Kealohalani

Back when Lucky was still with me, I learned something very important . . . that middle names are very important to children.  Lucky was a kid-magnet . . . no matter where we went, children would flock to her . . . and they would soon begin to pepper me with all sorts of questions.  They would ask if Lucky ever got "time-outs", if she had sleep-overs at her house, what her favorite snack was and most importantly, what her middle name was.  For many years, Lucky didn't have a middle name and the kids were always so disappointed when I didn't have an answer for that particular question.  Eventually we (the kids at the park and I) picked a middle name for Lucky . . . Rose.   It seemed to make everyone, including Lucky, happy that her name was finally complete.

Since I am coming up on the one year anniversary of bringing Kino home from the shelter, I have been thinking it's about time to find a middle name for him.  I don't know what the origins of Kino are but to me it has always sounded Hawaiian . . . maybe it was the crush I had at eighteen on a Hawaiian guy named Kimo.  :-)

One of my best friends from college, Natalie, is Hawaiian, so I consulted her to get some help. She said that Hawaiians believe that your name represents your "mana" - your spirit, essence, power . . . so she suggested I keep that in mind when picking a name for Kino.

I searched through pages and pageds of Hawaiian names and one in particular kept grabbing my attention - Kealoha, which means "Loved one." That felt very appropriate to me - as he truly is a "loved one" who helped me open my heart again.  Natalie explained that when you add "Lani" to a name, it means "from heaven" and that resonated with me as well.

Even though I thought I was just fostering Kino in the beginning, clearly someone else knew that he was meant to be with me . . . there were so many things that made it feel as if our coming together was divinely orchestrated.  I sensed "loved one from heaven" was the perfect name to describe Kino's "mana" . . . and so he is now officially Kino Kealohalani Burkley.

Apparently, he likes his new middle name because when I say it to him, he cocks his head slightly, his face softens and then he starts to wag his tail.  Part of me wonders if he and I ought to move to Hawaii. I've been feeling a pull lately to make a change and Hawaii is one of the only other places besides California that I could see myself living.  We'll have to wait and see what unfolds . . . . you just never know where your journey will take you next . . . but if we did move there, at least Kino would have an appropriate middle name for our new home.

Help From a Crow

Kino and I were out for a walk the other day and we received some guidance from a crow. The whole experience opened my eyes to the importance of trusting the guidance we receive, even when we don't understand why we're being guided to do something.

On this particular day, I was really tired and my brain wasn't in high gear.  I didn't want to go on the walk because I was so wiped out but I remember thinking that if I took Kino on a good long walk, maybe I could take a nap when we got back.

We were about 1/2 hour into our walk when a crow disturbed the daze my brain had fallen into.  It was a single crow and his "Caw-Caw, Caw-Caw" was almost deafening.  As I walked under the tree branch where the crow was making all that noise, I was trying to remember what Ted Andrews book (Animal Speak) says regarding what crows represent when they "show up" but his "caw-caw" was so loud, my mind went blank.

As we continued to walk, the crow flew down from the branch he had been perched on and buzzed my head - and he buzzed it so close that some of my hair actually flew up in the air.  He landed on a branch a couple feet ahead of me and continued his "Caw-Caw, Caw-Caw."  I was stunned and when I looked down at Kino, he was looking at me and seemed as stunned as I was.  I knew the crow was trying to get my attention - but why?  I said to him, "What are you trying to tell me" as I stared up at the tree branch but I didn't "hear" anything.  Just as I began to take a step forward, the phrase "Turn around and go home" popped into my head.  I thought it was odd.  I didn't know if the phrase came from the crow or if I had just thought of the phrase myself, since clearly, I would have much rather been home that day.

I looked ahead and noticed that two houses down there was a dog loose in a front yard.  At a quick glance, the dog looked like a labradoodle and from the way he was bouncing around the front yard, I assumed he was young.  I observed that the fence surrounding their yard was barely two feet high and wondered if walking past their house would be too much for me and my leash reactive dog to handle.  It would be easy for either of them to jump over the fence and if the dog got too close to us, who knows what Kino would do.

I got lost in those thoughts, as I was assessing the situation and trying to determine if Kino and I would be able to safely cross the street.  Apparently I started to walk forward again because the next thing I knew the crow buzzed my head again.  This time he landed on a power line right above my head and his "Caw-Caws" were even louder and more incessant.  Then he started to smack his beak against the power line and I could feel his frustration . . . if I had to put words to what I was feeling from him it was, "You're not LISTENING to me!!!"

So once again I stopped and this time I took a couple deep breaths, closed my eyes and in my head said, "What are you trying to tell me?"  I stood there with my eyes closed for a minute or so and the phrase "Turn around and go home" popped into my head again, only this time it included the word NOW!

I looked down at Kino and said, "I guess we're going home" and we promptly turned around and began walking back home.  The analytical side of me was itching to know why . . . why did we need to turn around and go home?  but I also sensed that it was more important to just do what the crow had told me to do.  As we walked home, I noticed the crow was no where to be seen.  I couldn't hear his "Caw-Caw" anymore so I figured he no longer needed to speak to us, since I had finally listened to him.

Still, my brain couldn't stop wondering . . . Why did we need to go home?  Was there some danger up ahead that he was trying to keep us from?  Or was there something going on at my house that I needed to be back for?  As we continued to walk, the phrase "Crisis Averted" popped into my head a couple of times.  That time I was sure the words didn't come from me and I could only assume that there must have been some danger ahead that Kino and I would have encountered if we had kept walking the path we were on.

The experience was certainly interesting . . . and it confirmed for me the important of "listening"and trusting the guidance we receive.  That crow was determined to get his message across, even if he had to buzz my head and smack his beak against the power line to get me to listen.  I am grateful that he was looking out for us and much to my delight, once I heard the phrase "Crisis averted" the analytical side of my brain relaxed.  I could sense that the most important thing was that we had turned around and gone home . . . I didn't spin my wheels trying to figure out why.  The crow knew why and I was glad I listened.

Animals are our guardians here on earth . . . not just our own animals, but ALL animals and this experience was a sweet reminder that we are being looked after and guided all the time.  I am extremely grateful that Kino and I were protected from whatever "crisis" was up ahead that day.  I'm also grateful that the crow was so determined to protect us that he went above and beyond to get through to me. :-)

The Benefits of a Power Outage

This weekend my power went out for over fifteen hours.  It was an adjustment as I started the day, as I realized how many things I couldn't do without power . . . I couldn't cook anything, I couldn't get on the internet, I couldn't watch TV, I couldn't use the house phone, and with only a small amount of battery left on my cell phone, I had to use my phone sparingly.

Kino, on the other hand, was very happy that we didn't have power.  Since he is normally competing with the phone, the computer and the TV for my attention - he got the benefit of having all my attention all day long.  He was in heaven.

We played ball, we played tug of war with his rope toys, we went for a long walk, we played ball some more.  He thought it was the greatest day ever. It seemed like every activity we did on Saturday centered around him, since I couldn't really do anything else.  At one point, I thought about the fact that I could dust and clean the toilets without power, but much to Kino's delight, I decided it would be more fun to play with him than do those chores and went back outside and resumed the game of toss with the tennis balls.

It got me thinking about how much our animals must enjoy power outages . . . when we don't have anything "electronic" to pull our attention away from them.  They undoubtedly relish in the benefits of our lack of electricity as they get to soak up so much more of our time and attention.  It made me wonder if we shouldn't act as if we're having a power outage for a few hours every day, regardless of whether we really have power or not.  Since animals don't need electricity, they probably wish we didn't rely on it as much as we do.

Yesterday, I was with a client, giving her dogs Reiki treatments.  She mentioned that she was bothered by the fact that her dogs will not settle down and go to sleep at night until she turns off the TV.  Before she could even finish asking me why that was, the dogs told me that it's not good for people (or animals) to sleep with the TV on and they wanted her to get better sleep.  I thought it was interesting that there was yet another related piece of evidence that our dependency on electricity isn't always a good thing.

This morning, I had to call the phone company to clear up a billing problem.  It was an arduous task that kept me on the phone for close to an hour.  During that time, Kino let me know how he felt about the fact that I could once again use the phone . . . he got into my purse and decided to destroy my favorite hair claw that he found in there, by biting off each one of the "teeth" that used to hold my hair into place. Clearly, he was happier during the power outage when he had all of my attention and didn't have to compete with the phone.  :-)

So, aside from not putting my purse on the floor anymore, my other take away from this is that it's probably a good idea to "unplug" a little more often and give him more of my undivided attention.

How often do you "unplug"?  I bet your animals would appreciate having more of your undivided attention.  Give it a try and see if there are any benefits to you as well!

Unconditional Love

On my wall calendar, in addition to a picture of a German shepherd each month, there is a quote.  The quote for May was from Gilda Radner and it said:  "I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  For me they are the role model for being alive."

I have been thinking about how true that is - not just regarding dogs, but all animals.  And I have thought about the message that many of my animal clients delivered to their guardians before they made their transition:  "Please be as kind and loving to yourself as you have been to me all these years."

Animals understand how important it is for us to love ourselves unconditionally, to be kind and gentle with ourselves.  Unfortunately, it's something that has been hard on the majority of us to actually do - I think in part because it is so ingrained in us to NOT love ourselves unconditionally, that we don't even recognize when we're not doing it.

I have spoken with many of my clients about how important it is to love themselves and I am often met with blank stares and confused expressions.  Maybe it's because we aren't quite sure what it really means.  If you treated yourself to a massage, yes that is being kind and loving to yourself, but it's beyond that.  If you've learned to take care of yourself by eating better or getting more sleep when you need it, that's wonderful, but it is beyond that as well.

Being kind and loving to ourselves has more to do with how we speak to ourselves, how we react to problems/issues that we encounter or mistakes that we have made.  When we accidentally eat the whole party size bag of potato chips while watching TV, do we berate ourselves? or call ourselves names? or do we say, "I must have needed to do that tonight, I'll do better tomorrow."  When we realize we made a mistake, do we feel shame? or criticize ourselves? or do we say, "I've had a lot going on this week that has kept me from concentrating . . . I am going to slow down and breathe more, so I can be more focused next time."  When we accidentally put a red shirt in with a load of whites, do we say "How could I be so stupid?" or do we cut ourselves some slack and say "It's OK, it could happen to anyone."

It seems more important than ever, right now in our evolution, to learn how to truly be kind and gentle and loving with ourselves.  Animals keep trying to give us the message, they keep modeling the behavior of unconditional love . . . showing us that no matter how late we were, how grumpy we were, how distracted we were, etc . . . that they still love us just as much as they did an hour earlier.  They keep hoping that we will see how they do it and that it will inspire us to start doing it ourselves.  They keep hoping we will realize they love us without conditions . . . and that it is more than OK for us to love ourselves without conditions as well.

So how about giving it a try?  See if you can talk to yourself more kindly, cut yourself some slack, trust that you are always doing the best that you can do in any given moment, love yourself even if you aren't at your ideal weight, or you lost your temper, or you are scared to face an issue that needs to be resolved . . . just love yourself anyway, just as our animals do . . . and then allow yourself to feel the peacefulness that comes with it.   I think if we keep practicing being that loving with ourselves, in time, it will become easier and eventually, we won't need to practice anymore.  It is a day that I look forward to very much.

Kino Update

A lot of folks have been asking for an update on Kino so I thought I'd focus today's blog on some of the highlights.

I think with each week that passes, I fall in love with him a little bit more.  :-)   He is smart and goofy and consequently, he either has me in awe or he's got me laughing.

His understanding of language has increased so dramatically in the last few months that I can converse with him like he is a person and he shows me he got what I said.  When a friend was coming over who had a bad experience with a German shepherd when she was young (and is still nervous around them) I told Kino about it and asked him to be extra gentle around her.  He stunned me that night when my friend arrived and all evening he was so mellow around her, he almost seemed like a different dog.

I told him that when I am sending Reiki to someone I need him to be extra quiet, and he does just that.  He will lay down and not move a muscle until I am done.  I told him the same thing about when I meditate and he will lay down next to me and close his eyes too.  Occasionally, he will rest his head in the palm of my hand and not move until I am done.

He has some hilarious little quirks that keep me laughing, such as . . . when I get out of the shower each day, he has decided that it's fun to pretend he is a bull and the towel I am trying to wrap on my head is the red cape.  The first time he ran under the towel, it scared the heck out of me but now that I know it's "his thing" it just makes me laugh.

When I put perfume on, he chases me around the house trying to lick it off.  I don't know if he just loves the smell, or if he doesn't want me to smell that good when I leave the house :-) but either way, it's the ritual we go through if I attempt to put on perfume.

He loves wet towels and dirty laundry so whenever I put together a pile of linens or clothes to start a load of wash, he insists on laying in them, rolling around in them, "talking" to them and sometimes biting them.  Even if I was in a hurry to get the wash started, I find myself sitting down and just enjoying the show for a little while.

It's hard to believe sometimes that he is the same dog who was with me last summer, when I was wondering what in the heck I had gotten myself into by agreeing to foster him.  I become more convinced with each passing week that Kino was exactly what I needed.

From Kino and I, we wish you all a happy Easter and/or a happy spring!

Why Are Boundaries So Hard To Set?

My last blog about setting boundaries stirred up a lot of conversation with many of my clients, as folks delved into this subject of why boundaries are so difficult to set.  Some themes rose to the surface . . . boundaries are harder to set when you are setting them with someone you love . . . and the fear of consequences keep us from setting boundaries.

Most people agreed that setting boundaries with strangers, acquaintances and co-workers was easier, and that the closer they felt to someone, the harder it was for them to set boundaries.

Underneath that was a feeling that if we set a boundary, we aren't being loving . . . why shouldn't I jump up and meet my dogs needs?  If I ignore her, I'm not being loving.  I should be understanding and patient and flexible with my spouse, shouldn't I?  If I can't be understanding and flexible, is that a sign I am not a kind person?  That fear of being unkind can lock us in a place of not setting boundaries.

Some of us also have a fear of consequences . . . if I set this boundary with my mom, will she stop watching my cat for me when I go out of town?  If I set this boundary with my neighbor, will she stop letting my dog come to her house for play dates when I am stuck at work longer than usual?  If I set this boundary with my dog, will he think I don't love him anymore?

We often fear that if we set a boundary, then something will be taken away from us, but the truth is, we don't know HOW people or animals will respond.  Sometimes we can be pleasantly surprised and find that they have no problem at all with our boundary.  With animals, I find that they even show us more respect when we set a boundary with them, because they WANT us to take care of ourselves and it never makes them question our love for them.

Something else to consider . . . the energy we put out when we DON'T set boundaries basically tells the Universe, "I'm OK with people stepping on me" "My needs really aren't that important."

When we DO set boundaries, we put a different energy out to the Universe.  We put energy out that says, "I am important"  "My needs are important" "I know I deserve to be treated well" and the Universe responds in kind.

Occasionally, people are not OK with the boundaries we set, so short term, we may have to find someone else to watch our cat while we're out of town, or find another alternative for our dog when we're stuck at work, but in the big picture, the benefits far outweigh whatever short term hassle we may experience.

If we love ourselves and care for ourselves, we can experience new levels of joy.  I also believe we set a good example for others who may be struggling to set boundaries and just maybe, our actions will give them the courage they need to start taking care of themselves as well.

Behavior Issues are Sometimes Meant to Help

When your animal is doing something that you find mildly irritating, the last thing you are probably thinking is "Oh, they are doing that to help me" but I can tell you that in many cases that is exactly what is going on.

Animals often display behaviors to help us develop the skills we need to navigate more easily through our own journey.  They figure if you can learn to deal with their behavior, then you can use that skill with other people in your life.  And it's often a skill that, if perfected, can make life a lot easier.

In recent months, I have worked with 4-5 animals who are trying to teach their guardians the same thing . . . how to set boundaries.  The guardians each contacted me because their animals were doing slightly irritating things, like barking incessantly when it was "dinner time" and continuing to bark until their dinner was served, or whining and pawing at their guardian when they wanted their guardian to get off the computer or hang up the phone, and continuing that behavior until they got their way.

The guardians were all hoping I could talk to their animal and ask them to stop the behavior but in each case, the animal let me know that their guardian had trouble setting boundaries and they wanted their guardian to get better at it.  They hoped that if they could learn to set boundaries with them (the animal), it would be easier for their mom or dad to set boundaries with the other people in their lives.

It's not an easy thing to share with guardians, as I never want to offend anyone, but I also know the animals are counting on me to open that line of communication, so I do my best to tread lightly and try to gently open that door.  I often start with questions such as, "How are you at setting boundaries with people?" and "How comfortable are you at pushing back when people are coming on strong?"

Fortunately, in every case, the guardians readily admitted they could improve their boundary setting skills and are open to exploring how they can do it more easily.  And fortunately, they have also been receptive (and appreciative) of the fact that that's what their animal was trying to help them with.

It's not something I am unfamiliar with myself.  This is the face that I see, two inches from me, every time I get on the computer.  Kino will sit there, staring at me expectantly, often panting whenever I get on the computer.  I can feel him thinking,"Are you done yet?  Is it time to play yet?  Shouldn't you be throwing the ball for me?" I remind him that I have work to do and he will usually lay down and leave me be for a while but he makes sure I get practice every day setting that boundary.  :-)

I encourage you to pay attention to your animals behavior and see what skill they might be trying to help you develop.  Chances are, there is something they are trying to assist you with something that will make your interactions in life easier.