For those of you who read my blog regularly, you know that Lucky told me before she passed that she would come back to me in a few years. When I asked how I would find her, I was told to look for a german shepherd named Chance. Ever since then, that has been my "mission" - to find a german shepherd named Chance.
Last spring I found one and was over the moon when the guy who ran the rescue group decided I would be the perfect adopter . . . and then Chance's foster mom decided she wanted to keep him herself and well, I felt pretty "under the moon" after that.
Once I got over that disappointment, I got back on my quest and have spent the last 9-10 months continuing to look for Chance. I often wondered if I should give up and just get any German shepherd because I miss having one so much, but ultimately I decided to keep having faith and trust that it would all work out.
Two weeks ago, I found another German shepherd named Chance and it looked like it was all coming together. As I prepared the house and yard for my new roommate, I was beyond excited thinking about how wonderful it was going to be to finally be with "Lucky Chance" (as my friend's call him) again. I didn't imagine it could fall through again . . . and yet, it did. It felt like the ultimate smack down.
I have always believed that if the same thing happens to us again, it is because we didn't learn the lesson that was there for us the first time. I have spent much of the last week pondering this, trying to open my mind and my heart to whatever lesson I may have missed. I don't have any answers yet.
What I have decided is that it is time to abandon my "quest" - the information I received may have been very true and accurate at the time I got it, but a lot of time has passed since then and maybe things have changed. Sometimes "staying the course" isn't the best approach . . . and in this case, I think it's time to change the course. I know that once I grieve the loss of the dream, I will be able to open my heart to another German shepherd, by whatever name he or she comes with. I'm not there yet, but maybe some day soon.
1 comment:
My heart goes out to you , this is a hard thing to recover from. I am so sorry and sad and certain you are hurting in a way that can't be described. I hope new "chances" present themselves to let you have the companion you crave. You are deserving of a great friend. Best wishes til you are ready.
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