Brotherly Love

Yesterday, I went to a client's house to give Reiki treatments to their two dogs.  They went out of town for the holidays and they thought the "boys" would appreciate a Reiki treatment to help them through the long week.

After our initial greeting, I asked Tyde and Yuki if they would like to set an intention for their healing treatment.  I heard them say they would like to feel peaceful and loved.  As I was repeating the intention, I heard "And special."  I couldn't stop smiling as I included that in our intention.

I started working on Tyde, the older of the two dogs.  His brother, Yuki was laying on his bed, staring at us and whimpering.  I explained to him that they were both going to get treatments, but Yuki continued to whine.  I asked him if he would prefer that I switch back and forth every fifteen minutes and I got a "yes."   At the agreed upon time, I scooted over to Yuki's bed and began giving him Reiki.  He was very happy.

Fifteen minutes later, I scooted back over to Tyde's bed to resume his Reiki treatment and Yuki began to whimper and whine again.  I reminded him that I was going to keep alternating but that didn't seem to make him happy.  Just then, Tyde struggled to his feet and moved over to the other side of his bed, which was closer to Yuki's bed.  I realized he was moving over there so I could work on both of them at the same time.  I thanked Tyde for coming up for a solution and he let me know he was happy to help.

As I sat there, with a hand on each one of them, they both fell asleep - they were so relaxed and at peace.  Tyde started to snore and several times, Yuki let out a sigh of contentment.  It was so precious, I felt compelled to take my hands off them for a moment to take a picture.

As the treatment continued, they snuggled closer and closer to each other - ultimately ending up right up against each other.

It was so sweet to spend that time with them and I loved getting to witness how "siblings" often look out for each other and do whatever they can to make sure everyone is happy.

May you all feel as content as Tyde and Yuki as you celebrate the holidays.   My wish is that you all feel as peaceful, loved and special as these sweet boys did yesterday.

Helping our Pets through the Holidays

When I saw this, it made me laugh out loud.  It reminded me that this time every year, I feel compelled to write a plea to animal guardians, to do a little extra to help their animals during the holiday season. This is a crazy time of year, not just for us but for our animals as well. For animals who live in our homes, it can be very confusing. WE know what's going on, but they don't always understand and it can make the holidays even more stressful for them. This is especially true for animals that are new to our home, but it still applies to animals who have been with us a while and have been through a few holidays seasons.

You may experience all sorts of frustrating experiences, such as your dog deciding to "water" the christmas tree, or your cat removing half the ornaments from the tree while you are away at work. They may unwrap gifts that have been placed under the tree, or chew through a string of lights. This behavior is typically telling you that the holidays are stressful for them too and chances are, they don't understand what all the hoopla is about.

From their perspective, this is what they see:

- People coming and going, not always their the regular schedules and routines

- Packages being brought into the house, that they aren't supposed to get into

- Trees being brought into the house, that get a lot of our attention, especially during the decorating process

- Lots of food being prepared in the kitchen, that they don't necessarily get samples of

- People coming over, sometimes spending the night, often displacing them from their usual hang out spots

It's all very confusing to them and they often don't end up enjoying the holiday season very much. I think we can increase the enjoyment of the holidays for everyone if we talk to our animals and explain what was going on. If we can manage their expectations, they can be a part of the celebrations, instead of adding another element of stress to it.

Many people talk about how their animals behave strangely during the holidays and most of the time, I believe it is because they don't understand what is going on. Their regular routine is changed up and they often feel ill at ease because of it.

Imagine if your spouse brought home bags of "goodies" but told you that you couldn't touch them. Wouldn't that make you extra curious about what was in those bags? What if a bunch of people showed up and decided to spend the night without telling you ahead of time? Wouldn't that potentially put your nose out of joint? Especially if those people set up camp in your bedroom and you didn't know where you were supposed to sleep?

Here are some tips:

If you are bringing a christmas tree into the house, explain to them that it is for decoration. Let them know you are making sure it has plenty of water so they don't feel the need to water it themselves. :-) Explain to them that the things hanging on the tree are not for them to play with or eat. Then make sure they know where the things are that they CAN play with and eat.

If you are going to have a house full of people, let your animals know. Tell them . . . this many people are coming and this is how long they are staying.

If you want your animal to do anything different, please let them know. If your animal is going to have to sleep somewhere where they aren't used to sleeping, tell them that and explain why. Let them know how long this new arrangement will last.

If your animal is used to having quiet time to rest in the house and you know that isn't going to be easy when you have a house full of people, tell them where they can go to be "alone" if that's what they need. Give them a specific room in the house they can go to if they need to "get away from it all."

Include them in the celebration in whatever way you can. Whether that is feeding them at the same time the rest of you all are sitting down to eat so they feel they are having a special meal too, or giving them something to unwrap when the rest of you are unwrapping your gifts, let them know they are part of what is going on too.

I believe the holidays can be happier for all of us - 2-legged and 4-legged alike, if we can set everyone's expectations for how things are going to be different for a few days or weeks.  Your animals will thank you - in their own special way! 

Gratitude

Since it is the eve of Thanksgiving, I thought I'd focus this blog on what I am grateful for.  Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday - in part because it is free from religion and only requires a little grocery shopping to prepare . . . but mostly it is my favorite holiday because it is a time when people stop and take a moment to express gratitude for what they have.  From the time I was a little girl, I loved the part where we went around the table and said what we was grateful for.

I am grateful that the sewer line replacement project that has been going on outside my house for the last 5 weeks has finally moved far enough down the street that my windows are no longer rattling and Kino is no longer throwing up every day.

I am grateful that my friend Karin was kind and patient enough to take approximately 100 pictures of Kino and I before we finally got one that I could use for my Christmas card this year.  (This one clearly didn't make the cut but Kino's "smile" makes me laugh every time I look at it).

I am grateful that Kino can now be trusted to sleep with his crate door open at night, which means he can now wake me up in the morning with a face full of kisses.  It is a very nice way to start to day.

I am also grateful that Kino had adopted the role of "back up alarm" - which means that when my alarm goes off, if I haven't stirred in 1-2 minutes, he throws the top half of his body on my bed and kisses me to make sure I know I am supposed to be getting up.

I am grateful that when I say, "I have to go to the bathroom" Kino no longer stands in front of the door, blocking my access to the very place I am trying to go.  I have no idea why it took him almost a year to realize that moving out of the way was a much better option, I am just grateful that he finally figured it out.  :-)

I am grateful to my many wonderful clients, who open their hearts and trust me to work with them and their animals.  It is truly an honor to do the work that I do.

I am grateful for my animal clients, who continually demonstrate what it means to love unconditionally.   They are such beautiful role models for us if we are willing to take a cue from them.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!  and I hope you know I am grateful that you read my blog.  :-)

Dealing with Grief

Grieving the loss of a pet is one of the toughest things many of us go through.   It is difficult for many reasons . . . because our hearts ache . . . because our houses seem so empty . . . because many people don't understand how devastating the loss can be and they wonder why we aren't "over it" yet, etc.

I thought I'd share a few tips on this topic . . .  in the hopes that it can make the journey a little easier.

If you have lost a pet:

- First and foremost, I believe it is essential that we honor our own feelings.  Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling.  If you feel like crying, let yourself cry.  Stuffing the emotions you are feeling doesn't make them go away - they'll come up again and again until we've processed them all.  If you want to stay in bed all day and be sad, give yourself permission to do that.

- Don't let yourself feel guilty if you find yourself smiling about something. Many of my clients have confessed that they feel bad if they have a moment of happiness because they feel it somehow dishonors their pet.  I know our animals want us to be happy, so if life gives you something to smile about, let yourself smile.

- Know that it is a "process" . . . and it is your OWN process, which means, there are no rules about how it should go.  Give yourself permission to just go with the flow.  Know that you are going to have some OK days and some really bad days.  Know that things will trigger major sadness in moments when you aren't expecting it.  Let that be OK.  I always think of the grieving process like the tide . . . it comes in and goes out, comes in again and goes out again.

- Take your time.  If you don't want to put your animals things away, you don't have to.  No harm can come from leaving the dog or cat bed where it is, or leaving the water bowl out.  We don't have to put away all the reminders of our pet if we don't want to.  If you feel better putting it all away, then do that. Just know that it is YOUR process so you can do whatever feels most comfortable to you.

- Focus on what you need.  If you need to be alone, let yourself be alone.  If you need to stay busy to help you cope, make a list of things you would like to do and then start doing them. If you need to be around people who really understand what you are going through, seek out other pet lovers and give yourself permission to take a break from people who don't understand what you are going through.

- Trust yourself to decide when it's the right time to get another animal.  Many of my clients feel pressure from well meaning friends to go out and get another pet right away.  If that doesn't feel right to you, don't do it.  Honor your own feelings.  If you miss having an animal around, but aren't ready to adopt, there are other options.  You can foster an animal, you can go to an adoption event and just look at or play with the animals that are available for adoption.  There are plenty of options if you want to just get a "fix" . . . I have one client who asked her neighbor if she could come over and visit with his cat after she lost her own cat.  He was more than happy to allow her to do that.   . . . another client of mine offered to have a family member's dog come over and spend some time with her.

- Use your creativity.  Many of my clients have found comfort in writing about their pet, including things like favorite memories from their lives together.  Other clients have created collages of their favorite pictures.  Another client wrote a poem about her pet and shared it with friends.  Our creativity can be a wonderful outlet for what we are feeling.

and finally . . . be kind to yourself.  For many people, the loss of an animal is more painful that any other loss because in many cases, it is the first time that we were loved unconditionally so the loss feels even more devastating.  In time, it will get easier, but if we can be kind and gentle with ourselves as we navigate through the grieving process, the journey can be a little less bumpy.  The small silver lining in the grieving process is that it only hurts as much as it does because we loved our pet as intensely as we did . . . and we will be able to love that much again . . . when the time is right.

The Bonds of Love

You have probably heard of people who had been married for 50+ years and when one of them passes away, the other spouse passes very soon after . . . because they don't want to be without each other.   I witnessed something similar this past week with two of my animal clients - two precious Rottweilers named Buster and Mia - and while it is heartbreaking to lose them both in a six day period, I can't help but be deeply touched that Mia wanted to be with her brother so much that she left so soon after him.

I first met their mom Tina about seven years ago when she asked me to come see her Rottweiler Jewel.  At the time, Tina had four Rottweilers, Jewel and her mate Guy, and two of their puppies, Buster and Mia.  Over the last seven years, they have become like family to me.  I adored each one of them and enjoyed their sweet and varied personalities.  Over the years, I have probably become more attached to them than any client I have ever had.

In March of 2010, Jewel made her transition and a little less than two years later, Guy made his transition.  For the last couple years, it's just been Tina and "the Monsters" (Tina's nickname for Buster and Mia).  The two of them have always been the closest of any siblings I have ever seen.  They always wanted to be next to each other.  I called them "the book ends" because they would often lay right up next to each other with their backs touching.  They didn't seem happy unless they were right next to each other.  Even in recent months when their mobility was compromised, they could still manage to scoot around so they could be next to one another.

In typical sibling fashion, Mia did occasionally get grumpy if she thought Buster was getting too much attention.  Consequently, if I was coming over to do a Reiki treatment on Buster, we made sure Mia got some Reiki too so that she wouldn't feel left out.   They couldn't have been more different, personality wise.  Mia was the more serious one. She thought it was her job to take care of her mom (Tina) and protect her.  Buster was the goofy one.  He thought it was his job to make his mom laugh and he always made an effort to be a goof so that he could see her smile.


They celebrated their 14th birthdays this August and while we knew they were getting up there in age, I don't think either of us was ready for them to go.  Last Thursday, Buster passed away in Tina's arms. We knew it was coming but it didn't make it any easier.  Mia was really sad about losing her brother so on Sunday I went over to give her a Reiki treatment. The second I put my hands on her, I felt her grief well up inside me, her sadness was so intense.  I asked the energy to help her release some of that grief but in the following days, Tina told me she could still tell how sad Mia was.  One of the pieces of guidance I got for them before I left on Sunday was for Tina to do something special with Mia, whether it was watching a movie, or reading something to her, I just got a strong sense that they needed to do something together that was different and special.

And interestingly enough, just last night, Tina texted me to tell me that she and Mia had watched videos of Buster and Mia together and that Mia had been smiling the whole time . . . for the first time in days.  We were so happy that Mia finally seemed less sad.  When I got up this morning, there was another text from Tina telling me that Mia had passed away during the night.  The only explanation that makes sense is that she wanted to be with Buster - that regardless of how much she loved Tina, she needed to be with her brother.

My heart is very heavy for Tina right now.  She hadn't even had time to process her grief over losing Buster and now Mia is gone too.  She knows they are still around her, as are Jewel and Guy, and she is a very strong lady, so I know she will be OK, but it doesn't stop my heart from aching for her.  If you feel inclined, I would be grateful if you would take a moment to send some love Tina's way.

Final Words of Wisdom

In my work with animals, I often am given the opportunity to be present in their final hours - to offer energy to soothe them and to help assist them in sharing their important messages with their family members. While it makes my heart heavy to experience the grief with their guardians, I also find it an honor to be a part of this sacred part of an animal's journey.

I continue to be in awe of the messages that I am asked to share . . . messages that touch their guardian's hearts and leave them with comfort, insights and inspiration.

There was one dog in particular who stands out in my mind because I had only met his parents a couple other times before that day.  When I got there to give Max a final reiki treatment, they all assembled on the floor of the master bedroom . . . mom and dad and their three children were all there.  Max had messages for everyone - and they were things I couldn't possibly have known.

He asked the kids to help out more around the house and help take the burden off of mom.  He asked that they talk to each other more kindly, starting sentences with "Can you please  . . . " (take out the garbage, empty the dishwasher, etc). Max's mom tearfully told me afterwards that every one of Max's requests made perfect sense to her - especially because of the specificity of each message and how they included details of real life things that had been happening.  There was no doubt in her mind that what she was hearing was coming directly from Max.

Just the other week, a precious cat named Poppy was ready to make her transition. One of the messages she had for her parents was that she knew they had different ways of processing their grief and she asked if they would be supportive of each other and honor each other's needs in the weeks that followed.  Her parents seemed to know exactly what she was talking about, admitting that they did have different ways of processing emotion and they promised their sweet Poppy that they would do as she requested.

I have had the honor of delivering hundreds of these types of messages for animals before they made their transitions and I feel so blessed to be able to assist them in this way.  They are so much more than "pets" . . . they are our guardians . . . they come into our lives to help us and the commitment they have to their guardians is ever-present, right up until the very end.

The Joys of the "Leave it" command

When I first started fostering Kino, our walks in the neighborhood were pretty miserable, for me anyway.  Kino was hyper-reactive to everything we saw when we were out on a walk . . . other dogs, squirrels, cats, etc.  When he saw one of these animals, he would make this horrendous sound, a combination of a high pitched squeal and a scary bark, all while lunging in the direction of the animal. He was so strong that even though I out-weigh him, he could yank me almost off my feet each time we had one of these encounters.

While Kino and I were attending training classes and we learned about the importance of the command "leave it."  The idea is that if you can break the dog's focus off what they are looking at, they won't become fixated and escalate.  When you say "leave it" the dog is supposed to look at you instead of the animal, and when they look at you, you give them a treat.  (and I try to always follow up with a "thank you for listening.")   :-)

Since last fall, we have made good progress when he just SEES an animal but if the other animal (normally a dog) barked at him, then no amount of "leave it" made a difference.  If a dog barked at him, he was determined to bark back AND yank me in the direction of the dog.  In those moments he seemed to become completely deaf to the "leave it" command.  All right, lets be honest, in those moments, he also seemed oblivious to the fact that I was even there.  :-)

I noticed that he reacted less if the dog was inside the house, rather than on the other side of a fence or out on the street, so I began giving him a treat every time a dog barked at him and he didn't bark back, whether we could see the dog or not.

I am happy to say that over time he has made great progress.  Our walks now are much better.  Gone are the days of me being dragged up someones driveway, or having my shoulder nearly come out of it's socket when a squirrel runs up a tree.  We can now pass dogs on the opposite side of the street and Kino can remain calm, as long as I have a pocket full of treats.

I have however noticed recently that Kino will stare at me while we are walking.  He won't be looking at the road ahead, instead he will have his head turned towards me as we walk down the street.  Each time he does it, I find myself asking him, "Did you do something treat worthy?" and laughing. This past week, I focused in even more and what I heard made me giggle . . . I realized that when a dog inside a house barks, he thinks he should get a treat.  I swear, I can hear his goofy little voice saying, "Umm, mom, that dog just barked at me" and he will continue to stare at me until he gets a treat.

This command has become helpful around the house as well.  One day, there was a ball on the floor in front of me and Kino was staring at the ball and then looking up at me, so I thought I'd kick the ball down the hall for him to chase.  Unfortunately, he decided to pick the ball back up at the exact moment I went to kick it . . . which resulted in a puncture wound on the top of my foot.  Fortunately, I learned rather quickly that if I am going to kick a ball in the house, I need to first say "leave it" and then I can safely kick it without getting a tooth in my foot.

When I drop food on the floor, if I say "leave it" he won't touch it and I can pick it up and eat it, if I feel like honoring the three-second rule.  :-) "Leave it" seems to be the command that has resonated with Kino most, because he always listens when I say it.  I must say, I am quite grateful for the command, as it has made life much easier for Kino and I.

And it also saves lives  . . . because one morning, I opened the back door to let Kino out to go potty and within seconds, I heard barking and high pitched squealing emanating from his vocal chords.  When I ran outside to see what was going on, Kino had a squirrel in his mouth.  I was so freaked out that I am sure plenty of other words came out of my mouth first . . . but eventually I managed to scream "leave it" and he promptly dropped the squirrel.  (and much to my relief, the squirrel ran to safety).

I never thought two little words would have such a big impact on Kino's development but clearly, they are two of the best words I ever learned to say.  If you have a reactive dog, that command is a great addition to your tool kit.