A Change in Status

The month started out with more people interested in adopting Kino.  I kept wondering if Kino would do better with another dog to play with so I was encouraged when someone came along who was looking for a playmate for their male dog.  The guardian met Kino and really liked him so our next step was to get the dogs together to see how they got along.

Given the complexity of Kino's interactions with other dogs, we decided to enlist the help of our favorite animal behavioralist at the shelter, Kevin, to ensure things went smoothly.  After a lot of schedule juggling, we were able to set a time to meet up on January 12th.

Before we left that day, I explained to Kino what was going on and asked him to be as clear with me as possible if he wanted to live with the dog he was meeting.  As we drove away from my house, I realized that it was January 12th, the day I adopted Lucky and I thought how odd it would be if I ended up letting Kino go on that same day.

When we got to the shelter, Kevin suggested we walk the dogs back and forth on leash in the parking lot to let them get a little more comfortable with each other.   As the potential adopter and I walked back and forth with the dogs, I was surprised to see that Kino refused to look at her dog.  I even made a joke that if I didn't know any better, I'd think Kino was trained as a drug or bomb sniffing dog, because he was only interested in sniffing the trunk of every single car in the parking lot . . . something he has never done before.

Since Kino wasn't "reacting" in a negative way, they decided to bring them into the yard and see if they were ready for an off-leash interaction.  I handed the leash to Kevin (in part to make sure Kino wasn't picking up on my energy) and as Kevin walked Kino into the yard, Kino tried to pull him back to the gate where I was.  I felt Kino's "answer" so intensely that it made me well up with tears . . . here I was expecting him to either say "yes or no" to this particular dog but instead what he was telling me was that he didn't want to be adopted by anyone else, he wanted to stay with me.

I didn't say anything, deciding to just let the "meet and greet continue" . . . Kino continued to show that he didn't want to have anything to do with the other dog.  He wouldn't even walk near him, and just kept trying to pull Kevin back to the gate to get out of the yard.

I wasn't quite prepared to make this decision.  I don't know why not - but I had some resistance.  People often say "you get the dog you need, not the dog you want" and in many ways, Kino wasn't the dog I wanted.  I thought my next dog was going to be "easy." I imagined us going everywhere together, with him or her being comfortable in every situation with every person or dog we met . . . and instead Kino was a dog who reacted randomly to people and reacted not as randomly to other dogs.  He was a dog who showed me just how much I still needed to learn about dog behavior and that wasn't what I had planned on.

He had made his intention very clear though, so I decided we ought to go the beach the next day so I could ponder this decision.  The beach is always where I do my best thinking, where I feel the most peaceful and the most connected to my guides, so it seemed like the right next step.

Our trip to the beach that next day was one of the most stressful and I'll even say miserable trips to the beach I have ever had (thus, the motivation for the post I wrote last time - my plea to dog guardians). Never in my life have I seen so many people at the beach on a weekday in January.  I was totally unprepared for the sheer volume of people and dogs we encountered.  I tried walking several miles down to the quietest stretch of beach but all along the way, off-leash dogs were charging at us and running in circles around us . . . and Kino was understandably freaking out.  I think I pulled almost every muscle in my arms, my abs and my legs trying to hold Kino back each time one of these dogs came running at us.

So clearly no deep thinking occurred that day, there was no peacefulness and if I was getting guidance from the other side, I didn't hear any of it.  I tried to make the best of it and when we had a few minutes to ourselves, I attempted to memorialize our day at the beach with a few selfies.  As you can see, Kino wasn't that into it.  In the first picture, I at least managed to get both our heads in there before he squirmed away and in the second one, his head HAD been right there over my shoulder two seconds earlier but by the time I pressed the button, something else had caught his attention.  He was just too stressed out to sit still long enough for us to take a picture.

I dreaded the walk back down the beach because I knew we were going to encounter more of what we had already experienced, since there were still hundreds of people on the beach.  I contemplated sitting there until the sun went down and everyone went home, but I managed to muster up the gumption to make our way back.  When we finally got to the massive staircase that stood between us and our car, I saw one of my favorite people coming down the stairs.  It was Steve and his German shepherd Lyka.  I met them shortly after Lucky passed away and over the years, Lyka has been happy to give me my German shepherd fix each time I've seen them at the beach.

When Steve saw me standing there with a German shepherd, he got the biggest smile on his face and started to excitedly walk towards us.  I quickly explained that Kino wasn't too hip on strangers and that he was leash reactive, especially after the day we had been having.  He and Lyka both stopped immediately and we spoke to each other from a distance.  He asked if Kino was mine and I explained that I had been fostering him and that I had come to the beach to contemplate and decide if I should adopt him.  I admitted that after the day we had, I was more unsure than ever if I was up to the task and Steve just looked at me with a quizzical look on his face and said, "But who better to help him than you?"

On the drive home, I kept thinking about what Steve said.  It struck me in part because Steve doesn't know much about me at all, aside from the fact that I love German shepherds and that I missed Lucky. Our conversations have mostly centered on how Lyka was doing and if they were still doing their daily jog on the beach, so I thought it was interesting that he was so sure that I was capable of helping Kino . . . but that phrase kept ringing in my head . . . "but who better to help him that you" and I realized he was right.  Kino had come into my life for a reason and if anyone was going to be able to help him, it WAS me.

When we got home, I called the gal from the rescue group and told her that I wanted to adopt Kino.  She was thrilled and I think Kino was too because he spent most of that night as well as most of the next morning with his head in my lap.

So, I have transitioned from foster mom to just "mom" . . . We don't have to work as hard now to help Kino be "adoptable" which I think has made us both happier - we've just been enjoying our new "status. "  I am trusting that Kino is meant to be in my life, and I am trusting that I will continue to find ways to help him feel safer and more comfortable around strangers and other dogs.  I am also thinking that I might have to go alone the next time I take a trip to the beach.  :-)

A Plea to All Dog Guardians

Given my recent experience working with a dog who is reactive on leash, I have a new level of compassion and understanding for the guardians of leash reactive dogs.  My post this week is a plea to all dog guardians - to please be more alert and aware when you are out walking your dog.

Those of us with leash reactive dogs go out of our way to set our dogs up for success. We know they are potentially going to react to seeing another dog, so we take measures to ensure everyone's safety and yet, time and again, we encounter people whose actions work against us.

When you see a person move their dog off the sidewalk, either up a driveway or a walkway of a nearby home, or to the other side of a bus stop bench, please know that there is a reason for it.  Please help us by managing the behavior of your own dog.

- Please do NOT allow your dog to approach us - we have moved out of the way on purpose
- If your dog is on a retractable leash, please DO press the button that stops it from expanding, so your dog can't get all the way over to where we are standing
- Please do NOT stop and look at us.  Our dogs can only handle the stimulation of another dog looking at them for so long before they lose it, so the more quickly you can walk by, the better it is for everyone

In wide open spaces, like the beach, please do NOT let your dog off leash if you can't get them to come back to you immediately.  When you see a person walking on the beach with their dog leashed, please trust there is a reason the dog is on leash.
- Do NOT allow your dog run up to a leashed dog.  There is no way the outcome is going to be pleasant.
- Please do NOT tell us, "My dog likes everyone" because your dog is only one-half of the equation.

And one final note:
- If you are on your cell phone while you are walking your dog, please HANG UP so you can pay more attention to your dog and your surroundings

The people who attend the reactive dog classes with me each week are faced again and again with these types of scenarios, so I am writing this on behalf of them and everyone else who has a dog who is reactive on leash.

It is stressful enough to try and manage a walk with our dogs without having to encounter people who seem totally unaware of what's going on around them.  We are trying to teach our dogs that it is safe to be around other dogs. We are trying to give them positive experiences on leash, so they don't have to be so fearful when they are leashed.  Please help us by being more in tune with your surroundings.

Our goal is to help our dogs feel safe and comfortable - and if you could assist us with that, we would all be extremely grateful.

Still A Foster Mom

When I agreed to foster Kino, I didn't imagine that six months later, he would still be with me.  If you've been reading my blog in the last six months, you know that it has been quite an adventure for us - with highs and lows and a whole lot of learning for both of us.

I know he came into my life for a reason - to help me learn and grow - and for me to help him do the same.  I thought we had reached the end of our journey a few days ago when a couple was interested in adopting him.  (and yes, my heart briefly sunk into my stomach as I faced the possibility that our time was up).  They came and met him - he showed them how sweet and playful he can be and it looked promising - but yesterday they let me know they had decided Kino wasn't the right dog for them.  I can only conclude that his purpose in my life must not be complete yet.

We continue going to Reactive Dog class each Sunday.  Here is a picture that Marthina took in class a month or so ago.  If you saw how Kino reacted to seeing other dogs when he is on leash, you'd realize what a major accomplishment this is for him to be sitting so calmly in the presence of so many dogs. (Ok, the hotdogs in my pocket DO help a lot).  He continues to make progress, week after week - with occasional set backs here and there - but I am committed to working on this with him.  It is one of the keys to him being more adoptable.

Yesterday, we were finally able to connect with Lacy and her foster mom for a little play time for Lacy and Kino.  I'm hoping that Lacy will be able to continue to mentor Kino and teach him the things he needs to be learn so other dogs will feel more comfortable around him.  I think it is the other key to him being more adoptable.  I took a picture of them - not the greatest picture but it was so nice to see them together again.  We've missed our play dates with Lacy.

As 2013 comes to a close, I have been thinking about what I am grateful for . . . I am grateful that Kino came into my life.  I am sure it has far greater meaning and purpose than I have even seen yet but for now, I know he has helped me see myself more clearly, understand more about who I am, what I needed to learn and what I have to offer.  I am grateful to Lacy's foster mom for stepping forward and saving Lacy's life and I am grateful to Lacy for helping me open my heart to pit bulls and let go of whatever residual sadness I felt over what had happened to Lucky all those years ago.

For some reasons, I am glad to see 2013 come to an end and I look forward to seeing what 2014 brings.    I hope it is a year filled with much peace and prosperity, joy and love, not just for me, but for everyone.

Happy New Year!

Update on Lacy

***Latest news:  After a roller coaster ride of potential adoptions falling through this weekend and many people begging the shelter to give us more time, this story has a happy ending!!  Miss Lacy was placed in foster care today!!!  Thank you to every one of you - who got the word out about Lacy, who sent her energy, who held positive intentions on her behalf, etc.  It all created some wonderful energy that manifested in a loving foster home for Kino's only friend.****


First of all, I just have to say how stunned I was at the outpouring of support for Lacy.  I never expected to get the kind of response I got and it touched me deeply.  From people forwarding the information on line and talking up Lacy at dog parks to people offering to send energy to her, to help her stay calm.  My inbox and my phone were filled with loving support, from people I knew and from people I never met, all wanting to do what they could to help Lacy.  I feel tremendous gratitude to each and every person who reached out to me this week - bless you all!

Now onto Lacy:  The potential adopter we thought we had for Lacy unfortunately fell through today.  :-(  But there are two more people who are interested in meeting her and potentially adopting her, so San Jose Animal Advocates has asked the shelter to extend Lacy's time by another day or two.  We're waiting on confirmation that they WILL extend her time, but everyone is feeling pretty confident that she has another couple days.  (Big exhale)  :-)

As soon as I have more information, I will post an update.  Again, thank you all for the amazing support for Kino's mentor.  He appreciates it as much as I do, in part because Lacy is about the only dog we've met so far that will put up with his "social skills" and he doesn't want to lose the only dog friend he has right now.

Lacy Needs Help by Friday, Dec. 13, 2013

***Update***

Good news: Lacy's time was extended until Saturday, because at least one person is going to meet her. There have been several people who have expressed an interest in possibly fostering her and at least one other person who might want to adopt her, so there are quite a few "irons in the fire" as they say.  If they can show the shelter they have other folks interested in her, there's a good chance her time can be extended a few more days.

I'll post another update tomorrow (Saturday) as soon as I get word on her status.  In the meantime, keep Lacy in your thoughts and prayers.

************
Last week I wrote about Kino's new coach/mentor, a wonderful Pitbull named Lacy. She's been assisting him in improving his doggie-skills and has had an incredibly positive effect on Kino.  As I mentioned in that post, I have been feeling so much gratitude towards her . . . so it came as quite a blow when I got an email last night saying that Lacy is scheduled to be put to sleep this Friday, December 13th.

Lacy's "home" right now is the shelter, where she has been waiting to be adopted, but it has been several months and she is starting to show signs of kennel stress, and with the constant influx of new dogs coming into the shelter, they have decided her time is up on Friday . . . unless they can find someone who can foster or adopt her in time.

One of the wonderful people at the shelter is advocating for Lacy and he put together a video of her, to show just what a precious girl she is. (Kino is fortunate to have a large cameo appearance in the video).

Please watch the video so you can see how sweet she is and then forward the video on to anyone you know who may have it in their heart to help save Lacy's life.

Lacy's Video

The Fourth Time was the Charm

As I wrote about in my last post, the process of trying to figure out how to help Kino lately has been painful at best.  Three evaluations, three different opinions - none of which felt good to me.  I was starting to lose hope but fortunately, Melissa (from the rescue group) wasn't ready to give up.  She set us up with yet another evaluation (our fourth) and it was by far the best experience we've had.

Marthina, who runs Our Pack (www.ourpack.org) was able to read him quickly and she knew that his frustration stemmed from his intense desire to play with other dogs and the fact that he couldn't.  Mr. Puppy, as I call him, has some issues that have prevented him from interacting with other dogs;  a) he is reactive on leash and b) he never developed doggie social skills so he's got some pretty bad manners when it comes to other dogs.

With Marthina's guidance, we are now attending her Reactive Dog training course.  Kino is learning how to be in close proximity to other dogs without going berserk (His favorite thing about class are the hundreds of treats he gets for being good).  The wonderful thing about this class for me is that every dog there has the same issue, so no one looks at you like you are the problem when your dog has an outburst.

Marthina also found a dog for Kino to play with, which was no small feat.  The right playmate for Kino has to be a dog that is extremely balanced, strong enough to put him in his place and correct his bad manners and yet also easy going enough that his social awkwardness won't cause a big tiff.  Lacy, who is a pit bull, is that perfect playmate for Kino.

His greetings are so bad, I can't help but cringe just a bit each time he enters the yard, but Lacy lets him know how inappropriate some of his behaviors are and then she encourages him to play.  Eventually, they do a little bit of playing and then Kino usually needs to be corrected some more but he doesn't seem to mind.  Since Lacy keeps going back over to him to encourage him to play, his social ineptitude doesn't seem to be a problem for her.  Marthina says dogs can be the best teachers for other dogs, so right now, Lacy is Kino's mentor and coach.

We've had three play-dates a week with Lacy for the last two weeks and have attended two reactive dog classes so far, and the change in Kino has been amazing.  His frustration level is WAY down from where it was.  He is a calmer, happier dog in so many ways.  The escalations of late are becoming a distant memory, as he is no longer growling at me or redirecting on me when we are out for a walk.  All of his sweet, lovable traits are coming out more often.

I am so grateful that we finally found someone who could "see" Kino and understand what he needed. He still has a ways to go to learn appropriate dog behavior, but with Lacy's guidance, he is sure to continue making progress.  And each time I express my gratitude to Lacy for how she is helping Kino, I am reminded that it was very likely divinely orchestrated that the dog who is helping Kino is a pit bull.

Everyone Has An Opinion

As I mentioned previously, my foster dog Kino has been exhibiting some behaviors that are a major concern to us.  The rescue group and I decided to get Kino evaluated to find out if the issues he is having can be addressed and to also find out if he would respond differently to someone other than me. While the rescue group is looking for another foster home for him, we know that given the issues he is having, he can't be fostered by just anyone, so we were hoping to get some guidance on what kind of person would be the right person to help Kino moving forward.

The first evaluator concluded that with the behaviors Kino is displaying, he is essentially a ticking time bomb and that it would be best to put him down.  The guilt I felt was overwhelming, as I thought about the idea of him being put down if I let him go.  I couldn't make my peace with the idea that if I gave up on him, that would be the end of his life.  We decided to get him evaluated again.

The next evaluator concluded that these behaviors could be corrected but his methods included muzzles and shock collars.  He also said that "just to be on the safe side" Kino would probably need to wear a muzzle when he was around people for the rest of his life.  I walked out of there sick to my stomach, knowing that I could not personally be involved in that type of training and tearing up at the thought of Kino having to be on the receiving end of that kind of approach.  I felt such resistance to the idea of using such harsh methods to help Kino improve.  We decided to have him evaluated again.

Kino didn't like the next evaluator at all.  The moment he walked into the room, Kino snarled and growled and barked and bared his teeth at the guy.  I was glad the guy was getting to see one of the behaviors that is such a concern to me but it didn't seem to matter.  The guy told me the problem was ME, that ANYONE could train Kino and that clearly, I hadn't been doing the right things or taking the right approach and that's why Kino was exhibiting the behaviors he was.  He paraded one of his own dogs around to show us how a dog behaves when you have "total control" over them and told us repeatedly that he was a "master trainer" who knew everything.  It made me cringe and I wondered if Kino's initial evaluation of the guy was the correct evaluation.

Needless to say, over the course of several weeks, as we got all these varied opinions, my mind was on over-drive.  Were any of these people right?  If so, which one?  Was the problem really me?  Is it wrong that I am so uncomfortable with muzzles and shock collars?  Is my resistance a good thing? or a sign that I am too closed off to see viable options?  Night after night, I tossed and turned, wondering what to do, and wondering what I was supposed to be learning from all of this.  I finally decided to ask the other side for guidance.

In meditation, I asked for insight and what I got was this . . . all of these people who had evaluated Kino see animals only as one dimensional.  The fact that I felt so uncomfortable with all of their assessments was because I know that animals are multi-dimensional and that if we don't honor ALL parts of them, we aren't really serving them.  I could sense very strongly that what Kino needs right now is someone who will see him for all that he is and not just see him as a one dimension dog who needs to be "commanded" into shape.

For now, I know that person is me.  The rescue group is still looking for another foster home for him but I am trusting that he will stay with me as long as he is meant to - for me to learn what I am supposed to learn from him and for him to receive what he is supposed to receive from me.

Interestingly enough, once I got that insight, Kino started to behave better.  Coincidence?  I'm not sure but he hasn't bitten me once, or redirected on me when we are out for a walk, so things are definitely more peaceful around here.  He is actually listening when I ask him to do something and even though our door greetings have still regressed to the "awful" category, he doesn't seem to be filled with as much angst and frustration as he has been.

I am certain there is more to this story and that it will continue to unfold, so stay tuned for more updates.