination of those two was the potentially right combinations, I had no data to back it up.  All I knew was that an answer had come to me and I wasn't about to ignore it.  I immediately started Lucky on the combination of the two herbs.  I tried to resist the urge to check the tumors every day to see if they were changing, but at first it was hard to keep my hands off them.  Eventually, I managed to stop checking them and tried to just trust that we were on the right track. 

Last week, about three weeks after I had last touched her tumors, I decided to run my hands over them.  Much to my surprise and delight, they were smaller.  I was afraid I was wrong, afraid to get my hopes up, so I didn't touch them again for another week for fear that I would touch them again and discover they hadn't changed at all.  But yesterday, I checked them again and sure enough, they are smaller.   

There is still a long list of unknowns . . . I don't know if the tumors will keep shrinking, I don't know if I am going to need to change up the herbs I am giving her to keep this progressing positively, I don't know how long she'll be with me even if we do make the tumors go away.  

What I do know though, is that this was the right path for us.  I also know that one of the most important things I have learned through this is that I need to keep trusting myself, trusting my intuition and trusting what I am picking up from Lucky.  I have also come to realize that there are new options out there every day for dealing with disease.  We aren't stuck with limited choices if we're willing to take a chance at trying something new and if we're willing to trust that the right path will present itself if we stay true to ourselves and our own beliefs.  

For the moment, I am blessed to have a beautiful German Shepherd, who can still make me laugh and melt my heart.  I am holding the intention that the tumors continue to shrink until they are completely gone and I try to take a moment every day to picture her healthy and cancer free.  I know I can't make her live forever but I can love her and appreciate her every day that she is here, and I can keep trusting that my intuition will help guide me to make the best choices I can for her.  

If you have an animal with cancer, I hope you'll explore the many alternative treatments that are out there and trust yourself to find the one that is right for you and your animal.