This is probably one of the biggest things I have seen play out consistently since I began working with animals. Animals are frequently asking their guardians to treat themselves as well as they treat their animals.
It makes you wonder . . . how kind are we to ourselves? Have you ever stopped and really thought about it? What do you consider "kind" acts towards yourself? Is it buying yourself something new? Taking a bubble bath? What does "kindness" look like when you are being kind to yourself?
When I ask this question of my clients, they are usually a bit stumped . . . as most of us don't think in terms of how we can show ourselves kindness. Our focus is so often outside of ourselves - showing kindness to others (whether it is our pets, our neighbors, our friends, strangers, wildlife etc). Time and time again, I see guardians who will do anything for their animals (whether it is ensuring they get adequate exercise or have access to the healthiest food possible or advocating for their animals physical and emotional well being, etc). Most guardians would do anything to ensure that their pets are healthy, happy and feel safe - and yet, they don't treat themselves with that same level of care and concern.
Why is that? Why are we willing to take better care of our pets than ourselves? (I see this play out with people and their two-legged children too - so it is not just animals) Is it because we don't believe we deserve it? Do we think their health and well-being is more important than ours? Do we feel it is selfish to take care of ourselves?
I believe we ALL deserve to be healthy and happy. We all deserve to feel seen, heard and well cared for. I believe that being kind to ourselves opens the door for us to more easily be kind to others. When we "fill our cup" so to speak, we have more to give. On top of that, when we are being kind to ourselves, we are "modeling" how we would like others to treat us. (And it also helps us see more clearly when we are not being treated with that same level of kindness by others).
So my questions to you are: Where are you doing more for others than you are doing for yourself? (not just your "children" - for everyone in your life) What can you do to bring things into balance? (i.e. being as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else?) How can you show more kindness to yourself?
A simple exercise you could try, in addition to asking yourself the questions above is get a blank piece of paper and write out all the kind things you do for others - a couple examples are maybe you stop to allow a car to enter a busy street from a side business or you let the person behind you go ahead of you at the check out lane when you notice they only have 1-2 times and you have quite a few more. Maybe you have brought food to a friend or neighbor or helped a neighbor look for their lost cat or dog. Are there times you have offered words of encouragement to someone who was feeling down or discouraged? List all of them out - everything that comes to mind. I have a feeling this list will quickly become quite long as you allow yourself to think about it.
After you write down all the ways you are kind to others, write a list of all the kind things you do for yourself. You might be surprised at what you see (or not). Are the lists equal? Not that they have to be equal but are they even close?
Next, look for a few things you could put on your "for myself" list. (You can use the "kind to others" list to get inspiration or give some thought to things like how you speak to yourself, how compassionate are you towards yourself when you are having a tough day, where do you fall on your priority list? Can you find some opportunities to move yourself up a bit higher?)
I don't think you will regret being kinder to yourself. I would love to hear what you have decided to start doing for yourself that is "kind" so feel free to share in the comments.
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