The Dismantling of Our Rights

I have a medical issue that I have been trying to completely clear for a very long time. Over the years, I have looked at it from every direction / every angle I could think of (clearing emotional root causes as well as trying to address it nutritionally, etc) yet still not seeing the lasting results I was hoping for. The discouragement I have felt over the years, each time it flares up, has often brought me to the point of frustration (bordering on depression). 

With my most recent resurgence of symptoms, I decided to try approaching it in a new way. Rather than trying to figure it out myself, the other night before I went to bed, I told my guides that I would love the issue to be healed while I slept, if that was possible and if it was something I needed to work through myself, I asked that I at least be shown what I hadn't been able to see on my own.  

When I woke the next morning, I kept hearing "TSA. TSA." At first I felt frustrated by that - saying to myself "What's TSA got to do with it?" and then giggled to myself as I heard Tina Turner singing "What's TSA got to do with it, got to do with it" in my head. Then like a movie playing in my mind, I saw my last experience with TSA and with it, a flood of memories from a pretty awful weekend I had many years ago. As each piece of that weekend came back to mind, I thought "Oh, I forgot about that" and "Wow, I forgot that happened too." 

I liken it to finally dealing with that closet in your house - you know, the one you stuff all the things you don't know what to do with or where you stow things away when you have company coming, to the point where you can barely close the door anymore. After laying there for a few minutes, recounting all the details of that weekend, I felt the way you might if someone had emptied the closet and strewn the contents all over the floor (and you are wondering how all 5,000 of those items could have possibly fit in that tiny coat closet). LOL

It was the year that my best friends from college and I were all turning 40. When I was in college, there were a group of 8 of us that were absolutely inseparable. Four of us girls and four guys. We did everything together and a party wasn't a "party" until all of us were present and accounted for. In the years since then we still managed to get together a lot, usually requiring me to fly up north since almost everyone had settled in the same general area. With everyone but me married and having children, we had drifted a bit but I had managed to remain in close contact with almost everyone. 

On that particular weekend, I was invited to attend the 40th birthday bash of one of the gals and much to my disappointment, she had only invited me and one of the other girls from the old gang to her party. Several of the other members of our group lived in the area but weren't invited, which I understood was her choice, but it put me in an awkward position. I could fly into town and either tell them why I was there and risk them feeling uncomfortable / upset that they weren't included or lie to them about why I was in town, which felt equally gross. I decided to go with the third option which was to fly up there for the party and not tell any of the others that I was in town (which didn't feel good either but it felt like the best of the unpleasant options I had).

I reached out to a guy I had dated briefly about 5 years earlier to see if I could stay with him while I was in town. He had just moved there and didn't know many people, so I figured I could bring him with me to the party and give him a chance to meet a bunch of new people. Well, I had forgotten what it was like to be around him until I was there and in less than 24 hours, I deeply regretted the choice I had made. He was one of those people who would switch back and forth between being the kindest, most thoughtful person to being insensitive and borderline mean, then back to thoughtful and kind again. The pendulum of his behavior never stopped swinging so being around him threw me off kilter so much I didn't know which way was up. It left me feeling increasingly raw and out of balance.

By the end of the weekend, all I could think about was how much I wanted to just get home. The time I had spent around him pushed just about every button I had. The party wasn't all that much fun. The music was so loud you couldn't carry on a conversation and it was raining so hard that you couldn't step outside to talk. The birthday girl was so busy being the host of the party, we didn't even get a chance to visit. I felt guilty about being in town and not seeing my other college friends. It felt like a whole weekend of bad choices on my part.

As I was making my way through security, TSA decided "something" in my luggage was a threat to national security but they wouldn't tell me what. I said to the guy a couple times, "If you can tell me what you are looking for, maybe I can tell you where it is" but he just ignored me. With the line of people waiting to go through security growing longer and longer while the TSA agent haphazardly pulled everything out of my neatly organized carry on bag, I could feel the frustration of the travelers waiting to get through the check point and to their gates. 

Being a seasoned traveler, I had a pretty good system worked out for packing at the end of a trip. Clean clothes were neatly roll up to keep them from wrinkling, dirty clothes were folded on the other side of the bag so it was much easier to unpack and know what needed to go straight into the laundry basket. But as I stood there helplessly watching my dirty clothes being tossed into a pile with the clean clothes, feeling a growing sense of violation as my bras, underwear and other personal items were pulled out of the bag and thrown on the conveyer belt for all to see, I felt my own frustration as well.

On top of that when I was packing that morning I couldn't find the rubber band I used to secure the lid on my little box of jewelry, which concerned me as I had about 15 different sets of small delicate earrings in there along with a myriad of rings, bracelets and necklaces. I had rolled it snuggly inside a pair of slacks to keep it from spilling out inside my bag. so when he unrolled the slacks with the little box of jewelry, I instinctively reached out to touch the box while saying "Ooh, please be careful with that, the lid isn't secure and it's my jewelry." He freaked out because I had "touched him" in the process and he began yelling at me about how I needed to BACK UP, that I wasn't allowed to TOUCH HIM, etc. At that point I lost my temper, yelling back, "I just don't want you to spill my "#^&$%*" box of jewelry!" The next thing I knew, TSA agents had swarmed the security check point and were threatening to not allow me on the plane. Fighting back tears, I couldn't wrap my head around what was unfolding. All I wanted was to go home. 

He finally found what he was looking for . . . Apparently, I had put a lighter in the pocked of the pants I had been wearing the night before and didn't realize it. After removing that "incredibly dangerous item" from my bag, several security guards pitched in to shove all my belongings from the conveyer belt back in the bag, once again handling all of my undergarments, balling up my clean and my dirty clothes, in a rush to "get the line moving."

As I sat there in the waiting area, I felt all eyes on me as I dissolved into tears and attempted to repack my carry on bag. Was it really worth it? The aggravation of following the rules, along with the violation I just experienced, all in an attempt to find a lighter, which was going to "keep everyone safe?" It was in that moment that I vowed to never get on another plane. Granted I was feeling very raw and unbalanced because of the weekend I had just had, but I was sure that it was time to stop participating in things that felt so out of alignment with my soul.

On the flight home, I tried to process all that had occurred over the weekend as well as the frustration I felt over the TSA requirements that kept coming out . . . rules and regulations that kept changing and made no sense. I couldn't bring water on the plane, I couldn't just throw a shampoo and a conditioner bottle into my bag, I had to transfer them into small bottles under a certain amount of ounces, I couldn't have eyebrow tweezers in my carry on, etc.  And it was all meant to keep the world SAFE?? I was sickened by what we had accepted as the new "normal." None of it made sense to me and I couldn't understand why everyone just kept accepting the new "rules" and carrying on with a "business as usual" attitude.

Well, being true to my word, that all occurred 16 years ago and I haven't been on a plane since. My own little protest of one, which obviously hasn't changed anything in the grand scheme of things but it was the right decision for me and it does show how determined I can be to respect and honor myself and my own beliefs. I refused to bend and mold myself to meet requirements that offered no real value, while infringing on my personal freedoms. This feeling has once again been growing in me for the last year so it's no wonder the medical issue is back again as I have felt much the same way as I did 16 years ago.

While sitting with this "remembrance" I could see a pattern emerge . . . "something" occurs and we are encouraged to be very fearful as well as hateful towards a select group of "others". Then we are told we will be "safe" if we just follow along with some new rules. Meanwhile more of our freedoms are stripped away. If people question the new rules or express concern that our freedoms are being lost, we are encouraged to shame them with new labels like "unpatriotic" or "selfish and uncaring."

The parallels between then and now were hitting me squarely in the face and for a while I wasn't sure what to do about it. I just kept breathing into my heart and exhaling deeply. Then some of my own words, from my own blog posts began coming back into my head . . . the importance of being compassionate with ourselves and what we've been through (so I spent a little time "chatting" with my 40 year old self, offering some much needed empathy about how cruddy that weekend truly was) and offering compassion to myself for the number of times I have been told I was a bad sibling/friend for refusing to get on a plane. I reminded myself how important it was that I still find ways to be ME and honor my own soul. (Song lyrics played in my head . . . "I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself, again." 

Then I looked at how this applies to now. Maybe I need to be more forthcoming about why I haven't been participating in things that are out of alignment with my soul. Maybe it's about finding ways to more courageously enjoy MY life regardless of what everyone else is choosing to do. Maybe it's also about honoring and appreciating myself for choosing to love myself over pleasing (or trying to fit in) with others.

I acknowledge that this started out as a post about another option for healing something that keeps recurring and it seems to have morphed into a post pointing out that we are once again having our freedoms taken away from us. At first glance they may not seem to be connected and yet, in many ways they are. Things will keep showing up in our bodies (and in our reality) until we really look at them and decide if it is something we want to continue to experience. From there the choice is ours. 

I heard Tina Turner singing "What's love got to do with it, got to do with it" in my head and I smiled, as I thought "It's got everything to do with it" because it really comes down to how much we love and honor OURSELVES. It is about how brave we might need to be when we question things that don't make sense to us, how kind we might need to be to ourselves when others malign us for following our own hearts. I could see that when we stand up for ourselves and honor ourselves, we are showing ourselves LOVE. Then almost as if on cue, I heard the Beatles singing in my head . . . "All you need is love, love, love is all you need."

And I don't think that it is any accident that while working on this blog post, I received an email from one of the "gang of 8" from college, sharing his favorite song in response to an email I sent a few days ago with a link to my new favorite song. And his song just happened to be: "Love Is Bigger Than Anything In Its Way" by U2.

We All Have "Wounds" to Heal

I personally believe that we all have wounds to heal - to varying degrees. i.e. things that trigger us into a bigger reaction to something than may seem appropriate at the time.  People often think that we have to have had terrible things happen to us in order to have "wounds" . . . so if they had a great childhood and didn't experience any kind of abuse then they don't think they have any wounds that need to be healed. Maybe it comes down to how we define the word "wound." 

To me, a "wound" can be a belief that we are holding onto (consciously or unconsciously) that limits us or makes us feel "less than" who we truly are. (i.e. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not tall enough or thin enough, etc). It can be a belief based on experiences we had, that we keep seeing "proof" of as we get older (i.e. people not listening to us or not believing us, or constantly being interrupted when we are trying to speak, etc).  They can show up in so many ways . . . . those are just a few examples to give you an idea of what I am referring to. 

In our world right now, I see so much judgement and so much blame flying around. When I see someone judging the heck out of other people, it makes me sad because I know that it often indicates they are someone who was judged a lot when they were young and they likely judge themselves as harshly if not more harshly than they judge others.

The "beliefs" we hold about ourselves (again, it can be consciously or unconsciously) carry energy so we can inadvertently "pull in" experiences that match those beliefs, like a magnet pulls metal towards it. If we believe we are unlovable, we may attract partners who don't treat us very well or if we believe we will never catch a break in life, we may find that we keep having that particular experience over and over again. 

These "wounds" can show up in so many ways. Typically we have been living with them for so many years that we don't even think of them as "wounds" . . . they are just "things that happen" or "the way things are in the world" or whatever. 

I believe we have a choice if we want to keep holding onto these old beliefs and therefore having these experiences over and over. We can "heal" what's underneath them, let go of the beliefs and be free of them once and for all . . .  if we want to.

As a starting point, you may want to pull out a pad of paper and write down all the things that trigger you (things people do that have frustrated you / upset you lately). Then spend a little time thinking about each item on your list. Can you identify the "belief" underneath it that you might be holding? Get curious about yourself and what keeps showing up in your life that you'd prefer not to keep experiencing. Have some fun with it. 

Once you have familiarized yourself with your triggers and what beliefs may be underneath them, there are tons of possibilities for how you can let go of them. One simple thing you can do as a starting point is to ask yourself "Do I want to continue to believe this? Do I want to keep having this experience? Or would I like to be free of this once and for all? Sometimes it can be as simple as making that conscious choice. You can use your imagination and visualize "letting go" of the belief any way you'd like. You can write down what you'd like to believe instead and keep repeating that in your mind (often referred to as an "affirmation") every day. There is no "right way" to do it.

If the belief is a little more "embedded" in our system, it can sometimes require a little more effort on our part to set it free - once and for all.

Sometimes I look at the item and ask myself "Have I ever done this? (Often the answer is "yes" which allows me to have a little more compassion for the person who has triggered a reaction in me). As an example, I struggled with the "not being heard / not being believed" experience for much of my life. One day, it occurred to me that there were times where I didn't listen to myself (either ignoring my own gut feeling about something or doing something because it was expected of me, not because I wanted to do it). Once I realized that, I forgave myself for the times I treated myself that way. After doing that, it was easier to make sure I was doing a better job of listening to myself. Right away, I noticed that I was having less experiences of other people not listening to me. 

Sometimes I need to offer myself compassion for having the experience so many times. I treat myself the way I would treat one of my closest friends, and say - even if it's just in my mind - "Wow, that really sucks. I can only imagine how cruddy that must have felt to have people not believe you when you were telling the truth. I'm so sorry you had that experience." Often the act of offering myself some compassion for an experience is all I need to let go of the underlying belief.

Remember there is no "right way" to let go of or change a belief that doesn't serve us or support us in creating the life experiences we want to have. Have a little fun with it and see what results you get. If you don't feel you let it go completely, play around with it some more, let your imagination come up with another technique for clearing it out and see what happens.

The important thing to remember is that we get to choose. We get to decide if we want to let it go. We are free to change how we feel about ourselves anytime. We are free to have a life filled with the kind of experiences we want to have. The trick is to remember that it all starts with us. We can't change other people but we can change ourselves and the thoughts and beliefs we are holding inside us.

ps:  I chose this picture - of a Stellars Jay - for this blog (that my super sweet neighbor took for me because she knows they are one of my most favorite birds). They symbolize freedom and independence, as well as energy, curiosity, vision and determination. All of that seemed to connect with what I have written here, plus I just adore them and love seeing pictures of them.  :-)  

The Downside of Labels

Not all labels are bad . . . certainly if you are decluttering your house or garage, it can be very helpful to have bins that are labeled Keep, Donate and Trash as a way of speeding up the process. Labels that we attach to humans are not nearly as helpful though and can often hinder our relationships and our ability to see another perspective.

I have found that as soon as we attach a "label" to someone, we often stop being curious and we stop learning things about them. It's like we say to ourselves "Ok, they are in THAT bucket, no need to learn anymore about them." In our society right now we're relying on a lot of labels and we're pretty quick to toss someone into one of those "labeled buckets" and walk away.

Today, I'd like to ask you to consider something different.

What if rather than immediately judging someone and subscribing a label to them, you approached them with curiosity. Kind of a "Hey I'd like to understand more about why you did or said that." You might be surprised at what you learn.

As an example, many years ago when Charlton Heston was the head of the NRA, I decided to stay home and watched the annual NRA meeting that was being broadcast on cable that night rather than go out with my friends. Much to my disappointment, when my friends found out why I was staying home I was immediately labeled "one of them" and treated as if I had somehow become someone they didn't like as much. No one asked why I wanted to watch the meeting or showed any interest in understanding where I was coming from, which I found curious and disappointing (Thankfully, I didn't let it stop me from watching it).  Even later, when I tried offering up an explanation, I was quickly shut down with negative comments and jokes.

The truth was I had two reasons for tuning in.

1) Charlton Heston had been my most favorite actor since I was a little girl. I used to write letters to movie stars all the time and he was the ONLY one who ever wrote me back. He (Well, most likely his assistant) even sent me a couple signed black and white photos of him following the release of the movie Earthquake and my nine years old self was over the moon! I followed his career closely after that, never missed a movie he made and discovered even more reasons to admire him for the person he was outside of a movie studio. He hadn't been making movies in recent years and I missed seeing him so I looked forward to seeing him give the opening ceremony speech. 

2) I had been anti-gun my whole life. Frankly, I was afraid of them. Then I went to college in the Pacific northwest, with people from Washington, Idaho, Montana, Alaska, Colorado etc. Many of my classmates had very different views about guns and I regretted that I had never asked questions or shown any curiosity. I just slapped a label on them and that was that. (Well, that and I often found ways to make snide comments about guns whenever I could slip one into a conversation). So my second reason for watching that night was that I wanted to educate myself. 

I was shocked by how much I learned in just one night. Many of the things they spoke about were in direct conflict with what I had been told and what I had read in all of my anti-gun literature, etc. I didn't know who was telling the truth but it made me want to explore further before I blindly signed another petition or checked a box on election day. 

I never had any regret about watching the Annual meeting that night. Not just because it made me so happy to see Charlton again but because it opened my eyes to the fact that not everything I was being told was the truth. Often what we are told is SOME truth with a bunch of opinions and suppositions wrapped around it but the closer I looked at things, the more I began to see a trend emerging. 

Things were often written (by most everyone with a "cause") as a way to sway people one way or another, not necessarily to educate them. (I saw evidence of this in BOTH political parties). I began paying much closer attention to what facts/data were present in what I read vs. what seemed more focused on eliciting an emotional response and I was a bit stunned to realize how often the goal seemed to be more aligned with eliciting an emotional response without the facts to back up all the statements being made. The more I paid attention, the more easily I could recognize what was happening . . . that alone has been a very useful skill for me in the years since - especially lately.

The other things that I believe is dangerous about labels is that words we use can mean different things to different people. A humorous example of this was the time I was out with several of my work colleagues and I mentioned that I had been a cheerleader in junior high and high school. Over half the people at the table looked at me like they were suddenly smelling rotten fish, followed by "You were WHAT?" The look of distain on their faces told me that their definition of "someone who is/was a cheerleader" was very different than mine (and even different amongst them - from heart breaker to air-head to mean girl). That was when I began seeing how charged certain words can be for us. Based on the experiences we've had, the way we personally define a word can vary greatly.

Several years after that, when I was volunteering for a German shepherd rescue group, we were often challenged to match dogs up with the right person/families. Many times people wanted to adopt a specific dog and were very disappointed in our group when they were denied that particular dog and the worst was when a dog we DID adopt out came back with behavioral issues that weren't showing up in their foster family. I took on the job of trying to improve our process for matching and one of the first things I dug into were the descriptions that we wrote about the dogs for our website. 

On many of the descriptions we included phrases like "Needs someone who can provide leadership" or "Prefers to live with someone who is home all day." So I dug into it further and began interviewing our foster families. I asked each fosterer "If a dog needs leadership what does that actually mean?" Well, I learned that there wasn't one answer from our various fosterers. I found that it meant: This is a dog who is going to challenge you and is going to require someone who can set boundaries and be very consistent about enforcing those boundaries. And/or it meant that the dog had a strong will and would push someone around who wasn't able to be firm about what was acceptable and not-acceptable. And/or it meant that this was a dog that was going to require specific types of training, with the right rewards attached to reinforce good behavior and more emphasis on cause and effect, etc.

Based on that, we began including more detail about what a particular dog really needed to thrive in their new home and our "match making" improved quite a bit. (I also learned that "prefers someone who is home all day" actually meant "this dog has separation anxiety and will likely destroy things in your home if left alone, even if you are only gone for an hour.") LOL

My point in sharing all of this is that I believe the labels we are relying on so heavily right now are often keeping us locked in a state of polarity and judgment - an "us vs. them" mindset instead of helping us find common ground or seeing things from another perspective. These labels can keep us from seeing things from our hearts, it can keep us from feeling compassion for others. As soon as we decide someone is a "conspiracy theorist" or a "sheep" or a "anti-vaxer" or whatever the label is, we miss out on the opportunity to see the person as a human being . . . a human being who has reasons for what they think, what they believe, the choices they make . . . and I guarantee you that not all the reasons are the same. How could they be? We are all individuals, who have had a wide array of life experiences and different challenges along the way. 

If we can look at others with kindness and compassion, we have the opportunity to see so much more. And if we can approach them with curiosity, there is so much we can learn. If we can place more value on who a person really is rather than the label that has been assigned to them, we might be able to shift our experience here on earth in amazing and magical ways. Would you be willing to give it a try?

What Happened To All the Anti-bullying Campaigns

This morning, I woke up remembering one of my worst experiences with bullying in junior high. It's not something I have thought about in decades so it was interesting to me that the memory popped in so vividly. It all flooded in, like I was watching a movie but instead of just watching it, I could feel it too, almost as if it had just happened the day before. 

There was a girl named Nicky who was in the 8th grade who decided that me,  a 7th grader, needed to be put in my place. I don't recall if something had occurred between us before that, but given how shy and awkward I felt at that age, I am not inclined to think I did anything of significance. I do know that like everyone else, I just wanted to fit in. As the"movie" in my mind played, I saw myself crossing the big grass field to the exit gate at the end of a school day and hearing the clamor of kids running behind me. I turned around to seeing Nicky coming for me. I remember trying to pick up my pace, hoping to get to the exit gate before they reached me. I could then see in my mind's eye how her gang of friends quickly surrounded me before I could escape and how more kids who just wanted to watch the melee formed a circle around them. I relived how fearful I was, how hard my heart was pounding. I heard the other kids cheering her on. I saw myself on the ground being hit and kicked, not just by Nicky but by her friends as well. Then the "movie" stopped.

I laid there for a while, a bit stunned as I processed what I had just "seen/re-experienced". . . I have no memory of what happened after that. The "movie" ended without me getting to see (or recall) how I got out of there. Did some teachers come and break it up? Did some kids steps forward and put a stop to it? I honestly don't remember. Did I tell my parents what happened? I'm not sure if I did. The only thing I could recall was how much I didn't want to go to school the next day and how hard I tried to avoid Nicky the rest of the school year. 

As I lay there, pondering why this had popped into mind, my first thought was how sorry I felt for my twelve year old self. All anyone wants to do, especially in junior high, is to fit in. Clearly I didn't. I spent a little time feeling compassion for my young self. Then another thought occurred to me . . . this concept of bullying HAS been on my mind lately so maybe that is why the memory re-emerged.

In recent years, there had been a big emphasis on anti-bullying campaigns in our schools. Adults were rallying to make changes in schools, "famous people" were stepping forward to spearhead anti-bullying efforts, parents were posting videos of their children who had been bullied to show the negative impact it had on them and how painful it was for them to be attacked for being different in some way.

It occurred to me recently that the adults now seem to be the ones doing the "bullying" and I have to think others have noticed this as well. Especially in the last year, I have noticed how people who hold a different view or a different belief get "bullied" . . . that people seem to care more about "conforming" than allowing people to be themselves. 

A few weeks ago, an older woman (maybe in her 80s) marched up to me in the grocery store (getting way closer than 6 feet) chastising me for not wearing my mask correctly and angrily telling me that I wasn't allowed to have the bridge of my nose showing. I am not sure if it was shock or the way I was raised that made me just say "thank you" and walk away. I didn't adjust my mask, I just continued with my shopping. I didn't feel a need to argue with her and I even spent a few minutes considering that maybe she was learning to find her voice and speak up and that she needed to "tell someone else what to do" as part of her own growth. I was actually rather proud of myself for not letting it bother me. 

Strangely enough, about 3-4 nights later, I woke up in the middle of the night unable to stop thinking about the experience. Honestly, I was mad. What made her think she had the right to tell me what I could and couldn't do? And if she felt that proper mask placement and social distancing were so important, why did she come that close and invade MY space to inform me she thought that I was doing something wrong? I have a right to take care of my own health in whatever way I feel is best. I have a right to make decisions about how I manage my health and support my immune system and I have a right to make sure I am getting enough oxygen in my lungs. (And since I haven't been sick at all this year, I'm not inclined to change what I am doing). 

Since that night, I have been thinking about this shift that has occurred in our society . . . where we've made it OK to bully other people. The media has helped us come up with labels that we can hurl at people who aren't "falling in line"- so now people try to shame you and tell you that you are selfish and uncaring, the same way that if people ask questions or question the party line, we are conspiracy-theorists or idiots or ego-maniacs for thinking we know more than the "experts." It really does sadden me. At what point did we decide that bullying people into submission was how we wanted to operate? When did we turn into a society of "mean girls"? How did we come to decide that being different or thinking different was now somehow something to be ashamed of? How is it that we view using our critical thinking skills as an act of stupidity and selfishness rather than a sign of intelligence?

When presented with a difference of opinion, I often ask questions based on things that don't add up for me, hoping that it will inspire others to ask more questions themselves. I'm not saying it's the perfect approach but it's what I have chosen to do. Well, that and I often use humor . . . like when our state governor decided a curfew would stop the spread (because apparently it is stronger at night?) :-) or when we could walk on the beach but not stop and sit or meditate (because if we were moving, it couldn't catch us?) :-) or when our beaches were shut down between 11am and 5pm several months earlier, (because that month it could spread more easily in the middle of the day?)  :-) I often tried to use humor to get others to notice that all these frequently changing rules/regulations didn't make sense. I hoped it might inspire others to start questioning the logic (or lack of logic) in all the ever-changing restrictions. 

I've always been one to ask questions and I do my best not to tell others how they should think. In a recent text exchange with an old boyfriend of mine, I said "So it seems like no one is getting the regular flu this year" to which he replied "It's because people are wearing masks and social distancing" so I replied "Then why do you think so many people are still getting COVID?" His reply was "Because COVID spreads more easily" so I said "Do you think maybe it's a sign that masks and social distancing aren't really the answer?" and he replied "The problem is that not everyone is wearing masks and social distancing" so I wrote "So then why isn't anyone getting the regular flu?" My hope was that the circular-doesn't-fully-make-sense exchange we had would inspire him to think more deeply about what he (and everyone else) was being told. I don't know if it did or not, he never replied to my last text. 

Doesn't anyone else find it curious that whenever doctors step forward with different data, different treatment options, etc. they are immediately banned from all social media? Is that level of censorship helping us? Have you considered the possibility that there might be more information that is being kept from us? Why would they go to such great lengths to silence people who present another viewpoint? Does that make others the least bit suspicious?

I believe we need to be allowed to ask questions without resorting to name calling and belittling people. Additionally, I believe that we have a right to seek answers without being bullied into submission. Shouldn't we "practice what we preach" and if we told our kids that it wasn't OK to bully others, shouldn't we refrain from bullying as well? If we hugged our children and told them they didn't need to "fit in" in order to be loved and appreciated, shouldn't we treat everyone that way?

I know that we are each here learning what WE need to learn and what WE need to experience as part of our own journeys, our own personal growth . . . My hope is that we can start doing it with less bullying and more understanding. I learned in 7th grade that not everyone was going to like me but I won't let it stop me from being my authentic self. It is important for things to make sense to me, that is who I am and how I am wired. 

As shared in a recent post I wrote about song lyrics . . . I'm singing: "I want to thank you for letting me be myself . . . again.".  And as part of my commitment to being myself, I am not going to allow myself to be bullied anymore. 

What The World Needs Now . . .

This is a post I wrote in June of 2017 and yet it seems to be perfect for January 2021 as well so I am reposting it in the hopes that it will help in some way.  (with a couple things added).

In many ways, we are living in challenging times.  Things happening in our world can make us question humanity, they can make us operate out of fear and they can make us feel powerless.

Yet, I believe we hold the power to make a positive difference in the world with the simple act of kindness.  If we look for opportunities every day to show people a little kindness, I believe that kindness will multiply and multiply.  It doesn't matter if you know the people you are offering kindness to or if they are strangers.  Something as simple as smiling at someone or letting someone into the congested traffic lane you are in can make a big difference in someone's day. It may inspire them to offer a similar kindness to someone else and the ripple effect can take it from there. 

There are people who have been so impacted by the lack of income from businesses that have been shut down this year that they are really struggling and people who haven't fully recovered from losing their homes to fires from this year. Many people think "Well, what can I do, I'm only one person" and yet I believe that if we do anything, anything at all, it can make a difference. 

It could be a small thing like making cookies for a neighbor or looking in your closet to see if there is a blanket you can donate or a warm coat you don't wear that you could give to someone. It could be anything at all. It may just lift someone's spirits enough that it gives them the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. 

There's a song from my childhood that plays in my head all the time . . . even though it was written and performed many years ago, the lyrics couldn't be more poignant today:

What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
No not just for some but for everyone

Even though it may not feel like it, this is our world . . . and even though it may not feel like it, we have the ability to make it a better place to be. 

I encourage you to try it out.  Do something kind for someone. There's no time like the present to offer love and kindness and compassion to others.  I can't explain how it will shift things in our world, yet I am equally sure that it can.
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Let The Healing Begin

For months now, I have been hearing people repeat this same phrase over and over again - worded exactly the same. Each time I hear it, it strikes me as odd. I have heard it from family members, neighbors, strangers in the grocery store - they say they need a particular person in office so we can "let the healing begin."

Given the number of people who keep saying it, I can only assume it's a line from a speech or something that is being stated over and over in the media . . . I can't see any other explanation for why so many people would keep saying the same thing verbatim. 

The thing that I find odd about it is I wonder why we would need someone to take office before we can "let the healing begin". . . I guess a big part of it is that for me healing is a very personal thing. We are free to heal ourselves, our bodies, our relationships, our planet any time we wish so I find it quite curious that so many people seem to have hung their hat on this tag line. 

Each time I hear someone repeat this phrase, I think to myself "Why can't we begin healing now?" "Why do we feel so unempowered to heal ourselves that we need certain things/people to be in place before we can start?

Do you know what you want to heal in your own life?  If so, I think that's a great place to start. After all, if we are able to heal ourselves, we can show up for our own lives and show up for others from a better and stronger position so why not start with ourselves?

Are there relationships you need to heal? If so, you can start there.

Are you dealing with physical ailments that require healing? If so, start looking at ways you can heal physically.

Are there emotional things going on with you that need healing? If so, look for ways you can start addressing some of the emotional things that are in front of you.

Does your community need healing? If so, look for ways you can help your community.

The actions we take don't have to be gigantic and grand. We don't need to single-handedly change the world but by doing what WE can, we can inspire others to do what THEY can. 

The more we help ourselves, the more we rely on ourselves to start the "healing process" the healthier we will all become.  Please consider that. If we all wait for someone or something else to be in place before the healing can begin, we might just find that the healing never starts. And it is my belief that that would be a big set back for all of us.

Trust What An Animal Tells You

Recently, I was on my way to the store when I saw a dog on a "walk" by himself.  He was running around, crossing streets and I could tell he was in a bit of a panic. Quickly, I pulled over to see if I could help him. He came up to me right away and let me pet him and I told him I would help him find his way home. Since he wasn't wearing a collar, there were no tags and no phone number to call.

One of the tricky thing about animal communication is that you can't ask "What's your address" and expect to get an answer LOL thus I began asking everyone I saw if they recognized the dog or knew where he lived. No one had ever seen him before. We happened to be close to the driveway of a housing complex so I decided we'd start by walking through the complex and if we didn't have any luck there, then I'd take him across the street and ask around since that's where he had come from when I first saw him cross the street.  

I ran to the car to grab a collar and a leash and as I was putting the collar on him, I saw a gal taking her dog out for a walk. She told me she knew all the dogs in the complex and that the dog did not live there but as soon as I put the leash on the dog, he began walking me over to a specific house. She said "They don't have a dog" but that was where the dog pulled me so we walked up to the porch and I knocked on the door. The gal looked kind of annoyed with me as the dog and I stood on the porch. With hands on her hips, she sternly said, "I told you they don't have a dog." The dog didn't budge, so I knocked again. Still no answer but I could hear a TV coming from one of the rooms so I took a chance and knocked on the window of that room. She continued to glare at me with her hands on her hips while I waited. She kept glaring at me so I said, "Well, this is where he pulled me so maybe they can help identify him." Just then the front door opened and the woman was in shock. She told me she thought the dog was sleeping in the back room, then explained that they were taking care of him while their son was out of town and she felt awful that she hadn't noticed that he had gotten out.

Even though the gal was right that they didn't have a dog, I was glad that I "listened" to the dog. He knew where to go for help.  :-) 

There are many times during animal communication sessions where what I am picking up from the animal doesn't make sense to the guardian. In my early years, it made me second guess myself but I have learned to trust what the animal is telling me. My interpretation may not always be 100% so if the guardian is willing to work with me, we can usually sort it out. 

Years ago, during a session one of the two dogs showed me that she was thirsty and needed water. The woman told me that I was wrong, that her dogs always had access to fresh water. The dog wouldn't let it go so I asked her a few more questions about the water. She rather sternly explained that their dog bowl was hooked up to a huge bottle of water that continued to pour fresh water into bowl. I could feel the guardian thinking that I was some kind of fraud but I kept picking up the sensation of a very dry mouth from one of the dogs and seeing a bowl.

I asked the dog if she could tell me more and then I got the sensation of being turned off by the bowl. I said to the woman "I don't mean to upset you but can I ask how often the bowl gets washed?" She looked at me with irritation but then after a minute or so she said, "I don't know how often I clean it but they always have access to fresh water." Then it clicked . . . slobber had been accumulating on the inside of the bowl and I finally understood what the dog was showing me. The dog had a dry mouth because the build up of slobber bothered her. It didn't bother the other dog at all so he was drinking plenty of water. When I asked the guardian if she would mind cleaning the bowl out more often, the dog promptly began wagging her tail and licking my face. Even though the guardian still seemed skeptical, I knew I had done the right thing by trusting what the dog was showing me. 

More recently, during a remote session with a dog I picked up a lot of sadness. The guardian had mentioned that she had lost several dogs in the last year and I sensed the dog was showing me that his mom hadn't allowed herself to fully grieve those losses. A little later in the session, the dog showed me sadness again and this time it was connected to the work they used to do (he was a show dog and with the world being shut down, they had not been able to attend any dog shows this year). I assumed that once again he was showing me what his mom was feeling so I wrote up it up that way in my notes. 

When the guardian and I spoke after she had read my notes from the session, she told me that her dog was correct, that she had not allowed herself to fully grieve the other dogs she had lost. We talked about ways she could do that and she promised she would do that for herself. Then she said, "This part about being sad that we haven't attended any dog shows doesn't make sense because I've actually enjoyed the break from all the travel and all the associated stress." Just then it clicked for both of us and almost in unison we said "Duke must be the one who is sad that we aren't attending dog shows!" After we giggled over my misinterpretation, we agreed that Duke needed another "job" while they were on a break from the dog show circuit. 

We talked about some possible "jobs" she could give him - one of which was to lighten things up around the house by making she and her husband laugh a little more. Duke took to his new "temporary assignment" because a week or so later she followed up with me to share some of the funny things Duke had done since our session that had everyone giggling. 

Many people think that when an animal communicator talks to an animal that it is a full sentence conversation like it is with people but for me it has always been primarily physical and emotional sensations, pictures and images, occasionally words and phrases that I then try to make sense of. It would be fun to have a "chat" with animals the way people can chat but so far that's not how it has worked for me. Most importantly, we need to trust what an animal is showing us. Even if it doesn't make sense right away - an animal will always tell you the truth.