Give Yourself Permission to Just Be You

From the beginning of my career, I had a bit of trouble fitting-in to the corporate world. I guess I wasn’t good at “playing the part” because I longed to be me, to be valued for who I was and what I brought to the “party.” I was also a people-pleasers so I constantly felt the push and pull between those two sides of the spectrum – feeling like no matter what choice I made, it wouldn’t be the “right” choice.

Early in my 20s, I was told I should never wear heels when I taught a workshop and that I should sit down as much as possible because at 5’11” I was apparently too intimidating. I was also told I needed to invest in wool gabardine slacks, some high neck blouses and a string of pearls. How was that going to improve the experience of the participants if I was dressed like my grandmother? Why wasn’t it ok for me to just be ME?

When I went into consulting, I was told I should wear long sleeves and pants because companies wouldn’t want to hire a consultant with a tan. Apparently having a tan would suggest I was charging too much or not working hard enough – but I had decided to be a consultant in part because having a work/life balance was really important to me. If walking on the beach or hiking on sunny trails helped me be more present and energized when I was working with clients, why should that be hidden? I found it especially confusing when these were companies claiming that a strong work/life balance was part of their culture or mission. Over the years, peers questioned my use of humor and my willingness to share my own vulnerability while I was working with clients, suggesting that it wasn’t “professional.” I saw how my approach helped my clients feel comfortable opening up and engaging more deeply in what we were doing (whether it was a class or a session I was facilitating or someone I was coaching) so I didn’t want to stop making them laugh or sharing my vulnerabilities. I didn’t want to stop bringing “me” to the table. 

 

Before I left the corporate world, I was chastised for not having glitzy enough graphics and animation in my presentations. I was told that training participants wanted to be entertained and to feel that I was relatable. Since most of my clients were in the tech world, I was told I needed to use more technology in my presentations. Yet I was less interested in the presentation portion of the workshops I taught or sessions I facilitated as I felt it was more important to get folks engaged in the material. To me, group exercises and discussions where they could really work with the material and get a sense of how to USE the concepts I was sharing once they were back at work seemed more important. Many companies were more interested in meeting their goals for the quarter, which were often about the # of employees they put through training and how many them were “happy” with the training or the # of off-site meetings the manager held. What mattered to me was what the employees were able to do AFTER the session – once they were back at work. Were they able to implement the concepts we worked with? Or were they encountering roadblocks because of broken processes and people issues that were higher up the chain? That was what I cared about yet it was where the disconnect often was. It was confusing to me when companies would spend so much money on training or off-sites but not care as much about what employees were able to do with it afterward.

 

I’m not complaining or trying to shame anyone for the unsolicited “advice” I received or the lack of alignment I felt. I’m just offering up a few examples of how sometimes it is difficult to fit into a mold or play a part that doesn’t feel totally aligned with who we truly are. Was I a fit for every client? No and I didn’t expect to be. What I did want was opportunities to work with companies and individuals who were in alignment with how I wanted to show up in the corporate world. 

 

Fortunately when I do dip my toes back into the corporate world, it is because I have found individuals and companies that accept me for me and value what I have to offer. I have met executives who really want to know what the roadblocks are to their employees being as effective as possible. I have had the great fortune of working with a few executives who jump right in and start removing those roadblocks, whether it is fixing a process or addressing a people issue that is keeping their employees from being fully empowered in their jobs.

 

So why am I sharing this? I am offering it up for folks to consider because if there is one thing I have learned as I have gotten older is that there is nothing wrong with being ourselves. I believe that WHO each of us are individually is truly our gift to the world. It is where our value lies and where our greatest and strongest contributions can be made. 

I recognize that not everyone is plagued with the same issues I was but for those who are – if you happen to be someone who is feeling the pull between being YOU and fitting in, I hope you might feel inspired to bring more of the real you to the table. I also offer encouragement to not be afraid to step outside the box and be yourself. There is a wonderful feeling of freedom that comes when we allow ourselves to drop the mold we are trying to fit ourselves into and bring more of our true selves to the table! 

The Things I Knew At Sixteen

While going through some boxes this week, I found a folder with some old school papers in it.  I had saved a couple of poems I wrote in a creative writing class, which surprised me because I never thought poetry was my thing (I only remember getting really hung up on needing everything to rhyme)  LOL 

My jaw dropped when I discovered that back in high school (umm, about 40 years ago) I was writing about things that I've pretty much spent the last 4 decades learning/re-learning. While I was tickled to see that I had a little more insight at the age of 16 than I recall, it did kind of explain why I never felt like I "fit in" when I was young. My head and my heart always seemed to be some place else - some far away place that didn't make sense to others. Thought I'd share the poems here . . . not because they are GREAT poems but because the content has a fair amount of wisdom and interestingly enough, they seem quite fitting for the times we're in. 

Inner Peace

Maybe it's that eagerness that never seems to cease, always searching high and low for that inner peace.

Unsure at times of what it is, with all of the confusion. Ringing bells and hurried schedules are offenders of intrusion.

Early morning til late night it always is the same. Everyone in such a rush, playing that competitive game.

No one taking the time to stop and smell a pretty flower. People seem to be keyed in on only gaining power.

At times I want to make the world stop for just a minute - to appreciate this world of ours and all the marvelous things in it.

Receiving is all we ever do and no one wants to give. If only we could open up, there'd be more of a reason to live.

Crowds of people everywhere and all those people need love. If only they would care some more instead of push and shove.

Anticipating a change in us, that could make us share some more, because unless this change occurs, inner peace I can never explore.

Until the day comes when we have time for each other, retentive thoughts will linger on and I won't run for cover.

Keeping in mind that inner peace is my greatest need, learning early on in life that that's what others plead.

Everything I do in life will be reaching towards a new way. Yesterday it was inner peace, now it's that everyone reaches inner peace too some day.

Windows To The World

Windows to the world are what we're looking through - though clouded windows won't always do.

Who knows if what we find is true. Always mixed with emotion, people always blue.

Seeing is believing, as some people say. Yet for those who cannot see, what is the price they pay?

Knowing is to get a better view, but what about those who never get a clue.

Touching - we are moving toward the things we feel. Remember, love isn't something we can steal.

Trying to be what we could never be. Accepting ourselves for who we are is the real key.

Turning, if we'd only open up our hearts. Making attempts but they are all false starts.

Yearning for the things we cannot see. If we could be patient, they would come to be.

For the windows to the world aren't opened all the way. If we stay open, maybe we'll understand it all some day.

Empowering Pet Parents

Clients often ask me if I can tell them why something is going on with their pet. I wish it were that simple - that I could ask a pet "What is making you so itchy?" or "Why have you been throwing up lately?" and then relay their answer to their guardian.  Since animals don't communicate that way, it is often up to us - their guardians - to answer those questions. You might be surprised to know that keeping track of changes we've made (regarding food, treats, medication/supplements as well as life changes, schedule changes, etc) will give us more information than we thought possible.

I learned this myself many years ago when all of the sudden Lucky had a ton of hot spots. She was itchy and uncomfortable all the time. My vet asked me if there had been changes to her food or treats and my answer was "No." In my mind, nothing had changed so we couldn't figure out what could have caused this sudden bout of severe itchiness. Then one day while at the pet store, I decided to grab another bag of the treats I gave her and was stunned to realize that there were two different brands right next to each other on the shelf. The shape and size of the treats were identical and the bags were even the same color. Could I had accidentally bought her a different type of treat the last time I made a purchase? Sure enough that ended up being the culprit. Here I was swearing up and down that NOTHING had changed, when the truth was, I had accidentally bought a different treat and since I opened the bag up and poured them into the "treat jar" I hadn't seen the packaging since the day I bought them.  (On the plus side, that was when we determined that Lucky had an allergic reaction to corn). 

I learned a lot in the years Lucky was with me and thankfully, I can pass those insights along to my clients. For instance, I have had countless dogs suddenly become "deaf" - my clients assume it's an old age thing but often inquire if a Reiki session could help with that. This is a situation I am so familiar with that I always ask "Did your dog have ear mites anytime in the last 6 months?" The answer is YES about 80% of the time. The reason I ask that question is because I learned through my OWN experience that the treatment (drops that you put in their ear canal) can often leave a thin coating on the ear drum. This results in the dog not being able to hear as well and in most cases, using an ear wash will "restore the dog's hearing." 

The "hearing loss" isn't usually noticed immediately so by the time we're at the "I think my dog is deaf" stage, we've long forgotten about that brief period of ear mite treatment that occurred months earlier. So much time can pass that it won't ever occur to us that the two things are related. 

As Lucky got older and had more health issues, it was harder and harder to keep track of how long something had been going on, as it seemed my answer to that was "just recently" or "for quite a while" whenever our vet asked me questions about the timing of things. That was when I learned to keep my own "Pet Journal."

Recently I had a client who was very concerned about her dog's seizures and she wanted to know if I could tell her what was causing them. I explained to her that her dog wouldn't be able to tell me the cause but reminded her that she had more knowledge than she thought she did. I suggested she start keeping a journal/diary for her dog. She said she already kept track of food changes and medication/supplement changes in her calendar so I asked her if she could also start writing down everything else she was observing. Whether it was behavioral or medical or just seemingly random small things.

So often the "answer" can lie in our ability to observe (and keep track) of seemingly unrelated or unimportant things . . . there is real "gold" there if we can take the time to jot all those details down. Things like crankiness, sleeping a little more, a random potty accident could actually line up with random things that aren't obvious at first. I also find clients change things between visits to their vet (or sessions with me) and they have trouble remembering when they stopped giving their pet a certain supplement (and why) or when certain behavioral things began happening.

It is the reason that I often suggest that animal guardians start keeping a diary for their pets (especially with all my older pets) because a) it's nearly impossible to remember every detail or know what details are important and which ones aren't. and b) because animals often "show us" what's going on through these seemingly small and/or unrelated things. Yes, it does mean that I talk about 50% of the people who come to me for a session OUT of having a session - LOL - but I would much rather support people in finding the answers themselves whenever possible.  

And I love getting their updates when they have figured something out on their own. From the dog who was having issues with itchiness (Her mom determined it was the laundry detergent she was using to wash her dog's bedding and hadn't previously noticed that the itching got worse every time she "washed all the dog bed covers") to the client whose dog had "random potty accidents" who determined that they actually occurred on the day she returned from a business trip). The animal guardians I work with are becoming more and more empowered to find important information this way. Always remember: you have more knowledge of what is happening with your pet than you realize!! 

The other reason this type of information can be helpful is when I DO have a session with an animal, I am able to tap in more specifically to what the guardian has been able to put together. Partnering WITH the guardian almost always ensures a better and/or quicker resolution. 

For example, when a guardian needed help with her cat who had suddenly started vomiting . . . since she was able to tell me exactly what her cat, who was on a raw food diet, was eating for breakfast each day, I was able to pick up on the fact that it was too many different proteins. Plus I got a feeling of queasiness that I get when I eat food that is too rich. Based on that she decided to cut back on the # of different proteins each day and also cut out the ones that were a little more rich. Kitty barfing was resolved!!! 

With another client, being able to share specifics from his journal about when his dog jumped the fence and how often it happened along with what other things were occurring in his life at the time, helped us determine that it WASN'T a negative reaction to his new girlfriend (his biggest fear), but instead the fence jumping coincided with his son's visits. Each time his son came for a visit and then went back to college, there was a day or two of fence jumping. His dog was just missing his son. Putting a t-shirt or sweatshirt his son had worn in the dog's bed resolved the fence jumping. 

Like I said, you have more information than you think . . . and you probably need an animal communicator less often than you think too!  :-)  Something to consider . . . 

Feedback on Lucky For Me

One of the things that has been really fun for me since I published my book is hearing people's reactions to it. Of course the first round of sales were all people who are friends of mine so it wasn't a surprise that I was hearing nice comments from people - LOL - yet it didn't lessen my enjoyment one bit. Some friends emailed every 75 pages or so to tell me what they were enjoying about it so far - other friends waited until they finished reading it to tell me what grabbed their attention - either way, it was incredibly fun to hear their reactions. 

The book did what I hoped it would do . . . give people things they could connect to. Comments as seemly small as "Oh wow, I thought I was the only one who was afraid of driving on steep hills in San Francisco" to larger ones like "Oh wow, this brings back so many memories of when my pet and I went through something similar." Many people said the book gave them things to think about or that they could see something in their own life from a different perspective. It has opened the door for some really nice conversations. Several of my friends are former clients - they were clients in the years the book was written about and after their pets transitioned, they became friends . . . so their comments often included things like "I knew about some of that but not all of what was going on at the time." Ultimately they felt inspired to know how much Lucky and I were able to overcome. It was also really touching to see how many people said they felt nudged to look more closely at something they had been glossing over in their own life. 

I love hearing about what people's favorite parts of the book were, as they were often the favorite parts of my life at the time, so I was glad I was able to capture those things in the book. Many people have commented on how proud they are of me for putting myself in there (and out there) - allowing myself to be THAT honest and vulnerable - to which I confess that it was probably the hardest part of writing the book . . . making peace with the level of openness I went with and the judgement that may come along as a result. 

Of course there is a whole lot that happened in our life that didn't get included in the final version - lots of stories that didn't make it into the final draft because let's be honest - who wants to read a 900 page book? I had a few friends tease me when it first got published, saying things like "I better be in there, you know I was a big part of Lucky's life!" :-)  So Steve, here's a big shout-out to you . . . even though stories about all the time we spent with you didn't make it into the book, your friendship will always mean the world to me. Not only were you always willing to throw the ball for Lucky, whether we were hanging out at my house or out at the pool but clearly, you didn't mind joining in the ball catching on occasion either, which still makes me giggle.  LOL

I hope that my book is as well received with the people who don't know me as well (or at all) . . . only time will tell but in the meantime, I got my first written review and I'm excited to share it here:

Maureen's book is so inspiring and very interesting to read. She showed so much strength and perseverance during her special journey with Lucky. There is so much of her heart and determination to help Lucky with her challenges. You truly see the power of unconditional love.  The connections Maureen made to guide her were almost unbelievable or magical since many came in strange ways and at just the right time.  

So many stories in the book that I could relate to or felt the same way at times. While reading her book it triggered many of my own memories. My favorite stories were her many fun times with Lucky. Although Lucky had some struggles she never gave up either and actually help to guide Maureen on her path. Lucky brought so much joy to so many people of all ages.  They were such gifts to each other and also to so many people, myself included.

Maureen's book taught me several things that could help me in my life as well. 

Cleaning House with a German Shepherd . . .

Not too long ago, I saw a meme that said "Cleaning house with a German shepherd is like brushing your teeth while you are eating an Oreo cookie."  I think about that meme every time I attempt to clean house and it still makes me giggle. 

For whatever reason, Kino loves it when I clean house. I have no idea why it makes him so happy - I just know that if I clean house or work in the yard, it is truly the most animated my boy ever is. His favorite "cleaning tools" for inside are the hand-held vacuum and the swiffer duster.  

For most people, changing the sheets on the bed is a pretty quick activity . . . strip the bed, throw the sheets in the washer, then the dryer, then remake the bed. With a German shepherd like Kino, there can be a LOT more steps involved. From the moment I announce that I am going to change the sheets, the glee begins. He grabs a stuffed toy and shakes it wildly for a good 5 minutes while he runs up and down the hall over and over again. With an extra furry shepherd like Kino, that means more flying fur is generated and there is at least twice as much fur to clean up than there was before I started.

I begin the process of changing the sheets by using the hand-vac to vacuum all around the perimeter of the bed so that the blankets and comforter don't get covered in dog hair when I pull them off the bed. Since the big area rug under the bottom of the bed requires extra attention and special tools, this particular task can take quite a bit of time. Once all of that vacuuming is done and the blankets and top sheet are stripped off the bed, the hand-vac needs to be used again to get all the dog hair from inside the bed that I apparently bring back to bed with me each time I get up to use the restroom in the middle of the night. Then as I am pulling the fitted sheet off, I often look down to find that he has shed MORE fur all over the floor - which means more vacuuming will be necessary if I want to see any evidence of my effort to rid my room of excess fur.

The entire time I am in the bedroom, the melee continues. Sometimes he replaces the stuffed toy for a chew bone or a rope but there is always something in his mouth as he runs in and out of the room, up and down the hall, making his excited bark-howl noise that sometimes sounds like a wolf who is singing . . . all the while, shedding more fur that will need to be vacuumed up.  His glee-filled activity continues until I have successfully wrangled the bed sheets and put them in the washer.

Like the meme said, "Cleaning house with a German shepherd is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreo cookies"

Kino also likes it when I dust. This became a "thing" in the last couple of years, when he would bug me to get off the computer. Once I'd finally comply with his wishes and get down on the floor with him to play, he'd promptly leave the room and stand in the kitchen. I'd check his water bowl to make sure he had water, I'd check the clock to make sure it wasn't meal time, I'd offer to take him in the yard to go potty. The whole time he would just stand there and stare at me.

Dumbfounded by this odd behavior, I began saying, "Show me what you need" and he kept going to the secret door in the kitchen that is just deep enough to house the ironing board and the swiffer duster. The first time he did it, I just looked at him like he was nuts and got back on the computer but when he kept doing it, I knew it needed to be explored more. 

Now I know he wasn't asking me to iron because I don't think he even knows what an ironing board is. We haven't used it in years. (Let's be real, who irons their pajamas? And truth be told, I haven't worn much else the last couple of years). So one day I said "You want me to dust?" and that's when the excitement began. He ran into the family room to grab a stuffed toy, biting down on it repeatedly so the squeaker was activated over and over again, all the while making laps around the couch and coffee table, then back into the kitchen, then more laps around the couch and coffee table while doing some kind of happy dance. It's truly the most hilarious thing you've ever seen. Of course, this behavior also includes the shedding of more fur, the generation of more dust and extra slobber that will now need to be cleaned up as well. 

Did I mention that cleaning house with a German shepherd is like brushing your teeth while you're eating Oreos?  LOL 

Once I begin dusting, he settles in the family room with a chew bone and happily chews away while I dust that room. Each time I move to a new room, there's another round of running up and down the hall, almost like he's making sure I'm REALLY dusting in each room I enter and then celebrating the fact that we're still dusting. Some weeks, he wants me to dust three or more times - which seems a little excessive if you ask me. (Even my mom, who had some pretty stringent house-cleaning practices, only dusted once a week). The hilarious thing is that I do it - maybe in part because seeing me dust brings him so much joy - and it's really hard not to be happy yourself when you see and feel that much joy coming from someone else. 

Yet, with all that vacuuming and dusting, I swear it doesn't look like I do much of either of those things. When friends come over, I usually tell them as they walk in the door, "I swear, I just vacuumed yesterday." Fortunately, my friends don't seem to mind . . . I think they've come to realize that cleaning house with a German shepherd truly is like brushing your teeth while you're eating Oreo cookies. 

Quest For Squeakers Leads to Awesome Non-profit

If you read my blog, you will know that my new "hobby" is performing "squeaker-replacement surgery" on Kino's toys. He never rips the toys apart (It only took about 5 years to train him to stop doing that) LOL . . . it's more a case of him accidentally ruining the squeakers from over-use. To watch him march around the house as he makes a "squeak" with each step he takes, well it's just priceless. Given that the squeakers brings him so much joy, I am constantly on the hunt for better (longer lasting) squeakers. (Here's a picture of Kino patiently waiting for his "friends" to be released from post-op . . . I did a LOT of sewing, I mean I did a LOT of squeaker replacement surgeries that day!!) haha

Recently, my search led me to some squeakers I had never tried before. I was so excited to find them that I made the purchase without reading all the information they had available on the page. Fortunately, they were kind enough to include a brochure about their foundation because everything I read made my heart sing!

The first thing I noticed was that they take used kid toys and turn them into pet toys! Not only are they keeping unwanted toys out of the landfills, but they are upscaling them into safe and adorable pet toys. They are available for purchase if you'd like to support them by getting a few for your own pet. If your pet has other needs, they also have other items for purchase (treats, squeakers, leashes, collars, beds, etc.) And 100% of their profits are donated to further the work they do! Ready for a little shopping for your own pet? Go to: gladdogsnation.com

Even nearer and dearer to my heart is - they also give these re-purposed toys to shelters and rescues. Shelters can be very scary places for an animal to be, especially if they previously lived with a family. They often feel so isolated and over-whelmed, they develop "kennel-stress" and can develop behaviors that make them seem unadoptable. How wonderful it would be if they at least had the comfort of a stuffed friend to keep them company. Knowing first hand how many dogs don't even know how to play with toys when they are adopted, it warmed my heart to think of animals in shelters and rescue groups having toys to play with while they are waiting for their forever families to find them.

This wonderful foundation offers lots of opportunities for you to be part of their mission. You can purchase toys from them, you can donate toys to them, you can donate money to support them, etc. Information about their foundation can be found at gladdogsfoundation.org

As I kept reading the information they provided, my heart continued to beat a little faster . . . everything we ever attempted to do when I was involved in the German shepherd rescue organization is part of what they do. It was as if the foundation's mission had been created based on every wish I ever held in my heart. Here are some of the things they do with the donations they receive:

- They work with shelters and rescues to increase the effectiveness of spay/neuter efforts

- They work with local advocates in rural areas to provide dog houses and better living conditions

- They support shelters and rescues by helping them fundraise and by supporting innovative initiatives 

- They send free toys to dogs and cats who are not yet in loving homes

- They inspire community involvement by creating opportunities for groups such as Girl/Boy scout troops or Bar/Bat Mitzvah projects, or teens that need community service hours, to assist them in upscaling toys.

This is truly the most awesome non-profit I have come across and I am so excited to share information about them with all of you! If you feel inspired, keep spreading the word. With organizations like this, we really CAN make a difference! We CAN be part of the solution!

ps: This blog includes two different websites for this beautiful organization:  

gladdogsnation.com takes you to the site where you can do your shopping

gladdogsfoundation.org has all the information about their foundation and the amazing work they are doing. 

I highly recommend checking them both out!! 

Love Is The Answer

For those who read my blog regularly, you know that I often wake with song lyrics playing in my head that are offering guidance. Today, I heard the song "Love Is The Answer"

If you are not familiar with the song, I have pasted the lyrics below. Sit with them, breathe them in and see where they take you. 

Name your price
A ticket to paradise
I can't stay here any more
And I've looked high and low
I've been from shore to shore to shore
If there's a short cut I'd have found it
But there's no easy way around it

Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all, set us free
Love is the answer

Who knows why
Someday we all must die
We're all homeless boys and girls
And we are never heard
It's such a lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely world
People turn their heads and walk on by
Tell me, is it worth just another try?

Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer (let it shine)
Shine on us all, set us free
Love is the answer (you know the answer is love)

Tell me, are we alive, or just a dying planet?
What are the chances?
Ask the man in your heart for the answers

And when you feel afraid, love one another
When you've lost your way, love one another
When you're all alone, love one another
When you're far from home, love one another
When you're down and out, love one another
All your hope's run out, love one another
When you need a friend, love one another
When you're near the end, love
We got to love, we got to love one another

Light of the world, you got to shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all (know that love can save the day)
Set us free
Love is the answer
(Just give it, just one more chance)

Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer (love, love, love)
Shine on us all, set us free
Love is the answer
(Lord, you just can't let it stop, Lord)

Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all, set us free

ps: This gorgeous picture was taken by my neighbor Liz Dioszegi back in January.