When I stumbled upon the information below, it was the perfect summary of my thoughts and feelings on the topic of speaking to someone who has suffered a big loss. Knowing so many people who are dealing with loss/grief and being in the midst of it myself, I thought others might find it helpful as well.
The truth is not everyone can handle another person's grief - there is no judgment there. It can be challenging for many reasons. Some people are just not comfortable with the emotions of grief. Some people want to avoid it because someone else's grief could trigger some of their own fully expressed grief. It can also be difficult to know what to say. For some it may feel like saying nothing is better than saying the wrong thing. Or offering a platitude is safer than trying to figure out what would be best for the person in grief. On top of that, sometimes we say things that seem like they will be helpful, and we do so with the best of intentions, yet the words end up not being as helpful as we hoped they would be. Basically, there are a whole list of reasons why it is difficult.
I found the information below to be a wonderful guide. My hope is that it might assist you the next time you encounter someone who has been hit with a huge loss.
A guide for what you could say when someone you know has experienced a painful loss:
"Instead of saying, "I know what it feels like", let's say "I cannot imagine your heartbreak".
Instead of saying, "You're strong, you'll get through this, let's say " You'll hurt, and I'll be here.
Instead of saying, "You look like you're doing well, Let's say, "How are you holding up today?"
Instead of saying, "Healing takes time", let's say "Healing has no timeline".
Instead of saying, "Everything happens for a reason, let's say "This must feel so terribly senseless right now".
And when there are no words to say at all, you don't need to try and find some. Love speaks in silences too." (Ullie Kaye Poetry)
Yes, Instead of assuming to know the depths of another's pain, let us acknowledge the unfathomable ache in their hearts with empathy.
Instead of offering false reassurances of strength, let us stand by their side, acknowledging their hurt and offering our unwavering presence.
Instead of glossing over the struggles with superficial observations, let us inquire about their well-being with genuine concern.
Instead of imposing a timetable on healing, let us recognize its nonlinear nature, allowing space for its organic process.
Instead of seeking explanations in empty platitudes, let us acknowledge the rawness of grief and the absence of sense.
In moments of wordless despair, let love fill the void with its quiet, comforting presence.
(btw: the post did not list the author. The first half has cited the source, but not the second half so if anyone knows who wrote it, please let me know as I would love to give them credit.
